


Start of time

by Aixxx



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Adoption, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Child Abandonment, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Complicated Relationships, Disfigurement, F/M, Family, Family Drama, Flashbacks, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Language, M/M, Medical Procedures, Misunderstandings, Nightmares, Out of Character, Pregnancy, Romance, Running Away, Self-Doubt, Temporary Amnesia, Triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2018-12-12 18:59:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 91,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11743170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aixxx/pseuds/Aixxx
Summary: a respond to Spring Fic Fest! on potions and snitches "What makes the little bastard think I don't care about him?"That was the question that Severus Snape asked himself everyday since last week. The question that revolved around his son's latest temper tantrum since last week. And the same damn question that didn't leave him alone no matter what he did.He even woke up with the thought swirling in his mind. What had he done to make Harry think he was being neglected?





	1. chapter one

**Author's Note:**

> warnings for; language, child abuse and neglect  
> disclaimer; i do not own Harry potter in any shapes or form.  
> let me know if there are any typos or Grammar mistakes.

chapter one.

 

What makes the little Bastard think I don't care about him? 

That was the question that Severus Snape asked himself everyday since last week. The question that revolved around his son's latest temper tantrum since last week. And the damn question that didn't leave him alone no matter what he did.   
He even woke up with the thought swirling in his mind. What had he done to make Harry think he was being neglected? 

Severus was a good parent. He knew that, even if he wasn't the best, he was always there for his son, no matter the situation, Harry always came first. Now be it clothes, or his job, or his love life, his position in the school, in every situation Harry was first. It was always about Harry's comfort, if he was hot or cold, hungry or sad, had been arguing or had deserved a detention. 

Ever since Severus Snape adopted Harry after his parents abounded him, it had always been Harry. 

And he loved that, don't get him wrong, Severus loved showing his son and rest of the world just hoe much he loved his son, Harry was always dubious, he was always self-conscious about his self worth, ever since James and Lily had left the child in the streets, with nowhere to go to. Telling him, just how much they hated him and no one could ever care for him. 

That was the main reason why Severus always made sure to be two steps ahead of his son, sometimes even spoiling him when he went into one of his depression fits.   
It wasn't normal at first, the boy would completely shut down, lying motionless on his bed for days until something snapped him out of it. Severus got curious, and investigated the situation. 

There was another thing to be worry about apparently , he had found out two months after adopting Harry, the reason why he suffers of depression. Lily and James didn't just neglect the child. They out right abused him, it made his blood boil, knowing that his long time friend, Lily who had known just how destructive abuse could be. Turned into an abuser. 

After that sudden discovery, he stepped into great lengths to make sure Harry was always loved and happy. He knew what Harry even wanted, before the child could open his mouth, of course Severus never out right spoiled him, spoiling was a Form of abuse it self, and Snape was against that anyway. But learning that his son never had any toys or never had eaten an ice-cream, broke his heart.

And Harry, always the kind loving boy, never took advantage of it. Never, did he whine or disagreed with him when he knew that Severus was right. He even took to calling Severus dad after two years of living together, it came so naturally to him, that Snape wondered if he had ever called James by his title. 

Ever since the child was ten, it had always been him and Severus, with the exception of his annoying friends Granger and Weasley, who still hated him as much as he hated them. But that was no reason to withhold his son from seeing his friends. So he had tolerated their presence down in his Chambers or in his home twice a week. Ignoring them as much as they kept ignoring him, all of the retreating when it came to Harry. 

It had been so normal for the two of them to wake up at noon, take turns to clean the house or do the laundry, or their evening sessions, always filled with a sugar hyper Harry describing his day for his dad, and expecting advice when needed, excitedly telling him about his grades, just to see Severus smile at him or tell him how proud he is of Harry. 

Life was easy for them, but never boring, not for Harry anyway. Severus nearly had a heart attack when he heard Harry facing a mountain troll, or when he saw him trashing on his cursed broom, he felt a few white hairs appear in his hair when he found Harry and his friends unconscious in the hospital wing. And that was only the beginning, that was the first time he had ever punished or lectured Harry. He could barely believe it himself, his Harry, kind, Angel like Harry, who didn't even think about breaking the rules had broken down the traps and had went after the damn stone. Explicitly after Snape told him not to.   
He even blamed it on Weasley and Granger at first, claiming that they had been a bad influence on his son, and that he wanted Harry removed from the Gryffindor dormitories and back in his own room. 

For a moment there Harry looked shocked himself as Severus listed off the school rules /and/ the personal rules he had broken, Harry had then hanged his head down in shame, and to everyone's horror started crying. Severus had froze mid lecture, pondering whether he was too harsh on Harry or not. That was the moment Granger and Weasley started hating him. 

He rushed to Harry's side, asking if he was in pain of not, and all ready to call Poppy if needed. The child shook his head and continued crying, Severus, at his wits end, ended up pulling the boy in his lap, hugging the boy to his chest and muttering sweet words in his ear to calm him down.   
/him/, Severus Snape, the bat of dungeons, the greasy git sat there on a dingy hospital bed with his son on his lap, comforting him in front of a jovial Dumbledore and two gaping Gryffindors. His ego never recovered. After finals asking why Harry was crying, Harry had tearfully reminded him that he would throw Harry away, and that he was sorry to be such a stupid useless freak. 

That led to another discovery. The boy's aunt and uncle, whom Harry had stayed with every summer before being picked up by James and Lily, were terrified of magic, which led to them to pushing Harry at every whim and over petty reasons, calling him names and then reporting his /freakish/ behavior to James and Lily.   
Snape had almost committed murder the night he learned the information. The night after the infirmary accident, when he tried to punish Harry by spanking him. After nearly sending Harry into another hysterical fit, Severus swore to never raise his hand on his son, ever again. 

He punished Harry by taking away privileges, or in extreme cases, which hardly happened at all, he would make him sort out the disgusting ingredients, or made him scrub cauldrons, threatening to do so until Harry's fingers fell off. 

Harry took him very seriously, and never did anything the whole summer. 

Severus almost wished he had, after the second year came around. Aside from the Dobby incident, and the warning letter from the ministry, Harry had been miserable ever since the whole school found out that he was a parseltongue, his whole house, except for his friends turning back on him and the whole chamber of secrets chaos happened in the midst. 

Even the Hufflepuffs thought that Harry was Slytherin's heir. Harry was devastated, of course, and Severus felt responsible for not stopping Harry from talking to the snake, or being quick enough to banish the thing. 

Granger's petrified figure, was the last straw, sending his son, and Weasley, once again in danger. Down in the /chamber of secrets / with that idiot Lockheart following them while Snape was too busy making the potion that would return them all to their normal states.   
The boy had /fought / a giant basilisk! Of all things lacking down in that damned chamber had to be a bloody basilisk, even the thought made him nauseous.   
Harry had battled the animal, killed it by stabbing it through its mouth and being poisoned in the process. He was / poisoned / by a basilisk, the deadliest creature with the deadliest poison, Severus's heart did give out that night, he had spent the night with Harry and Granger in the hospital wing, lecturing the boy within an inch of his life and grounding him for the whole summer, which Weasley thought was very unfair. 

It was startling to see the differences, between his innocent sweet nine year old son, who always obeyed him and loved him, kissing him on the cheek everyday and telling him how much loved him no matter the public to this accident prone Harry, who always endangered his life to save the others. Breaking the rules as if they were naught . Even going so far as to /stole / from him to make a dangerous NEWTS level potion in a bathroom. Three twelve years Olds.   
Severus really wanted to spank the boy that night, spitting in rage and worry at the same time, switching between the worried dotting single dad, to a shouting mess.   
That night, was the first night Harry had ever argued with him. Claiming that he had to do what he had done because there was a life at risk and he was the only parseltongue in the school. He stood his ground, saying that as Harry's parent, he had every right to pull Harry out of the school right then and there, knowing that they would hire him as soon as he resigned from his post at Hogwarts.

That made Weasely and Granger hate him more. 

That was also the first time that Harry gave him the silent treatment. The first time that he stopped kissing him on the cheek every morning and the following week, Severus was angry, beyond his imagination, and had done nothing when the boy stopped his evening sessions.   
They apologized a week after that, Severus finally feeling guilty for shouting at Harry in front of the whole infirmary, and Harry admitting that he was scared to death and needed insurance instead of yells and shouts. 

A week after Harry's birthday, Severus met her. Janet Luciano, shopping in an apothecary store at the same time as him, also a potion mistress, with shiny black hair and blue startling eyes. 

They started as friends, a coffee here or there, or a outing with Harry often tagging along. They had so much in common, their hobbies, talents, likes and dislikes... Everything matched. 

Severus couldn't help but get more interested. And so was Janet. They started dating by the time Harry started his third year, and progressing each day, falling passionately for each other. 

Severus couldn't be more happy, everything was in place, he had a son, a loving girlfriend and a good career, life was good.   
And Harry.... Well Harry did say that he was happy for the both of them, giving his blessing when Janet decided to move in with them. Janet absolutely adored Harry, already acting like a dotting mother, making his favorite foods, packing him clothes and doing what every other mother did. Harry, on the other hand... Was not as happy. 

He hid it well in front of Janet, Severus gave him that, but the potion master knew his son better than that, he could read distrust and disdain all over him as they interacted with each other, he saw how Harry made subtle faces as he saw Janet occasionally calling him son, or making his favorite food. He let if go unnoticed for three other weeks, before he couldn't take it anymore. 

He had asked Harry if he was still fine with his choice in partner and Harry had once again given his blessing, admitting that he was a little over worked because of his studies. Severus never believed him, but let it slip again. 

The relationship progressed even further, by June that year Severus was considering to ask Janet to marry him. At first he felt like it was rushing it, but then decided that he would propose after Harry's birthday, and they could wait a few years to get married. He had noticed how Janet had been dropping hints every now and then, and he felt like there was no need for a wait anymore. 

This time, Harry was speechless, he had asked the boy two weeks before his birthday, when he had spent his summer with Black and Lupin and was pressing Severus to send the rest with the Weasleys for the Quidditch cup.   
Severus knew that it would be a hard blow, Harry was a very sensitive and insecure person, as soon as he starts to feel threatened, there was no stopping him. Maybe that was why he hated Janet so much. 

"Alright. Fine." he had said emotionless, Severus asked several times, making sure that his son was /Totally okay / with their marriage. It wasn't like they were going to get married right then anyway. 

Weasley and Granger, made their protests known none so subtly, and so did Black and Lupin, but Severus once again shrugged it off. This was /his/ love life, not theirs. He didn't care about their opinions anyway. Harry was the only thing who mattered.   
After Janet threw a huge birthday party for Harry, Severus couldn't be more ecstatic to see them get along together. Everything was moving smoothly for the first time. However... Dinner wasn't as uneventful. 

She had made a big cake with red icing and fourteen candles, there was nothing wrong with it. It was even chocolate, Harry's favorite flavor. If it wasn't for the writing on the cake. 

The green icing, scribbled on the top of the cake elegantly. Was the last straw for Harry. 

You're gonna be a big brother. 

Harry had shut down. At first the others were concerned, gathering around the birthday boy, who was watching the cake with a scandalized expression. His eyes huge and his lips trembling. Severus was the first, asking if he was okay, but the, he to read the icing. His eyes bulged, switching between the cake and Janet who was watching Harry with a concerned expression and looked happy at Severus at the same time. 

The potion master didn't waste any time, he walked to Janet and kissed the love of his life right there and then, with Harry still in shock.

Maybe, that was the last straw. 

Harry surged out of his feet and knocked his chair down. His hands clamped in fists and his breath whizzing. 

"You just had to do it didn't you?! Ruining my life! Since the day you came into it!" his voice was raw, haggard with emotions. 

"Harry!" Severus called, completely shocked at Harry's behavior. "Don't talk to her like that! Apologize now!" 

Harry didn't even blink. "See what you've done to him?! To /my / dad?!! You stole him from me! You monster! Ruining my life!" 

"Harry!" this was Mrs. Weasley's scandalized voice coming form the corner. 

"What is wrong with you?! I didn't raise you like this! Apologize to her now!" Severus yelled, walking up to Harry. The heaving boy turned to him with disgusted expression. 

"Why? Why do you always take her side?! She's a stranger! I'm your son! And yet... You're not my dad, I hate you!" Sirius started walking toward them, to break out the fight somehow. 

"What did I do Harry? Did I say something, or done something that you..."

"Shut up! It's your mere existence! You stole him away from me, you couldn't stop yourself could you?! It's always about YOU!" 

He eyed the cake with disdain. "Janet is this, Janet is that! You... You always have to do it somehow, take him away from me." 

"Harry stop." Severus grabbed the boy's wrist, turning him to face him. Harry was flushed with anger, his lips still trembling. 

"Isn't it true? She fucking rui..." Harry gasped, he's head titling to the side, the sharp sound of the slap spreading in the room like thunder. No one dared to breath as Harry slowly turned his head, tears finally strumming down his face. 

"I didn't raise you like a hooligan Harry James! Show some respect!" he was horrified with himself, he had sower to never raise his hand on his child and now..   
Harry's lips were parted, but no sound came out. 

"I knew it. I always knew it was all pretending. It always starts with a slap doesn't it? After that baby's born, you're gonna throw me out in the streets, just like /they/ had, I knew it was all a game to you and that bitch." he spat the last word. " I hate you, all of you, don't bother throwing me out, I'm going myself. " he then yanked his hand out of a shocked Severus's fist and ran out of the door, leaving all of the guests bewildered and dumbstruck. 

Severus was still standing there numbly as the Weasleys awkwardly departed, assuring them that Harry had probably gone to the barrow, Sirius and Remus weren't as forgiving and stayed to search the area, looking if they could find Harry and take him home. 

Janet was horrified in indignation. "Sev, I had no idea he would react that way! I swear! I thought he loved babies, I didn't..." she looked lost, clutching at her hair as the couple surveyed the house, presents unopened and the cake lying there like a cursed object. 

"It's okay. I'll talk to him, he's not a violent person. Something had happened." he ran a hand through his hair, thoroughly distraught, had he really hit Harry, his child, his son? His little angel? And in front of his friends no less, in front of everyone, oh merlin. He was a terrible father. 

He didn't mean to, he was sure of it, he felt petty and pathetic for doing so, all of the sudden anger and adrenalin leaving his system, leaving him with Harry's pained speech.

"Did you find him?" Janet surged to her feet, greeting the pissed off men at the door. 

Sirius shook his head, throwing a glare at the couple. "He's not in the area, probably at the barrow, Remus is contacting Molly." he said coldly, leaning against the door. 

"Sirius I didn't mean to hurt him, you know that, I thought this would cheer him up!" She tried to explain herself, sighing in frustration. 

"I'm not siding with Harry for insulting you, but I think you could've waited a little. Harry felt so excited about this birthday, and you just stole the spot light and all that shit. I would've been angry." 

He looked away, twiddling with his thumb. Remus nodded his head. "He's at the barrow, with Ron, but refuses to come out of the barn. His magic has locked all of the doors." Severus walked to Remus. 

"Is floo available?" Remus glared. 

"I think it's better if you let him be, he sounded upset." the werewolf said calmly and nodded to Sirius. 

"We'll be picking Harry up tomorrow for some winding up, you can talk to him later." they said and apparated instantly, leaving no room for argument. 

"This is all my fault." she started crying silently, sinking down in her seat. Severus shook his head, drawing the distraught woman in his arms. "It was my fault, I've been neglecting him lately." 

And with bated breath, he realized that yes, he was really neglecting his son. 

When was the last time that he had spend some time with him? Read to him? Helped him with his homeworks? Talked to him? Harry was an abused child, he needed instant reassuring no matter the age, and Severus had been neglecting his duty as a parent for over a year now.   
He felt like the worst person alive, suddenly Weasley's and Granger's glaring didn't sound so pointless anymore. 

He mulled over Harry's earlier words, did the child really thought that they would throw him out of the house? Or forget about him just beside there was another child coming up? 

Severus had told Harry repeatedly that he loved him. Hadn't he? 

"Maybe we should call it off for a while, move with his pace." she suggested, snuggling in his arms. Snape shook his head. 

"We need to talk to him first." the potion master said firmly, kissing his girlfriend on the top of her head. 

"I didn't mean to steal you from him." 

"He's a teenager Jan, we'll be fine." at least he hoped so.


	2. chapter two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /italics/  
> *bold*

Chapter two. 

/ Little Harry was scared. It was raining and cold, and Big thunders erupted from the sky. Harry never liked lightnings, they were so loud and bratty, like Aiden often was. Harry had remembered to do the same for both. Clasp his hands on his ears and count. 

He did the same, under the rushing rain, the small boy stood, in the middle of an abandoned street and covered his ears, counting loudly, his voice trembling as each lightning shook the sky. 

One. Mommy and Daddy didn't like him so much, they always called Harry a squib, they always gave his food and his stuff to Aiden and Harry would get torn clothes in return. 

Two. He never had a bedroom, because freaks don't deserve bedrooms, and Harry According to mommy and daddy, was a freak. 

Three. No one loved him, he never got any toys like Aiden or Dudley did. He wanted a toy, why did they got to have a toy and he didn't? Was he a bad freak? 

Four. His cupboard under the stairs was small and crampy and dark and Harry hated it, he absolutely abhorred the small room, designed only for him, and his freakish behavior. 

Five. The thunder was loud and Harry was scared, he was only wearing a shirt and he already felt his tummy booboo in protest. He had been here for a whole day. And he wanted to pee, and he was scared, and he wanted to cry, but didn't dare to, because daddy would show up here any moment. 

Six. He was finally crying, but he prayed no one noticed because the rain was pouring down so hard and it would hide his tears away. 

Seven. He really had to pee, but there was no bathroom anywhere, the street was empty, no one walked past, no one was here, Harry was scared. 

The little boy had no idea that while he counted a strange man with a black umbrella was racing toward him. Because his eyes were clamped shut, and the man's desperate footsteps sounded muffled in his ears. 

Eight.

"Are you alright? Child can you hear me? Where are your parents?" a warm hand closed around one of his wrists and Harry flinched back violently. The man gasped, and pulled the umbrella over Harry's frail body. 

"How long have you been here?" 

Harry slowly uncovered his ears and looked at the man shyly. He looked dark, everything was dark, his hair, his eyes and his robes. Harry felt the robe in his hand, it was soft, and the man smelled good. He smelled of ginger and something warm Harry couldn't quite place. 

"I'm sorry." he muttered, letting go of the man. 

"Why are you sorry? What's your name? Are you lost?" the man was kneeling in front of him, his back eyes shined in concern, as he once again grabbed Harry's hand gently. 

Harry was shaking, he had to finish the counting, otherwise he would be scared. But the man asked him a question, and he looked uncomfortable crouching down like that. But you have to count Harry. A tiny voice reminded him. Harry heaved a sigh and turned his back to the man. He covered his ears as another lighting sounded from the sky and started counting. 

Eight. Mommy and daddy left him here yesterday morning, telling him that they'll be back. Someday. Harry didn't know what that meant and he was scared. 

Nine. He really liked to hug the black man, he smelled safe, didn't call him a freak and he looked kind. Harry itched to just lose himself within those back robes and never come out. 

Ten. The man was talking, frantically asking questions that Harry couldn't answer. The man /scooped/ Harry up in his arms and started running quickly, the umbrella was left forgotten on the street, blown away with the whipping wind. 

It did work. Harry wasn't scared anymore. 

Xx 

"So you're my daddy now?" little Harry asked timidly, dangling his legs back and forth in his seat. Sev'us kissed him on the forehead and nodded. 

"Yes I am Harry, I'm going to be your daddy forever and ever." Harry couldn't help it, he didn't want to sound whiny, or like a baby, he was six after all. But he couldn't help himself, he started crying. He leaped in Daddy's arms and hugged him tight. He had a daddy, Sev'us was his daddy now, and he liked Harry, he kissed him and told him that he loved him everyday, they painted his room together and they had fun. Mommy and first daddy never did those things for him. 

But Sev'us did. And now Daddy did. 

Xx

"Do you want to look at the toy shop?" Daddy asked, catching Harry looking at them with longing. Harry shook his head frantically, no, he didn't deserve any toys like Aiden did. Daddy didn't need to know that. 

"It's okay Harry, I think some toys will make your room look better." 

"But sir.. Daddy, wouldn't you be late?" they weren't here for toys, they were here because Daddy had an appointment with an old man for his job. Stupid Harry, stupid, stupid Harry. The small boy berated himself. 

"I don't think so, and don't rush, Albus would be willing to wait until we're done." Daddy led him to the shop, the door clicked with a tiny click and Harry had to try really hard to keep his mouth closed. The shop looked... wow. There were toys and stuffed animals and trains and blocks and... Everything, Dudley never had this much toy, Aiden had a lot but even he didn't have this much. Daddy smiled and leaned in, hugging Harry to his legs. 

"Go pick whatever you want." he muttered slyly, and let Harry go. Harry stood there hesitantly for a few moments before taking off to one of the shelves. He looked at them with awe, looking at all of the stuffed toys in different colors and shapes. Harry wanted /everything / but, but he shouldn't just pick anything. 

No, Harry had to pick the cheapest, so Daddy wouldn't be burdened with his freaky needs. He struggled, eyes watering in desperation as he looked around other children picking toys right and left, without a second thought. What a brat. Harry thought disdainfully. 

Daddy saw his face and walked up to him, hugging him to his legs. "What about we pick something together, hmm?" Harry could only nod, wiping his tears away hastily. What a freak, you can't even pick your own toy. He thought savagely.

But he had to admit, picking with Daddy was much more fun. Daddy would pick each animal up and they would hold him for a few seconds, deciding whatever or not Harry could name it or if Daddy's imitation of the animal was good enough. Daddy picked up a lamb and silently kneeled next to Harry, quietly saying. 

"Baa.. Baa Harry, would you like me as your stuffed toy? I promise to be there for forever and ever." Harry giggled at his Daddy but shook his head. He never liked sheep anyway. 

Daddy finally picked up a rabbit and hold it in front of Harry's face. "What about me?" Daddy's voice was funny, like his nose was stuffy and runny. Harry liked the voice so he nodded once. 

Daddy smiled and gave him the rabbit, hugging them both and settling them on his hip, before they went to the counter. Harry hugged Daddy and the rabbit back, taking a nap while Daddy got out of the shop and went to meet the old man. 

Xx

"Harry! Dinner is ready." dad yelled from downstairs, and Harry rolled his eyes, he had a clock for merlin's sake, no need to embarrass him in front of Hermione. He was trying to play it cool, telling the girl that he was a free kid and had no boundaries. He was trying to /impress/ Hermione here, but dad just had to do it now. 

Hermione giggled and took the boy's hand, both running down the stairs. Harry blushed deeply but said nothing, as the two entered the kitchen. 

"Hello there Miss. Granger, Harry." Dad nodded at both and then settled in his chair, eyeing Harry with narrowed eyes. 

The ten year old blushed under the gaze and shook his head. Dad smiled knowingly and went to serve the food. 

"How are your parents doing Granger?" 

Hermione gulped down her milk and politely answered. "Good, sir, they said hi."

The potion master hummed. "You're staying the night?" he asked nonchalantly, nodding at Harry subtly to clean his mouth. 

"Yes sir, if that's okay with you." she answered back again politely. Harry glared at his dad, narrowing his eyes. Severus smiled. 

"Of course not Granger, in fact, I think we can watch Harry's photo album together." 

Oh no, Harry's eyes widened. The photo album, the most embarrassing experiences of his life were recorded in that cursed album. Every embarrassing picture, moving or muggle were all set there, waiting for dad to show off to everyone. Not Hermione dad, he pleaded silently. 

Severus only smiled when Hermione agreed whole heartedly. "Dad... Didn't you have that potion to finish?" he asked, hoping that the potion master would get the hint. 

Dad pretended to think, titling his head. "No, I don't. I'm all free tonight." 

Please, the ten year old mouthed, pleading. Severus looked away, smirking. 

"I didn't know you had a knack for photographs." Hermione said when Severus assured the girl that there were more than one album to go through. Harry was melting in his seat. 

"I don't." he didn't, and he swore, if dad decided to show the girl the one with him sleeping naked in a bathtub, Harry was going to dig a hole in the ground and stay there until he died. 

Hermione laughed at his expression but didn't press. 

Xx

"Daddy!" he was crying feverishly, at the top of his lungs. He was sobbing, the sheets clenched in his fists. Nightmares were a common thing for Harry, although they happened unexpectedly, and not in pattern, dad always seemed to know when they happened. 

That was the problem though. Dad wasn't home tonight, and Harry had woken from one of his worst nightmares. Dad abandoning him. 

"Daddy." he was already eleven, but that didn't change the fact that how much he wanted his dad right now, this was one of the first nights that he was left alone without a babysitter. And he was bawling all over his comforter. Bad Potter, you pathetic wimp! 

Harry buried his face in his damp pillow, crying. The nightmare still fresh in his mind, he would've tried to at least calm his breathing, but he couldn't think rationally enough to do that, every time he stopped crying, flashes of the nightmare passed before his eyes. 

First it was Harry watching from his cupboard, watching mommy feed Aiden and cooing all over him. The peaceful scene however changed when Harry was pulled out of the cupboard unexpectedly by his hair. James Potter loomed over him, snarling darkly, his nails dragging on Harry's scalp, he pulled the boy out of the house and into the porch, it was raining. Harry hated rain or storms. He hated them more than lightnings. 

James pulled out his belt and started beating Harry within an inch of his life, everything burned, everything seared, every time the belt came down on his skin. Harry was scared of the lightning, but he was more scared of James. 

He was crying hysterically, trying not to think of what happened next. He was calling for his dad like a mantra, knowing that no one could hear him, since the Manor was empty, no one was here. Harry screamed over and over, trying to turn down the harsh words James and Vernon spat at him with every blow in his dream. 

Dad was not coming, you're just a freak, he abounded you, he's tired of you, you burden, you pathetic brat. He hit his head over his bed post over and over. Insulting himself seemed to work better than hearing his former father look at him in disdain and disappointment. 

Or seeing his dad, looking at him with those black eyes, hating him. 

Oh merlin, he was such a disappointment, a whiny brat like Aiden. He was becoming the person he despised the most and that hurt. 

"Harry? Harry?!" he barely heard his dad rushing to him, pulling him firmly in his arms, Harry turned back, sniffing in dad's robes, the scent always seemed to calm him and he was nauseous.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry for being such a bad son! I'm sorry!" he felt like he couldn't stop crying, but everything just came out of his mouth without thinking, he was being rocked, like he was six years old again, and Dad was slowly calming him, but he couldn't stop crying. He couldn't even hear the potion master talk to him. 

"Shh... Daddy's here, shhh." he finally heard his dad saying. Harry didn't say anything , he stilled his breaths, already knowing how dad had found him like this, he knew how important this meeting was to dad. He felt guilty, extremely guilty, he just had to be a like spoiled brat, dragging his dad out of a meeting for a stupid nightmare. He sniffed. Pathetic. 

Such an ungrateful son. 

"Harry?" 

"Dad?" he flushed, face still in his robes. Guiltily enjoying his father's hand rubbing his back. 

"I'm so sorry." Dad said unexpectedly, hugging him closer. Harry realized that dad was actually crying. 

"What?" Harry said in confusion, wasn't dad supposed to angry at him? Harry basically ruined his career. 

"I shouldn't have left you, I'm so sorry child." Instead of making him feel better, Harry actually felt worse for making his dad feel guilty. He can't just stay with you for the rest of your life Potter. Grow up, you wimp, you don't want that nightmare coming true, do you? 

Harry swallowed. "It's okay." he didn't apologize back, knowing that dad was already feeling guilty for leaving him alone for the night. Harry felt tainted, self loath consuming him as he laid there with his dad, so disgusted with himself that he, the eleven year old boy, who was about to leave for Hogwarts in less than a month, couldn't sleep alone. 

He closed his eyes, dad didn't need to see the tears of shame. 

Xx

"I know, I just feel so guilty Albus. I should've known." Harry sank down against the kitchen door, eavesdropping on his dad and the headmaster. 

"But all is well now Severus. He's okay now." 

"He was bashing his head against the bed screaming his head off, how the hell is that okay?!" 

Harry buried his face in his knees, listening in guiltily. 

"You couldn't have known." Albus said gently, trying to go through the potion master. 

"What would've happened, if I hadn't put that monitor on him? Albus I can't accept the job, raising Harry is a full time job on itself." 

"Harry will understand, he's not a child anymore Severus, it was a one time thing." Albus argued back. Harry felt his guts churn, he knew that he had ruined his dad's career. He was such a freak. 

"I can't, Albus, Harry needs attention. 24/7 attention, I can't just accept the offer, as tempting as it is." Dad sat in his favorite armchair, crossing his arms. 

The old man shook his head. "I beg to differ Severus. Having you there in the school is much better, you're always close by if needs be." 

"What about when he's sorted? Albus, Harry might be kind, be he's not... Social." dad seemed to struggle to find the right word. 

"He has friends." 

"Weasley and Granger are exceptions Albus, Harry is not socially adapted, I told you what happened in primary school." Harry shrank in shame, tears leaking out of his eyes silently. 

"Severus ever since he was six I am offering you this job, and every time you decline..." 

"For the same reasons Albus. My presence in the school will complicate things, I'm not his father at Hogwarts anymore. I'm his teacher." Harry could tell from the tone that dad really wanted the job as well. Harry was the only thing holding him off. 

"He's going to Hogwarts anyway, you can't stop him from growing up Severus." 

Dad sighed heavily, Harry knew he had his head in his hands. "Albus, that is not an issue. The problem is that I can't act biased toward my own son, because I know he's socially awkward and shy. He absolutely shuts down in stranger's presence. I'm his father, not another source of stress." 

"He's not going to be locked up forever Severus. He needs to over come the shyness, sooner or later." 

"I can't leave him Albus. I thought I could last night. But no, I left him for three hours Albus, and he had a gash the size of my palm on his head, stuck in a panic attack. I can't leave him." 

But you want the job dad, don't let me hold you back please. You're better off without me anyway.  
"Severus, I know you're well off, but that money isn't going to last forever." 

"I'm a potion master, you seem to underestimate my abilities." the potion master sneered, leaning back in his chair.

Albus sighed heavily. "I didn't mean to offend you Severus. But this is the best offer you're going to get. I understand having a troubled child has its own problems, but I really believe this won't be an issue." 

"Harry is not /troubled/, don't put a label on my son old man, just because he suffers of anxiety doesn't mean that he's troubled." 

"Severus, I've been headmaster for fifty years now, and a teacher for longer. I know what I'm talking about.." 

"I wish you to leave. Now."

"You're letting your love for the child to blind you of his needs Severus. You can't stuck your head in snow forever." 

"Now." dad growled, standing swiftly and walking to Dumbledore. "Get out Albus." 

Harry scrambled off to his feet as well, no point in staying anymore. He had heard what he needed to. Year after year Professor Dumbledore came to their house, offering Severus the potions position. Ever since Harry was six, dad declined every time. Every single year dad and headmaster got into an argument, more or less similar to this one and then the headmaster would leave. 

Just because of him, Dad didn't accept the post he wanted once again. Harry knew how much he wanted it, he remembered, the day in Diagon alley, the day Harry got rabbity. How excited dad was, he smiled more that day and even let Harry have a piggyback ride when no one was looking. 

But he declined, two days after their appointment, Harry had an accident in primary school, his first day in school. He had locked himself in a bathroom stall after the teacher made him talk when he didn't want to and other kids called him mute and tried to hit him when they tried to talk to him. It had taken his dad two hours and his rabbit to finally get him out. He was pulled from the primary school right away and home schooled. 

Dad declined the job offer the same day. 

And the next year, and the year after that. Just because Harry was a stupid whiny brat who couldn't be normal. He tried so hard, to be normal, so hard to be like Ron or Mione. But it looked like he was bound to screw up every time. It wasn't the first time that someone suggested that he was /troubled/. Dad got really angry when someone said that, to a point that Harry was forbidden to spend time with Ron's twin brothers, because they called him a nutty. 

Harry dropped on his bed, cringing as he saw the rabbit sitting on his bed innocently. He hated it when he made Dad feel like this, he knew that dad was probably heading up to his room now, trying to convince himself that Harry was more important. 

As if in cue a soft knock came from his door. "Come in." but that was about to change, Harry thought fiercely, Dad would get the job this year, it was the least Harry could do.

"Harry? Are you feeling better? No headaches?" 

Harry shook his head, and waited for dad to come to him. 

They sat in silence for minutes before dad finally spoke up.

"Professor Dumbledore was here." 

Harry nodded. "I know." I heard. 

The potion master cleared his throat. 

"Did he offer the job again?" Harry asked, trying to act innocent. 

Dad looked uncomfortable, twiddling with Harry's hand. 

"Maybe." 

"You didn't take it?" Harry felt his heart sank because he already knew the answer. 

"I have you." 

"That's not an answer, why don't you just take the job?" 

"Because we don't need it." 

"But you do, you love to take the job dad. I know that, am I holding you back?" he asked with dread, this was it, this was to see if his nightmares turned out of be true, and Harry felt bitterly happy. Even if he was living in the streets Dad could at least get the job. 

"What?! No! No! What makes you think that?" he hugged Harry close, trying to reassure the stoic boy. 

"I'm right aren't I? You declined because of what happened last night." now Harry knew, this was the guilt card, but he had to bring it up somehow. 

"Harry..."

"No dad, I'm not letting you to decline again, I can't." 

"This isn't about you, I promise..."

"You're lying to me. Take the job please." I love you dad, do it please. 

"Harry, I'm not sure if you understand what that means," he grabbed Harry at arms length, looking in his eyes. "If I take the job, I will be your teacher, potions is a delicate course son, and I have no choice but to be harsh and strict. I don't want you to go through that." 

"You think I can't take it?" 

Severus shook his head, pursing his lips. "I want to take care of you. You, Harry, not other children."  
"Because you think I can't handle myself in school." 

"Because I love you, Harry we talked about this, didn't we?" 

"That was before.." before the headmaster called me troubled. "Before last night." 

"I'm sorry that..."

Harry cut him off, shaking his head. "That's not what I meant, you think that I'm... Different."  
He didn't want to give away that he had listened in their conversation, but dad was really making it hard. 

"Different? What does that mean? Did someone tell you something?" Harry sighed, frowning at his dad. 

"No, no one said anything, I'm not dumb dad. I know I'm keeping you from the job." please don't let The headmaster be right dad. Please. 

"..."

"Take the job." 

"I think that's my decision Harry." he said sternly, slightly glaring, taking the strict parent posture.

"Dad please, I want you to take the job. I want you there with me." he felt like a jerk playing the guilt card now, he really did, be Harry couldn't help it. Dad needed this job. 

"But Harry..."

"Aren't you the one who says that my opinion's important to you? Dad I need you with me."  
Dad sighed, running a tired hand through his hair. Harry knew he would yield eventually, so just stayed silent. 

"You are going to regret that decision, and there'll be nothing I can do Harry. Hogwarts contracts are all ten years based." 

"I want you to, I know you love it and I do too." 

"Harry, think about the classes, I don't want to cause you any stress." 

Harry pouted stubbornly. He would prove dad and Dumbledore otherwise, he would show them that he wasn't troubled, or a baby who needed constant monitoring. 

"Are you absolutely sure about this?" Dad sighed after a few moments, looking around the teen's room. 

"I am." 

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

One. He was currently sitting in burrow's unused barn, knees drawn to his chest while the roof plitte platted as the rain drops landed on the surface lazily. 

Two. His cheek was bruised, not from the slap he had gotten from his dad earlier, but because he had hit himself for being a stupid freak and messing everything up. 

Three. He was scared of the rain, and so was counting out loud, so it was a matter of time before anyone found him. Harry wished they didn't though. 

Four. He was scared, because he had never seen his dad so angry, angry enough to hit him, in front of everyone. And all for that woman. 

Five. He hated Janet. Everything about her irked him, the way she talked, the way she laughed, the way she made Severus happy when Harry was unable to. She was like his personal torturer, making him suffer everyday, over every single thing. 

Six. He had no idea what he should do now, dad and Janet were having a baby apparently, and dad was going to propose to her soon enough, they would get settled down, they would get married and have more kids. Harry wouldn't be important anymore, like with Aiden, Dad would eventually get bored with him.

Seven. The barn's door opened and a person walked through, they didn't do anything but sitting next to Harry. Everyone knew not to interrupt him when he was busy counting.

Eight. He wanted to cry, but wasn't sure over what, there were so many things he could cry for, his ruined birthday, dad's marriage, Janet, the baby, Janet, or the fact the he didn't have a home anymore.  
Nine. It was cold, and so Harry shut all of the doors, magically locking them because he didn't want to catch a cold of all things.

Ten. The person was Ron, entertaining himself with his Quidditch weekly magazine, there was another one and a backpack on the ground as well. Harry assumed they were spending the night in the barn. 

He uncovered his ears, leaning his head against the cold hard wall behind him. Ron flipped through his magazine. 

"Eleven, you're being ridiculous." the red haired said dryly, throwing him a bag of chips from the bag. 

Harry caught the bag, and picked up the magazine. "They're having a damn kid." he hated it already, he popped s chips in his mouth. 

"Twelve. It's not the end of the world." 

Ron rolled his eyes, gulping down his butterbeer. Harry glared at the boy angrily. 

"Not the end of the world? Ron, my life is basically ruined! They're going to get married and have kids and be happy and they're gonna forget about me." 

Ron rolled his eyes again. "Thirteen, you're overreacting." 

"They're getting married! And stop mocking me, it's not funny!" 

"See? Overreacting. Mate, I know you don't like her, but Snape isn't some Bastard who'll throw you away that easily. That man fought the whole ministry for you for years." 

Harry slumped down. "Ron, I'm not overreacting, I... It's been a while, he's always ignoring me now."  
"Ignoring how? " he grabbed the chips, stretching his legs while groaning. 

"You're gonna think it's ridiculous." he pouted, picking up the magazine once again off the ground, the sound of rain still bothering him. 

"Trust me, there isn't anything that's gonna make you sound more ridiculous than you already are." Ron raised his eyebrow, gazing at the locked doors. 

"See?" Harry growled, burying his head in his knees. 

"Harry, just because your dad's getting married or is having kids doesn't mean he loves you any less. And besides, it's not like Janet is like some evil stepmother or anything, she actually likes you." 

"How would you know?" 

"I have five brothers and a sister. I would know." 

Harry huffed. Ron didn't understand. "Well, it's not like your parents can get rid of you or anything. You're stuck with them. You're their kid... You know what I mean..." he gestured wildly with his 

hands, trying to make his friend understand.

Ron eyed him before throwing the backpack to Harry, aimed right at his face.

"Hey! What the heck man?!" Harry dodged the heavy looking bag. 

"Weren't you your parent's kid too? So they have a right to throw you out and mine doesn't? You're such a hypocrite." 

Harry glared again, wringing his hands. "That's different, and you know it you git!" 

"Different how?" 

*"I'm not talking to you!" 

"Then I'm not talking to you!" 

"That's the way things are isn't it?!" 

"Not the way we're doing it!" Ron huffed turning back to his magazine. 

The couple sat in silence as the minutes dragged on, unwilling to even look at one another.

"You're being ridiculous!" 

"I thought you weren't talking to me." Harry snapped back snidely. 

"I'm talking to the damn barn!" 

Harry crossed his arms, here he was hoping that someone was actually on his side, but nooooo.... Janet just had to bewitch everyone didn't she? 

"There's no one more ridiculous than you!" 

"She just ruined my birthday!" 

"I'm not on her side, I'm saying what you did was wrong!" 

"That means you're on her side!" 

"I'm on the right side here!" 

"Don't talk to me!" 

"I'm not! You embarrassed yourself and your dad." 

"He hit me." 

"Alright, fine, I give you that. But you overreacted first." Ron stalked closed to the sulking teen. 

"He promised he'll never hit me." Harry closed his eyes, unable to see Ron's pitying look. 

"Listen... What she did tonight was wrong." Ron admitted, rubbing his neck nervously.

Harry remained stubbornly tight lipped. "But maybe you should've talked to your dad first, you know, father son talks." 

"Ron?"

"Hmm?"

"Shut up." Harry exhaled deeply, replaying the birthday scene over and over again, it wasn't as easy as Ron was making it out to be, things were much complicated than that. Ever since Janet came to their lives, even as dad's friend, there wasn't a day when Harry didn't despise the woman, back then Harry and dad spent the evenings together, always had tea and Harry told dad about his day. Harry would kiss dad goodnight and tell him how much he loved him before retiring for the night. 

Two weeks after they started dating the evening sessions were over, dad was either in a date with Janet, or that Janet was staying the night with them, dad had an appointment with Janet's boss regarding a potion..... The excuses were endless, the one time that dad actually felt guilty for not spending time with him was dissolved when Janet kissed him. Dad didn't even lift his head to see Harry leaving the room. He never came in to say goodnight. 

Harry was pissed, /he/ was the one who should be able to love dad, not some stranger woman who didn't even know dad that well. Things got worse, it was subtle, but Harry caught everything ; the way she just smiled at him, like she knew that he knew how much he hated him and couldn't do anything about it, the way Dad said her name in every sentence, ' Janet said this, Janet said that, she wanted it that way, Janet is going to....

It was like dad was under her spell, two months after they started dating, dad started going out in the nights, Harry never said anything because dad didn't. The man didn't even tell him he was going out. Harry had to find out, when he woke up drenched in sweat, a repeat of his eleven years old self. But dad didn't come for him, no matter how much he called, dad wasn't home. 

And two nights after that the same thing happened, Harry could never manage to calm himself down properly, so he dived under the shower each time to stop harming himself. The next two weeks were torture for him, the nightmares were at their peak, and so were the panic attacks, dad remained oblivious to it all. 

Five months in their relationship, Janet wanted to move in with them, Harry thought that he was going to explode, he instantly went to talk to his dad, but upon seeing him so happy at the prospect, his world crumbled down. Dad was never this happy when he had Harry, he never smiled this frequently, or never looked this open. 

That was the bitter truth, Janet was better than him in every way. 

Remus and Sirius entered into his life, they were his fun uncles, and Harry found himself spending his nights there rather frequently, specially the nights he knew Janet was making his favorite food, Sirius was never angry or rough with him, Remus was calm and easy going, their house had a very calm atmosphere to it, and Harry found himself liking it more as days passed. 

Not barely a month later, he couldn't even see his dad, apparently Janet and her boss have managed to enter dad in a free potion making Programm, all of the potions were for charity, and charity meant twenty four hours of work, dad wasn't even home at times. He left notes, first they were long and actually made Harry feel better, but as days passed so did the notes. 

His depression was back. The monster he had fought for years was once again taking over, no one noticed anything odd about his behavior because they barely saw him anymore, they thought he was spending his summer holidays with his dad and Janet (who were on holiday themselves), and dad thought he was spending it with Sirius and Remus. 

Harry spent the two weeks in his room, only going out to eat or to use the bathroom. He knew that he just had to tell dad the depression was back, maybe then dad would start to see him again.  
But he didn't, apparently on their holiday, Janet's grandfather had passed away, dad was so distraught that Janet was sad that he even snapped at Harry for wanting to talk to him. 

Harry never went to his dad again, he stopped making plans with his friends, barely seeing them for a whole month before dad happily declared that he wanted to throw Harry a birthday party.  
Now, birthday parties, while celebrated were often private, between the two of them. So the prospect of having a birthday with all of his friends and family boosted Harry up dramatically. 

He started visiting Sirius and Remus again, rambling on about how excited he was for his birthday party, and how happy he was to finally spend some time with his dad again. They looked at him oddly, but said nothing.

Two days before his birthday dad came into his room, Harry was ecstatic. After a full year, dad finally came into his room to bid him goodnight. He smiled widely and greeted his dad with a big hug, dad hugged back and sat on his bed. Harry snuggled under his covers, waiting for dad to kiss him and leave. 

"Not yet Harry." dad had said nervously, brushing off the invisible dust off his robes. Harry waited patiently, knowing that dad was finally going to apologize, and everything was going on be okay again. He hopped up, smiling sheepishly. 

The smile melted off his face, barely two minutes after that. Marriage. Dad wanted to marry Janet. Harry was speechless, literally he was incapable of speaking. The mere thought of Janet as his step mother sent him into a full panic attack mode. 

Images of when he was younger, when mommy and daddy still loved him before Aiden was born flashed in his mind. They loved him too, at first, but then Aiden was born. Harry was happy to be a big brother, but the said brother wasn't. Then they started calling him names, then they stopped paying attention to him, and then they hit him. Ten months later, they threw him out. 

But dad wasn't like that, right? Daddy loved him, Harry knew he did, he saved Harry, he loved Harry and Harry loved him more than anything in this world. But he was getting married. He left and he was getting married. 

Don't you want him happy? You love him and you should want what's best for him, he just doesn't need you anymore. Admit it. 

"Alright. Fine" he said as blankly as possible, dad looked dubious and asked several times, Harry accepted every time. 

The depression came back again full force, even more so, when he found out the birthday party was originally Janet's idea, but Harry pulled himself together, he wouldn't let that woman ruin his first ever birthday with his his friends, not like this. 

Although he had promised to himself, Harry did cry, a lot. But never told anyone anything again.  
The birthday came and Harry was genuinely happy, even happy enough to act civil towards Janet and thanking her for throwing him a birthday party. 

All seemed well, until the birthday cake. It was the last straw, Harry was about to explode. And he did, he wanted to ruin the cake, ruin the wedding, ruin everything in his sight, until dad hit him. Mommy and daddy loved him too, then they started calling names, then they stopped paying attention to him, and then they hit him. 

Dad stopped paying attention to him, dad called him names, dad hit him, they were getting and married, they were about to have a baby, he was going to be a big brother, and they were going to throw him out. 

Harry ran away. He didn't let them belittle him, he didn't let them hurt him. He ran away himself.  
Harry looked at Ron silently gazing at him, and then looked over at the bag.

"We're spending the night?" 

Ron shrugged. "I only have one sleeping bag, thought you were going to count all night. You take the floor though." 

"Git."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey there! thank you for your heart warming support everyone! trust me, it makes my day every time.
> 
> here's chapter three, this is not the last chapter though, it may seem like it but don't let me fool you.
> 
> read and enjoy and please don't forget to leave a review, no matter how brief or short, they'd make me extremely happy and giddy to write more ;)

Chapter three. 

They spent the night in the barn. As Harry had earlier assumed, only coming out when they ran out of snacks the next day, when Sirius came to collect him for the day. 

To say that Harry was disappointed, crushed in every sense of the word and devastated, was a good understanding of the situation. He expected his dad, banging on the barn's heavy double doors first thing in the morning, and demanding Harry to come out and talk. It didn't happen like that.  
Dad didn't come that morning, even Mrs. Weasley didn't press them to open the doors, at first Harry thought it was all a hoax, so Sirius would be able to lure him back into the house and lock him up with dad and Janet until they worked things out. 

It also didn't happen like that. what happened was a mix of catastrophic and embarrassing situations and awkward silences all rolled into one Tuesday morning.  
"I'm so embarrassed! I can't even look at them, I'm gonna run away!" Harry shuddered, peering into the bustling kitchen.  
"Just play it cool alright? You have nothing to be embarrassed about, wait... Actually you do, but still. Act like a man." Ron patted him on his back, giving him a big thumbs up. 

"Nope, I can't." he made a U turn again and walked up straight back to his friend. 

"Just keep your head down and eat the damn breakfast Harry!" the red head snapped, agitated that his own breakfast was in jeopardy.  
Harry nodded, taking big chunks of air in his lungs. 

"You know what? On second thought maybe you should just keep your chin high, you know, badass punk attitude and all that shit, I don't really care . I'm hungry let's go." he grabbed Harry by his elbow dragging him across the garden. 

"You think they'd scold me for the language?" he asked nervously, looking at Ron. 

"I think mom would wack you if she could get away with it." Ron shrugged, and they paused on the porch. Harry whimpered in response. 

"You take a look first. See if they're angry." Harry pushed him to the back door, and his friend stumbled glaring at him. 

"Just go in already!" Ron grabbed his wrist and pulled him through the door. Harry cried out loudly and stumbled on Ron, who in return burst through the door and crashed on the ground in a heap of lanky limbs. With Harry on the top. 

Ron cursed under his breath and pushed Harry down. The weasleys were looking at them with wide eyes, all gaping at the two. Amusement mixed with bewilderment and their breakfast was certainly not a good morning combination for the Weasleys. Before Harry could even move or scramble off the ground all of them were already laughing at him. 

That pretty summed up the breakfast. Literally, as soon as Harry scrambled ff the floor Sirius flooed in and crashed him down to the ground while slobbering all over his face. In his dog form. 

Harry couldn't be more embarrassed, or disgusted. He wrinkled up his face and pushed the heavy mutt off of him.  
"Gross!" Ron exclaimed, still on his knees. Harry knew it was the wrong thing to say the moment it left Ron's mouth. He could see Sirius grinning devilishly in his animaguse form, diving at Ron with a loud bark.

"Rise and shine pronglset! You're fourteen now!" the man threw his arms in the air enthusiastically, crushing Harry in a big Bear hug. 

The boy flushed in his arms, half embarrassed and half ready to cry. He knew that if Sirius was here then dad wasn't coming to get him. He would probably spend his time with Sirius and Remus, not that it was a bad thing. But Harry was homesick, he wanted his dad so badly, and yet, he couldn't bear to be in the same house as he and that woman without crying his heart out, or better yet, strangling and killing the woman once and for all. 

"How does it feel Harry!! Tell me!" 

"We had a sleep over. In a barn." Ron provided dryly, picking up a bacon off the plate, still dripping with saliva. Mrs. Weasley smacked his hand with her spoon and looked over Harry with a kind smile. 

"I'm so glad to see you're better... Harry dear what happened to your cheek?" the woman busted up to him, and Sirius narrowed his eyes, grabbing Harry's chin and titling it sideways. 

Harry groaned inwardly. Damn, damn, dammit! Oh Merlin, how could he have forgotten about the bruise?! Now they were going to think that dad did that last night. Oh merlin... 

"It's nothing." he tried to pull away, so much for a happy and shame free day he thought sarcastically. 

"This doesn't look like nothing, why didn't you tell us about the bruise last night?! It's huge!" Mrs. Weasley instantly took off to living room to summon a cream, Harry pursed his lips, hating that he was once again in spot light. 

"Harry, do you want to talk about it?" he knew that Sirius was seething, and without Remus in sight to keep him in check, he only hoped that he wouldn't go to pick a fight with dad, things were messed up as it was. 

"It's not what it looks like." he pleaded quietly, berating himself for being so careless and pathetic. 

"Oh I think it's exactly what it looks like Harry. Thank you Molly." he turned to take the small jar from the woman. She handed him mutely, unsure of what to say. Severus would never do this, she knew that, the man was a perfect parent. The perfect parent, and strongly against corporal punishment, angry or not, he wouldn't leave a bruise this big on his own abused son's face. He couldn't have, could he? 

Harry cringed as the cool substance was rubbed on his cheek, he heard Sirius muttering darkly and prayed to every God that Remus was waiting for them back at Sirius's place. Remus was the only one who could tame Sirius, or at least hold him back enough for dad to kill Sirius first. 

"Where are you going?" Arthur asked, gesturing at them both when Sirius started ushering Harry to the fireplace. 

"Out." Sirius seethed and then turned to face the whole red head family. "Thank you for your hospitality Molly, Arthur, but I'm afraid Harry and I have some work to do." he said more politely and waited for Harry to say goodbye. 

Harry frowned in confusion, but didn't say anything. 

"Sorry for last night, I know I was being a bother. Thanks Ron, I'll talk to you later." he said quietly and turned to follow after his godfather. 

"Harry dear?" Molly walked up to him and hugged him close. Stroking his hair. "He loves you, I know that he does, parents always make mistakes, but he loves you, be a good lad, alright?" she patted his cheek and pushed him into the fireplace, holding the floo jar for him. 

Harry grimaced in response and grabbed a fistful before shouting out Grimmauld place, and disappearing in green flames. 

The scene that met his eyes upon entering the kitchen was not one that he was expecting at all. Remus was next to the stove, clearly cooking breakfast in his shirtless glory while Sirius furiously muttered in his ear. 

Harry cleared his throat and knocked on the door, dropping down on a chair. 

"Hello there prongslet, you hungry?" Remus smiled kindly, he came over and set a plate in front of Harry, kissing the boy on his head. Harry leaned in the kiss and smiled back. 

"Starving, actually." he picked up his fork, strangely at ease, now that he didn't have to eat with the Weasleys. 

"Sorry buddy, I forgot you haven't eaten at the Weasleys already." Sirius gave a sheepish grin and scratched his neck. Harry waved him off and devoured his eggs.  
"The bruise should go by tomorrow though." Remus commented, gazing at Harry's cheek. 

Harry washed down his food with milk, before clearing his throat. "It's not what it looks like." he said again, from Remus's solemn expression, he could tell that Sirius had given him a full summery. Damn, he cursed, this was getting harder and harder. Sirius was unstoppable with Remus on his side. 

"Looks can be deceiving." Remus agreed gravely. Harry had a feeling he wasn't talking about the bruise. 

The breakfast ended, but the interrogation, apparently had only started, Remus didn't even bother to put a shirt on before sitting on a chair across Harry, staring at his with narrowed eyes as if trying to figure him out. 

Harry shifted in his seat, wringing his hands, the trio sat in silence for a while, he was pretty sure Remus was deducing him, draining out every juicy information he could get to use against dad later on. Harry wasn't stupid, the argument was inevitable. It was coming, and Harry knew it would hit like a typhoon. 

Thankfully, or rather, unfortunately that did not happen that day. Or the day after that. Or the following days. Harry didn't dare say anything, the first few days he tried to chill out and laugh around with his uncles, after three days, when he decided that he really missed his dad, the Weasleys invited him for the world Quidditch cup. He wanted to meet dad and ask for permission, but Remus already assured him that Dad had already agreed to it. 

Now, that, Harry thought sounded off on so many levels. He knew his dad more than he knew himself, dad would never agree to such a thing after that argument without punishing Harry first, he hadn't even seen the man the last three days, and dad didn't seem that eager to talk to him at all. 

It broke Harry's heart, whereas he should be happy and excited at the prospect of a Quidditch game, he now cried himself to sleep every night. He asked Sirius and Remus several times if dad had contacted them, but they firmly told him that they would talk to him on the matter later. 

What was more strange though, was the fact that Harry was not lectured over his colorful language at all. In fact Sirius and Remus let him slip several times over the days he stayed over, even though he did some of it on purpose. Harry couldn't shrug it off, he felt like something else was going on, Dad had never allowed him to stay away without contacting him, asking him if he was alright, or at the very least send him a letter. Harry tried really hard not to show it, since the game was coming up in two days, but it was hard. He knew that Sirius and Remus had argued with dad the moment Harry had went to bed the first night, and he had a sneaky suspicious that the Weasley patents were present too, Ron reported rather feverishly via floo the same night. 

It was then, that Harry figured, maybe, just maybe, he was right after all. Maybe Ron was wrong and he wasn't overreacting, maybe dad /was/ really tired of him. Maybe Janet had convinced him to finally let Harry go. At least dad didn't leave him off the streets like /they/ did, the mere thought made him want to cry. Again.  
But dad wouldn't do that, would he? Dad loved him, all those years, when they lived together, all those hugs, kisses, those proud looks, the adoption, everything... That couldn't have been a hoax, could it? 

After pushing Sirius and Remus both to their limits, they both grudgingly agreed to let Harry write a short note asking for permission from dad. Harry thought this odd. This was /his/ dad, they had no right to keep Harry from his own father. Nonetheless he let it go this time.  
Dad however responded to his letter with a single line written on a torn piece of parchment. 

You may go. 

That was it. No, kind words, no apologies, no scolding, no lecturing, nothing. Cold and distant, Harry didn't show it to anyone else though, he crushed the note in his sweat drenched hand and lied on his bed, not moving. Completely catatonic. It's been s while since he's done that last, a couple of years. It wasn't by will though, he just felt so tired all the time specially now... Fortunately for him Remus was sleeping off a bad full moon and Sirius was at work. So he just laid there all day long, thinking of what would happen to him if he was officially homeless, would Sirius and Remus take him in? Perhaps the Weasleys? Maybe he could live with the Grangers for a while. Could dad even unadopt him?

His heart ached when he imagined the little baby, replacing him, and dad and Janet all living happily ever after... He closed his eyes after what he thought to be ages. And went right to a restless sleep. 

Xx

"Viktor I love you! Viktor I do...." 

"When I stay apart my heart starts to beat for you!" Harry sang along the twins, teasing Ron mercilessly. And Harry had to admit the Quidditch world Cup was exactly the distraction he needed, aside from his hectic home life, depressed thoughts and hopeless moping, this chaotic event was exactly the boost he needed to take his mind off of things. Mainly his dad. 

"Looks like the Irish are showing off their pride." George commented, smirking smugly. 

"It's not the Irish, we have to go. Now." Arthur Weasley went straight for their bags and pulled Ginny next to him. 

"Dad.. What's happening?" 

"We need to go. Now!" Arthur yelled, the children all bustled out of the tent, only to be met with chaos. Fire, spells, yells of pain and fear, Harry felt his heart immediately tighten. 

"Fred! George! Take Ginny! Meet me at the Portkey!" Harry was dragged along his friends, lost in swarms of frightened people, pushing at him, dragging him, touching him. He hated it and felt panic closing his throat. 

"Harry!" he was separated from his friends, in his blinded panic he realized that he was being kicked to the ground, stuck between the running crowd, and not able to get up. He chocked and pushed at his ears. He had to count. Now. His life was in danger, he was tackled to the ground, he was frightened and scared, he wanted his dad more than anything and he had to count. 

He clamped his lips shut. You die if you stay here, his mind told him. deatheaters would kill him in a heart beat if he stayed there lying on the ground. But he had to count. Oh god, he had no idea what to do, he needed his dad so bad, right now, he felt hot tears streaming down his mud stained cheeks and he shook his head, biting his lips in pain as another person kicked him in his side. No one paused to help him, no one even looked down to see him having a panic attack right under their feet. And Harry was helpless. 

One. Another kick aimed at his face, knocking his glasses off, and Harry recoiled on the ground, crying quietly, his eyes closed and his hands pressed tightly to his ears, receiving kicks and blows here and there, some of the crowd even stepped on him while running in their haste. 

Two. The smoke assaulted his nose and burned his throat, smoke was everywhere, everything was on fire and Harry had no idea what to do, because he didn't have his glasses. 

Three. He definitely would die here, yells of pain erupted the deserted grounds, probably some of the unlucky victims left behind like him. And he was lying there, right in the plain sight. it was a matter of time before one of them found him. 

Four. He realized with a surge of panic and sadness, that he never got to apologize to dad, he never got tell him how much he loved him, he didn't get to hug him, or smell the familiar scent of gingers and lavender on him for the last time. He would die and he hadn't told his father just how grateful he was for everything. For rescuing him, for loving him, for /wanting/ him when no one else did. He at least hoped they would be happy. 

Five. Death sounded scary, Harry was scared, someone grabbed his elbow and yanked it away harshly, but Harry didn't open his eyes, he didn't stop counting. He never would. 

Six. There were strange sounds everywhere, angry yells, screams, chanting, and a blinding pain shooting right through his scar, Harry was scared and sad. Not for dying, for leaving his friends and family, for leaving his daddy behind. 

Seven. Images, memories, flashed before his closed eyes, his dad was in all of them, smiling at him, hugging him, kissing him, he was there when Harry got sorted, he as there when Harry couldn't sleep, he was there when Harry cried, when he was sick all night and Daddy stayed with him, he was there, always right beside him and he never thanked him. Maybe that was the reason why everyone hated him so much, he was so ungrateful. Daddy, he pleaded silently, in his own mind. Please come for me. 

Eight. He realized the sudden silence, not daring to open his eyes, Harry remained still, his body on fire, his will burnt out, ready to die.  
Nine. Someone was calling his name urgently, right over his clamped ears, the person hugged him close and picked him up, Harry vaguely wondered if he was dying yet. But the scent, the bitter smell of ginger, attacked his senses, Harry felt the person press his head to their chest, holding on tightly as the person ran, again there was screams, loud voices and harsh colors, familiar sounds and a harsh breathing down his neck, droplets of water landed on his face, tears that Harry knew that wasn't his own. 

nine. Eevery bone in his body, every oart and every limb protested as Harry was carried on a rocky ride over the field.

Ten. Death shouldn't take this long, Harry decided, and not this painful, his body was on fire, every inch hurt, and the person hugging him tightly was not helping that at all. Harry realized the only thing, keeping him conscious in that state was the sound of a frantic heart pushed to his ear, and the flow of tears that randomly landed on his cheeks. If death felt like this all the time, Harry couldn't blame Voldemort for wanting Immortality at all. 

He sighed painfully, and brought his hand up, his fingers closing around the familiar soft material, that was undoubtedly black, he was eerily reminded of that night in the street, when it was raining, and Harry was scared. He didn't feel frightened anymore though, his head was pounding, he was probably dying and shaking like a willow, but he felt /safe/. 

Dad hugged him closer, they were moving, but not quite, since Dad was sitting somewhere, and that somewhere was moving. Probably a vehicle. He was being rocked, he liked it, it's been a long while since he had hugged dad like this. Well not quite hug, seeing as his hands were resting limply by his sides. Harry wanted to open his eyes, to tell dad not to cry, he hated it when dad did that, to tell him that he was alright, and unfortunately alive. But the sound that came out of his mouth, sent dad into a new wave of hysteria. Dad squashed his face to his chest, and rocked more urgently. As if it was the only things keeping Harry alive. And it did, in its own odd twisted way. Harry wanted to tell dad to stop the rocking, right then it sounded so good and comfortable and cozy. Not that Harry was complaining though, but with the car and /his dad / both moving back and forth, Harry felt his gut churn in discomfort. He was feeling extremely nauseous. 

"Shhh, Daddy's here, Shhh.... We're almost there." dad whispered softly in his ear. Harry whimpered again to let him know that he was still awake. Dad however, thought it was something else. 

"Can't you move any faster?! What good are you Kingsley ?!!" his dad viciously snarled and then turned to Harry. 

"Shhh, baby boy... Dad's here. Damn you! drive faster!!" it was almost comical, the difference between the two tone of voices dad used at the same time. He had this sudden urge to laugh, but spared the poor driver, since any sounds coming out of his mouth would be processed as a whimper in pain. 

He backed out for a while, for a /long/ while, because the next time he woke up he was pretty sure he was lying on an uncomfortable bed, with this annoying beeping sound right next to his head. And that stupid heat on his left hand. He sighed in frustration. 

Not sure that why he had woken in the first place, Harry laid still, slowly becoming aware of his surrendering. The antibiotic and the disinfectant smell made him want to wrinkle his nose, but again was unable to, due to something long and uncomfortable shoved up his nostrils. 

"...I don't care about your damn rules! You let me to stay with my son or I'll... "

"Sir, you don't understand, we need to do..." 

"He never sleeps without /his/ pillow! How dare you...."

Harry peeled his eyes open, curious to see what was all the yelling about, the first sound was definitely his father's, of that one he was sure. The first however, sounded like a desperate nurse on the verge of tears. Hufflepuff. Harry concluded smugly. 

The sound was cut off abruptly and Harry opened his eyes quickly looking around. 

"Sorry about that. I told Severus to keep it down." A feminine voice commented apologetically, Harry turned his head to face the voice, staring blankly at Janet's sheepish face. Harry blinked when he realized the warm pressure on his hand, was actually Janet's hand on his palm. He wanted to pull away but but didn't have the energy. How odd. He thought. 

"Do you want me to call a nurse? Are you in pain?" her concerned features leaned in closer to his face. Harry didn't respond, just staring blankly at the woman. 

"Maybe I should, call the nurse." she said firmly, and moved to stand, Harry gripped her wrist, Janet turned and stared at him with wide eyes. Harry pointed at the stupid strings in his nose with his other hand while scowling. 

"Oh! Sorry about that one too, but it helps you breath, you punctured a lung. They couldn't heal it straight away." She sat back down pushing her hair out of her face.

"Dad?" he whizzed out, embarrassed by his own croaking voice. 

The beautiful woman nodded vaguely. 

"He's out in the corridor, screaming at the nurses." she stifled her laugh, pulling her hair in a high ponytail. Harry looked away, trying to hide the twitch pulling at his own lips. 

"Why?" 

"Apparently they won't let him bring you, your pillow and favorite blanket, they're scared of infections. Do you want me to call him?" 

Harry shook his head, and regret it almost immediately, his head as killing him. 

"Or a nurse maybe?" she stood again, Harry grabbed her hand tightly and pulled her down. She raised her eyebrows but sank down on her seat. 

"What happened?" he kept his voice down, his throat was burning. 

"You were at the Quidditch cup, there was an attack. You got tackled to the ground. And well, kinda kidnapped for two minutes. Aurors got you before anything bad happened." she explained quietly, lowering her head. 

Harry closed his eyes, recalling the memories. 

"How long..." 

"Two days. You'll be fine though. Was that all?" she asked, reclining her body away as if ready to bolt out of her seat to find a nurse. Harry shook his head. No, no he was not finished, in fact he and Janet had a lot to talk about. Harry was not about to leave without having his final words. He just had to make sure if his decision was a good one. 

"Do.... Do you love him?" he asked quietly. He knew the answer to that, but he needed reassurance, needed to know if dad will be okay. 

"Maybe we should have this conversation..." Harry cut her off and repeated his question. 

"Yes Harry. I love him very much." she sounded honest enough, Harry decided, with a heavy heart.

"You... You made him happy when I couldn't." he confessed, breathing in deeply. 

"Excuse me?" 

"You made him happy, still do, a stranger just waltzed in his life and made him happier than his son ever could. I hate you for that." Harry said boldly. there was no point in lying when there was just the two of them. Talking like this, heart to heart. 

"I'm sorry. I..." Harry held up his hand. 

"Don't. Just...." He sighed, turning away. 

"So you love him. You make him happy, and he loves you." Harry choked out, that was it, wasn't it? The happiness list he had made for himself when he was seven. His own little key to happiness. 

He loved his daddy, he made his daddy happy and daddy loved him more than all of the other children in the whole wide world. 

He still remembered that tiny little note he had wrote for himself, tucked safely in rabbity's plush chest. He closed his eyes, if there was anything that he would miss other than his dad, it would be that note and his rabbit. Tears circled in his eyes, but Harry blinked. Not now. He thought sternly.  
"Harry..." Harry shushed her, glaring at Janet with disdain and desperation. 

"And you're really pregnant?" he needed to know this one as well. Although the idea of Janet faking that just to piss on him was unlikely. But just to be sure.....  
"Yes, but Harry you don't have to.." Harry interrupted her again. 

"Please. Just, let me talk." he bit out, maybe the pain potions were wearing off, he thought. 

She nodded, staring at him with as much desperation as he had. 

"Do you love the baby?" he didn't want a repeat of himself, he knew that dad would love the baby, but anything could happen. Even though Harry hated the baby, he couldn't live with himself if something happened to it. 

"Of course I do." she sounded confused, gazing at him with concerned blue eyes. 

"Do you want to live with dad /and/ the baby?" 

"And you, Harry I told you....."

"And I told you, to let me talk!" Harry snapped angrily. This woman was not making things any easier. At all. 

She pursed her lips but stayed silent for Harry to continue. 

"And... And, do you promise, to make him happy as you're doing now? I want him to be happy, can you do that?" 

She nodded, wondering where this was going. 

"Good. That's good. You have to be careful though, he gets really insensitive sometimes. But he loves you, just because he's a jerk sometimes doesn't mean that he doesn't love you." he couldn't take it anymore, he started to stutter, his chest in agony either from the pain or the thought that he might never see his dad again.  
Janet moved from his seat and sat on his bed, Harry looked away flushing in shame and anger. 

What she did next made his heart burst out in shock, his pulse was basically tap dancing on the Holter monitor, the machine beeping madly. Harry could smell her soft perfume in the crook of her neck, her soft shiny black hair tickling his face. Harry lost it. He completely lost it, he grabbed at her shoulders and buried his wet face in her shirt. 

"Let it out." that sentence made him undone. 

"No!" 

"Why do you hate me so much?" she asked with a hurt expression. 

"I was jealous! So jealous, that he loved you more than me!" he sobbed loudly.

"/I/ was his son! He told me that he loved /me/!, and then /you/ came! And stole him away." he was pretty sure that he was making a fool of himself, and mentally prepared himself for Janet to push him away, sneering disgust. He *hated* this woman, she ruined his life, it was her fault that Harry was like this. But deep down he knew, more than Janet, this was his own fault. 

Maybe he hadn't tried hard enough, maybe if he had been more obedient, better, or at least not a freak, then maybe dad wouldn't have felt the need to fall in love with Janet. Two different kinds of love. Harry knew that, but Harry had to lack somewhere to drive Severus away. Right? 

Oh Merlin, he was already calling him Severus again, and dad hadn't even thrown him out yet. It wasn't Janet's fault, that he was a freak. He concluded. she was just better than him in everything, that's what happens between the predator and the prey, the predator always wins, because it's better than the prey in every aspect. The predator had everything that the prey lacked. 

Harry was the prey. He was like the dirty rag no one wanted to touch. He had accepted that. 

"It's okay." she was saying, rubbing circles behind his back. 

Harry shook his head. 

"No, it's not, it's not okay. I'm sorry, I really am sorry. You win okay? You win." he leaned back wiping his tears away, he looked at the damp spot he had left on Janet's blouse, well at least that was something he could be proud about later. 

"Harry..." 

"I'm going. Don't worry, I just... Had to make sure. That he'll be happy you know?" he chuckled while crying, he closed his eyes. He wasn't sure about leaving a week ago. But now...

"What are you talking about? No one's making you leave Harry." 

Harry laughed bitterly, shaking his head. 

"I'm making myself leave , I'm going with Sirius to Australia, he offered me last week. And I think it's for the best." that was what that morning interrogation was about, Sirius's offer to live with him and Remus in Australia, to move away if he didn't want to stay anymore. Harry had freaked out on him, yelling and trashing and arguing, but Sirius just shrugged and said it was just a suggestion. Maybe he knew that he would accept it eventually. 

"No you're not." a familiar voice snapped from the corner of the room. Harry's eyes widened, his head whipped towards the snarky voice. 

"Dad..." he whispered, horrified that his dad had heard the whole thing. Dad marched to his bed, seething, cold dagger like rage shining in his eyes. 

"Do you have any idea how worried I was? " his father growled, snapping his jaw. Harry leaned away, dropping his head. 

"Well? Do you?" 

"About what?" he asked timidly, grasping the hospital's blanket firmly. 

"About what?! Worried that my son spent a whole night shivering in a barn! Worried that my son had a bruise the size of an apple on his face! Worried that you spent a whole week with a werewolf on a full moon?! Only sending a small note to ask permission for a damn Quidditch game?!! Or perhaps worried that /my/ son was stomped on and then tortured? What am I worried about?!"

He was breathing heavily, Harry had his head hung in shame, shaking a little. "Oh."

"I'm sorry." dad then said, he slumped down in defeat and hugged Harry tightly to his chest, all tubs and all that stuff. Harry couldn't move. What did dad just say? His bottom lip trembled. it was like his whole world crumbling down all over again, all that hate, all that anger and sadness with one single sentence. /the/ one sentence he was waiting to hear for a whole year. Harry almost didn't hear his dad continue on.

"I'm so sorry Harry, okay? Oh god, I'm a horrible person, a horrible parent, I'm so very sorry, for everything. I shouldn't have hit you, I shouldn't have yelled at you. I'm sorry, Harry I'm sorry." he was being rocked again, he wanted to smell dad's robes, the ginger and lavender, see if this was a dream or not, but the damn tubs in his nose didn't seem to cooperate... 

"I love you Harry. You're my life, you're my everything, I'm so sorry, I really am. I made you feel like you weren't loved, and I'm sorry." the man continued, holding Harry close. Janet smiled over Harry's shoulder and left the room quietly, probably going to call a nurse. He was speechless. 

"This is my fault alright? Not yours, Harry never yours, I love you, I love you more than anything, even Janet. Just tell me what to do and I will." 

Dad still loved him. Dad wasn't like /them/. Dad loved him. the phrase sounded unbelievable, but hearing them from dad...

"I love you Harry. Can you hear me? You're my son, my child, not someone else's, I would never leave you, never Harry. I promise, this won't happen again. Ever again." 

it was like the old times almost, when dad knew what Harry was thinking before Harry even got to open his mouth.

Harry remained speechless. He had waited for this moment so long and now he had no idea what to say, he didn't know how to react, he even thought that he had forgotten how to cry properly. His mouth just opened and closed on their own accord. 

"Harry?" he held Harry at arm's length, inspecting his face. 

"Are you in pain? Harry?" the smaller boy shook his head, his face still screwed in a wrinkled mess. 

"What is it? Is it me? Am I doing something?" Harry shook his head again, and pursed his lips painfully. 

"I...I waited...for so long." he chocked out, looking for words, his mind was blank, completely blank. How long had he waited to hear those words? A year? Was it really a year? Oh Merlin, he couldn't believe that he was carrying this heavy burden for a whole year. He felt so light, so /him/, he felt like Harry again.

"I'm sorry." his father whispered in his ear, stroking his messy hair gently. Harry could hear how much beat up dad was being about this. Part of him thought that he deserve it, but the majority, felt guilty for causing his dad any trouble at all.

"I... I... Thought... You... Didn't love me." it sounded pathetic, even to his own ears, it sounded petty and needy, something Aiden or Draco Malfoy would say. But Harry was tired of lying, of cryptic messages, he needed to say everything straight forward from now on, like he had done with Janet, yes he hoped that dad would figure it out on his own, but if he had just /told/ him from the start, he wouldn't have been in this state a year later on a hospital bed in St. Mungo's. 

"Never. I promised, didn't I?" Harry momentarily thought of the slap he had received last week, dad broke that promise. But didn't bring it up. This was his moment now, everything was going to be fine. Except.... 

"You don't want me to go?" he didn't want to go with Sirius now, but if dad wanted him to, Harry would be more than happy to respect his wishes. Now that he felt so light hearted everything seemed brighter, even living with Sirius half across the world. 

"You dare set foot in Australia and you're grounded for life Harry." dad threatened in his best 'no kidding tone', the one he mostly used when Harry spent time with Sirius for so long. or got sugar high. 

 

Harry smiled, it was like the old days. When he had his dad back. 

Harry then chuckled, leaning out of the hug. "You won't believe what I just found out dad." the boy smiled cheekily. Snape narrowed his eyes into a glare mockingly. 

"Oh?" an arched eyebrow with a smile twitching on the man's lips. 

Harry's grin widened. "Your middle name is Ashley?" Severus turned around to see Harry's health chart hanging on by his bedpost and blushed, looking horrified. Harry started laughing hysterically clutching at his sides. And then grimaced in pain. Time for medicine, he thought pulling a face, still laughing. 

Severus smacked his leg. "Insolent brat. You better hope /I/ don't change your middle name to Ferdinand." 

Harry mouthed the name, laughing loudly, he hugged his dad tightly. It won't be easy. He thought, there was still no way that he would ever get along with Janet. But that was okay, dad was there for him again. 

"I love you dad." he mumbled, a small smile resting on his face. 

"I love you too child. And Harry?" 

"Yes, dad?" 

"You're grounded, for three weeks."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tell me what you think and have a hug ;)


	4. chapter four.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the calm before the storm...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! another early chapter. just wanted to give you guys a heads up: the spring fest poll is up on potions and snitches, in case you hadn't seen it yet. since this fic was a respond to one of the prompts, I would love you guys to give it a shot.
> 
> go ahead and vote for your favorite fic! on potionsandsnitches,org!
> 
> here's the link; http://www.potionsandsnitches.org/fanfiction/index.php
> 
> Have a good day/night everyone. Addio ;)
> 
> read, enjoy and brighten up my day with a review ;)

Chapter four. 

"Hey Harry, how are you doing?" Janet smiled widely, her eyes shinning bright. Harry nodded politely in greetings and sat down on his chair. 

"Better." he was by no means any more comfortable with that woman than he was a week before, he might have made up with his dad, but he was not over his hatred for Janet. Not in the slightest, and now that he wasn't leaving for Australia, things would get a little complicated. But Harry was willing to give it s shot. For his dad. 

"You sure? You look a little sore." she narrowed her eyes, before turning to her journal, skimming through the pages. Harry cleared his throat and crossed his arms. 

"Just bruises. They'll fade eventually though." apparently being tackled and stomped on, is not that easily fixed by magic. He had broken two ribs, punctured a lung, and was under Crucio for twenty seconds before his dad saved him. With these life threatening injuries, scraps and bruises just had to heal on their own. Much to his dad's displeasure. 

"I'm happy to hear that." Harry did not doubt her sincerity, but couldn't help but feel a little uncomfortable as he felt Janet scrutinize him, as if sizing him up and down. 

"What are you doing?" he asked as a way to sway the conversation away from himself, wishing all while and Ron would show up so they could get out of the house. 

"Oh! Nothing important I suppose, just the charity stuff." she was currently a potion mistress, working for W.A.N.D charity system for unqualified patients unable to pay for their own potions. 

It irked Harry, how /good/ she was. She was basically in every charity event, it made it hard. To hate someone who was potentially, so...  
Good. 

It infuriated him, being the only one hating the woman in his circle of family and friends. Even Ron liked her, and that was saying something. Ron didn't like /anyone /. 

"That's good." Harry said, and looked around the house, he groaned as his neck protested the sudden move. He had strained his neck, and his dad's mad rocking the whole way to the hospital had not helped things either. In fact, he was lucky that he was not paralyzed from the neck down. That way, he really would kill himself, better not live at all than live like that, in Janet's mercy and pitying all his life.

You're turning bitter. He snorted inwardly.

"You free today?" she pushed her rectangular glasses up her nose and winked at him. 

Harry narrowed his green eyes. "Yeah, why?" 

"We're going out tonight for dinner." 

"You and Severus?" 

"And you. The three of us." Harry could read between the lines, She and Dad had talked, decided a date for themselves, and then decided, that Harry should be included, so he wouldn't feel left out. It was painfully obvious that it was Dad's idea, Janet didn't like him /that/ much. 

In truth, he wouldn't mind a night out with his dad, as Janet the third wheel, as he was before they were dating, now though, /Harry/ was the third wheel, well technically, the forth, since there was still the baby to count in too. 

Harry sighed, licking his lips. "Actually, I have this thing with Ron tonight..." 

"With Ron? What thing?" she asked exactly in a tone that Mrs. Weasley would ask Fred and George with. And Harry found himself digging his nails in his palms. 

"Just a guy thing. Maybe I spend the night with them." he snapped defensively. Maybe a little too defensive. He cringed.

Janet oh'ed, putting down her quill. "A guy thing?" she teased, winking at him. Harry cleared his throat uncomfortably, was Janet suggesting what Harry thought she was? 

"Ron's just a friend." the last thing he needed, was letting her starting a havoc in his family by running rumors of Harry having a crush on his friend. Which he didn't, since he knew that Ron was madly in love with Hermione. 

"Whatever you say, but in any case, your dad would be so happy if you decided to show up. We're going to your favorite restaurant." her teeth shined brightly, as she squeezed his shoulder before turning away. 

Harry pursed his lips, he would /not/ be guilt ridden to this night out. He knew how it went, with him in the front, or the back, and those two, holding hands, walking in the streets watching the sky. The perfect image of a romantic couple. Gross. Harry shuddered.

And he would die of shame, probably because the probability of a classmate catching him with dad and his now soon to be wife, would be more than Janet actually liking him. 

Dad and Jan had talked to him, it was decided, that they would wait a little, until the baby was born and things were sort out. Meaning that they would need Harry's sincere blessing to get married. 

Now, with Sirius and Remus gone to Australia, Hermione in Paris for summer vacation, and Ron hanging out with his almost always absent brothers, Harry knew that he was in for a year. 

"So, maybe you should really consider it, I picked out your nice robes from the dry cleaner." She muttered, her nose stuck in her parchment. 

"You did what?" she did what?!! She had picked up /his/ clothes from the dry cleaner? What gave her the right to do that?! What was she?! His mother?!! 

"Hmm? Picked up your clothes honey." 

"I didn't even give it to the dry cleaner in the first place?" was Dad going through his clothes again? Because If he was, Harry swore, that he would hide his special soap in the laundry room again. Harry snickered, it's been a while since he'd done that. 

"I did." she answered as it was obvious, gazing at him with questioning eyes. Harry bristled inwardly, his eye twitching. Keep your cool, keep your cool Potter. Don't let her win. 

"When?" he bit out, gathering every ounce of self will he had to sound normal. 

"Last week, along with your Quidditch outfit. They were atrociously dirty." Harry clamped his lips tighter, his knuckles white with the effort. 

"Did you go through my stuff?" it didn't sound as nonchalant as he was hoping it would be. Janet sighed and put her parchment down, looking at Harry as if wondering if he was mad. 

"Is that a problem?" the tone was taunting, reminding Harry why exactly he hated her so much. She was teasing him, Harry realized, pushing his buttons. 

"My wardrobe is kind of personal." Harry said slowly, his hands gripping the edge of his seat. 

"Don't worry Harry, I just picked out your laundry. No big deal. Hmm?" 

Well, let's see how would you like it if I went through /your/ stuff. Harry hissed, gritting his teeth. 

"It kind of is a big deal. I'm a little sensitive on my possessions. So... It would be best if you just let me do my own thing." he out right challenged her, no one had the right to touch his stuff, no one. Except maybe for his dad, but no one else, even the boys in his dormitory figured that out soon enough. 

Janet looked a little taken back and wary. "Sensitive?" she exclaimed, cocking her head to a side.   
Harry exhaled slowly, with extreme effort as to not start shouting. 

"Yes. I don't like anyone going through my stuff." 

"Honey, you're fourteen now, almost fifteen." 

"So what?" Harry felt a big invisible hand reach out and choke him. Janet rubbed her hand, looking uncomfortable, but also with a determined expression on her face. As if it was her duty to talk to Harry. 

"Sweetie, boys your age don't get... Well... Sensitive over these kind of stuff, unless they have something to hide." she cleared her throat, averting her eyes. 

"Boys my age?" Harry repeated dumbly. What was this woman saying? What the hell? 

"I have been working in the charity system long enough Harry and I have nephews your age, the thing is... I know what you mean if it's /that/ , but your sensitivity over your room alone? it's not normal, this kind of behavior, I actually talked to your dad about it earlier this week.."

"What?! Not normal?!" he expected his dad to jump out of his hiding place and suffocate Janet then and there. Ever since Harry was young, no one had dared to call him anything but normal. Dad would kill them with his glare alone. He even made a hufflepuff cry in his first year when he caught Harry counting in the boy's bathroom. 

Was she saying that he was a freak?! Saying that he was different?! Was she comparing him to a charity case? Or maybe she thought that he was... Harry blushed.   
Should he be offended? It all sounded eerily familiar to Harry. It felt like third year all over again, when Dad gave his first stick of deodorant. Embarrassing and awkward. Except this time, it wasn't even true... 

Janet cleared her throat again and gestured with her hands widely, as if reading his mind. 

"Please don't be offended.I didn't mean it like that Harry, I swear!" she said frantically, terrified that Harry would throw a fit again. Harry numbly blinked and looked away. 

"I'm not offended." he said slowly, standing up. "I think I go to Ron's now. Tell Dad I'm sorry, I couldn't make it." he walked to the fireplace on autopilot. He hadn't even told Ron that he would come over today, the boy was probably spending quality time with his brothers, and Harry felt guilty, and sad, now that he knew he couldn't go to Sirius's house again. 

He would just have to crash at the burrow and make another beeline to Ron's room. Maybe then, he could take a long nap... 

"Harry?!" Harry turned the last moment, coming fave to face with his Dad, noting his concerned face, and his long back robes. The expression he had on all week.

"Lo, Dad." he walked back into his Dad's embrace and hugged him quickly. 

"Where were you going?" he asked, frowning. Harry cringed inwardly, ever since the incident, Dad had turned into a mama bear, always keeping tabs on him, watching him eat his meals, tucking him at nights. It was like he was scared of neglecting Harry. His attention was always on him.it was comforting. Until now that he needed an escape root. 

"Um... To the Weasleys?" it came out more like a question, the hand was back, seizing his throat, and Harry mentally scolded it. He would not rat out to his dad, not over something so ridiculous, and petty. 

"But you just got back home. Weren't the Weasleys going to the beach today?" his dad frowned, knowing full well that Harry was lying. 

"But you said you had plans with Ron?" Janet interjected, her eyes showing sincere confusion.   
Harry cursed, hating the woman more than ever then. She just had to say that didn't she? 

"Um... I thought we had, maybe he wants me to go with him?" 

Dad squeezed his shoulders and guided him away from the fireplace. "Maybe? Is everything alright?" he sat down with him on the couch, and Janet soon joined in, sitting on the loveseat. 

"Why wouldn't it be?" tell him. Tell him what she called you, tell him that she went through your stuff, tell him Harry. His mind ranted at him, and Harry did not want a repeat of last time. But he just couldn't get his mouth to open... 

"Are you alright Son?" Harry was pretty sure that his dad was adamant to put him in his pj and then tuck him in his bed right then. His face had that rare fussy expression. Well, not so rare since it was one of the top five expressions Dad had flashed him with this week. 

"I'm fine. I just have plans with Ron. Or I think I had, you know how cryptic he is..." He trailed off, nodding his head to prove his point. 

"Are you upset that I went through your clothes Harry?" Damn you. Harry thought, closing his eyes in irritation, Damn you Janet, Damn you. 

"You went through his wardrobe ?" Severus was shocked. She went through Harry's stuff and she was still alive?! If there was anything Harry was more fussy than his fear of stranger touch, it was his possession. He even had his own bar of soap and toiletries, all neatly in / his /drawer, spelled magically to fit in the bathroom's cupboard. 

His fiance shrugged. "I just picked up some dirty laundry." she said in a 'i never thought it would a big deal ' voice, shaking her head. 

"I'm not upset Janet. I had plans with Ron." he cut in before Dad could talk. Where was the red head when Harry needed him?! 

"But Harry, Ron is not even home. And you can't go to the beach, you're still recovering." his dad was on him. Harry knew it was a lost cause, what he was angry about however, was Janet's presence in the living room with them. 

"I'm fine. I just..." what did he want? Some space? That sounded unbelievably ungrateful. Dad has gotten out of his way, ogling Harry all week, pampering him like a prince after a full year of anticipation and depression on Harry's side. And now he needed space?! Harry cleared his throat. 

"The bruises are almost gone." he finished lamely, side glancing at the fireplace. Maybe he should go to dinner with them, being a third wheel sounded better than his embarrassment when Janet found out about the other stuff. She should call me her mental case. Harry shuddered. 

Just tell her to sod off, his mind snapped at him, and Harry growled a quiet shut up before shrugging Dad's hands off his shoulders. 

"I'm not so sure about that." Janet mused, pointing at Harry's blackened bruises, marring his neck and his earlobe. Harry glared coldly. 

"Maybe we need to talk." Dad suggested, his hand snaking around his waist despite Harry's silent pleas. A talk sounded good, and tempting, with only his dad and him. Like the old days when Harry was happy. Pretending to be happy was harder than he had thought. Specially with the bane of his existence living with him in the same house. 

"Maybe we should have the talk in your office." he suggested tensely when Janet started to follow them. The moment she'd step in Dad's office, I would chock her.   
Dad knew him better than this, he should know how self conscious Harry was about his anxiety. 

I should go through my stuff, make sure she didn't touch anything she shouldn't have. Harry drawled in his brain. 

"Janet, would you mind giving this to Albus? He has been asking for it since last week." Dad handed her a vial of clear potion when she entered the office. Janet glanced at the two and nodded, grabbing the vial.

The door closed and Dad cast a silencing charm around the room, nodding at Harry to seat in a chair. Harry dragged his feet to the seat and slumped on the leather chair, looking glum. 

"You don't have plans with Ron." 

"No." he was looking at his lap, anywhere but in his father's disappointed face. 

"Harry, she's really trying, we did talk about this... I'm really sorry." Harry cut him off shaking his head. 

"No, it's fine... You don't have to apologize for her."

Dad frowned and walked to Harry, grabbing his shoulders. "You know it's not fine, I'm sorry because I forgot to tell her how touchy you are over your possessions."   
Harry frowned at the choice of words , he made it seem like it was his fault somehow. /She/ was the one who went through /his/ room.

"It's not a big deal." yes it was. 

"Yes it is. I'm sorry, I will talk to her when she's back. Alright?" Dad hugged him and then pulled away. He rubbed his neck comfortingly. 

Great... Now Harry felt like an arse, it was in this moments that Harry realized what kind of shit his dad has to put up with becuase of him. He even looked strained. Going back and forth between his fiance and his arse of a son, trying to keep the both of them happy at the same time.

"We are going to dinner tonight, maybe you should clean up a bit." he said, fussing over his untamed hair, that was even wilder since Harry hadn't had the time to brush it. 

Harry wiggled in his seat. "I don't know, I really don't feel like going out tonight." 

Dad frowned, crouching down to Harry's eye level. "We're going to your favorite restaurant. " 

The younger boy, sighed and shook his head. "I know, just... Maybe I should just stay home." 

Dad's frown deepened, he looked mildly disturbed, and Harry couldn't help but cringe inwardly, feeling even worse... Maybe he should go... 

Severus was confused. Why would Harry decline a night out? The boy absolutely loved going out with him to his favorite restaurant, he would've snatched the offer any other day... 

He looked over his son, sizing him up. His heart clenched when he saw the bruises marring the child's skin. Maybe he is wary of the public, Severus drawled, Harry did almost got killed in a swarm of people running him over. Maybe he was scared? 

Severus bit his lip, ever since that day in the hospital he and Harry had talked several times, Harry had admitted that his depression was back for a while and he had another episode in Black's house. Severus hadn't felt so guilty all his life as he did then, it was his fault, his ignorant, and neglect that drove Harry back into that state. Maybe he was still depressed? 

The child did reassure him that he was fine now, but was he? Maybe he should have been more presistant about seeing a therapist? 

"Answer me honestly Harry, are you alright son?" he had swore that he would never use legilimency on his son, never. But now, the idea was really tempting. 

"I'm alright Dad, just... Not in the mood." 

"Is it Janet? Don't worry I tell her to don't touch your stuff anymore." 

"No, it's not that." The child exhaled in annoyance. Severus raised his eyebrows. 

"Maybe you're a little wary of crowds?" although his son wasn't that social to begin with. Now that Severus thought about it, there were a lot of things that his son wasn't accustomed to. Maybe Janet was right... Severus shook his head, his gut churning in guilt. There wasn't anything wrong with Harry. Not his son. 

"No, Dad, I'm just a little tired is all." 

"Are you sure? Then I can stay with you." he said firmly, leaving no room for argument. Harry did try though. 

"What?! No! You should go Dad, seriously... You and Janet should go, I'll be fine." he quickly reassured the man, he would not be a brat, he would not demand such a thing when his dad had already planned out. Specially when he was already feeling guilty for wrrying his dad.

Another hand joined the other, pressing down on his chest. 

"Harry?" he looked up to the voice, uncertainty gripped at him. Should he tell Dad? Should he tell him what he really felt? You could wait another year. His mind responded sarcastically. Harry gulped. 

"I... We're going to my favorite restaurant?" he asked, twiddling with his thumb. Maybe that was the problem, that place was his and Dad's alone. It was a special place for them both, dragging Janet into that place... And Harry as a third wheel... He shook his head at his own ridiculous thoughts. 

"Yes. Don't you like that?" 

"I do. But... Isn't this like a date? For you and Janet?" 

Dad sighed, rooting out the problem out of Harry's half cooked question. 

"Harry, it's going to be okay. It's just the three of us." more like the two of you. Harry grumbled. 

"It's just a family night out, I promise. Nothing is going to happen between us." Harry blushed, his dad had been really good about this stuff, as soon as Harry told him how uncomfortable their affection made Harry feel, Dad had minimized the kisses in public. At least in front of Harry. It was weird, weird because Harry had never seen his dad acting like that with another woman. Ever. 

"Family night?" he cast his eyes downward, thinking over it for a bit. There wouldn't be a problem if he told that right? Dad would never make him feel like that, specially when it was their first night out together in more than over a year. 

"Yes, family night, we just catch up a little bit, eat dinner and then come right back home." Harry looked at his dad in relief. They weren't going to the park?! They always went out to the park after their dinner. He and Dad always did that since Harry's sixth birthday. 

"So? What do you say?" Dad smiled, running his hand through Harry's hair affectionately. 

"We come back straight home?" he just had to make sure she stayed out of the park.

"Yes." 

"Alright." 

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

 

/ "What would you like to eat Harry?" Daddy smiled down at him, and Harry squirmed in his seat. 

"I don't know Daddy." he didn't have the heart to tell Daddy that he had never been to a restaurant before, and had no idea what to order. He looked at his hands shyly, they were gripping Rabitty in his lap, his long plush ears brushing against his knuckles. 

Daddy smiled reassuringly. "Why don't you ask Rabitty?" he suggested, raising an eyebrow. Harry frowned, didn't Daddy know that toys didn't talk? 

Daddy nudged him with his hand softly. "Go on." 

Harry bit his lip, but brought his mouth near Rabbity's long ear. "I don't know how to order Rabbity, what should I eat?" he whispered in the ear furiously, the rabbit looked back at him, its black button eyes staring at him in mirth. Harry blew, he knew that toys didn't talk back. What a disappointment.

Daddy however, smiled wider and ruffled Harry's hair. " What about some spaghetti and meatballs? Maybe a chocolate shake? " 

Harry nodded hesitantly, he liked meatballs, he had stolen some from Aiden's plate once or twice. Harry had no idea what a chocolate shake was, but it sounded delicious enough if Daddy was suggesting it. 

"Hmm?" Daddy asked, just to make sure that Harry had made up his mind. Harry nodded once and hid his face in Rabbity's body, when a waiter came. It was a little awkward, hiding his face in his lap like that, but Rabbity didn't seem to mind. 

The waiter came back with their food a few minutes after that and Daddy helped Harry eat his meal without staining his clothes or Rabbity, Harry of course, wanted to argue back and say that Rabbity was hungry too, but he didn't because the other people were making him nervous. 

"Do you know what today is Harry?" his Daddy asked, drinking from his glass. Harry put his fork down, slightly panicking, how was he supposed to remember? Did Daddy tell him something?! Should he remember? 

"No." he answered timidly, clutching at Rabbity's sides. Daddy frowned, but soon smiled again. 

"Today was your birthday Harry. You were born today." Daddy said softly, handing him his shake.   
Harry squirmed again, looking down at the shake in his hands. 

"Why is that important Daddy?" he knew about birthdays, in fact he knew a lot about them, more than he wanted to know. He didn't particularly like them.

Birthdays were for good boys like Aiden and Dudley. Not him, he distinctly remembered watching them eat cakes and open presents, with lots of hugs and kisses while Harry just watched. 

He was a bad boy, mommy had told him. That was why Aiden got toys and cake and he didn't.   
Daddy looked at him sadly and got up from his chair and moved to Harry's. 

"Because, you were born today child. Six years ago on this day a tiny little baby was born, look at how big you are now! Don't you want to celebrate?" Daddy sat him and Rabbity down on his lap, Harry noticed some people looking their way, but quickly averted their eyes when they caught Harry's face or Daddy's glares. 

"No." celebration was for good boys. He was a bad boy. 

"Why not?" Daddy probed, hugging his back to his chest. 

"Birthdays are for good boys." Harry sniffed, burying his face in Daddy's shirt. 

"You are a good boy." Daddy said suddenly, kissing his forehead. Harry's head snapped up. 

"I am?" maybe Daddy was just lying to him, Mommy and first Daddy did that a lot. They pretended that they like him and wanted to give him food, but then started to laugh and sneer at him. And they shouted at him. Harry flinched at the memories. 

"Yes you are, you are a wonderful boy. You are kind, and loving and good hearted. And Daddy loves you so much Harry." 

Did that mean that Harry would get cake and presents? Or was Daddy playing pretend to? It was hard to tell, Daddy never lied to him, but mommy didn't too at first. 

Harry ate the rest of his dinner with his Daddy, with Harry shyly hiding in his Daddy's shirt and drinking his shake, which by the way was delicious, while Daddy glared at anyone who stared at them. Harry knew they were staring because Harry was in the papers. Daddy didn't like them. 

After Harry finished his meal, he held Rabbity and Daddy's hand as they walked out, the night's sky blinking down to them, as if urging Harry to wish on a star. 

"Do you want to take a walk in that Park over there?" Harry looked over the flop of trees and then at his Daddy who was smirking. Harry nodded shyly and the two walked slowly towards the park. 

By the time they were walking in the park Harry had completely forgotten his birthday again, his six years old mind inwardly in awe as he watched the deserted play ground.   
Daddy led the way to the swings and helped Harry on a red swing and sat himself in the green one.

"Did you like your dinner Harry?" 

"Yes Daddy." 

"I wanted us to have cake too, but those rude people were staring. They were making you uncomfortable." Daddy explained patiently, smiling at Harry. 

"Cake?" Harry asked, he had seen his brother and cousin devouring cake, the way they had eaten it made Harry drool. It sounded delicious. 

"Yes Harry, what flavor do you like?" Harry noticed that Daddy didn't ask about inviting any friends. Harry had none. 

The child blushed again, tears rimming in his eyes. 

"What is it Harry?" Daddy asked, worry shining in his eyes. Harry shook his head, burying his face in Rabitty's chest. 

"Harry?" Daddy hugged him, and tried to pry the stuffed animal away from his face. 

"Did I upset you son?" 

"I..." Harry hiccuped, cleaning his face with his fisted hand. "I don't know... What flavor I like Daddy." 

Daddy looked sad again and kissed the top of his head. "Why not baby boy?" 

"I never had cake before." he said pathetically, burying his face in Daddy's chest again. He felt Daddy's arms tighten around his own, Daddy's body stiffened, and Harry could feel him just sat there in shock. He clamped his eyes shut, berating himself. You made Daddy sad, you ungrateful brat, you freak! 

"Come on Harry." Daddy said when Harry stopped crying. He cleaned Harry's face and nose with a handkerchief and hoisted him up on his hip.

"Where are we going Daddy?" Harry asked meekly, clutching Rabbity to his chest. 

"To buy cake. And then I give you your present." Daddy answered rigidly, but not angry at Harry, Harry just knew that. 

Xx

"Happy birthday Harry! You're eight years old now." Harry smiled shyly, and hugged his Dad, both were still in pyjamas and Harry's hair was a mess. Did hummed and patted his shoulder.

"Breakfast?" 

"Yes please." the one thing He loved about his birthday was this, longing in pyjamas with Dad all day, and then having dinner and cake in the park. Harry still didn't know what big deal was about his birthday, but it made Dad happy, so the boy also went along with it. 

"Is it okay if I give your present a little early? It's a big surprise." Dad ruffled his hair, and placed the plate in front of him. Harry shrugged and tucked in his food. Not particularly caring, Rabbity was sitting next to him in his own chair, waiting for his son to finish. 

"You really didn't have to." Harry muttered, taking the small wrapped present from his Dad. He was eternally thankful that unlike last year, it was only one present instead of a whole bunch. 

He hated to have anything in common with Dudley, so he asked his dad for one present only. No point in wasting money like that. 

"I wanted to son. Happy birthday." he kissed Harry's forehead, and sat across him, looking through the morning paper. 

Harry smiled and unwrapped the gift, carefully so he wouldn't tear into the wrapping. 

His smile turned into a wide grin when he saw the tickets. 

"Dad..." 

"It's in Spain. And the game is for tomorrow Harry." Dad smiled slyly, even at the age of eight, Harry was a die hard Quidditch fan, and he just knew that even thought Dad wouldn't buy him a broom yet, he would be good flyer. 

Harry crossed the table and launched himself in his dad's waiting arms. 

"Thank you so much Daddy, I love it." he muttered, still not believing that someone as good as his Dad wanted him. It might be temporary, Harry thought. But it's worthwhile. He finished the thought sadly. 

Xx

"So you're having your birthday in private with your Dad?" Ron asked, skipping a stone on the lake. Harry nodded absently , watching Ron with great interest. Maybe he should ask Dad to help him skip stones. He thought distracetdly. 

"Yeah, it's a thing between me and Dad." 

Ron looked a little put out and bitter but did not glare. That was a first, Harry thought in relief.   
Being Ron's friend was hard, specially when the boy hated everyone but you, it was good in a sense, but Harry often felt self conscious while talking to him. Afraid that Ron would hate him too. 

"Doesn't mean I can't still give you your present though." Ron said, skipping another stone. Harry frowned. Why would Ron want to give him a birthday present? Wasn't that Dad's job? 

"My present?" 

"Yeah, don't you get presents on your birthday?" he turned his face towards Harry, his eyes wide in bewilderment. 

Harry gulped and nodded. "I do." Now that I'm with my Dad. 

"What do you do on your birthday anyways? My mom makes me corned beef and the twins prank me." 

"That's cruel." Harry replied. Indeed, for a boy like him living only with his Dad, Ron's life did seem a little sad, having five brothers, two of them constantly harassing you and a little annoying sister must be hard. 

"Once, they almost made me swear an unbreakable vow." Ron said grimly, dropping down on the ground next to him.

"What's that?" Hard asked curiously, but Ron waved him off. 

 

"Forget it. What do you do on your birthday?" 

Harry bit his fingernails anxiously. "Nothing important, there's cake, and presents." there was no way that he would tell Ron about the park. He wanted that to himself. That little Park was his and Dad's only. 

"Sounds boring. You don't invite friends?"

Harry frowned, turning his head away. "I don't have any friends." he then hastily added. 

"Except you." 

Before Ron could respond Harry heard his dad calling him from the field. The child and the other red head boy stood up and brushed off the dirt, before walking towards burrow with a heavy silence settling between them. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. 

It was oddly nostalgic and comforting, sitting with his Dad and Janet at their old table. Harry even got to seat in his own chair, and it wasn't also as bad as he thought it would be. 

After his talk with Dad, Harry disappeared in the field and headed straight to the lake next to the burrow. He knew that Janet and Dad would talk about him. It was strange to know that people were talking about you without your permission, right behind your back. 

Maybe the talk was the reason for Janet's silence and tolerance all night. The trio ate their dinner, with Harry having the same meal he had the first time he came here and his shake, Dad smiled fondly but didn't bring it up in front of his fiance. 

They talked, the two of them, Janet and Dad interacted so naturally with him that they almost seemed like a married couple to a stranger. She apologized for going through his room and for their argument later, Harry didn't know how to feel about it, so he forgave her for Dad's sake, that didn't mean he would stop hating her though. 

Oddly, Harry found himself not disturbed by Dad's and Janet's conversations, or seeing them holding hands as he originally thought he would be, he mostly didn't pay any attention to them because he was watching the park from the restaurant's window, watching the trees fade in and out of focus as the street lights flickered constantly. The trees invited him in. 

Dad also caught him looking at it, but again, didn't bring it up. Harry looked between the couple sitting in front of him and set his mind. It would be a challenge, for both of them. Trust Dad Harry. Trust him. 

"Hey, you guys mind if we take a walk in that Park over there?" Harry asked as they exited, Dad looked at him incredulously and Janet looked dubious. 

"Isn't it a little late Harry?" Janet asked, looking around the street. Harry smiled. 

"Not at all, Come on." he half strode half jogged to the park, hearing his Dad and Janet hurry after him with hastened steps. There were three swings, if Harry remembered right, there was also a yellow one in there too. But then again, he hadn't been to this place for over a year. 

"Over there." Harry called to the couple, knowing full well that Dad knew where he was heading. 

"Harry are you sure?" Dad seemed a little concerned over his sudden impulse but Harry waved him over. 

"Where are we going?" Janet asked, realizing now that they were headed toward the playground.   
Harry didn't wait to see what Dad told Janet. He saw the red swing and ran towards it, his eyes shining in awe as he felt the moon illuminating the swings where the lights hadn't reached. He gave a hard shove with his foot and kicked of the ground, swinging to his heart's consent. 

"Seat." Harry pointed to the yellow swing next to his and nodded at Janet. 

Dad still seemed a little suspicious but sat down in the green one. Just like before.

"So, what is this about?" Janet asked, looking around the deserted playground. Harry swung himself slowly, his feet dragging on the ground. 

"Do you like it?" He asked, fixing his skewed glasses. 

"I do, I mean.... It's a playground." she looked at Dad, shaking her head in confusion. Dad shook his head too, waiting for Harry to explain. 

"Janet, I love this place, because of what happened here over eight years ago. Eight years is a long time Janet." he took a deep breath before continuing. 

"The point is... I don't want you to feel entitled. To feel obligated to Dad just to like me. Sure I hate you, but we can't get over that if you're doing this whole 'responsible parent ' part by force."   
Harry paused before continuing. 

"I'm silly, and weird, and oversensitive over things that others are not, I eat my pancakes with sausages, and I count whenever I'm feeling sad or scared. I love the rain but I despise lightnings. I am overly rude at times without even meaning to and I don't have many friends because I'm a jerk. Can you live with that?" 

He turned to look at her intently, her face had an unreadable expression on it, this was it, Harry thought. This is you, don't be scared of who you are, either she accepts it or not. 

"Eight years ago, Dad accepted me for who I am, in this very playground on the same swings in a night just like this one. Can / you / accept me for who I am?" he remembered her expression this morning, when she called him 'not normal '. 

I may not be normal. But I'm Harry. He thought fiercely. 

Janet finally stood and walked to his wing. "You're not normal." 

"I'm not." Harry agreed, standing as well. Dad frowned. 

"You fought a basilisk. And you're friends with a genius and a lazy lug. And I'm your Dad's fiance." She said, and then shrugged. 

"I knew what I got myself into the moment I knew who you were Harry Potter." she smiled and joined Dad, both standing in front of him with pride shining in their eyes.

"I promise to try, you did for a whole year." she pointed out, grabbing his waist in a side hug.   
Dad smiled and took his other side, he lowered his head to Harry's ear. 

"I'm proud." he whispered, kissing Harry's temple as the three walked out of the park. Harry took another glance at the swings, he would never really like Janet. But love and acceptation were two different things. But for now, this hate/companion relationship would work. 

Little did he know, things were more complicated than that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things are not as they seem and looks can be deceiving, ever wondered if Remus meant something more than what you think he meant when he said that?   
> tell me your theories, i love to hear them, and next chapter is going to blow you all away, i promise that. 
> 
> rate and review ;)
> 
> Aixxx


	5. chapter five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't forget to like and leave a comment ;) 
> 
> /italics/  
> *bold*

Chapter five.

 

*Now* 

When Harry was younger, perhaps, six or seven a storm hit near the woods, moving towards their house with excruciating speed. Heavy, loud clouds rolled in the 

sky and lightning struck, sounding like a hammer slamming into Harry's head every time it went off.   
Harry was hysterical, his mind had slipped back to that night in the streets instantly, when he thought that he was abandoned forever. Way, before Daddy got to 

him. 

Dad had burst through his room in a second, he barged right through the door and gathered his tiny form in his arms, with Rabbity squashed beneath them. Dad 

asked him what was wrong, and Harry told him that he was scared of lightnings while he sniffed, sobbing as another lighting shook the sky. The drizzle had long 

turned into big droplets of rain, landing heavily on the window pane. 

Dad relaxed instantly and picked him up, carrying the trashing little boy to the hallway, and set him before the glass door, separating the house from the havoc 

going on outside. Never before that night Harry had thrown a temper tantrum, as disgusted as he was with himself at that moment, he was more than terrified.  
Terrified that his beloved Daddy had brought him, to leave hin in the storm instead of reassuring him that nothing was wrong, that the storm would eventually go 

away and everything would be okay. Dad did none of those, he just held Harry to his chest, and just watched the sky lightening up before another thunder struck. 

"Take me away!" Harry had screeched at the top of his lungs, howling with the lighting. Dad did not react, he just picked up his stuffed rabbit and gently pushed him 

in Harry's hands. 

"Take me away Daddy!" Harry repeated even louder now, had begun to hit his Daddy with his fisted hands, Rabbity rolling out of his hold, forgotten. Dad had 

picked up the animal again and handed it to him. Out of spite and fear, Harry had thrown the plush animal as far as he could.

Dad grabbed his hands and held them in his own, and he just watched the sky. 

"Do you hear me talking to you now Harry?" he finally asked, after Harry's heart wrecking sobs reduced into silent tears. Harry nodded pathetically, cleaning his 

snot with Dad's clean black nightshirt. 

"Answer me verbally child." Dad insisted, and stroked his head, his onyx black eyes never leaving the heaving sky. 

Harry hiccuped and stifled a sob. "Yes Daddy." he had muttered. 

"Did you hear Rabbity cry when you threw him?" 

Harry mutely shook his head and then muttered meekly. "No Daddy." 

Dad nodded in approval and his arms slackened around him. "Do you hear yourself answering me child?" 

Harry, feeling more confident now, rubbed his eyes and nodded. "Yes Daddy." 

Dad had actually smiled, and picked him up again, much to Harry's mortification, Dad opened the glass door and carried Harry /out/ in the porch and then sat on 

the wooden surface without a flinch.

Harry gasped as the chill rushed past him and another lighting shook the sky. He started crying again, not having heard the sound quite clearly from his room or 

inside the house as he was right now. 

Dad slowly rocked him, but offered no words of comfort, just his chin resting on Harry's head as he gazed at the sky thoughtfully. 

"Do you hear the sky babyboy?" Daddy had muttered, only loud enough for Harry's ears. Harry looked at him in confusion, tears welling up in his green emerald 

eyes. 

"What?" 

Dad smiled, and took his face, titling it up to the sky, in time for Harry to catch the blinding white light brightening up the sky before another lighting erupted. 

Harry gasped but didn't cry anymore. He couldn't cry anymore because he had tired himself out. Dad hugged him back and leaned against the glass door. 

"When I speak to you, my voice is deep. When you speak to me or Rabbity your voice is shy and small." Dad smiled. "Rabbity shields you from the nightmares and 

bad thoughts with his inside voice." he continued, summoning the toy with his hand. Harry grasped it and listened to his dad intently. 

"There's nothing to be afraid of. You know why?" Harry shook his head again, trying to work it out with his own childish logic. 

"Because that's just the way the sky speaks too. Every voice is different. /We/ are all different Harry. We mustn't judge anything by appearances. Or in this case, their 

voice." Dad helped him up to his feet and geld his hand, both made their way to the yard, the father and son were soaked in a matter of seconds, but Daddy never 

moved him out of the rain. 

"Every lighting has a meaning Harry. It's a way for nature to communicate with us. The sky lightens up and rain drops down. Sky is talking to us, he's just a little 

loud and excited is all. Can you hear him Harry?" 

Harry could. He could hear the whipping sound clearer than he could hear his own heartbeat, he could see the sky brighten up to greet him. Them.   
It was a nice dream to have. In that age, to believe that the lighting was actually what saved Harry. From then on, Harry wasn't terrified anymore. Fear had slowly 

turned into despise . He did sleep with his dad at nights like those and despised lighting as he always did, but he never actually cried again. Years later, he wondered 

what the storm was saying, he wondered whether or not Dad was proud of him, loved him as much as he claimed, or if he was a good son. 

For years that question had revolved around his brain, a stupid childish story, given by his dad in a moment of panic, basically a fairytale, had Harry actually 

pondering on it. 

Now as he ran with barefooted in the rain, his lungs burned, with eyes that were red and his feet covered in mud with every water poodle he stepped in. Harry knew 

the answer. 

The sky was berating him. Chastising him, warning him all this time for his ignorance, for his own act of reckless stupidity. The sky wasn't greeting him with open 

arms, Harry was running right into it head first with all he had. As he ran deeper in the woods, as he fought off the branches and broken twigs assaulted his body 

and teared through his clothes, Harry wondered how stupid and naive he must have been in all these years. 

Another lighting erupted, and Harry wished, sincerely for once, that one struck him. Maybe a good jolt was all he needed to wake up from this horrible nightmare. 

But then again, if that happened, Harry might just wake up in his dingy old cupboard with a broken rib. 

For years he wondered if only things have been different, if only he was their second son, if only Dad hadn't found him that night, or if only Janet did not turned out 

to be who she was. Harry cried harder, feeling the cold droplets of rain washing down his cheek as if comforting him. 

He didn't deserve to be comforted, the lighting countered. And Harry fell to his knees, heaving as his nails dug deep in the mud. Why him? That was a good 

question. Why him of all people? There were around billions of people living on this planet, half of which were magical. What were the odds of Harry being the 

poor abused heap of burden that no one wanted? What were the odds of his own parents abounding him at that young age? What was wrong with /him/?   
Dad had told him time after time that there was nothing wrong with /him/. But how could he trust Dad anyway? After what had he done to Harry? A thunder 

struck and Harry wondered about what he had to say once again. 

And yet, what were the odds of fate messing with /him/ of all people, what did Aiden or Neville, or anyone had that Harry didn't?   
How naive was he? To not trust his instincts. His instincts were his everything, he was saved by his instincts, he had /saved/ people with his instincts. Why did he 

ignore them? Would it make things different? Knowing that he could've prevented all of this? 

Harry bit out a chocked sob, his vision blurring as tears rimmed in his eyes once again. He was hurting, he had to count. But he couldn't, the lighting struck, 

brightening up the sky in white light. He was trembling, whether it was the cold, his heartbreak, or his undeniable sense of self-loathing, he didn't know. He only 

knew that he has to be punished, the rain might say something else, it might comfort him, or lead him back to his dad. But the lighting was brutal. It was honest and 

it knew that Harry had no chance anymore. His life had crumbled down. 

With bated breath, he crawled in an empty tree bark and curled up in himself, knowing full well that if a thunder struck the tree he would die in an instant. He 

covered his eyes, and started counting. 

One. He sobbed, swallowing down the hot coiling bile in his mouth with every loud heave. The sky was having a frenzy by then, and Harry had never heard the 

lighting so furious and so loud. So deadly. Ready to kill him with one strike. 

Two. He had been running for hours with his bare feet. His legs were unrecognizable, small scrapes, long gashes, mud and remnants of blood and rain. And him, 

shivering in his thin shirt in a tree bark. If a lighting didn't kill him, he would probably die of hypothermia. 

Three. They were all looking for him, Harry couldn't allow that, he wasn't sure how, but he knew somehow that they wouldn't find him if he didn't want them to. 

Four. He bit down on his wrist to muffle a loud scream tearing its way out of his mouth. All his life, ever since he had been saved, Harry had always tried to hide 

from /them/. To forget and put those days of misery behind him, to redeem himself. How wrong he was. It wasn't Harry running from them anymore. /They/ were 

the ones following him. 

Five. It all made sense now, a poetic irony. The history repeating itself, life coming to a full circle, and Harry once again alone and abandoned. He cried harder, he 

pressed on his earlobes so hard that he could actually hear the blood rushing in his ears. 

Six. He was finally shivering, his body racked with the howling wind and his skin was numb from the cold. He choked again. 

Seven. She lied, Dad lied, his godfathers lied. They all lied to him, for years. Harry was right. He always had been. His hatred for Janet was not one of jealousy. It was 

one of wariness. He hated her because he couldn't figure her out. Because he abhorred the fact that Dad loved an unknown person over his own adoptive son. Harry 

wanted to kill her because he had every right to. 

Eight. His vision was blacking, either from the cold or utter exhaustion. He didn't care. Not really, he was fourteen, he was abused, abandoned, lied to, and he was 

dying. Who cared? 

Nine. In an uncharacteristic moment of weakness he actually cried for Rabbity. His life time friend, his rabbit, he wanted to tear that note out of his chest and shred 

it to pieces, his list of happiness. Utter piece of trash more like it. He sneered while he shivered. 

Ten. Dad was right. He mused, looking at the rampaging storm. He was right from the start of time. The sky was talking to him, it had been talking to him all while. 

It was trying to warn him. To keep him from harm. From /this/. Harry was an idiot for ignoring them, but that did not matter, soon his mistake would be erased 

with him. He just had to wait for few hours and try and ignore needling sensation working up his legs and traveling all through out his body. He was freezing. 

Harry uncovered his ears and curled into himself. He wasn't scared anymore. He was numb. 

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

 

/"Daddy? Daddy wake up." he whispered, his face inches form his dad's sleeping face and his hair as messy as Harry's. The little child dragged Rabbity up on the bed 

with him and shook his dad again.

"Daddy, wake up." he experimentally tapped his daddy's cheek with small cold hands. Daddy stirred and turned his head away. 

"Daddy." his eyes was peeled open, looking at the child sleepily. 

"Harry?" Severus groggily lifted his head, noting that his son's face was inches from his own. He sat up and looked around. It looked just after midnight. He rubbed 

his face and groaned. 

"Did you have a nightmare?" he asked patiently, checking Harry's forehead for signs of fever, he noticed him coughing earlier that night. Harry shook his head. 

"No Daddy." Severus frowned. No? Then why did he wake him? The only reasons Harry might have done it was if he was sick or had a nightmare. Curiously, he 

shook his head and retrieved his wand. 

"Do you need to go to the loo?" it couldn't have been that, Severus knew that, but better be safe than sorry he supposed. He was a little new to this whole being a 

father thing. 

Harry shook his head again, his face blank. 

"Rabbity wanted to play." he explained, picking up the said animal. Severus's eyes widened, taken back by the answer. 

"What?" he asked completely dumbstruck. 

Harry held up the rabbit and titled his head. "Rabbity wants to play." Severus shook his head as if he couldn't believe what he had heard. Rabbity wanted to play?! 

What the hell?! Harry had never played pretend. Never, and he never had woken Severus in the middle of the night because his stuffed rabbit wanted to play. 

Severus closed his agape mouth and exhaled slowly. 

"Don't you think he prefers to sleep for now?" he noticed the dark rings under Harry's eyes and knew that the boy must have been awake for some time. 

Harry shook his head, the mop of messy hair tousling as he did. "He woke me up." 

"He did?" Severus decided to humor his son, in every psychology book he had read thus far, patience was the first rule. That, and tolerance. This was the first time 

Harry had trusted enough to wake him up like this, even when he had a nightmare he would just sneak in quietly, thinking that Severus was asleep. If Harry was 

trusting him enough to wake him in the middle of the night for a play date, Severus was more than happy to oblige the wish. He just hoped that it wasn't a one time 

thing, Harry voluntary talking to him was a big step. 

Harry nodded again. "He wants to play with the tent." Severus sighed in relief, he knew where this was coming from. He got out of his bed and walked to his 

wardrobe. 

"Let's play then, shall we?" earlier that day, he had made a makeshift tent with pillows and blankets in the living room when Harry was having a panic attack, and 

the child adored it. What he didn't get, was that why in the middle of the night? Well, child logic was something that Severus could never fully grasp. 

"And he wants me to be there too." Harry shuffled behind him nervously and Severus smiled. So Harry wanted to play with tent and was nervous that Severus 

would only take the rabbit. He crushed down his urge to hug the boy, he was so sweet and adorable. Severus cringed, what was his world coming to? 

"Of course you're coming too, we can't have a tent party without you, can we?" 

Harry smiled and tugged on his trousers again. "Can I bring my blanky too?" he asked self-consciously, looking down to the ground. Severus ruffled his hair. 

"Of course, you may bring your books also, maybe we can read to Rabbity?" the situation was so surreal that Severus wasn't even angry for being woken up. His 

mind was still a little dazed, and fogged with sleep, and he had no idea if he should slip Harry a dreamless sleep or let him tire himself out, insomnia or fatigue 

would eventually take their toll on the small boy.

Nonetheless he set up the tent and crawled in with the small child, leaning against one of the chairs holding the tent up. 

They sat in silence for a while, and Severus could almost /see/, excitement bubbling in Harry's almost blank subsided face. 

"Don't you want to play?" he asked curiously as his son just sat there on the floor with the rabbit in his hands.

Harry gazed back at him with huge green eyes, slightly drooping sleepily. "I think I just want to sit." Severus nodded and they sat in silence. After what speed like 

hours, Harry crawled close to him and sat on his lap, stifling a yawn. 

"Mommy and first Daddy are bad people. Yes Daddy?" Severus was taken back, looking down at Harry with a frown on his face. Maybe the child did have a 

nightmare after all. 

"Yes they are. Why do you ask?" 

Harry shrugged. "I saw them on a paper waving. So they're bad?" 

The potion master felt his mouth go dry and his heart sank. He had completely forgotten about today's daily prophet. Oh merlin, how careless was he?!! He swore to 

himself that he would burn it later so Harry wouldn't see it, and now?! Severus shook his head, the damage was done. 

"Yes Harry, they're really bad people." 

Harry frowned in confusion. And leaned in next to Rabbity's smiling mouth, he nodded as if he was listening and then turned to Severus. 

"Rabbity says: Did they get punished if they were bad?" Snape blanched, his hold tightening on Harry. 

"It... It's complicated Harry. No, they were not punished." he said slowly, and technically they weren't. /Technically / disowning was not considered a crime. Severus 

sneered, those scums. 

"But they are bad, don't grown ups have naughty corner?" Harry asked, snuggling into his blanket. Severus felt shocked and extremely sad all of a sudden. 

"They do Harry." 

"So mommy and first Daddy aren't bad?" his innocence bothered Severus, knowing that his child had lived with those monsters and still maintained his childish 

innocence. 

"Of course they are bad. They will get punished Harry, I promise." Harry leaned down to consult with his rabbit again. 

"Rabbity says; What they did to Harry was bad, but they're not going to naughty corner?" Severus cleared his throat. 

"Yes Harry..." 

"Rabbity." 

"Alright, Rabbity. Yes, they were bad, and eventually they will get punished." Severus would make sure of that. He would've done so at the court, if James Potter 

hadn't bought the whole damn jury of wizagoment at the time. He looked over Harry again in silence.

How could his son be calm about this? He had seen the face of his abusers, not from behind the bars but on a vacation to France and was just sitting there, talking 

to him? Playing pretend? Maybe he was insecure, his mind reasoned. Maybe he's not only playing, but testing him. This was a crucial step. Severus had to be really 

careful now. 

"Okay." Harry put his head on Severus's chest and closed his eyes. Drooping. 

"Daddy?" he asked again after a few minutes. Severus opened his eyes and hummed.

"What's a debeather?" the boy pronounced each syllable slowly, as if he had broken it in parts from a text. 

"A what?" he asked groggily. 

"Debeather." 

His eyes snapped open. Deatheater. Another headline word on the daily prophet. Damn. He cursed and His blood ran cold again.

"Where did you hear that?" his tone was harsher than he had intended to and a big frown was down on his face. Harry's eyes went wide and he flinched, hiding his 

face under his blanket. Severus cursed and tried to smooth out his expression. He's a child Severus, he reminded himself. Act with delicacy, and patience. 

"Harry? I'm sorry child, I wasn't angry, I promise." the pile under the blanket shifted and Severus sighed, inwardly berating himself. But on the other hand, how 

Harry gotten that name? He did pronounce it wrong, but Severus knew that the child must've heard or read it from somewhere. 

"Harry? Daddy's not mad, come out and I answer your question, okay?" how could he answer it really? How could he, a former deatheater himself explain the 

concept to a child? Harry was very bright for his age yes, but no child would grasp the meaning of a grey world, where good and bad didn't matter. He would he 

horrified if he knew what Severus was. 

After some coaxing, Harry did come out of his nest of blankets and looked at him with an accusing gaze. 

Severus apologized again and the child settled on his knee. "Harry, look at me child. What am I about to tell you is for grown ups, alright? So I won't tell you 

everything, but I promised I answer your questions. Can you be a grown up for me for a few minutes?" Harry clutched Rabbity to his chest and nodded. 

Severus exhaled slowly. "There was a bad man, long time ago.." 

"Like mommy and first Daddy?" the child interrupted him. Severus stifled a sigh in irritation and nodded. 

"Yes, like /them/. As I was saying, this man was a very bad man who did very bad things..." 

"Was he a debeather?" Severus bit his lip, and Harry apologized meekly.

"It's alright, but don't interrupt me alright? I answer your questions later." 

"No, he was not a deatheater Harry. He was their.... Leader of sorts. He made them do bad things. He thought that judging people was a good thing, and...." how 

should he continue? He had a very limited choose of words here. 

"And, some people believed him. Deatheaters are also bad people hurting others on the man's orders. Do you understand all of this?" Harry nodded slowly, looking 

thoughtful. 

"Can't we put him in naughty corner?" he asked timidly and Severus snorted and then chuckled. 

"No son, we can't. He is very powerful. But don't worry, he's gone now." at least for now, he thought grimly. The mark did fade, but it never disappeared completely.   
"Then why were they on a paper?" Severus took a deep breath. This would take a while... /

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

Two days ego

Harry was feeling good. In fact he was feeling better than good, he was ecstatic. The last two weeks have been a blast, Hermione had came back from her vacation 

in France and had crashed at Ron's place, much to Ron's absolute horror, since he was actually forced to do his homework for once under Mione's watchful gaze, 

Harry had no panic attacks thus far, and there was no sign of nightmares. He and Dad just had the greatest camp trip ever (without Janet), and Sirius and Remus 

were visiting them for the weekend (again, much to Dad's displeasure). 

He was /happy/. Last year this day, he was wallowing in depression , he had constant panic attacks and was in a crappy mood and now? The change seemed very 

drastic and noticeable, also in a good way. 

Oh, he and Janet still had their moments, like the time when she wanted to help him with his homework, or make him help her to do the cooking for once, a chore 

Harry absolutely hated since he was a child, and so on and so forth. 

Harry dropped down on his bed and stretched out his arms, he smiled over to Rabbity, his plush rabbit he often slept with as a child.

"You see that buddy? I'm happy." he almost felt like a child talking to a stuffed animal like that, but Rabbity never felt like a toy to him, and he was never ashamed of 

being seen with it nearby, much less having a conversation with him. 

His hair was still a little damp and the yellow fading bruises on his neck were almost gone , it surprised his dad that how long it took for the bruises to fade in the 

first place, since he was already using a balm, Janet suggested that it was because of his other injuries, and his magic induced healing process and how it might have 

/overwhelmed / Harry's body. Which, no matter how hard Harry tried to scoff at, was actually a good theory. 

"I swam with Ron and Mione today. And you know what? I think Mione has a thing for Ron too." he smirked and rolled on his side to meet Rabbity's black 

buttoned eyes. 

It was true, Hermione couldn't get her eyes off Ron while they chilled out in the lake. It was subtle of course, subtle enough that only Harry could see it, that or Ron 

was really blind. They were at the edge of puberty, Dad had warned him about hormones and such, and Harry shrugged him off as he was speaking gibberish. But to 

see it actually happen with his friends, right before his eyes was another matter completely. He shuddered, and his brow crinkled in a bemused expression.   
He got up and heaved a sigh. He probably should get a shower ; he still smelled of Lake and moss and Dad would not appreciate Harry rubbing himself all over his 

room while still smelling like that. 

He fetched his towel and hummed enthusiastically as he made his way to the bathroom. It was a familiar tune, he had no idea when he had heard it, and never 

looked in it, but he actually liked the song.

His trip to the bathroom was cut short when he saw Janet applying hair dye on her head with a brush. 

"Hey, hi!" she jumped in surprise and smiled at him. 

Harry walked into the bathroom, eyeing the back colored hair dye resting on the sink. "Hey."

"You back from the burrow?" 

Harry resisted the urge to roll his eyes. what else? he thought sarcastically. 

"I thought your hair was naturally black?" he actually never pondered on the fact but it was probably an good incentive for Janet to change the subgect. The woman 

shrugged and tightened the towel around her collarbone. Harry imagined that he saw a flicker of anxiety pass her eyes, but shook it off. She was just dyeing her hair 

Harry. No big deal. Don't freak 0ut.

"So your hair is not black?"

"No, it's actually a boring shade of brown." Harry nodded and leaned against the door frame, when his eyes caught a strange large red circle on Janet's collarbone. 

Shaped like a strawberry. He narrowed his eyes, what was that on her skin?

"Did you burn yourself?" he asked dubiously, for some reason he felt something akin to fear tingle in his stomach, he staggered back in surprise, but quickly covered 

up his surprise. 

Janet hummed and then looked down at her chest. "Oh, no. That's a birthmark." she quickly went back to her hair and Harry felt a little awkward. Just standing 

there next to the door waiting for her to finish.. 

He picked up his towel and worried his lips. "Take your time though, I'll go to Grimmauld place. I was just swimming at the lake and I think I need a shower." his 

senses were shouting at him, to leave, to run away, to get away from Janet for some reason. He stifled it down and walked back to his room. Having no idea why he 

was feeling so weird, Harry shrugged and thought of something to kill some time, then decided that it wasn't worth the wait and picked up his towel. 

He could shower at Grimmauld place, much more quieter and private. And quicker. He mused, looking through the ajar bathroom door. 

"Tell Dad I'll be back soon!" he shouted and entered the fireplace, not waiting to hear her exclamations as he disappeared in a whirl of green flames.

Even thought Sirius and Remus were absent for only a few weeks, the house looked a little creepy and abandoned, Kreacher, probably wasn't cleaning the place 

anymore. Shrugging, he brushed off the soot and climbed the staircase, his mind mowing over Janet. It shouldn't have been much of an issue, she was just dyeing her 

hair, normal behavior, wizard and muggles alike. But that birthmark, that's what bugged him, because he also had a small birthmark like that on his chest.. It was 

really small, barely covering the tip of his fingertip, but it was there. Could it be a coincidence? 

"I'm imagining it." he muttered.

Harry inspected his small birthmark on the bathroom's steamed over mirror, musing quietly. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Harry knew that he was being 

ridiculous again, but why did he feel so scared? So wary? 

His mind hazily snapped back to that strawberry like red patch. The heavy smell of perfume whirled in his memories. Again, there was no face. Harry clicked his 

tongue and finished up. He'd rather go back before Kreacher decided to harass him. All while, he couldn't take the thought of the strange presence off of his mind. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He was asleep. 

Even with his eyes clamped shut he could /feel/ the pitch darkness around him. He was in trembling fear, every bit of his skin was covered in sweat. He could hear 

voices, some whispering, some distant, and some closer than he thought possible. His small hands were curled around his bruised hip. It ached. Really badly. It was 

were Daddy had kicked him. And it hurt, he didn't let the tears fall, but could feel the burning pressure behind his eyelids, pushing, demanding to be let free.   
Harry peeled his eyes open slowly, for a second he thought that he had gone blind. He often heard Mommy grumbling about the blind neighbors and how they 

couldn't see. He didn't want to be blind! Harry slowly rubbed his eyes with fisted hands, tears slowly trailed down his face. Thankfully, after a minute or two from 

crying, his eyes had readjusted enough that he could make out his own hands in the dark. 

It should be late at night, Harry concluded, not from the dark (it was always dark) but from the itchy feeling in his stomach. He had to go. And he had to go now, 

that usually happened late at night because mommy didn't allow him to go when Aiden usually did so he wouldn't have any accidents. 

The small child stilled, and tried to calm himself. He knew from experience, that he had to stay very calm and very still when he had to go to the loo. Maybe he 

should think of something else... Something good. Like uncle Sirius visiting him once a year with uncle Remy. Uncle Sirius traveled a lot, and he loved Harry really 

much. He brought him treats. Even mommy allowed him to have food and his own clothes when uncle Sirius visited. Harry smiled, and uncovered his ears. There 

was no need for counting. Not yet. 

The voices got a little louder. It sounded like an argument, Harry curled in to himself, covering his ears again. He hated it when they argued. Not because he was 

actually scared of what they said. Mostly because of what they would /do/ to /him/ when those arguments ended. 

The pressure on his bladder got more persistent, and he just knew, just knew that he couldn't last long enough for mommy and Daddy to finish. Tears of resignation 

and hot coiled shame pooled in the child's eyes as the voices got louder. Sniffing Harry pressed his hand on his stomach in an attempt to keep himself a little longer.   
It turned out to be the wrong thing to do. The moment he did it, he couldn't hold it in anymore, scrunching his eyes close, he sobbed quietly as his pants were 

drenched wet. He hid his face in his hands, knowing that the punishment was about to come. The voices were gone, but instead of reassurance Harry felt scared. 

Scared enough to cover his ears and count forever. 

Daddy and Mommy hated it when he counted. But then again, they always hated him. 

One. His sobs were louder and there was shuffling outside his cupboard. Harry gasped with closed eyes. Someone had heard him. It could be mommy, she often 

stayed in kitchen at nights. Cooking. 

Two. He smelled bad, he smelled like wee and he didn't like it at all, Harry knew that Mommy and Daddy wouldn't also like that. Once, they made him sit in 

freezing water so they could clean him of his freakishness. 

Three. The locks outside his cupboard were unlocked and the door was yanked open. 

Four. It was Mommy, and Harry sobbed louder. Mommy wasn't big enough to fit in his cupboard, but there was no need for that when she could just snatch Harry 

out of his small room and throw him on the kitchen tiles. 

Five. Mommy did exactly what Harry thought she would, as she saw his wet pants, and his sniffling, she started screeching at him. Pulling at his clothes, hair, face. 

Everywhere she could reach with her nails. 

Six. She demanded apologies. She hit him and then wanted Harry to be sorry for being a freak. But Harry couldn't talk. /She/ knew that Harry couldn't talk when 

he was counting, he always tried, but then panicked even more and had to start over. Harry cried hysterically. 

Seven. Mommy grabbed him by his hair and pulled him up, forcing his eyes open. But Harry couldn't look at her face. Anywhere but her face. 

Eight. His glazed over eyes settled on dark red circle on Mommy's collarbone, just above her shirt, he focused on it with all his might and tried to tune everything 

else out. 

Nine. It was a birthmark. Uncle Sirius had explained it to him. That was why he called mommy her strawberry. The birthmark was shaped like one of those. Harry 

had had strawberries before. Way before Aiden was born. 

Ten. He was thrown to the ground, another shadow joined the first one. Harry heard Daddy's voice join Mommy's, both angry at each other and at Harry. He 

couldn't do it anymore. He screamed. 

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

 

Severus Snape jolted awake in a blink, just as a loud scream came from Harry's room. Janet also got up and looked at him with wide eyes. 

The potion master couldn't respond. Purely relying on his parent instincts he tore the covers away and raged out of the door, running to Harry's room in the pitch 

dark. He distantly heard Janet fumbling behind him, turning on the lights. But he didn't care. 

Before he knew it, the light on Harry's room was on and he was sitting on the bed right next to him. Bewildered, and Worried sick. This was unuasal, this wasn't 

supposed to happen. He smoothed down his child's untamed hair, and hushed gently. 

"Harry? Harry wake up, come on son. It's alright, wake up." he hadn't done this in nearly three years. Harry hadn't had a nightmare like this in three years. He 

fought down the growing panic and looked at his son more thoroughly. 

His hair was coated in sweat and stuck to his face, his eyes were rolling madly behind his closed eyelids and his fists were clenched around the comforter as he 

writhed and screamed. 

"Harry? Wake up. It's safe, it's just us. You and me. Wake up Harry." he had almost forgotten how to do it, after dealing with panic attacks for three years straight he 

had forgotten how to wake his son. He recoiled in shame and hugged Harry to his chest. 

Three minutes passed and Harry showed no sign of waking up, that was when Severus could smell it. Curious and worried, the potion master lowered the child back 

on the bed, and grabbed the edge of the comforter. He looked at the wide wet patch with an unbelievable gasp and yanked it aside.

Oh merlin. Was his only thought. Oh merlin. He could just stare, he hushed Harry, all he could allow on his tongue were sweet nothings and that horrified 

expression on his face. 

"Severus?" Janet asked by the door, her tone shaking. Severus pulled at his hair and looked back at his fiance clad only in a blue night robe. Harry would kill him if 

he let Janet see this. Never, never had Harry such a reaction to a nightmare. It must have been horrific enough for Harry to.... 

"Go Janet, I'll handle this." In his mind he vaguely wondered what might have triggered /this/ reaction. He quickly ran the possible triggers in his mind,stroking his 

child's hair. 

"Severus..." 

"Just go!" he snapped and grabbed Harry's wrist, shaking him gently. Just as he was about to call Janet back to call for help, Harry jolted awake with a loud scream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't have a beta, tell me if there are any mistakes please! 
> 
> chocolate frogs for all of yah ;)


	6. chapter six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait, really. and here you go!

Chapter six. 

/The man who had hugged and carried him earlier, gently lowered him on a couch, not even caring that Harry was dripping wet. Harry saw the man take out his 

wand and flinched violently, crying. 

"Alright, no wand. No wand." the man disappeared for a moment before hurrying back with a white fluffy towel. Harry stayed in his curled up state and chastised 

himself harshly. How naive was he? Just letting that man carry him here! Mommy and Daddy were going to kill him! He disobeyed them! He was a bad boy and he 

was going to get punished. He whimpered, sniffling loudly.

"Child can you hear me? Are you alright? Are you hurt anywhere?" the man was warm, comfortably so, his hands on his face felt good and the towel in his hair 

almost made him want to cry because it felt so nice. He would have flinched away, but instead just closed his eyes and let the man do whatever he wanted. He 

wouldn't admit it to anyone, specially not Mommy and Daddy, but the touch was really nice. 

"Can you talk? What is your name?" Harry peaked at the man, his eyes squinting, just visible above his knees, he promptly closed them before the man saw him and 

sighed shyly. No one aside from Sirius had talked to him like that, in that kind tone. It was nice. 

"My name is Severus. you need to talk so I can help you." the man gently dried his hair and moved to his face. Out of instinct Harry opened his eyes and instantly 

felt the man draw away, staggering back in shock with his mouth agape. 

"Potter?!" Harry stared back, his lower lip trembling in fear before he was reduced to tears again. The man knew him. He knew Harry, and he was going to send him 

back. Then Mommy and Daddy would punish him again. Oh god. He sniffed pathetically. 

"Harry Potter? What were you doing on the street? Were you lost? Potter answer me, did you lose your Mommy and Daddy?" Harry frowned at the odd tone, that 

he couldn't fully register and then shook his head. He was pretty sure that he was lost, but Mommy and Daddy knew where they left him. They knew where he was. 

At least Harry thought so. His hands fisted on his wet pants, shaking again. He just itched to cover his ears and close his eyes again, wishing that he was in the street 

and counting. But then the lighting struck. And Harry took back his wish almost immediately. 

"Wait, if you're not lost then..." the man took a critical look at his clothes, and reached for his wand again. Harry jumped back, his knees clasped tightly with his 

arms around them. The wand was bad, Harry knew that, Daddy often used the wand to sting Harry and Mommy threatened to scratch Harry again if he touched 

hers, cause he was a squib. No wand. He shook his head frantically.

"I promise I won't hurt you okay? Harold, where was your Mommy? Do you know where she is?"

She is probably home, playing with Aiden, Harry wanted to answer, but his voice had left him again and he couldn't talk. He shook his head. This man was a 

stranger, and strangers were bad. 

He shook his head, and clamped his lips shut. 

"I can fire call them then. Just sit here and I call Lily..." 

The man trailed off as he saw the crestfallen look on his face, shivering in nothing but his over sized red shirt and short pants. 

"What's wrong? Harry, I need you to talk, are you hurt?" this man had been calling him Harry since he had come here, and Harry swore, that was more than 

Mommy or Daddy had ever called him that when they were not in public, or anytime really. Should he trust Seve'us? He looked trust worthy enough and he smelled 

nice. On a sudden impulse he brought his face to the man's cloak and sniffed in the smell, snuggling to the man's chest. His own chest was hurting and something 

painful was stuck in his throat, Seve'us smelled like ginger. Harry liked it. 

"What the...?" the man didn't try to pry him away, but was stiff straight away, his arms were rigid at his sides and Harry couldn't see his face, but knew the man was 

probably disgusted. He was disgusted with himself too, just because a good man hugged him earlier doesn't mean that Harry should just latch himself to him like a 

freak! 

Harry hastily scrambled back, nervously watching the incredulous expression on the man's face morph into curiosity as he reached once again... For Harry's 

clothes. The small child wasn't strong enough to fight the man off, as the man firmly exposed his throbbing shoulder, Harry whimpered, trying to pull away, but 

obviously Seve'us was stronger and could see the infected welt in contrast with his deathly pale skin. 

"Who did this to you?" the voice was cold with rage, and Harry felt scared, he didn't trust himself with the man, but couldn't wait until the man hugged him again. 

He had never been hugged like that before, it made him feel safe, but scared at the same time because he didn't know this stranger. 

"Who did this to you?" the man repeated his question, and his face was drawn in an angry frown, Harry wiggled and squirmed under his touch and stammered.   
"I...I...I can't... T.. Tell you." it was the second sentence he had had uttered in almost a week, so naturally his voice was hoarse and scratchy, even his throat hurt.   
"Why not?" The man seemed frustrated with himself, with an annoyed expression he fetched out his wand and waved it at the door for some reason. Harry flinched, 

tears rimming in his eyes. He couldn't tell, no, he just couldn't. That was the rule. Harry never told Sirius or Remy or anyone of how Mommy and Daddy treated 

him cause he was a freak, or he would get punished. Harry whimpered, he did not want to get punished again, not after Daddy hit him last Monday. 

"No!" he yelled, trashing in Seve'us's hold, even the prospect of telling this man what Mommy had done to him was terrifying, he knew his Mommy and Daddy, and 

he would surely tell them, sooner or later what a whining brat Harry really was. 

"Tell me Harry, was it a stranger or did you know them?" of course he knew them, he wished he didn't though, but he did know them, they were Mommy and 

Daddy. Shaking from head to toe the small child nearly fell off the couch as a small hovering jar landed on the man's palm. He took the chance and scooted away, to 

the far corner of the couch, safely locking his arms around his knees and burying his face so he wouldn't have to look at the man. 

"Yes." he shivered, his wet outfit clung to him, and goosebumps ran down his arms and legs. 

"Who? Harry who did this?" Harry sniffles, shaking his head. He couldn't tell, Mommy and Daddy would kill him if he broke that rule, he almost broke it when 

Sirius saw a,big bruise on his face just last month and he couldn't walk properly for weeks. No, he would not tell anything. 

"Alright then, at least take off your shirt child, so I can put this balm on the boo-boos, alright?" Seve'us tugged at his wet dripping shirt, Harry didn't resist this time, 

he was tired and his head was heavy and hurting. 

The man had ridden of the shirt in seconds, leaving Harry to seek the comfort of the damp fluffy towel, Seve'us seemed too focused on his injuries to care about 

Harry shaking. But then, he applied the balm softly to his tiny shoulder and worked his way down, Harry did cry then. Not only it hurt, but it was warm, 

comfortably warm and soft. 

Harry sniffed and leaned into the man's chest again, engulfed by the heavy black robes draped around him. He felt so safe that he didn't even care that the man saw 

his boo-boos anymore. 

"Was it your Daddy?" the man asked unexpectedly, his fingers softly tracing the fresh welt on his back. 

Harry didn't answer, but it seemed like his sobs were proof enough, because the man growled angrily, cursing under his breath. 

"Only your Daddy Harry?" Harry wiggled in the man's chest, horrified with himself. He knew. The man knew that Daddy didn't love Harry and was going to tell 

mommy. 

"shh. Calm down, it's alright, I won't let anyone hurt you." the kind man had hugged him to his chest, holding him as the storm raged on and Harry eventually 

drifted to sleep /

He was cold everywhere, every bit of his skin stung with the sharp cold whipping wind that rushed through the tree bark. He was way past moving his limbs, his legs 

are what the hurt the most though, needles seared through his skin and drew blood, the mud wasn't enough to fend off the wind from assaulting his legs and they 

had froze, because he couldn't feel them anymore, much less move them. He drifted in and out of consciousness, occasionally replaying a memory in his dreams 

before he was jolted awake as another lightning struck. 

They said that life would flash before his eyes before he died, but these weren't just flashes, every time he had succumbed to the blissful darkness of his conscious, 

another memory played out, and he sincerely felt as if he was there, reviewing each one in great detail. 

This last one was a bit painful, but he didn't have the time to ponder on it, or any other conscious thoughts, the only thing he could register was the cold, his blue 

tinged lips were slightly parted gasping out gusts of frozen air. He was so cold that he couldn't even remember his own name anymore, or where had he came from, 

or what was he thinking about just a second ago. What he really knew, was that he was scared of that loud sound shaking the ground every few seconds, he was 

terrified of that sound even though he couldn't fully register it. 

He had buried his face in his legs for warmth, his shaking hands on his head to provide support and keep him as small as possible. But honestly, he didn't think that 

he could hold on much longer, he was slowing down, and he felt weird, his hands felt freezing cold, whereas his legs were now sizzling warm, enough for him to 

want to get rid of that hideous pyjama pants that awfully smelled of urine. 

He never had thought that dying would be so slow and agonizing, he would've been glad to help nature by bashing a rock to his head to finish the job, but his fingers 

were way too stiff to hold a rock heavy enough to do any real damage. Why was he here anyways? Was he hiding from something or someone in this tree bark? 

Maybe that loud sound was looking for him? he whimpered. 

Utter despair and need filled his heaving chest, he needed something, no... someone... The man in his dreams, he needed that man, warm and comfy and safe. His 

fingers twitched with the anticipation and longing, imagining his fingers closing around that cloak, the man leaning his chin on his head, smoothing his hair, 

protecting him, he wanted that. He wanted, no, needed the warmth. His mouth agonizingly stretched in a silent scream, his throat too tight and his voice too hoarse 

to shout out. Another sound shook the sky, and Harry shook along with it. 

He didn't know how much time had passed, he seemed to be blacking out more often, he needed to cough, there was this annoying itch in his chest, but his throat 

was not up to cooperating, it seemed. 

He also started hearing another noise, people shouting, shooting colorful lines in the air, which he could only see through the large hole adorning the bark. The 

sound was far, he knew they wouldn't see him, the shouting was desperate, even from that far he could hear them calling his name. 

Harry. 

His name was Harry. His mouth opened again, desperate to call them back, tell them that he was here. But he couldn't, his mouth wouldn't open, and he was hot all 

over, red lines shot in the air, lightening up the sky and another lighting reputed along with it. 

Harry cried weakly, tears felt like freezing needles dragging down on his cheek, his insides were frozen, he couldn't breath properly, the itch in his chest had turned 

into something bigger and much more painful. 

The sounds eventually faded away, the people looking for him were gone and the sky had turned into its normal color and Harry had never felt so much in pain as 

he was now. His heart burned in his chest, quite physically, so much that he gasped out in his pain, gulping down the bile of puke floating in his mouth.   
The tip of his fingers were now an ugly shade of black, Harry realized that he couldn't feel them anymore.

Only if that man was here, he thought wistfully. He needed warmth, he needed the man, and he sure as hell didn't want to die like this. But what was his name? 

Frantically breathing, his blackened fingers closed around his throat, slowly crying as he wondered what was his name was again. He couldn't remember, all he 

could think about was the cold, and the rain as it only worsened, the water lapped up to his frozen toes and he shivered. Closing his eyes, he painstakingly closed his 

arms around his knees and laid down his head. Dreaming of the warmth, of the man, he loved him, the boy knew that. He loved him, and he needed him now.   
a defeaning sound blasted right through into his skull and Harry was thrown to the back of the hole brtually.

Help. 

His thoughts slowly succumbed into darkness once again, his last thought was one word. 

Dad.

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

/"Go Janet, I'll handle this." In his mind he vaguely wondered what might have triggered /this/ reaction. He quickly ran the possible triggers in his mind,stroking his 

child's hair. 

"Severus..." 

"Just go!" he snapped and grabbed Harry's wrist, shaking him gently. Just as he was about to call Janet back to call for help, Harry jolted awake with a loud scream. /

The screaming didn't stop, Harry had curled into himself in his half sitting half lying position, hands instantly clasped to his ears as his nails scratched the flesh, he 

trembled from head to toe, drawing in panicked short breaths. Severus knew that he couldn't touch him, nor could he talk to him. But this had never happened 

before, he was panicking, maybe he should get a healer? Was there something wrong with Harry? or was the boy sick? Severus cursed and looked over the door.   
He couldn't use magic on Harry, the child's accidental magic would flare, but he knew that he had to clean up Harry sooner than later, merlin knew how long the 

boy had been lying like that before he screamed. It could've been hours, his heart clenched in guilt. 

"One." the boy chocked out between his screams, and Severus ached to just hug the child to his chest, instead he got up slowly as to not frighten Harry farther and 

dimmed the room's light with his wand. 

"Two." this would take a while, Severus knew that. He knew that he couldn't interrupt Harry, but the counting didn't know time. It could take hours for Harry to 

finish counting. Severus didn't have that much. He had to help his son now. Out of desperation, the anxious father slipped out of the room and looked for his fiance.

"Is he alright?" she emerged from the kitchen, her features as rumpled as Severus's was. Severus opened his mouth, but no sound came out. This had never happened 

before. It was all he could think about. 

"I think we need to call a healer Janet." he said slowly, Harry's heart breaking sobs filling the living room. 

She gasped, her head whipping towards the room. 

Severus didn't wait for her respond and rushed back into Harry's room, instantly noticing that Harry had not moved past two. This was bad. He thought.   
Even when he was depressed, Harry had never reacted like this, not when they talked about the abuse, not even when they talked about the depression, it was one of 

the main reasons why Severus never forced him to see a therapist. Things were hectic at times, but not like /this/. 

"Should I call Poppy?" she came back to the room, a wet rag in her hand, Severus got up from his seat and took the rag. She looked at Harry with widened eyes, not 

believing the sight meeting her eyes. 

"Severus is he..?" she crouched down, looking over her finance who was dumbstruck himself. 

"This has never happened before. Never, Janet. I..." the lump in his throat was increasingly getting bigger.

"Three." Snape rushed past her and sat on the bed again, watching the small trail of blood trickle down Harry's earlobe  
.   
"He's hurting himself, do something Severus." 

"I can't, he'd just start over again." he was in pain as he said this, his mind snapped back to all of the years he helped Harry after each nightmare. Harry never 

counted after having a nightmare, he craved Severus's touch after waking up drenched in sweat, and Severus never denied him that, but he hadn't woke up from the 

nightmare now, he was only half awake /and/ stuck in a panic attack. He had to get him a calming draught somehow, he didn't care how. He just had to.   
Severus took a deep breath and opened his mouth. "Harry?" he calmly called, though his eyes were wide in anxiety. 

"Four." his son choked out.

"Go get the calming draught on the dresser. Hurry." he finally ordered, and moved to face the child, slowly maneuvering the wet rag to wipe the blood without 

touching Harry unnecessarily. 

Janet made a sound of protest. "But you just said not to..."

"Do it." she bolted out of the room and Harry whimpered again, his eyes scrunched close. 

Janet came back with the vial and rushed out to the floo again, presumably to call Poppy, the potion master prayed that she arrived already, Harry was getting 

worse, if that was even possible. He looked pale, drenched in sweat, and much to Severus's bewilderment and pain, body fluids. He could use magic, but Harry 

would know, and he would just panic farther and frankly, Snape couldn't afford that, he couldn't sit through the same thing twice.  
Hesitantly, he considered whether he could spell the potion directly into Harry's stomach, but almost backed out ; if Harry could sense the cleaning charm, then he 

sure as hell would feel this one too.

But on the other hand, the calming draught would prevent him from moving or hurting himself, at least long enough for Severus to find out what the heck he 

should do. 

Taking a deep breath, Severus tackled down his guilt and fished out his wand, Harry trashed and screamed in his hold, starting from number one, over again. Snape 

firmly held him and spelled the whole dose before Harry could get a hold of him with his nails. His child instantly went rigid, his eyes as wide as it got, and his 

fingers twitching, but the breathing was finally rhythmic. 

Almost unwillingly, his gaze was drawn to Harry's wide green eyes, staring into his huge green pupils, eventually, Severus shamefully gave a soft probe into Harry's 

mind, surprised that he was instantly overwhelmed by the panic and pure white blinding fear. Through Harry's eyes he saw a flash of orange, his gaze burning into 

Lily's cold hard gaze before trailing down her neck. Severus immediately pulled out, and Harry gave a sharp gasp. Staring at him with his eyes doubled in fear of 

him, and his own conflicting emotions, unable to cry out. 

Crushed with guilt, Severus apologized over and over again, and lowered Harry back in his bed, hushing him as he hastily dried the tears away, only then he realized 

that the overwhelming smell of urine again. He cursed, feeling terrible. He was a horrible parent.

Before he could even register what was happening Poppy rushed in with Janet on her tail, her mouth forming into a wide gape as she saw her patient. 

"Severus....?" it took him a moment to realize that she was actually talking to him. Shaking his head, Snape just sighed. 

"I don't know what happened, he was screaming, in a nightmare I presume, then he started counting the moment he was even awake, I can't get him to calm down." 

he was on auto pilot, his own words seemed alien to him, all he could see was Harry's fearful eyes. Afraid of /him/. Severus had never done that, he had never relied 

on Legilimency as a source of information, much less using it on his son. 

The mortification of his actions were lost on him as Poppy took over his place and examined his child. Harry never responded to her, his eyes were on Janet all long, 

eyes wide in fear, whereas he shouldn't be afraid at all, that was the purpose of calming draught, how scared was Harry? Was he fighting the potion? Maybe one dose 

wasn't enough? 

"Severus, I think it's time you and I had a talk." Poppy finally said, turning away from him.

"How is he?" he could see no change in the boy's demeanor, in fact his breathing seemed more uneven than before.

"I'm going to contact a mind healer, I'm no expert in that field Severus. He is stabled for now though." she gave him a pointed glance and pocketed her wand. 

"What should we do now?" Janet asked, wringing her hands, even she could feel Harry's eyes on her. 

"Just leave him to rest, he is bound to calm down eventually." the matron quickly ushered the couple to the living room, closing Harry's door behind them. 

"Severus I do know how irrational you are being over his health as I've said so many times, but don't you think it's time to get help?" she started, leading the man in 

question to the kitchen.

Janet rubbed his arm affectionately, as Severus was too shocked to respond. She then exited the room, mumbling about a change of clothes.

"This has never happened before." he protested, he was not in denial, he knew his son, something wasn't right here. Something was amiss. He inhaled deeply. 

"He has been having a very hard time lately." 

"Yes, but we worked it out, he is happy Poppy. There was no need for him to feel this anxious." 

"That is something Harry will have to tell us, but Severus, contacting a mind healer in this stage is inevitable." the potion master sat down on his chair, his head held 

up by his hands, he pinched the bridge of his nose. 

"I want to help him, but he is not comfortable with a therapist Poppy. I know he's not." Harry barely talked to him about his problems, and he knew Severus for 

eight years now, no therapist was going to help him if it took that long for Harry to trust them in the first place. Severus was torn, he wanted this conversation to be 

over with already, so he could get back to Harry, his son needed him. But he knew he couldn't outrun this talk anymore.

"There is no room for consideration I'm afraid, if his anxiety's not treated it could be harmful." the matron pulled out a card out of her pocket and handed it to him.

"I need to talk with Harry first." he had to talk with Harry, he would never make a decision without him, he had to know what happened first, gather information, 

assess the situation, and then work something out with his son. 

Poppy clicked her tongue in disapproval. "Severus, sometimes the parent is the one who knows better. This is the decision you need to make for him."

"I can't, not without his consent first Poppy." 

"And what if he declines? You have dodged this matter long enough, if you want to help Harry, you need to be strict, and sure about your decision. It's not about 

how he feels Severus, it's about what's better for him on the long run." 

It was all too much for him, it all had happened so fast, that are eris felt like he as still in shock, he needed to clear his head, ponder his options, figure out what 

happened in the first place and then find a solution /with/ Harry, not /for/ him. Was it wrong? Should he really listen to the matron? 

"Where are you going?" Poppy paused, and looked at him over her shoulder. 

"Check on Harry, and then contact a mind healer. I have a friend in that department." 

Severus moved to stand, wanting to see Harry for himself, but the matron stopped him.

"You stay here, that way the child wouldn't be able to influence your decision." she walked back to him, and put a comforting hand on his sagged shoulder. 

"Think about his future Severus. You won't always be with him then, provide the help he needs." his heart was screaming profanities in response as his mind was 

already bargaining the deal, Harry would hate him if he did this, the child would be betrayed, but Poppy was right, Severus wouldn't be with Harry forever. 

"Severus!" his mind snapped out of his musings, when he heard Janet scream. Faster than he thought possible, he and the matron made their way to Harry's room, 

the door was ajar and Janet was swearing, Severus burst through that door for the second time in a second row, and entered the bedroom in a frenzy.

"He's gone! Severus he's gone!" she shook him by the shoulders, turning his catatonic body toward the empty bed, Severus was reduced into jelly, he wildly looked at 

the open window, knowing that Harry had gotten out of the window. How? How did the child even sit up? He was knocked out, Poppy was sure of it!

He should be nearby, his mind denied, he had to be close, perhaps down in the lawn or somewhere, curled up. He tore himself out of Janet's arms and went to the 

window, trying to find the small boy clad in red pyjamas, it was very hard in that rushing rain, occasionally a lighting struck and the wind blew. Severus was getting 

increasingly worried.

"Poppy?" 

The matron looked dumbstruck, just as much in shock as he was, Janet seemed the only person rational enough to go and look for the boy in the yard.

"That's impossible. I... I don't know what to say. He couldn't have gone by himself, maybe he was kidnapped?" out of her mouth it seemed the only logical 

explanation, but then a rustling sound caught his ears. It was a torn paper out of Harry's favorite book great expectations, obviously torn in a hurry, and marred 

with a line of fresh blood. 

I hate you. 

The handwriting was almost illegible, but Severus knew that handwriting anywhere. 

The pen he had written with was also dropped near his bed, glittering with blood. His blood ran cold. His eyes bulged and his breathing picked up. The sentence did 

not sink in no matter how many times he reread it. Harry had ran away. 

The questions didn't matter, he didn't about whys or hows, he only knew that his son was gone and there was a storm outside.

"He's gone." it more sounded like a farewell than a statement, and his heart seared when he realized how true that can be. He's gone. 

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

Two hours later.

 

Panic seized his throat, and he couldn't hide his desperation behind that stoic mask anymore. There was a typhoon outside, and his son was missing. He was in the 

woods, panicked, scared, defenseless and also wearing nothing but his pyjamas. 

That was when the reality of the situation hit him, and he had to sit down so he wouldn't pass out. He was horrified, he had no idea why Harry had ran away, how he 

had even ran away in his state. And what triggered it in the first place. What was terrifying even more, was the fact that the point me spells were not working in that 

storm outside, and the forest was vast, it was dark, and Harry was small enough to hide anywhere he wanted to. Oh god, he dragged a tired hand on his face. 

Finding him seemed impossible. 

"You have no idea what triggered this?" Molly asked for the third time, looking out of the window with concern. 

He shook his head, resting his head in his hands. "Just the nightmare."

"Well, the point me spells aren't working." Remus retreated back to the house, too exhausted from the full moon to join the search party looking outside. Albus 

shook his head sadly. 

"I contacted the Aurors." 

Severus surged up to his feet and started pacing. This isn't enough, he thought desperately, grinding his teeth. This was pointless, he had to go look for Harry 

himself... Who knew where Harry was right now? Was he lost? Angry? Scared? His poor child was still in his soiled pyjama bottoms, panicked and alone, in a 

storm... Oh merlin! He whimpered inwardly pulling at his disheveled hair. 

"Severus calm down, you're not helping Harry, by..."

"Calm down? My son is out there missing and you want me to calm down? You daft hag?" he wasn't capable of insulting Molly more than that. He wanted to 

scream at the top of his lungs, he felt hot coiled rage churn in his guts, he wanted to kill them all for wasting his time, precious time that slipped out of his fingers, 

preventing him from finding his son. Never before Severus had felt so useless and worried, not even when Harry had faced a basilisk. The realization hit him like a 

train. Harry was a child, he might be fourteen, but in his mind, he was still a child. He couldn't possibly defend himself out there in the forest, without his wand, 

without anything to defend himself with... 

"At least slow down and explain what happened!" Remus finally barked, agitation evident both in his face and in his tired voice. They had arrived right an hour 

after Harry had went missing and Severus had already contacted Albus and the Weasleys. Black immediately joined the search party, and Albus held Severus back, 

saying that he was no use for anyone while he was this distraught. 

"I don't know!" Severus snarled back, his pacing coming a halt. "We just stepped out one minute to talk with the damn healer and then Harry's gone! Out of the 

window leaving nothing but a..." 

His voice caught in his throat and he felt nausea rushing up to his mouth. He felt queasy and ready to drop right on the floor, weeping for Harry to come back. ' I 

hate you ' that sentence circled in his conscious and seized him by the throat. The child hated him, and Severus didn't even know why, he was fine! His child was 

finally happy, he was content. What happened? What did Severus or Janet do to make Harry /run/ away? Leaving nothing but a... 

"What did he leave in his room?" Molly prodded gently, and shifted in her seat. Severus shook his head sadly, barely keeping himself together. You are a grown 

adult! Harry needs you! He berated himself vigorously. But still his heart seared in fear and confusion. 

"Just a single note, it said... I hate you. I don't know what happened next but his window was wide open...." He trailed off, sinking to his seat once again. He was so 

scared, what if Harry froze to death? What if the child was in a panic attack again and needed him? Even without taking the new found bedwetting problem into 

consideration, Severus wanted to tear himself apart. Oh merlin forbid, what if a lighting struck Harry? 

"Did you have any conflicts recently or...." the headmaster was interrupted when the door barged open, Bill, Charlie and Arthur stepped in, looking exhausted and 

resigned. Molly looked at her husband questioningly but he shook his head. Severus swore. His heart slamming to his rib cage like a hammer.

"He's not there. Not in the barns, not the house nor in the woods. We can't risk looking for him on brooms though." he explained quietly, constantly gazing at the 

anxious father. 

"Why not?" the said father growled, looking ready to commit cold blooded murder. 

Bill sighed. "Sir, it's not possible with that storm raging outside. It's too dangerous." 

Severus let his breath out slowly, adamant to hold on to his last shred of hope and common sense.

"I'll go." Harry's broom had to be in his closet still, he just had to go by himself. Harry couldn't be that far, the child was not in the state to run too deep in the 

woods. But Severus didn't know or cared any more. Every cell in his body screamed for Harry. He had to find his son. 

"Absolutely not, Severus that is madness..." 

"If none of those idiots are going to find my child then I will. Hold it Albus. I will not listen to your nonsense anymore." 

Exactly in that moment Sirius burst through the door followed by the searching squad, looking thoroughly pissed off, dripping wet from the rain, his grey stormy 

eyes turned into steel and his hands fisted at his sides like a petulant child. 

"I knew that I shouldn't have left him alone with you Snape!" Black strode to him, ready to strike, Severus narrowed his eyes and steadied himself for the attack. 

Arthur stepped in before Sirius could throw a punch and Remus crossed his arms. Staring at Severus with pure hatred shining in his hazel eyes. 

"This is all your fault you bastard! You drove him to run away! You filthy swine! You deatheater!" Arthur stepped in and held Sirius back he could throw a punch, 

and Remus glared at the potion master, his glare fixed with pure hatred. 

"That's enough!" Janet snapped in indignation, the tray shaking in her hands. Sirius merely sneered. 

"What snivelous? Waiting for another Evans to save you? God, you're as pathetic as ever!" 

"Shut your mouth Black!" she dumped the tray on the coffee table, the house shook with another monstrous thunder.

"/You/ shut your mouth Evans! Harry was fine before /you/ came into the picture! /You / are the one to blame for all of this! " Janet seared, fuming. She slapped the 

man square in the face and glared at the werewolf who growled. 

"How dare you! You filthy mutt! I love Harry as if he's my own son!" 

"You're nothing but a liar! You drove him away! You ruined him!" 

"You're the one who ran away as soon as your pall turned out to be a fucking abuser! You're pathetic!" Her high pitch voice snapped Severus out of his daze, looking 

at the two arguing back and forth. 

"At least I had the guts to admit it, what about you Evans? Looking for your sister's redemption? oh sorry, i meant /fucking half sister/. Merlin knows to what 

extents you went to reassure that didn't you? " he threw a disgusted glare back at the potion master, who was just standing with a stoic face. Black gloated, his 

snarling face inches apart from Janet. 

"I love Severus, and I love Harry. Don't you suggest otherwise you dog!" 

"You think Harry will be willing to live with /you/? Just wait until he knows Evans, in fact, I think he already does." Remus drawled, brushing past the shocked 

Weasley matriarch. 

"Even if he does, your gloating means nothing Lupin, there won't be any Harry if you keep on bawling over me." she responded coldly, turning away. Severus's 

mind was too occupied to defend Janet, his mind, his whole focus was with Harry. He turned away, he had to change his attire and join the search party. He drawled.

"I should've left with him the moment that Bastard hit him." Sirius's muttering reached his ears. It stung more than he wanted to admit. As much as he wanted to, he 

couldn't let this one go without a bitting remark.

"Sirius I think you said enough." Molly also stepped in the fight, grabbing him by the elbow. 

Severus stood motionless,his face stoic and his jaw firmly set. 

"You dare to accuse me of being an abuser? Of abusing my own child? You should know better mutt. After all he was right under your nose for six bloody years and 

you never noticed." he seethed quietly, and took off to Harry's room immediately , determined to find the boy's broom. Another lightning struck, and, Severus's 

insides turned into jelly, fearing that sound for the first time in his life. 

"You hit him!" 

"He did no such a thing! Get yourself together you jerk! This is about Harry!" Janet jumped in his defense again, her eyes blazing dangerously.

Severus paid neither any mind anymore and slipped in Harry's bedroom. The lump in his throat throbbed as he turned on the lights, the yelling and arguments 

already faded in the background as he took a good look around the room. Watching Harry decorate his room for the first time, was one of his best memories, he 

mused. It was the first time that Harry really had acted like a child. Severus remembered how they had painted the walls with blue paint with their hands, jokingly 

leaving their hand prints all over the left side of the wall. he remembered Harry's bright laughter. Ringing in his ears.   
He gulped down the sob trying to break out its way out of his mouth and strode to the wardrobe, vaguely wondering whether Harry was going to get fussy over him 

touching his stuff again or not. 

He wouldn't, if you don't hurry. The storm reminded him. Frantically he tore his way through the child's wardrobe, subconsciously careful to not wrinkle the 

clothes. Harry would have his head if he did. 

"Severus. Have some tact please, the Aurors are here." Albus had entered behind him, beseeching him. 

"What good would they be if they can't use magic?" 

"Better than an over emotional and distraught father. That's for sure." Albus sighed, moving toward him in a firm pace. 

"I would not let that mutt and those fools insult me, or teach me how to be a father Albus. My son is out there, he is absolutely terrified of storms, and there is a 

good chance that he's in the woods and not aware of his surrendering. You can't keep me here to do nothing." 

"I'm begging you to see reason, Aurors are trained, and you are not. There is a storm out there, and the sooner you stopped being stubborn, the sooner we can find 

that child." 

"I waited for two hours, that is long enough for me." He mounted on the broom, silently recalling the day he had bought it for Harry, adoring the bright smile 

lighting his face. He shook his head. Not now. He quietly admonished himself internally.

"The search party just got back Severus. Harry is not in the woods." 

Severus shook his head. He was, he knew that Harry was in the woods, if his parent instincts were any consolation, the child was there. 

"He's just hiding." he had hid from him before.

"Well you can't find him, if you're dead or injured Severus." 

"He needs me." 

"What he needs right now, is a level headed father with his common sense in tact." 

"There's a thunderstorm out there Albus. We don't have time for common sense." he then realized that window was too small for him to fly, he would have to exit 

out of the door. 

"Have some faith in him. He is not a child." Severus fumed, he climbed down the broom and stalked up to his mentor. 

"That's where you are wrong Dumbledore. He /is/ a child. My child. Who's scared, alone, and clad in nothing but his soiled pyjamas, pardon me if I'm not really 

faithful at the moment." 

"He had faced many horrors in his life." by then Snape was hardly resisting the argument anymore. This is a waste of time, in a moment of desperation he actually 

thought if he could knock Albus out and fly straight out of the door. 

"You don't know him. I'm his father, I know him, I raised him. He will not survive in that storm. Now get out of my way."

"You will he struck by the lightning Severus. Flying on a broom in this weather is suicide." 

"Sir?" a knock disrupted their conversation. It was Tonks, looking rather nervous as she sensed the tension in the room.

"My dear, have the Aurors arrived?" Albus turned to her, positive that Severus wouldn't leave the house before giving them what they wanted. Severus on the other 

hand, was torn. A bigger part of him wanted to stride out of the door and look for Harry himself, but the other part reasoned that he should at least give some basic 

information to the aurors, there was always a chance that they had overlooked a location. 

"Yes headmaster. They would like talk with Professor Snape?" Albus turned to him, his eyes pleading the dubious man. With a regrettable sigh, Severus clutched the 

broom in his hand and strode out of the room briskly. Janet was absent and the canines were talking with the searching squad, aurors were scattered around the 

house, interrogating the Weasleys.

"Make it quick." he barked to the inspector, who bobbed her head vigorously. 

"Name?" the quickquill wrote furiously on the parchment.

"Harry James Severus Potter." 

"Age?" 

"Fourteen years old and a month." this is a waste of time. His son was out there for meelin's sake! Who cared about his fucking age?!!

"Weight and Height please?" 

Severus growled. "Is that really essential to the case?" he seethed, sneering at the aurors who were watching the exchange shamelessly. 

"Sir please, we need the information. Weight and height?" the potion master bared his teeth. 

"Seven stones more or less, the height is 5'3." now that he was saying it at loud he realized just how small his son really was, and judging by the aurors raised 

eyebrows they also seem to think the same.

"Physical description?" she pushed a fringe of hair from her forehead, flipping through her papers. 

"Uh..Messy black hair, green eyes, he has rectangular glasses, big frame and... Uh.." wait, did Harry wear his rectangular glasses or the round ones? why did Harry's 

face seemed so blurry all of a sudden? He knew Harry inside out, even more so than he knew himself , but now... He couldn't recall what shape or color his glasses 

even were.

"Does he have any physical impairments?" did he? No, Severus didn't think so, slightly malnourished and a little too short, but no physical impairments. 

"No, just some bruises, but nothing else." 

"History of mental illnesses?" the potion master stilled, mental illnesses? He racked his brain, licking his dry lips, trying not leave anything out, he quickly ran a list 

in his brain.

"I am not really sure. Anxiety disorder, and depression, prone to panic attacks?" 

"So he has a medical case? Is he on any forms of medication?" this one Severus was sure of. 

"No, no medical case concerning his mental health and no medication." 

"Last question sir, is there anything else we should particularly be aware of? Is he suicidal?" he bristled in response, but then paused. He had to tell about the 

counting. Barely containing his rage, he shook his head.

"No, he is not. There is one thing, he tends to count whenever he is scared or upset, if possible don't interrupt or call him, he is also sensitive to stranger touch, so if 

it's possible also keep that to minimum. Is the search party already out there?" 

The woman nodded, putting her quill away.

"We also need further information on the case. Was there a particular reason for your son to run away Mr. Snape?" 

"I don't know. He was feeling well when I saw him last." at least I think so.

"Any idea where he might have went? Most people wouldn't risk running in the woods in this storm." 

"No, we already checked his friend's house." Janet cut in, reentering the living room. 

"Is he prone to self harm as well? Maybe that was a major incentive for him to run away?" another auror piped in, Black and Lupin walked up to him, accusation 

inflamed their eyes. 

Severus sputtered. Of course not! Harry would never deliberately harm himself, it was outrageous! 

"No." he hissed, his hand clenching around the broom. 

"The only thing I know, is that he saw his abuser in his dream momentarily before waking up, and it was only a glimpse, I did not even see her face." Janet gasped, 

her head whipping toward her fiance. 

"You saw her?" she whispered, her own hand tracing her chest self-consciously. 

Severus nodded. "Only a glimpse." he then turned his exasperated expression back to the inspector. 

"What? You used legilimency on Harry?!" Remus's scandalized cry went unnoticed.

"Now would you please proceed? The storm is getting worse and my son is in the woods." he sneered, the inspector's reply was cut off by Janet, her blue eyes wide in 

morbid realization.

"Wait. I think I know why he ran away." she whispered, and the room went ghost silent, the sound of constant branches tapping the window and Lupin's heavy 

breathing were the only sounds in contrast to the sudden tension. Severus stilled, catching her petrified eyes. 

"Ma'am?" the inspector turned to her, the quickquill hovered in the air. 

"I think he saw it, Severus." Janet said quietly, ignoring the other presences in their living room. Severus felt like the wind was knocked out of him, his sharp 

legendary focus snapped in two, and his life lost all meaning. 

"What?" his voice wasn't above a whisper as he felt his heart sink in his chest. Harry knew. His son knew, that's why he hated Severus. He knew that Severus had lied 

to him. Oh merlin, the broom fell out of his shaking hand. How? How could Harry possibly know that? They were so careful, they had taken every precaution it 

took. How?! 

"I think he saw me in the bathroom earlier, I'm not sure though, but he asked me about it." she confirmed, her hand on her chest, just above the birthmark. 

"And you didn't tell me?!" he snarled, aghast with realization and out of control.

"He didn't look upset! He was happy Sev, th...there was nothing wrong with him, I thought he didn't know." 

"Oh merlin, Severus do you think he..." the house suddenly shook, a deafening sound overtook his senses, people cried out with shock and a window shattered by the 

sheer force of that lightning. His heart missed a beat, panic-stricken the potion master somehow made it out of the house before anyone else. The sound was truly 

deafening, and the light blinded his sight, his skin tingled with terror as he ran right into the woods. 

/"Harry?! Oh merlin, Harry?!" the young potion master frantically looked around the apothecary, frantically looking for the seven year old he had lost in the 

crowd, ingredients be damned, Severus abandoned his purchase and looked around the bustling street. 

The freaked out father, swore and ran down between the crowd, combing his way through the people and inspecting the shops, looking for a tiny little boy probably 

crying somewhere. How irresponsible was he? Harry was always attached to him, how did they get separated?! Was he that excited to get that boomslang skin that 

he forgot about the child?! 

"I'm sorry, have you seen a small boy nearby? He is seven and very short, with black hair." he quickly asked an old woman when he was out of breath. The woman 

shook her head apologetically and brushed past him. 

Severus spent another ten minutes, looking around for his missing son, guilt gnawing at his chest. Out of a whim, he took off to the florean Fortescue's, they had 

passed by earlier and didn't have the time to stop by, maybe Harry was there? 

He was, much to Severus's relief and anger. He ran towards the child and grabbed him by the elbows, inwardly reassuring himself that the child was fine, he then 

drew back and shook the boy. 

"What were you thinking? Do you have any idea how scared....." he trailed off, his eyes set on Harry's puffy red face and snot covering his face. His heart dropped 

and the anger was immediately shaken off. Harry sniffed in his chest but said nought. 

"Harry what happened?" he didn't need the answer as he saw /them/ sitting by a table, laughing and chatting with a child between them, enjoying their family 

sundae. Severus hissed, he knelt down and took Harry's face in his hands.

"I'm sorry." fat droplets of tears landed on his hands. Severus shook his head. 

"No, don't be sorry, alright? I wasn't angry Harry, I was worried that I would lose you." 

Harry sniffed, wiping his snot away with the back of his hand.

"Lose me? I'm not going anywhere Daddy." he said it more like a question, as if testing Severus. The potion master smiled and picked him up, both strolling to 

another direction. 

"No you're not." he muttered in his hair, vowing that he would never lose the child. He would kill himself if anything happened to his son./

 

Call it instincts, or telepathy, or sheer foolishness, but he just knew where that lighting struck. The unabashed roar of that blast, rippled through his ears, he ran 

blindly through the woods, tripping and falling, he stood each time, his sole focus on the burning tree not so far beaconing him closer, quickly catching on the other 

branches and spreading like wildfire. 

"HARRY!" he called his name, until his throat was sore and useless and the storm raged on. As he called the child, others were calling him, following him with their 

wands drawn, Severus presumed that there were few of them, as he seized his way to the burning tree.

The fire surrendered the whole area, he couldn't get close without his wand, that didn't mean he didn't try though. Soaking wet, the potion master frantically yelled 

out Harry's name trying to dampen the flames with his cloak, so he could get to the tree. 

Aurors joined his struggle, blindly following his actions, they constantly tried to tame the flames, someone with a broom flied above the fore and landed on the 

other side, rushing to the burning tree bark. 

"Holy shit!" a loud voice cried out, all was a blur to him, he gave up the cloak and dug through the burning branches with his hands, he hissed with pain, but didn't 

draw back. 

"Send help! Send help, he's in there! He's in the fucking tree!" the auror screamed profanities and other joined in, some apparating to the other side, and some still 

taming the fire. Severus was too unfocused to Apparate, he sank to his knees, his mouth open as the tree burned before his eyes. With his son in it. 

With a chocked sob, he yanked the burning root aside and ran into the circle, his mouth wide open. He was in there, Severus could see it, red stripped pyjama pants 

peaking out of the hole attached to the small blackened toes motionlessly on the ground. 

Why isn't he coming out?! Why isn't he yelling?! Oh merlin. 

/"Do you love me Daddy?" 

"Of course baby boy, why do you ask that?" little Harry shrugged, wringing his stuffed rabbit in his hands.

"I had a dream last night. You said you didn't love me anymore." 

"Shhh. Of course I love you, you're my child remember? Besides it was just a dream. Dreams can't hurt us." /

Dreams can't hurt us. He was defeated by his own words, he had frozen, unable to register what was going on around him, even Dumbledore had joined the team, 

but all he could do was stand and stare, while his child burned in that tree. While he stood there doing nothing, while he thought over every regret, every time he 

neglected Harry. It was all his fault, everything. 

He didn't know when he exactly snapped out of his stupor. When they yanked his child out of that bark, or when the smell of burning flesh hit him. What he did 

remember quite vividly, despite the screaming and colors and blurry and that damn rain, was the sound of the storm. 

The sound of the sky above them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please like and review.
> 
> have a good day/night lovelies ;)


	7. chapter seven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no excuses rather than my messed up life. sorry, i hope updating five chapters in one day would make up for that.
> 
>  
> 
> /italic/  
> *bold*

Chapter seven. 

/"Lily?" a foreign voice called from the kitchen entrance, Harry's ears peaked at the sound, painfully, he grabbed his ribs, and sat up on his cot. 

He was confused, mommy locked him here last night, and has not talked to him ever since, Harry had wailed, punched the door and called mommy and Daddy at the top of his lungs, but no one paid him any attention. 

He was hungry, he hadn't had a breakfast yet, and he missed his mommy's hugs, he thought maybe he was bad and mommy was angry at him, but even if she was, she had never locked him in the cupboard before, he wasn't bad. Harry was a good boy, Daddy had told him that many times. 

"Thank merlin you're here Jan." he saw Mommy embrace the other red head woman, relief evident in her voice. The small boy stiffened, pressing his face to the filters. 

"I got your owl last night. Are you alright?" the woman looked a lot like his mommy, except she was shorter and had longer red hair, and her eyes weren't green like Mommy. Harry didn't like her, he knew that the instant the woman had called his Mommy. 

"No. No, I'm not." Mommy's voice suddenly was dark, and she was frowning, ushering the woman into a seat, mommy sank down next to her.

"I tried what you suggested last night. It didn't work though, I don't know what else to do with him, Jan." her muffled voice reached Harry's perked ears, and he curled into himself. Crying in shame. He knew exactly who mommy was talking about. 

"Not even a pinch? Are you really sure that he's a squib?" the woman exclaimed, her not green eyes wide as saucers. Mommy nodded miserably, and Harry felt something hot coil in his tummy, he /was/ the reason why she was so sad. It was Harry's fault. 

"There is nothing else, Aiden displayed accidental magic when he was only two months old. Harry is four now, Jan. It's too late for a burst." 

Aiden. Mommy always compared him to his little brother Aiden. How Aiden was energetic and he wasn't, how Aiden was prettier and he wasn't, how Aiden had more magic and Harry didn't . 

Even in that young age, and nativity, Harry knew mommy loved Aiden more than Harry. 

"Maybe he wasn't provoked. He always seemed like a quiet child." the woman looked mildly disturbed, her lips were curled like she had swallowed a lemon and her nose was pinched. 

"He was provoked, I'm certain that he has no magical abilities." mommy reassured the woman, and Harry winced, clutching his ribs. He had no idea what provoked meant, but he knew that it should be painful, since his ribs really hurt where Mommy had kicked him last night just so Harry could get into the cupboard. 

"He could be a late bloomer, I heard the Longbottom child has the same problem." the woman was getting frantic, and so was Harry. The place was dark, confined and small. Harry felt like he couldn't breath. Mommy had yelled at him, and told him to be really quiet, or she would never let him out again. But Harry was scared, and trying his hardest not to cry. His lip was quivering with effort and his small hands were fisted on the cot. 

"I don't know anymore. Lately, I just don't want to have anything to do with him. He was always odd, even as a child. He never cried Jan. What if he's retarded or brain damaged?" Harry didn't understand the half of the things Mommy said, but she said it with such a hateful tone that Harry knew she was talking about him, and she was angry. 

"I can't say, I only seen him twice as a child." the woman replied back, and sipped from her cup. Harry licked his lips again. He was getting /really / thirsty.  
"Why don't you take him to a healer though, I know someone from Mungo's..." 

"No, I can't. James is already under duress from the sacred twenty eight as it is, the last thing we need is a squib scandal. Specially with /him/ ." 

"If you really don't want him anymore, You can put him up for adoption, or send him to a muggle facility, the W.A.N.D covers squib protection too." he saw mommy stand, looming over the other woman and yelling angrily. 

"Don't you get it?! I don't want a scandal on our hands! with all the boasting and gloating about Harry being the prodigy child who conquered the dark lord... And now this...James is going to lose all of the vaults Jan. I can't risk that." 

"How much money are we talking about here Lily?" the woman whispered, but Harry could hear every word, his eyes glazed over with tears and he quietly hiccuped .   
"Countless vaults filled with Gold Jan. Not just Galleons. /Gold/, jewelry, States in different parts of Scotland, beyond anything I've ever seen in my life. And with Charles Potter dead, the inheritance would be transferred to the Potter's first born." 

"Harry." 

Mommy nodded, and sat down, her nails tapping on the table impatiently. 

"He's a squib. The inheritance will be divided by the sacred twenty eight... And we can't have that! You can't even fathom how much gold I'm talking about here, you just have to see it to believe." 

"What happens now? Can't you just disown him or something? That way the money goes to your second son, right?" Harry gave a small sob. Absolutely /terrified/. Here they were, with Harry locked in a cupboard, listening to his mommy and another woman talking about /him/, in a tone that Harry didn't like at all. He wondered when Daddy would get home and scold mommy for scaring Harry like this. He sniffed. 

"It's not that easy, he's too young." they were going to get rid of him. Harry could gather that much from the mommy's strange words. He understood some of the words that sounded familiar to him. Even at the age of four, the small child knew what 'Squib' meant. It meant that he had no magic like mommy and Daddy did. He cried harder, unable to stop the never stopping flow of tears as they scrambled away by his fingers. 

"The Blacks hid Ann Black for nearly a decade though." the woman took out her wand and set it on the table, Harry couldn't be more scared than he was now. He prayed anyone, anyone to come and help him. Mommy was acting weird and he didn't like it at all. 

"How can we do that? Everyone knows about him." 

"You really don't want this to get out, do you?" the woman shook her head sadly, and pulled her red flaming hair into a high ponytail. 

"No. The scared twenty-eight has eyes on James's states in new Hampshire too. The last thing we need is a scandal, and something this big." 

"There is no other way Lily. Either you keep him or you give him away, I'm sure you're just overreacting though. He's most likely a late bloomer like Longbottom."   
"He's a squib. I just know it Jan, I can see it in his face, the oddness. It's disturbingly clear. Aiden was never this creepy." Mommy had this criticizing tone again, the one she often used to brag about bratty Aiden to other Moms and Harry's very few friends. 

"Let me check him over, second opinion never hurts." Mommy got up hesitantly, and looked at the cupboard, her hate filled eyes catching Harry's, she slowly nodded with deep regret.

"I agree, and I think there's no other solution, we have to keep him. Petunia might take him for a few months, but we have to keep the boy." Harry shivered, scooting away as Mommy started to come in his direction, he loved his mommy, he really did. But she was going to hurt him, Harry knew it. 

"It'll be alright. Where is he?" the other woman stood as well, just in time for Mommy to yank the door open and grab Harry's wrist firmly.

"Mommy!" he bawled, he shrieked, he /begged/, only to be backhanded by Mommy again. And it /hurt/. 

"Shhh!" Mommy hissed, and dragged him back to the kitchen, Harry clamped his eyes closed, his eyes not welcoming the intense sun, and the other woman's presence with him. 

"But mommy..." he protested, trying to get himself free of the painful clutch. Her nails dipped in his shoulder and Harry whimpered. 

"I said silence! Be a good boy Harry." Mommy warned him and pulled him closed, the small boy sniffles but shut his mouth. He would tell Daddy later, he promised himself. And Daddy would take him away. Daddy loved him. He didn't care that he was a /squib/. 

"Is that him? He's so tiny." the sweet voice exclaimed, and Harry felt hate recoil in his chest. He /hated/ her. Everything about her. He didn't know her, he couldn't even see her face clearly without his glasses, but he knew that he hated her. 

"Can we just get this over with?" 

"Alright, I'll leave some pamphlets on the table for you though, adoption is always an option." 

"Magicis Revealio." Harry felt something cold poke him in the chest, like a warning hand and bit his lips. He didn't like it. It burned and he didn't like it at all. 

"This can't be right...." the woman mused after s few seconds and Harry opened his eyes experimentally. 

"What? What is it?" Mommy clutched his shoulders and dragged him closed with her own body.

"It's blank Lily. Even if he was a squib there should be a blue halo around his head." the woman scrutinized him and then shook her head. 

"So he's not?" 

"He can be, I had never studied cases like him before. But chances are that he is a squib. Don't get your hopes up." 

"I never did. Was that all?"

"Pretty much, here are some adoption and charity pamphlets, contact me if you changed your mind." 

"I can't say I ever will. Thanks Ja. This really means a lot to me." /

It was /her/. All her. 

Harry could see it now, clear as the day. He had /just/ woken up, to his Dad's frantic face swimming in his vision, he screamed at the top of his lungs, his throat gave out with the sheer effort. He didn't hesitate to mull over the facts he already knew, he clamped his hands down on his ears just screeched. 

It was a deafening sound, the sound of his utter despair mixed with the sound of his blood rushing and pounding, demanding to be freed. He remembered it all now, it was all her fault, everything was her fault. She was in on it, on everything, he was so confused before, so naive, that now, he was almost blind with the clarity, so disturbed that he couldn't even conjure words to describe his state, to /count/, to yell and scream at his Dad, tell him who she really was. He could hear her fumbling in the living room, above his own screams. He screamed louder, because he wanted her to hear him, he wanted that bitch to know that he knew who she really was. But then his Dad rushed out of the room and Harry cried in fright, flashes of his former life disrupted with his reality, and for a second he forgot where he was. He scratched his ears, hard and swift to feel the blood flow out of the thin lines and trail down his hands. 

He cried in distress, Dad had to come to him now, he needed Dad NOW. 

As if hearing his prayers Dad rushed back in with /Her/. Looking disheveled and distressed as Harry was, his stoic face marred with expressions Harry thought he'd never see on his Dad's face. Because of /her/ not him. Harry was like this because of /her/. He dug his nails deeper, and the blood thickened. 

She had the nerve to kneel over him, her face etched with concern, like she was /mocking/ him. Harry resisted the urge to sneer, to rage and beat her with his bare hands. He wanted to wipe that face out of existence. He didn't want to inflict damage. He wanted to /kill/. Kill her and that Bastard growing in her, because he knew that wasn't a fluke, he didn't know how, but he knew that she was pregnant, and he was going to kill her. 

".... Never happens before. Never... " his Dad insisted in his fit of denial, his hands aching to touch Harry. And Harry cried, he tried to warn him, he opened his mouth, he tried to conjure words, to beseech his Dad, to get away from /her/. Get away from her. 

"....Do something Severus. " she demanded, once again within his reach. Yes, she was right, do something Dad, run away! Dad run away! 

But Dad didn't, he grabbed his hand lying on his ear and turned back to the monster lurking behind him. He said something fanatically and turned to Harry. Harry could not hear or process what was said but she got out. She got out and Harry already felt calmer, the hands pressing on his chest were lighter now, and he could breath. His bliss did not last long when he was suddenly attacked. 

He could tell it was his Dad from the smell. But that was no proof, everyone was a suspect, and Harry didn't trust anyone or anything. He screamed and trashed, tried to get Dad with his nails, to draw blood, when his body suddenly went rigid. 

He fell back boneless and limply on his father's chest, unable to count, to move anything. And all that panic and fear was trapped /inside/ his chest. He wanted to burst, and scream, his chest heaved as he felt deadly calm. His mind and heart clashed, both wanting the same thing as his body was unable to do so. He was lowered down on his bed, his eyes instantly drawn to his Dad's desperate gaze. 

He wanted to tell him, he needed to tell Dad everything. Before she came back, before she ruined everything again. He almost felt his heart give away when something teared into his mind, painful and sudden, and he gasped as loudly as he could manage.

What he saw was not his own. It wasn't what he wanted to show Dad, it was Janet, and his Dad, /his/ Dad gazing at her mark, his Dad kissing her /birthmark/. Realization hit like a train, Swift and hard. He had no outlet for his pain or fear, he couldn't move a limb, he couldn't scream, and tears rolled down like droplets of rain. 

He gave in when the lightening struck and the images stopped. His eyes were as wide as it got and his breath stuck in his chest, Dad was all over him, kissing and apologizing, sounding like he wanted to cry himself, but Harry felt numb. He couldn't even muster up enough shame when he felt something trickle down his legs again. He was horrified. 

Dad knew. He knew who she was, he was /kissing/ her. He was kissing /his mark of doom/. That was the woman who ruined his life and Dad knew it, and Dad let it happen. Harry was alone. She was here, with as much power she had over him when he was a child, eleven years later, and this time, Dad was involved. Like mommy. 

His eyes were immediately on her the moment she entered the room with someone. He panted, feeling disgusted with himself, with his Dad who looked shell shocked and drenched in guilt. He was disgusted of humans, of their cruelty. How could they? Was this a game to them? To her?   
She got knocked up by his Dad, she entered /their/ lives deliberately. 

/"I knew what I got myself into the moment the moment I knew you were Harry Potter." / that bitch meant what she said that night in the park.  
Harry knew that out of spite the woman would name the child Aiden, cause it was a joke, wasn't it? His heart slowed down against his will, but his mind didn't, he had this sudden urge to laugh. 

In fact he would have laughed if it wasn't for the matron paralyzing him again. He knew that for some reason it hadn't worked though, he could already move his fingers. A sudden calm that had nothing to do with the healer washed over him. His mind was entirely on auto pilot and he knew what to do.   
His chest heaved with anticipation, excited as he heard the rolling sky just near his ear, the rain pelting against his window

They went out eventually, not quick enough, but late enough for him to regain his limbs. He got up slowly, and soundlessly. Scenes played out in his mind over and over again like a movie, but Harry suppressed them. He could cry, as soon as he was away. Now he needed to /run/. He was right when he said that he wouldn't let them throw him out. He was an idiot for believing otherwise. 

He would run, and he would disappear, he wouldn't let anyone hurt him anymore. Already buzzing with excitement, he smiled slightly and tore out a page off his book, he vaguely noticed the title and felt tears brimming in his eyes again.

Great expectations. How disappointing. 

His hands closed around his glasses and as fast as a bolt he was writing on the paper. He was not capable of much in his state. He was too disoriented and dizzy for a hateful speech. So he left the only sentence that made sense to him at the moment. 

I hate you. 

And for the first time in his life, he did mean it. 

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

/"Did you pack the clothes I bought for Harry?" Severus kissed her, lavishing the peace and content feeling in his chest. Janet smiled and returned the cherished affection. 

"Yeah, all packed. Although I have no idea why Harry needs that blue scarf for. It's summer." she shrugged her shoulders, holding up the scarf. Severus frowned.  
"I don't know either." Harry had just thrust a list of clothes to his chest before they left, much to Severus's shock, without a goodbye and headed for grimmauld place. Just like that. Must be teenage hormones, he reasoned with himself. 

"Don't you think you're spoiling him a little?" Janet raised her eyebrows, stuffing the scarf back in their suitcase. 

"Harry is not spoiled Janet, far from it. What you saw last week was entirely different from typical Harry. I wonder if something's wrong." his musings came to a halt when he caught his girlfriend, grimacing, her hands wringing nervously. 

"Is something wrong?" he noticed that Janet was anxious whenever Harry's abuse came up, she must feel uncomfortable talking about it, but her reactions seemed to get more noticeable as time passed. 

"Yes actually. You think we can talk a little Severus? It's about Harry." she sat on the bed, and licked her lips timidly. Severus narrowed his eyes and obliged, his eyes bore into hers intensely. 

"You know my relation to the Potters, Severus." she started, sighing. Severus nodded grimly, his face lost all expressions. 

Janet hesitated, closing her eyes. "There's something I never told you though.... Something I feel like you should know." Severus's heart sank and his blood ran cold.   
"What is it?" Janet shook her head. 

"I need you to know something first... I was young Severus... And naive! You have to believe me when I say that I regret everything I have done...." she rambled wildly, her eyes panicked and deep with sincere regret. Severus stilled, showing no emotions on his face, he patiently waited for her to get on with it. 

"When I was younger, freshly graduated, I.... I visited Lily quite frequently...." she sighed and pursed her lips.

"I knew what she was doing to Harry." she blurted out and Severus saw red. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Name, sure name, date, relation, age, weight... 

It was all there, on the empty form the potion master was handed to fill out. The clipboard and the quill was still in his hands, lying limply on his lap. The florescent lights shone down on his face, reducing his skin to a sickly pale white that Severus particularly abhorred.   
He had no idea of the time, or the place, other than the fact that this was a hospital, somewhere... 

People came and went, rushing in the room, some scowling, some pitying, and some even sympathetic like Albus. Although all Severus wanted to do was to kill the man, rather than having him seat next to him and offer him sweet nothings. That's what they were, sweet nothings. True that he couldn't even hear most of his speech but he still could tell. They were pointless, both knew that. Harry was as good as gone, the child had basically froze to death and then burned to a crisp, no amount of magic can fix that, even merlin himself couldn't bring him back. 

It was his fault, he knew that now. It always was, he had been so selfish, so cruel and ignorant of his own son's needs, to satisfy his own. He was a horrible parent. A horrible person above that for dating his son's abuser in the first place, honestly, what kind of father was he? He always claimed to be /the/ perfect parent, the best role model, and the best discipliner in the parenting field, he prided himself on his progress with his son over the years, achievements that wouldn't have been possible without Severus. And now, the child was dying, because of /him/. With his last words being, one of hate and disgust towards his own Dad. Much deserved words that the potion master will never forget. 

Why hadn't he told Harry? He knew what Janet was, he knew what she had done, and he believed himself fully aware of the consequences, shall Harry find out about his relation to her. /This/ was not the one he had foreseen. Nor was the one back at the world Cup, Harry almost died both times and was in a danger of dying now, and instead of telling him the truth? He just went ahead as if nothing was wrong.   
He wiped the traitorous tears away hastily. 

But that wasn't all. He thought with loathing. The self loathing, however rooted in a different matter entirely. He knew that this could never work out, now that Harry knew who his soon to be step mother was, he would never live with them, never love them back, or never be a part of their family as he always wanted. The solution was clear, wasn't it? Breakup with Janet. It was long over due, but not necessarily a good thing. Severus loved her, more than anything, and she was having his child, they were engaged, and Severus was unwilling to let her go. 

He hated himself, for not being able to choose between his own son and fiance, in am after of life and death, even as his own son was wasting away, he still sat there pondering, this decision should be easy, he had promised Harry that he loved him more than he loved Janet, that he would let her go if he wanted him to. Then why couldn't he? 

"You have to fill out the form Severus. We need to get Harry checked in." her voice snapped him out of his catatonic state, pulling him back to the surface. He stared at her dumbly. He saw her lips moving but had difficulty hearing the words. 

"What?" 

Janet bit her lip, her hair a disheveled mess, not much unlike his own actually. 

"We need to check him in, I think they need to graft his skin." he had no idea what that was but nodded anyway. she pushed the quill back into his bandaged hands and sank down next to her fiance, rubbing her face. Severus vaguely noticed that she was still in her night robe, not even bothering to get changed, now that he noticed, so was he... 

Mechanically, he went through the form, his mind never lingering on the blank space below each question. 

"What are you doing here?" a sharp voice barked, and Severus closed his eyes. He did not need this. Not in a hospital anyway. 

"We're his parents. What are you doing here mutt?" he sneered, the quill clenched in his white knuckles hands. Remus and Sirius stepped forward, faces hard as steel.

"You get the bill Sirius." the wolf pushed his partner down the hallway to the information desk and crossed his arms, all of them too tired to fight. Sirius went unwillingly, glaring back at them all the way.

"The aurors are gone, and the Weasleys parents went to tend to the kids." 

Lupin quietly reported, his eyes on the blank form lying limply on the potion master's lap.

"I was just going to get the bill. There's no need for charity wolf." he snarled, but was too tired to get really riled up about it. 

Remus returned the sneer, not able to fully muster it on his gentle face. 

"It's not for you. It's for my cub." he barked. 

"And by the way, We're filing for adoption. As soon as Harry's out of the woods. Just thought you should know Snape." he continued, and looked over Sirius, who was taking Harry's drug bill. 

"Did you get it?" Sirius nodded, putting the prescription check in his pocket. Janet bristled in her seat, her teeth bare in a snarl. 

"You really are a jerk, only a monster would say something like that to a father whose child could be dying..." she spat, Severus who stayed mostly quiet through the ordeal grasped her arm firmly, and pushed the clipboard in her hands. 

Standing in his black sleeping robes, singed at the edges and covered in soot, the pissed off parent swiftly walked to the pair and narrowed his eyes.   
"You will never touch my son, not even over his rotting corpse, werewolf. " he grinded his teeth, and turned around with a loud growl of anger, Albus snapped out of his nap, sensing the tension hanging around the hallway. 

"Remus? Is everything alright my boy?" he readjusted his glasses, his hand in his robe pocket to get out his tin of lemon sherbet, undoubtedly.   
Remus's face went blank and Sirius turned and headed to the medication department. 

"Yes headmaster. Everything is fine." he then turned and briskly followed after Black, his scarred face screwed in a glare. 

After that, everything turned into blur again, no healer came out of the emergency room, and it has already been a few hours, Severus has been keeping count with the empty plastic coffee cups Janet had, Albus had gone to the ministry, and the Weasleys had returned for a few hours, mostly talking to Janet or following around healers who never offered any answers. 

Janet insisted that they should go too, they had children of their own to take care of, but the Weasleys were adamant on their decision, and Severus had a stinking suspicion, that they stayed to prevent any other arguments between them and the canines, also lingering in the hallway. 

The storm still raged on outside, and exhaustion dawned upon him, he ached everywhere, and if his sensitive hands (freshly healed) were anything to go by, he would need a numbing potion soon. He had the first dose three hours ago, so it must be around five in the morning now...   
Still, no signs of a healer. 

He was getting more anxious, Harry's burned body and that awful smell kept coming to the front of his mind, no matter how hard he pushed it out, the scene just replayed again like a movie, clear and vivid. 

His son was as good as dead, and Severus had just stood there, flabbergasted and unresponsive, until the /Aurors / got his son to a hospital. It was pathetically clear that Severus had freaked out, he was still freaking out and the fear growing in his chest did not die out after his occlumeny shields came up, if anything, it only seemed stronger. 

"Did you talk to Johnson?" he heard Janet ask Arthur, who nodded somewhat jerkily. 

"He didn't say anything though, just rushed back into the emergency department. I wonder what is taking them so long. Burns should be fairly easy to deal with." Severus agreed and disagreed with the man. 

Third degree burns might be painful to heal, but were fairly quick, hypothermia would take a while but not this long, and they had magic for Merlin's sake! That had to count for something. But to give the healers some credit, he also knew that it wouldn't be /that/ easy, Harry had practically drained his core trying to hide from them, the tree was significantly far and deep in the woods, but not impossible to inspect by the search parties. Harry must have something to do with it, thus exhausting his core when he was already distraught, and with poor magical core potions and spells took longer to heal....

He let go of his train of thoughts, fighting the urge to cry. There was no way that he'd give up on his child. Harry will pull through. He had to.   
"Mr. Snape?" his head whipped to the sound and he surged to his feet. Black and Lupin soon followed with the crowd, gathering around the tall bald man with a floating clipboard hovering next to his shoulder. 

Questions bombarded the poor man, badgering him so rapidly that the healer didn't know which one to answer.   
"Please! This is a hospital! Please keep your volume down or I'd be forced to call security." the man scolded sternly, but Severus brushed him off. 

"Is he alright? Did he pull through? Why did it take you so long?" he only prayed to every God out there, that there wasn't any complications. Please, let him be okay. Please. 

"The danger seems to be passing, and he is better now. We will transfer him to a room as soon as he's more stable." sighs of relief filled the hallway, but Several knew better, he could read the anxiety radiating off the healer.

"What about his injuries?" he asked sternly, his eyes squinting. 

The healer swallowed thickly. "the frostbite will heal in a week or so, but he has to be really careful with his fingers, and legs, those were the most damaged areas from the cold. He had some nasty cuts on his upper chest which I think is the result of branches and twigs most likely, and a very bad concussion. That was what we are mostly worried about." 

"Head trauma?" he heard his own voice ask. 

The healer shrugged. "It's hard to tell, but the burns to his face and head were the most sever. And detecting a brain trauma with his skull and head burned so badly is hard." 

"What about now? Is he alright? Will he recover?" 

The healer shuffled uncomfortably and did a one over, scrutinizing the group.

"Is there an immediate family member here?" 

"I am. His father." he gulped down the bile of vomit gathering in his mouth and followed the healer, not paying any mind to Black and Lupin protesting. They could die for all he cared, something was wrong with Harry, and Severus just knew.... 

The healer led him to a vacant room and put a silencing charm for protection. Severus found himself more scared than he was when he was being marked by Lord Voldemort himself.

"What's wrong with him?" even to his own ears, his voice sounded chocked, forbidding. 

The healer sighed. "I'm not going to scare you Mr. Snape, and I need you to know Harry is really strong and will pull through." 

"What is it?" he emphasized on each word.

"I will be honest with you Sir. We done the best we could, but magic can only heal so much, if he were a muggle, he would be dead by now...." 

"Get to it!" 

"It's just that, There might be some.... Deformities, and complications. As I told you, his scalp and face was completely burned, including all his hair, and neck. We grafted his skin, and thankfully he reacted well to the treatment."

Upon seeing his lost gaze the healer cleared his throat to explain. 

"Grafting skin, is when we cut out undamaged skin out of the body and replace it with the damaged part, thankfully the donated parts were immediately healed, but as I've said, his face and head... Might take longer than expected." 

"His face? Is he alright?" it was a stupid question, but he was so dumbstruck and in shock, that he couldn't think he could come up with a better one. Words swirled in his head, skin donation, disfigurement... Oh god. 

"What about ointments? Balms? I'm a potion master." 

The Healer paused. "It might, but the skin is too sensitive for any kinds of operation. Normally we would graft skin from his legs, where it's thicker and more convenient for treatment. But with his legs already damaged that wasn't possible, we could try treatment later. But he might not make it to the school in time." 

"What is the problem now? Only his face?" that couldn't be the only reason why the healer called him here, there must be more to it. His heart wanted to give out but his logic won over and knew that there was something else. 

"He was electrified, the lighting exactly struck the tree, and as trees are a strong conductive... 

The sheer power of that lighting alone was enough to zap twenty people within seconds, and somehow Harry had survived. The thing is... Electrification is a destructive injury on itself, hence the other set of burns on his body and some damage to his nerve tissues. Those however... Are not my main concern. Electrification cases often suffer from Ventricular fibrillation, which means that the heart might beat irregularly due to the shock. If not treated straight away... It might be permanent." 

Severus swore, his determination shattered as the healer uttered those words. Permanent damage and disfigurement, on Harry. His Harry, his perfect, beautiful son. /his/ child, his angel...

Severus praised himself for staying strong by his son for years as they passed, so he was fairly familiar with signs of incoming panic attacks and hyperventilating and how to comfort in case they happened in any situation, but never knew that he would ever have one himself. 

It felt like dying. That was the simplest way he could put it. He couldn't breath, he couldn't think and he was pretty sure that his lungs were screaming in exhaustion. The words heart problems, permanent and deformity all in one sentence with his son. It was a nightmare, the whole thing was a nightmare. And he wanted to die. 

"Sir? Are you alright?" 

"Take me to him." it was the only thing he could say, he had to see Harry, with his own eyes and try not to die of the lack of his breath supply. He could die after seeing Harry, right now his son needed him. Harry needed him. 

"Mr. Snape...." 

"Now! Or I rip you and every fucking healer in half and find him myself." he felt terrified and enraged at the same time, as a teacher it was a good combination to get the job done, and as a pissed off father, even more. 

The healer nodded grimly and waved his wand. Severus did not know how he got to the room, or what happened in between, but he was fairly sure that he had yelled along the way and cried a fair amount of moisture too. His face was /soaked/ in tears and his three hurt, but finally he was there.  
He didn't wait for the healer to open the door for him, and didn't pause by the window, he just barged through and strode to the bed.   
For the fourth time that night he felt nausea rushing his senses as his eyes fell on Harry. He tuned every other sound out and watched his child. Severus has seen many things in his life as a deatheater, a spy and Harry's father. But this was... Torture. Simply and utterly the most devastating sight any parent could ever see.  
Because Harry might as well be dead. 

He didn't recognize the child anymore, no hair, and red angry scalp, his face a puzzle of mismatched skin and his heart clearly not beating on his own. Small and innocent, lying in a bed that big, Severus was idly reminded of the times Harry snuck in his room, looking lost and so small in the huge four-poster bed, lost in tangles of duvets and quietly talking to his stuffed rabbit. His messy mope of black hair sticking out, and spoiling his chances at hiding behind the blankets effectively. 

A new wave of tears hit him out of no where, the mere thought of this child being like this, being the same seven year old son sneaking in his room and playing tent was unbelievable. He hated it, believing Harry to be like this, wired up to protective spells and drugged to the brim.   
The same Harry who rolled up his pancakes with sausages and devoured them like a sandwich, as if it was the normalest thing or playing outside, muddy from head to toe. And now lying here half dead. 

He grabbed the limp hand lying on the bed. It was bandaged heavily, and Severus figured that it must be the frostbitten part. He couldn't bear to look at the face, so he didn't. Instead he took a deep breath and cried himself out. 

At some point, maybe when it was already morning, a nurse came and told him they wanted to move Harry, Severus did not respond, but /politely/ inquired that he needed more time with his son. It was at eight in the morning when he figured that this wasn't a dream and it really hit him.

"It's all my fault."


	8. chapter eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guilty chapter number two ;) 
> 
> /italic/  
> *bold*

Chapter eight.

 

/"Daddy?" a small voice called, and Severus looked over his newspaper with a smile. 

"Yes Harry?" he sipped at his black coffee, and subtly eyed Harry's breakfast plate, half eaten, but more than yesterday. He happily congratulated himself on the success and gazed at his child. 

Harry timidly blinked, clenching the new stiffed Rabbit in his hands. 

"Do you have a question son?" Harry flushed happily and nodded. 

"What is that?" he pointed to his cup, and Severus looked down to his coffee. He then glanced at Harry's glass of milk, still filled to the brim. 

"This is coffee. It's a morning drink that helps Daddy go through his day, happily like you do." there was simply no other explanations, between his studies and potions, and Harry's nightmares, coffee was the only thing keeping him alive. 

Harry's eyes widened and he nodded. "Is it sweet?" he asked skeptically, and eyed the murky liquid, edging over the table with his small hands. Severus folded his paper and held his chin on the palm of his hand. 

"It could be, but I don't like sugar." he actually did not prefer his coffee this bitter, but he disliked both milk and sugar, and there was no way that he drank this with any kinds of pastries. 

Harry licked his lips and eyed the small jar of sprinkles on the there side of the table, peering back and forth between the mug and the sprinkles. Severus let him do his thing and continued his breakfast, side glancing at Harry. 

"Can I have some please?" the child looked immediately taken back, and averted his eyes, his hands clenching on the toy and his breaths picking up a little. Severus felt torn, Harry was too young to have coffee, but also too shy to ever request something this openly again. Harry was very fragile, and Severus had no intentions of blowing the child's hopes. 

"This is a grownup drink, but you may have a little sip." a small sip won't do much damage, Severus supposed and reasoned with himself. Although, even if it did matter, seeing Harry's wide smile was definitely worth it. 

"Do you want me to sweeten it?" 

Harry shook his head, his cheeks still flushed. "No Daddy. But... B... But, can I have some sprinkles in it?" he threw a shying glance towards the jar, and Severus did a double take. 

Sprinkles? In coffee? 

Upon seeing Harry's hopeful green eyes, the new Dad slowly relented and took the jar, he only intended to throw in a few for Harry, but changed his mind and dumped a decent amount of the colorful sprinkles in his mug. He watched them float in the substance and gulped.

Most would call him crazy for doing what he did next, but Harry cheered, clapping his hands and showing off his small baby teeth. As ridiculous as it seemed, Severus couldn't be more giddier to find Harry proud of him.

Severus smiled back and took the mug, Harry watched as the man, took a tentative sip, and then another. Severus smiled. It actually tasted quite good, though he'd rather die than admit that to anyone but Harry. 

The child hoped off his seat and nervously walked to his lap, Sev smiled wider and hoisted him on his lap, he carefully handed the mug to the small cold hands. 

"Be careful alright? It's a little hot." he helped Harry with the mug and watched his expression carefully, Harry giggled as he took a big gulp, spluttering on his drink. He drew a face at the bitter taste before the sprinkles melted in his mouth. 

"It's good!" he exclaimed, and took another sip, draining it faster than Severus had seen anyone drinking something so bitter. 

"I don't know, if I'm the best Daddy for giving you both /sprinkles/ and /coffee/ in the morning Harry, or the worst Daddy." 

Harry giggled and drew back, coffee dripped down his chin, and his eyes crinkled. 

"Best Daddy. You're my best Daddy." he hugged him, snuggling softly to his chest, and Severus relaxed, embracing the child in his warm embrace. 

"And you're the best Harry, a Daddy could ever find baby boy." 

He smelled in the baby shampoo and felt the small boy shift in his arms. His child. His. And no one else's. /

 

Xx

 

"How is your ice cream?" Severus asks as a way to distract Harry from the crowd, the blazing sun shines upon them and the weather is very hot for August. Severus vaguely hopes that September at Hogwarts would be better. If he passed the job interview, that is. 

Harry shrugs. "It's very good." 

"Which one you like the best?hmm?" Severus asks, remembering a chapter about choices in his book. It was important to let the child decide for himself, specially someone as withdrawn as Harry. 

Harry however takes it the wrong way and stammers. "I like them all. It's very good. Thank you." it all sounds like a well rehearsed speech and Severus hates it. Knowing that this was the gratitude speech drilled in Harry's mind since he was a child. 

"Personally I like the chocolate though, what about you?" Severus doesn't give up, he has to make progress, or at least loosen Harry up a little for Albus's arrival. Harry didn't do so well with strangers. 

"I don't like chocolate." Harry answers hesitantly, looking like he was ready to be struck, and Severus freezes for a moment. 

"it's okay, people can have different tastes Harry, there is nothing wrong with that, I actually don't like vanilla that much." just to prove his point, Snape pulls and face and Harry giggles a little, wiggling in his seat. 

"I... I like mint." Harry stutters and Severus smiles. 

"Well that's something I need to remember huh?" before Harry could response, a familiar jovial voice calls him from the behind. Severus stands and turns to face the headmaster, unusually nervous all of a sudden. 

"Headmaster." he greets, shaking the man's wrinkled hand. Dumbledore smiles and waves him off. He takes a seat across Harry.   
"It's just Albus my boy." Severus nods and rubs Harry's arm for comfort. 

"And this must be Harry! What a beautiful child!" Harry sinks farther down in his chair, the spoon clenched in his hand. Severus bit the inside of his cheek, adamant to let Harry introduce himself. 

"Hullo... Sir, I...." he shyly glances at Severus beneath his bangs and then peers at Albus. 

"I'm Harry." 

"Well Hello Harry! Would you like a lemon sherbet?" the man offers a fistful of tiny round candies and Severus nearly has a flip. Those would ruin Harry's teeth! However, he stays silent and in alarm for Harry's reaction. 

The child shakes his head timidly, and takes his rabbit. "No, thank you sir." he looks at Severus for confirmation and he just smiles in response. 

Albus grins and pops a few in his own mouth, his eyes twinkling as he caught the small boy hugging the stuffed animal to his chest.

"And who is that young rabbit over there?" he nods at the rabbit and Harry bites his lip, quivering a little. 

Severus itches to intervene, but Harry doesn't seem really disturbed, and it's better for him to have conversation with other adults, so he lets it happen.   
"I... I... I don't have a name...." he looks down at the rabbit, and his eyes narrows, and Severus just knows he's seconds away from crying in confusion. 

Severus clears his throat, not able to resist anymore. "May we proceed Albus?" 

Albus nods jovially, striking his beard thoughtfully. "Absolutely my boy. Let's see the papers shall we?" 

Severus awkwardly clears his throat again, and purses his lips. "Actually, can you please excuse me for a moment? I brought Harry's coloring book..."   
Albus nods, and Severus turns away from him, Harry immediately looks relieved that he didn't have to listen in their conversation and not be the center of attention anymore. 

Severus feels like one of those fanatic parents, as he takes out the shrunken coloring book, Harry's pencil case and engorges them. He had actually brought a whole kit with himself, containing some fresh clothes, Harry's favorite snacks, and even a light blue quilt Harry had claimed, all shrunken in his robes. Others would call him crazy if they knew half the things he carried on himself.

Harry doesn't seem to complain though, and takes the coloring book, Severus leans out of his seat, setting the pencil kit for Harry, and brushing his hair. 

"Can you color something for Daddy while I'm talking? We can put it on the fridge when we got home, hmm?" 

Harry looks immensely relieved, nods and takes the rabbit on his lap, quite busy with choosing a picture. 

Sighing in relief, the potion master turns to Dumbledore, who is watching them with a fond smile, and clears his throat. 

"Pardon me Albus." 

The man waves him off, and accepts Severus's folder, containing his document. 

Severus is proud of himself the moment he sees Harry both eating his ice cream openly and coloring with his other hand, softly humming to himself as any other child would. 

Severus's about to get a job, has a son, and life couldn't be more perfect.

Because Harry was his and no one else's.

Xx

Severus was devastated. Crushed. And had no idea what he should do next. His eight year old child had been lying motionless on his bed for a whole day, catatonic and not responsive to anything. 

Severus was going mad, unknown emotions swirled in his body and his mind was restless. If Severus didn't know any better, he would've thought that the child was cursed, lying on his side, barely blinking, his face disturbingly blank. 

He was seconds away from breaking down himself and contacting a mind healer, or a regular one, but didn't dare to do so, since it was what set Harry off in the first place. Severus had done everything he could, he begged and pleaded, he brought him his favorite foods in bed, Severus shed tears and almost mind raped his son before he stormed out of the room just seconds ago. 

Everything had been normal, he woken up, went through his morning routine and right up to breakfast when he realized that Harry wasn't there, thinking that the child was sleeping in, Severus gave the boy another twenty minutes before he got restless and checked on him. 

He was facing the door, still in his yesterday's attire and lying on the covers, Severus immediately panicked, thinking that the child was sick, frantically he called Harry, to tell him what was wrong, where did it hurt, and why wasn't he talking to him. None of the questions were answered, Harry didn't even look at him, his gaze was intently on the wall, blinking every now and then. 

Minutes bled into hours and hours went on and on and on, for Severus it seemed like a downward spiral of depression and fear, the crushing sense of realization and helplessness hit him in a form of a cold sharp knife as he berated himself for his own stupidity and ran back into the room. 

He would contact Pomfrey first, he had to. He couldn't just leave the child to fend for himself all day in a bed until he had woken up from his stupor. He dropped a fistful of floor powder and then halted, hearing small stifled sobs from the room. 

He forgot the flames, and knocked over the furniture trying to get to the room as fast as possible. He felt like crying with relief, as he saw Harry sitting, face buried in his knees. 

Oh, God. He cursed, half in relief and half in weariness, having no idea what had just happened. He approached the small boy cautiously and hugged him when the child didn't protest. 

Thank god, thank merlin, thank you. That was all he could think about, he didn't care about reasons, he didn't care about what had just happened, or that he had almost lost his son. Severus thanked every God he could think of and just embraced the child, vowing that he would never want to see the child like that, never.   
Later he discovered what they were, fits of depression, they sent Harry laying emotionless for hours to no end, over every trigger word that came from the Dursleys or the Potters, Severus didn't take any chances and tried to call a mind healer, that was what had sent Harry into his eight hours of mental shut down. 

He never even mentioned them again, selfishly not wanting to feel the fear and dread he had felt that day, he learned the triggers instead, he slept with Harry in those bad nights instead, instead of forcing healers on Harry, Severus educated himself, he was no professional, but again, Harry was no ordinary child. 

Severus vowed that he would never let Harry drift away, he would be Harry's anchor, he would keep him in check and as healthy as possible, he wouldn't let Harry remember his past, by snapping new pictures and sweeping him off his feet, by creating new memories and adoring his son, giving him a childhood, neither had as a child, keeping him as happy as possible while being the perfect parent. 

He was the perfect parent. 

And for those fleeting years that passed, Severus slowly started to believe that, he could take on any demons Harry had, be it depression or anxiety and self doubt, Severus would conquer them all. He would keep Harry all to himself as selfish and narrow-minded as it sounded. 

Harry was his and no one else's.

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

/"We can't tell him." no matter how many times he said this, the realization never dawned on him, they had delayed their vacation for another week and claimed that Janet's grandfather had died as an excuse. Because Severus didn't know how to return, how to explain this to Harry. 

Because Harry wouldn't understand, Severus didn't blame him, not at all. But this didn't solve their problem. Harry was bound to find out someday, maybe the day they got married, or when he snoops around or the canines accidently tell him... 

The possibilities were endless, but the main issue was not at all that simple. 

"Then what are going to do?" she pulled at her hair, looking as exhausted as he was feeling on the inside.

They had spent two hours screaming at each other, arguing, yelling, exclaiming, until they were late to catch the last portkey back to England, and had to stay. 

"What do you want me to do? I can't lie to him." 

"You're not lying, technically she's not a problem, we can pull it off if we're careful..."

"What about Black? You said that the Bastard knows." he didn't even know why he was having this conversation now. When every cell in his body seethed at him to break up with her then and there. But he couldn't, for some reason.

"He wouldn't want to hurt him Severus, but I understand if you..." 

She's already crying and Severus feels like it too. "I'm just saying that we have to tell him." and we can't. 

"He didn't remember me Sev, why should we ruin that for him?" 

Now that was a good question, if Harry didn't remember Janet in any shapes or forms there was no reason for him to suffer from the knowledge. Again, he brushed off the voice, telling him to break up with her. 

"We can't pull it off. I can't lie to him." 

"We just have to be careful Sev, and you're right, we can't tell him yet.." 

Severus had trouble fighting off his inner conflicts, betrayal and dread against his love and passion for both of them. He didn't want Harry to be in pain, he didn't want his son to suffer, and why tell him something as big as this, when he could just break up with her eventually? 

Although the last theory seemed less tempting everyday, specially when he caught himself thinking about words like marriage, and commitment. 

"But what then? What are /you/ going to do?" Janet pursed her lips for a moment. 

"You know I regretted what I've done. I will make if up to him, when the time is right Sev." 

"Make it up to him? How?" he wasn't sure any amounts of apologies would mild his son over, no matter how good hearted he was. 

Janet hesitated again, looking a little embarrassed and flushed. "I show him first, you know... Be the mother figure he might need." she blushed heavily and pulled at her clothes, crossing her legs. Severus frowned but said nothing. 

Was she hinting at him? That despite everything, she wanted a family with him and Harry? Severus didn't know how to feel about that, he felt like he was betraying his son by not breaking this up immediately after learning who she really was, but in all honestly, Janet couldn't be counted as an abuser, as Lily was abusing Harry way before that. 

But that was no excuse, she should have reported something, she should have saved Harry, saved his son. His mind countered back again by thinking ; she did help him, she pushed them into disowning Harry eventually, Harry was here now, Harry was safe, with him... 

The past was the past, and all had their regrets, who was he to judge, when he was so full of mistakes himself? He was a deatheater. No crime was above what he had done in his youth, and no amount of regret would bring back the ones he had wronged. But Harry forgave him, Harry loved him...  
Could he give her a chance? 

"We have to tell him someday." he said with finality. We will tell him someday. He thought, Harry would forgive and move on. Harry was strong.   
Harry was his and no one else's. 

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

"How is he?" Severus didn't take his red rimmed eyes off Harry's moving chest. 

"The same." his throat was croaky, and his mouth felt like a desert. He was terribly thirsty, and had been sitting here, in this uncomfortable hospital chair for what seemed like ages, with no grasp of time other than counting the times Harry has breathed since he was lucid enough to count. Self destructing himself as he realized that Harry wasn't breathing on his own every time he counted. 

After the chaos he had caused with the nurses, none of them saw it fit to at least hand him a cup of coffee, or a drop of water, not that Severus cared, but the exhaustion doubled with thirst lingering in his foggy mind made him think about weird things. Like how the sheet's bright orange color didn't match with Harry's skin, or the way Harry's mouth was never open as he slept. It made him wonder where all that drool, that Harry had smeared all over his robes at stormy nights when he was a child came from. 

He rubbed his face and sighed. Even his word order seemed off. Shaking his head, the potion master got back to his counting. Where was he? Oh yeah, Two thousand and thirty one... 

Inhale.... Exhale... Two thousand and thirty two... 

"Severus." her voice was shrill compared to the soft wheeze of Harry's breathing and Severus found himself oddly angry about it. It disturbed his nice, comfortable, and confined mental cocoon he had created for himself.

"What?" two thousand and thirty three. It was funny how he thought counting was an odd coping mechanism. It really wasn't. It even had this consolatory sense of purpose to it, Severus knew that he was counting, but didn't know why or how long he would do so, it was a good propose, with loads of loose ends. He knew why Harry liked it now. He didn't have to put any effort to it. 

"Severus!" his fiance shook him by the shoulders. 

Severus huffed and turned to face her, irritated and exasperated to the point of sneering. 

"What is it?" he didn't know who he was angry at, himself or Janet, or even Harry. He recoiled, not Harry. Never Harry. He mentally apologized to his son again and bit his lips.

Janet rolled her eyes. "You haven't been listening to a word I just said, have you?" she handed him a plastic mug, filled with murky dark substance that Severus assumed was coffee. He wrinkled his nose, the smell was /disgusting/, and there was no sprinkles in sight.

"I asked ' how is he? And when are they going to transfer him? Others want to see him too. '" she didn't look at Harry herself, and Severus got the impression that she was more ashamed than disgusted by Harry's appearances. 

"Others?" surely it was too late to be here, the hospital would not have allowed them to stay after visiting hours, Severus threw a massive tantrum for the same reasons.

"Arthur and Molly. Black and Lupin went to get the Weasley kids." she clarified and sat down on Harry's bed, balancing herself on the very edge as to not disturb Harry. She looked a little taken back as she noticed the empty jars and vials on Harry's side table. Severus pointedly ignored her.

"The kids? He's not allowed to have visitors." even if he was allowed, Severus wouldn't allow a bunch of fourteen years old watch his son like a freak show. None of the adults had even dared to ask in the following hours, and Severus was not about to let anyone other than the healer to touch his son. 

"No, they're babysitting, apparently the twins have pranked their aunt Mouriel, she was so pissed off that she called Arthur to come and get the kids. Black was going to the ministry anyway, so agreed to leave them with Lupin." She explained in one go and downed her own cup. Severus just shook his head and turned his face back to Harry's bandaged chest, subconsciously adding up the numbers he missed. 

"When is he going to wake up?" she took his cup and drank that too, having figured that it might as well not go to waste. Severus knew this must be her twentieth_ish cup by now. 

"When the potions wear off. It might take up to seven hours." 

"Great, that's plenty of time." she declared and waved her wand, disposing of the empty mugs. Severus blinked and stared at her blankly. 

"For what?" he couldn't fathom anything else they needed to get done. As far as he was aware the paper work was done, the bills were all payed and Janet had bought the necessary potions three hours ago. What did they miss?!

Janet saw his internal conflict and shook her head quickly. 

"For you to get cleaned up. Honestly, we look like homeless people Severus." 

The potion master shook his head and grasped the limp hand lying on the bed across him. Clutching it as though it might disappear. 

"I'm not leaving." the tip of the blackened fingers peaked out of the gauze, and if Severus wasn't already so spent, he would have cried again. Every time he saw a remnant of the ruined state his son was in, he was drowned in guilt and his overactive imagination, replaying his small child huddled in a tree, shivering... He inhaled. Counting seemed much more simple and straightforward. 

"We are in our night robes, you need a shave and a shower and preferably some sleep too." 

Now that she said it like that, Severus noticed that she had the same appearances as well, although she looked a little better. She must have cleaned up with magic. He realized. 

"I'm not leaving him." even if the dark lord himself walked to the ward, and put him at wand point, Severus didn't give a crap. He had to be here with his own son, where he was needed, he would never leave. Never. Except for when Harry wanted him to leave. He cringed, that was a different matter. 

"Severus you smell, and you're exhausted. Trust me, Harry won't want you looking like this, and it's not like we're leaving him. Arthur and Molly are here." her argument seemed fairly reasonable, but not tempting enough for Severus to leave his post. 

"Use magic. I don't care." 

"Please, just get some rest, eat something..." 

"No." again Severus found it funny how fatigue played out his personalities the way a child's did. Harry would've laughed his butt off, hearing him sound like a hufflepuff brat. 

"You're acting like a child Sev, Harry's not going to wake up by you sitting here, moping. And honestly? You look horrid as much as you act like it, you won't believe the nasty things the nurses said on my way here. I think your attitude will mild over a little if you eat, so...."

"I do not have an attitude." 

"You yelled at them. They just wanted to check his vitals, and you yelled like they were murdering you." 

"They were manhandling my child!" his eyes flashed, remembering the nurses groping at his child, his son, who hated to be touched. He seethed inwardly and promised himself a good revenge. 

"They were giving him shots!" she exclaimed, mouth wide open in disbelief. 

"Harry doesn't like needles." he also did not like banshee like step mothers screeching near his bed as he slept, or didn't like to sleep with only one pillow under his head like it was now, he often confessed that his neck always ached when he did so, Severus would have asked for some extra pillows, but those damn nurses... 

"He is unconscious, he isn't going to know, or care. Please, you seem really disoriented. Just come with me..." Severus frowned, her tone sounded off, like she was holding back, but then again he could be imagining things again.

"I am not leaving. You can talk all you want, but I'm not leaving him here." 

"This is a hospital Sev, not Azkaban, it's literally swarming with healers and professionals. nothing is going to happen, and the Weasleys are here to keep watch..." 

"The last time I trusted them with my son, he nearly got stumped to death!" his agitation alarmed Harry, and he shifted a little, whimpering. Severus instantly calmed down, his eyes wide on the heart monitor. 

"You're being unreasonable. You need to clean up and change your clothes Severus. Look at yourself!" 

"You go by yourself, I'm not coming." he untangled his hand from Harry's and leaned back in that damn chair. Janet cursed loudly and closed her eyes. 

"You're just making their jobs easier, Black and Lupin are just looking for you to slip. /This/ is exactly the kind of thing they can use in the court! You can't let them know that, so get up now snape." she snapped and grabbed him by the shoulders, Severus remained speechless. It stung. Because he had been considering his options for a while, and honestly... Maybe adoption was a bad idea from the start. 

"Can't I?" he muttered, and brushed her off, he stared at Harry intently, drinking in every detail that he might have missed, even though, he wanted to retch his guts out as he watched the face. It would heal, the healers reassured him, but would it really? From what Severus could see, the burns were really bad, and they were already healed, the skin was... Well, kind of mismatched in tone colors, the replaced areas were paler than Harry's original face color, and the scalp was completely red, as if Harry had shaved and dumped his head in paint, and then creased his head like an unfolded shirt.

He swallowed the lump in his throat grievously. 

"Severus? What the hell are you talking about?" 

"We should let them." True that Lupin was a werewolf, but honestly, the danger Harry had been while under his care would be half of what he was suffering from now. He should've let them take Harry to Australia. Sure, the child would hate him, but at least he wouldn't have to look like a warmed up corpse with bandaged eyes. 

"Are you barking mad?! Severus, this is /Harry/ we're talking about here." she gestured wildly to Harry, and Severus sneered, as if he needed another reminder. 

"Look at him Janet, and look at me. He doesn't belong with me, or you. He's hurting." it killed him to admit that, actual physical pain, to admit that Harry needed someone else other than him. His heart missed a few beats as it protested against his ribs. 

He remembered every time he held Harry, every time he snapped Harry a picture without him even knowing, pictures that both claimed was embarrassing, but really liked it. Severus wondered if he had been fooling himself by taking those pictures, or buying Harry things that he didn't need, tricking himself with hugs and kisses, as if nothing wrong with his son. 

There was something wrong with Harry. For years. He had suffered from anxiety his whole life, had been abused and belittled to the point of sever depression. And Severus had done nothing to cure that, to help Harry, get him a therapist, give him the help he so badly needed. He admitted to himself, that maybe it was because of his aberrant need to care for his child all by himself. 

He realized, now, that how much he /wanted/ Harry to depend on him, to seek his help, his touch, he needed Harry to need him, because Severus felt /wanted/. As a cynical person whose only purpose in life was brewing potions, that felt like a lot. But he loved every second of it, he /lavished/ the small boy fawning over him, looking up to him, running to him when he was scared, safe in his arms. 

He engulfed in giddiness whenever Harry had looked at him with pride, as every parent rightfully would, he was sad when his son was down, and jovial when Harry smiled. Harry was his fleck of sunshine. He made Severus's bitter life into a whole new world, he gave him love and loosened him to be himself, to be goofy, long around in pyjamas all day and drink his coffee with sprinkles because Harry wanted him to. 

Harry had made his stiff, boring and plain looking life, into an adventure, and Severus had ruined that, he had taken advantage of Harry. He had /neglected/ Harry by denying him the mental help he needed, and because of that Harry might not even make it to his fifteenth birthday. 

Even if he pulled through this, he still had to deal with the anxiety of the daily life with Snape, now with the new heart problems and deformities (his fault entirely) which endangered his life every time he had a panic attack , he had to deal with normal teenager issues, he had to deal with living with his abuser's sister and her child in a twisted sense of irony and not complain, because he simply couldn't risk getting worked up about it and getting a heart attack. 

Harry wouldn't have that problem if he went with the canines. 

"You're kidding. Severus you're barking mad, you're far worse than I actually thought, come on, we're going to get you some sleep." Janet rubbed his back and nudged him to stand, but Severus remained in his chair. 

"He won't live with me after this. I can't allow it." 

"Why the hell not?! Severus you literally spent /months/ trying to get custody of him and now you're giving him up?!" her incredulous tone was enough to snap Severus out of his self pitying nest and into a new fit of rage. 

"And where is he now?! In a hospital bed, /dying/." his voice cracked with emotion, his throat thick with the sob trying to burst through. 

"He will pull through, the healer said..." 

"The healer said that he might stay like this for the rest of his life, that he might have a heart attack at every flipping panic attack! That's what that Bastard said!" the thought made him nauseous again, making him, utterly sick and tired of comparing the six year old Harry to the Harry lying in front of him. The difference was tragic and startling.

Janet stuttered, looking taken back. "We can get through this..." 

"Not /we/, Janet. Not /we/. You have no right to say something like that when you might as well be the reason for his condition." he was being harsh and   
unreasonable, but he was hurting and in pain. He had the right to lash out and be angry, even if it hurt her.

"I told you the whole story...." Janet pleaded, looking him honestly in the eyes.

"A full year after we were together. What else haven't you told me?" in his exhausted state of mind, he had no idea what he was saying, this conversation was rather irrelevant to their situation situation and utterly unnecessary. 

"What the hell are you talking about now Sev?" 

"You and Lily were awfully alike, it's surprising that you had nothing to gain out of this deal. Isn't it?" at the mention of his best friend and his son's abuser, Severus felt glad that he hadn't drunken that coffee. 

"What are you....?"

"So you mean to tell me that you just consulted her out of the goodness of your heart?! That you constantly examined a poor abused child, claimed him a squib, right in front of your eyes and clamped your lips shut as if nothing was wrong?!" 

"I never took a knut from Lily Severus. Never! I told you, I was young and naive..." she exclaimed, looking worked up, tired, miserable and ready to cry. Severus knew with a pang of guilt that she was still pregnant. 

"And poor. You pushed them to disown him," he accused her nonetheless. 

"I was scared for his life! They were killing him! Disowning him was a blessing Severus..." 

"They left him in the streets!" flashes of that night came to the front of his mind, and Severus shuddered.

"Why are we arguing about this?! Severus open your eyes, he is fourteen now, you saved him! you are his father! You can't let them take him again." 

"Black is his godfather, and I'm a deatheater, engaged to his abuser, and almost the cause of his untimely death and permanent damage! The court might as well just hand him over to the wolf on a silver platter!" he felt dizzy, disoriented and irrationally angry. Harry shifted again, sensing the unease tension. 

Janet grasped his face and turned it to Harry. "Then fix it! Severus I love you. I /told / him that I love you. He /asked/ me, he made me promise that I wouldn't abandon you. But if it's best for him, maybe you can end things with me. I want you to see, to know, that I'm not taking over your son. I don't want to ruin his life."   
"I can't." he muttered, and brushed her off. 

"We can make it work somehow, the baby..." she looked at Harry, trailing off.

"I can't let you go. I can't decide between you and my own son." he hated himself, to the core and back, he hated himself. 

"Severus..."

"And it's not like my opinion matters anymore, Harry would never want to see me again." he had lost count, and he was still panicked. Counting had been pointless.

"He loves you, Severus he is going to forgive you." same words as Albus's heartfelt speech. Utter crap. 

"I lied to him, plain and simple, he hates me." he did, Harry hated him enough to run away, dosed with a sedative, and even leave a note. That was true hate behind that note, the one still crumbled in his pocket.

"You're giving up on him." she accused, looking ready to slap him. Severus couldn't care less. 

"I've been down right cruel to him, all these months. You know what's the worst part?" he smiled bitterly, with no humor. Feeling his heart strings clench in pain.  
"I don't feel any remorse, I did for Harry though, I would give my life to keep him safe, but I don't feel any remorse for hiding this from him... For not taking his side of things, getting him a therapist..." he was a monster, he felt like it. He felt like he had been neglecting Harry. 

"You're only human Severus." she interrupted him and he bristled.

"What is the difference between me and the Potters then? Janet I /lied/ to him, I brushed his depression off as it was just a phase, I ignored him, I almost drove him to his death, I hit him..."

I hit him. He had struck Harry in the face. No matter how long ago it had happened, it still shocked him to the core, he hit Harry... 

"Once. You only struck him once Severus. You were angry..." Her reasoning was interrupted again.

"Nothing, nothing gives me the right to raise a hand on my son. I humiliated him on his birthday, I hit him Janet. I promised I would never hit him." he had promised. He broke the one promise he swore to keep. The injustice of it all made him feel more helpless and disgusted as ever.

"He forgave you." he surged to his feet again, Harry shifted uneasily. 

"Did he? Did he forgive us? Janet, we might have apologized for our misgivings and neglect, but I should've known better...." glancing at Harry, he soothed him with a hand on his chest, closing his eyes.

"Known what?" 

"Known Harry. I have been vile, crude even... I basically tore into his mind, I made him feel unsafe, threatened enough to run away, I drove him to the woods, I pushed him into liking you, I pressured him on staying, I..." he had wronged Harry. 

He was right that night. If Severus cared for Harry, he wouldn't have done that, he wouldn't put Harry through this.

"You helped him off the streets, you camped out in the ministry for months for his custody, you sat right next to him night after night, you cared for him when he was sick, you over came your own bitterness to care for him, you /love/ him. He's your child Severus." 

"He's far better off with Black and Lupin, they can do all those things without getting him killed in the process." the mutt seemed to care for Harry, and his child would be better off with them. Away from here and all this mess. He felt Janet hit him across the neck and turned in a flash, facing her red and narrowed eyes. 

"Can they relate to him? Can they help a fourteen year old teenager? Not just any teenager, Harry? You and I both know that Harry is not fourteen, he is all but a child in his mind. Look at me in the eyes, and tell me that those two dogs are capable of taking care of our son. Tell me that they will raise Harry into a fine young man, way better than you did." she hissed, her nails digging in his shoulders and her hair flowing in her face. 

"I..."

"You can't. I told you that I'm willing to let you go for him and I meant it..." 

"But I'm not!" his voice was louder than he intended to, and Harry pulled in another sharp breath on his bed.

"Well then, what is your problem?!" 

"I can't force you on /him/! He's traumatized by you! Breaking things off with you isn't going to help the matters!" this time, Harry's whimper went unnoticed in the heat of their fight.

"Then what will? Giving him up to a pair of irresponsible baboons? Who allegedly left him all by himself in the middle of the night, not to mention in a cursed house, to come and throw a row with their school rival in a fit of petty rage?!"

"He would be..."

"What, fine? What has gotten into you?! First you vow to never let them touch Harry over his rotting corpse and now you're handing him over as if he's nothing but a used handkerchief? Get over yourself and have some logic!" 

"You're the one to say! You might not be the abuser, but you were a direct cause! How do you expect Harry... Or anyone to live with that?!" even by his standards that was cruel. He would not force that on Harry. Not anymore.

"I saved him! He wouldn't have been alive at all if I hadn't pushed them into disowning him!" 

"Instead of just reporting abuse to the ministry like any other normal person would?! You claim to be so average and normal and yet...." they were so many loopholes, so many things he did remember Janet mentioning, but could not recall now. 

"You think my word had any credit against James Potter's ? You think I visited Lily on purpose for my own sick pleasure to see a child being beaten around?! No Severus! I went because I owed her! I owed that bitch, my hands were tied!" she kept her voice down as her hand brushed against the bandaged hand lying next to hers. 

"You told Lily..." Janet shook her head, intervening once again.

"Harry didn't see what he think he saw Severus. He was a child, he was traumatized, I barely saw him twice after the first meeting, I didn't even talk to him directly..." Janet emphasized each sentence, her breath short. 

"That is not the point here, what am I supposed to do? He will be homeless, tossed into foster care if I refuse to give him to Black and Lupin or if he keeps running away..." he argued back, almost completely forgetting about Harry's presence.

"Then don't! We can fix this together! Just..." 

"Stop, just stop talking, it's bothering him." he suddenly noticed the heart monitor, and frowned, it was too soon for Harry to wake up, it must be the tension. He instantly felt a pang of guilt, whereas Janet just shook her head.

"You think it's the argument?!" Severus sneered. 

"What else could it be?! His damn pain medic...... Oh shit!" the counting. He realized with horror. He had lost count! He was supposed to give Harry the pain potion at nine, and had counted his time away instead of getting a watch. Damn!

"What is it?" She looked back and forth between them as Severus frantically spelled the vial in the IV. Looking crushed with guilt. 

"What time is it?! Tell me now!" he wanted to know how late he was, how long he should berate himself again, for leaving Harry in pain while he was just standing /there/, arguing! 

"Nine thirty?" she stated, catching up with him. 

Severus cursed, and closed his eyes. Thirty minutes. His conversation with Janet had lasted about ten minutes, and Severus had missed out the other twenty minutes. Harry had been uncomfortable for thirty minutes. More the reason you should let him go you git, he thought to himself savagely. The healer was going to kill him after he did it himself.

"Oh merlin, it's okay Harry! It's okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I forgot the pain potion. Oh god, I'm such an idiot..." 

"Do you want me to call a nurse?" she looked ready to bolt, her pupils wide and clear despite the dark hollows under her eyes.

"No, I was supposed to give it to him, I'm so sorry Harry, Daddy's so sorry..." he stroked the head gently, feeling the creases under his fingers, and once again felt overwhelmed. Janet paused, looking at his wrist.

"You don't have a watch." she stated the obvious, her tone baffled and dumbstruck. Severus rolled his eyes and barked at his fiance. 

"I was counting before you decided to interrupt me woman!" he was so stupid, he should've just let the nurses give him the shots, he screwed up again, he didn't deserve Harry. 

"You were counting?! Severus...!" 

"Shush! Can't you see it's agitating him?! Shut up!" Severus loomed over the child protectively, his eyes narrowed in concentration. Janet ignored him.

"I'm calling a nurse, and you are coming with me, you're no good to Harry like this." Severus glared savagely. 

"I'm not leaving." 

"Don't be an idiot." she turned towards the door, and marched to the door. 

"You're the idiot for abandoning him." she continued, her tone strange and unrecognizable. 

"I'm not." he protested. He was many things, a traitor, a spy, a Bastard and a cruel person on the top of that, but he wasn't stupid. 

Janet pursed her lips, looking like she was about to drop a bombshell. Severus stilled, and she hesitated before walking the distance back to him.

"You are, you have no idea how big this mess can get Severus." this sounded like her last warning. 

"Potters can plead custody of Harry again." she said it in one breath, her posture stiff and her eyes wide. Severus nearly had a heart attack, he sputtered. He didn't hear her right, that was the only explanation. The thirst was taking its toll. 

"What?" he sank down in his chair, flabbergasted, a cold chill ran down his spine. And Severus /shook/. 

Janet gulped, licking her lips, she shook her head. 

"Rhetorically he is disowned for his lack of magical abilities, he's not a squib now, they know that Severus... We can't..." she stammered, looking as helpless as he felt. The potion master was still in shock, what the hell?! 

"What in the merlin's name are you talking about?!" was this a cruel prank?! Because if it was, Snape was going to kill each and every one of them no matter the consequences. This was bullshit, unreal, mad... He cursed loudly. 

Janet continued guiltily. 

"Black wants to put you on court, and the Potters can still reclaim him if you are deemed unfit Severus. Legally, even if Black wins the trial the Potters can take him back as his biological parents. Have you thought of that? Potters disowned him because he was a squib, now that they know he's not..."   
Quite the opposite. Harry was more powerful than he was, always had been... He felt his head spin again. 

"You are not serious Janet. I adopted him." he had spent months convincing the ministry, he had tolerated endless meetings with social workers, the sheer stress he had felt then, did not compare to what he was feeling now. 

"Harry kept his name Severus, technically he is still a Potter. James can easily buy the court to testify against us." that filth was rich enough to buy the ministry if he wanted to, oh merlin. They were screwed, all of them... Harry couldn't go back! Harry couldn't go back there! He jumped to his feet, and seized his hair. 

"But I filed for abuse, I gave them evidence! We had a lawyer, Harry is not allowed to even see them or talk to them..." he babbled, sneaking a glance at his son every few seconds. Harry was alive. He repeated. Harry was safe. Harry was his. 

"He can, if you lose the court. Harry is basically the key here, and Black just went to demand a custody plea..." 

"Did he know what hell he's doing?! They will kill Harry!" that bloody moron! That mutt just ruined everything! Potter would kill Harry, Harry couldn't survive that, he couldn't. Harry was a child, not a doll being passed around. 

"I'm so sorry Severus, I tried to tell them that but even Lupin didn't listen, we just have to wish for the best. And we can't let Harry demand trial, we can't let him go, even if he wants that." she stared at Harry, with determination and desperation mixed on her face, looking shaken up, and lighter, now that she'd told him the truth.

"What am I going to do?" what was he going to do?! Why couldn't they just take a break?! Why couldn't Harry just have a normal, quiet life?! His son wasn't even conscious yet and Severus was losing him again.

Janet stopped him with a hug, she pressed a firm kiss to his temple before drawing back. Her face painted with fierce persistence only Evans could possess. She took a deep breath. Pulling herself together. 

"You're going to go home, get some rest and then come back here to talk with Harry." she ordered firmly, and tried to drag him with her. 

"I explain everything as soon as we quit this homeless expression." she threw a disgusted look at their appearances and opened the door. 

"I'm still not leaving." Harry needed him here, he was not leaving, he couldn't leave now, that he knew /they/ could have him, not when Black just ruined everything...

Janet snapped him out of his thoughts again with a loud sigh.

"Sev, we need a plan. We are in this together." 

"I really want to make up to Harry, no matter how long it takes. So stop being like Black and go home for at least half an hour." 

"But who...?" he took a longing glance at his child and trained off.

"I keep watch, you come back and then I'll go with the Weasleys, we'll see what we can do next." 

"Harry." it came out more like a plea, than a grunt of resistance. 

"He will be fine, Severus think ahead, please." she seemed to know that a shower would snap him back into character. Severus knew that he needed a clear head, he needed his ambitious, and his cunning abilities to be a strong parent Harry needs. He couldn't screw up, not again. 

As if reading his mind Janet nodded.

"I don't care if he hates us. We are his parents. Not the Potters. Yes Severus, /we/ are his parents." 

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

/"Just sit still!" Harry pouted, squirming on the couch. Severus sighed in exasperation, shuffling the camera to his other hand.

"Why are you making this difficult? We take pictures all the time." 

Harry pouted again, fumbling with his black tie. "Tomorrow I'll go away to Hogwarts, I'm nervous out of my mind and you want a photograph out of my misery?" he sighed dramatically, sniffing. 

"We've been over this Harry, this is your last night as an unsorted student. Of course I want a picture." 

"What if I'm not in Slytherin?!" Harry flailed his arms theoretically, whining. 

"You'll be fine." Severus had said this sentence so many times that he felt like puking. This had been Harry's act all day, switching between smugness and uncharacteristic drama, to being self conscious and anxious. 

"What if I'm in Hufflepuff?! What then Dad?! What then?!" 

"Oh yes, what then?" he rolled his eyes then, his hands dropping by his sides. 

"No matter the house, I will always be proud of you." Harry narrowed his eyes.

"You won't be saying that when I'm off to the Gryffindor tower." the boy accused, pointing a finger at him. 

"You'll be fine." he gritted out, shaking his head. Harry ignored him, and bit his fingernails, his eyes squinted behind his rectangular glass frames, and his mouth curled in a grimace. 

"Or Ravenclaw." he said it as it was like a taboo. Having given up on the photo, the potion master walked up to his son and dropped next to him.

"House doesn't matter." 

"Oh god! What if Ron's right?! What if I'm brave enough to be in Gryffindor?! I shouldn't have eaten that worm!" 

Rolling his eyes up to the heaven, Severus closed his eyes, recalling a hysterical Harry washing out his mouth after swallowing a worm as a dare just last week. 

"Even if you're in Hufflepuff, I will be proud. Calm down." for the first time in his life Harry actually glared. 

"You're doing it again Dad." Severus raised an eyebrow.

"The face thing you do when you don't actually mean what you say." Harry clarified, eyeing the camera with slated eyes. 

"I do not have a face 'thing'." he got up again, taking the camera out of Harry's reach. 

"You do. I saw your welcoming speech as you rehearsed.... So..."

Harry then yelped when the camera flashed, catching him unprepared. Severus smirked, admiring the new picture ready to be added to his gallery. 

"NOOOO!Dad you promised not to take it like that!" /

Severus was on the same couch, flipping through the album he had found in his wardrobe as he dressed. He still had half an hour to fill up, and knew that he couldn't sleep, out of desperation and loneliness, he took the albums, fully aware that he would cry over every picture like a damn baby. He swore, he had not cried as much in almost ten years, all his reputation was ruined in two months.

Harry exclaimed in the picture again, bringing his hands up in defense. 

Snape took a deep breath, determined to shut out the memories and just look at the damn photos. 

/"No Daddy, don't!" Harry shrieked, running around, covered in paint from head to toe. 

"It's just a picture!" Severus followed after him, also covered in blue paint. 

"I'm ugly! Don't, Daddy!" 

"You're not ugly!" Snape took the picture and caught up to the child, engulfing him in a crushing hug. 

"I'm ugly! Ugly duckling!" /

He had struck him. He had slapped that child, square in the face, he had bruised him, the same child in the pictures, he had belittled Harry, he had forced everything on him, the marriage, the baby, everything...

What right did he ... Or anyone else for that matter had, to hit another human being? a child? /His/ child no less. 

Now that he was away from Harry, and had (guiltily) obtained some breathing room in his own house, he was pondering his options again. Even if Janet was right, and the Potters could reclaim custody, Severus was still dubious. 

He wanted Harry, he never wanted to let his son go with a bunch of untamed dogs to merlin knew where, he didn't want Harry to end up back with his biological parents, or the notorious muggles he was forced to live with in summers. 

But there was so much between them, ever since he started dating Janet, he had lost Harry. How naive was he? To actually believe that Harry had forgiven them?! He could see everything now, every little twitch and grimace, uncomfortable posture and glares... All of it climaxed when the argument happened, Severus apologized, Severus begged for forgiveness, but in all reality, Harry had seen none of those. 

Harry only saw his own imagined, thought-out and twisted future, being abandoned and tossed around between friends and family for weeks, with depression flaring, and right up to his breaking point. Harry never forgave Severus. He accepted their apologies as a form of desperation, as a form of punishment, as if he deserved it. Snape cursed, burying his shamed expression in the photo album, running a tired hand through his damp hair.

They had to fix this, properly this time, he would fall onto his knees, he would earn Harry's forgiveness, because he refused to be like Potters, he refused to use Harry for his own gain and let him suffer. 

Harry could do whatever he wanted as soon as he woke up, Harry could hit Severus exactly the same way Severus had, just to serve as a reminder. He just had to find a way, to keep Harry, to win the court, and stop the Potters and the canines from taking him. No matter how much Harry hated him, he loved Harry, and he would make sacrifices. He would put Harry's happiness before his own, just like Harry did. Just like he thought that he had.

 

Because Harry was still his, and would not be someone else's.


	9. chapter nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> three and still counting...
> 
> /italic/  
> *bold*

Chapter nine.

 

He was freezing cold and hopeless , he could feel each limb losing its function, /felt/ his legs go numb and his skin peel off like a fruit's. It was horrific. Chillingly heart wrenching and traumatizing, it was one of those things he knew he would never forget. He was terrified out of his mind and unable to call out, completely forgotten. /Dying/. The sensation was unspeakable. 

Then all of a sudden a loud noise hit him. Out of nowhere, just as he remembered his Dad, the lighting struck the tree, Harry only had time to register the dismaying and blinding light above him before his head hit the back of the trunk brutally, and he was over taken by the excruciating pain as he blacked out. His bliss didn't last long. 

Limbs that had gone numb long ago, were now on fire, he could see them burning with blurry eyes but couldn't feel them burn, at first his mind couldn't comprehend the image, but soon, the flames were everywhere, every bit of his skin, his hair, and God... His face. Although the confined hole wasn't big enough for Harry to trash or yell, it was enough for the smoke to chock him within seconds, and damn, it hurt. 

He was so confused and in pain that he couldn't feel himself burning in a tree, he just heard his blood rush in his ears and his body catch on fire, he heard the cackling of fire more than feeling the flames catch on his body, he felt the awful smell than seeing it out of his soot covered glasses, thankfully they were charmed and did not burn, providing some protection for his eyes, but the small mercy wasn't enough for Harry to hold on to his consciousness. 

He was floating. The sharp smell of the smoke was etched in his nose and throat for a long time, and then as soon as he could actually breath again there was this smell, this repulsive odor of torched skin, and Harry instantly felt like gagging, but even the thought of moving a muscle in his face made his heart give away.   
As sharp cold needles landed on his skin like acid, Harry Potter finally succumbed to unconsciousness. 

Xx

He knew something was different in an instant. The extreme weight pulling his body down was very strong, aside from the fact that his body felt heavy, yet weightless, the gravity pulled him down to the soft surface beneath as if binding him. Despite the heaviness, Harry knew that his skin was not in contact with the soft cover underneath. There was something thick, firm and yet a little soft, preventing him from feeling skin, it scratched a little, but that was the least of his worries. If he could have frowned, he would have, because something felt wrong. Everything felt wrong. 

To the tip of his fingers and back to his eyes, everything felt out of place, almost acting out of habit, Harry stilled. He was used to waking up in confusion, specially after difficult nights... But never in an unfamiliar environment, where was he? He had no recollection of where he was, and what had happened to him, his mind itched to count, to calm him down in a stressful situation, but he was too stubborn. He could still be dreaming for all he knew.

Harry kept his breath steady and inspected his situation. He smelt disinfectant in the air, the smell torched his nostrils, and it was quite familiar. Harry let his breath out slowly through his mouth, he wriggled his tongue in his overly dry mouth to test function and breathed in relief. At least that one seemed to be working.   
His head was naked. As soon as he reigned his senses, he felt the blunt chill on his scalp, and immediately shuddered. 

Opening his mouth to call out, Harry stopped suddenly. Why was he so confused, and drowsy? Where was he? No matter how hard he pushed, his mind just came out blank. He gulped the big lump in throat, and brushed off the urge to cry. How could he even call out to someone? What if he was in danger? Darn, he couldn't remember anything. 

He took another deep breath, and licked his lips with almost no saliva left in his mouth. Start easy... Start easy... He thought.

My name is Harry Potter. He knew that. He was fourteen, he had green eyes and black unruly hair, he was short... What else? 

He was adopted. He had a Dad. Yeah... He remembered that part too, he had a stuffed rabbit, and a few friends... 

So far, bits and pieces of his life had came back to him, identity, family, that kind of stuff were all there... What he was confused about now, were his location, his situation, the reason he was there and his dad's whereabouts. Which he would find out eventually. 

Feeling more confident, Harry's head jerked in pain as he nodded to himself. Groaning, the boy cursed. It hurt! 

The sting brought him back to the realm of reality once again, and he couldn't help but gasp as he was suddenly engulfed in pain. He couldn't open his eyes, they were heavy enough that Harry felt like they were glued together, and his body ached. It ached terribly, specially his legs, he gave an experimental wiggle of his toes, only to find them firmly wrapped up too. 

Alright... So he was bound... He was hurt, he didn't know where he was... His sense of urgency was rising rapidly. 

He gulped painfully, feeling his chest tighten and his skin flare . He tried to focus, taking deep breaths, and try to remember how did he end up here.  
He almost convulsed as the pictures rushed back in one go, and his other senses joined him with a heavy jolt. There was a loud voice beeping next to his ears for a minute before it was tuned out completely. Panicked, and in pain, Harry tried to open his eyes, only to find them forcefully closed. His hands fumbled up to his face but then another set of hands grabbed his forcefully and yet gently, and contained them. 

He gasped, horrified, vivid images swirled in the front of his mind. He had ran away. In a storm. Harry remembered every second, every scrape and tear he had shed, his stiff legs, the rain, his head pulsing with pain and pumped with calming draught, out of his mind, how had he ended up in a tree, freezing... Then a lighting struck...

The beeping sound went off again, wailing with him in fear and pain and confusion.

Until there was a voice, speaking gibberish in his ear. Maybe not gibberish, but Harry was so freaked out that he couldn't hear them properly. He focused on the voice, feminine, old, and familiar. Harry couldn't place it, all he could see in his mind was the dingy dark cupboard, the tarnished view from the filters, and the woman with sweet perfume. 

Janet. His mind supplied and Harry nearly fainted. 

Janet. Her petite frame, as she leaned down and waved her wand over his head every three weeks, her shrill voice ringing in his ears, and God, that smile... That horrible, sweet and twisted smile he hated so much. Even in childhood, he could tell the smile was mocking, meant to be comforting, and gentle, but in contrast with her unforgivable actions afterwards. 

Just as he was worked up enough to start screaming, there was a sudden pang like pain in his chest before his vision went dark again. 

Xx

"You really did a number on yourself, didn't you young man?" Harry winced as the roll was peeled off his face, his face immediately felt bare. 

Harry gulped, but didn't dare open his eyes in fear that they would fall out of his sockets. They felt very weird and /detached / from his face. It made him wonder how worse off he was, for them to wrap everything they couldn't heal in gauze and bandages. Literally everywhere except his face that is. 

"Harry? Can you hear me?" a Wand poked him and took his wandering hand before it got to his head.

"Yes." , his throat and specially his neck were very sore, and his voice came out abysmally hoarse. 

"Alright then, can you open your eyes please?" the clinical sound prodded his cheekbones, way close to his eyes for Harry's comfort. The boy gulped and peeled his eyes open. 

The sight wasn't what he was expecting, his vision was way more blurry than it was before without his glasses, his sight was so bad that he almost hit himself with his pretty thick arm cast. The healer caught the wandering hand just in time and shined a intense light in his eyes. 

"Hey!" Harry cried out, trying to draw back, the man didn't even apologized as he instructed Harry to follow the light with his eyes. 

Still blinking out the bright spots in his vision, Harry surveyed the room, glad that it was empty. But was startled with the sharp colors gracing the walls Harry had originally assumed white. 

He swallowed thickly. "Where am I?" was it just him, or did his voice sound thicker than usual? 

"A private ward in St. Mungo's. Your father insisted." Harry visibly flinched at the mention of his dad and his guts churned. What was he going to do now? What had even happened to him? Where was Dad? Did he even want Dad here with him? All of those questions came back with a jolt and Harry grazed his lips in anxiety.

"Hey there Harry, easy... Can't have you overexerted can we? I can call in your Dad if you want." 

No, he shook his head vigorously, even though it hurt. No, he didn't want to even think about anyone but himself right now. 

"Alright then, let's check those burns huh? The spell won't hurt but you might feel a little disoriented, you sure you don't want me to call someone in? There's a whole squad waiting outside." healer Johnson forced out a laugh and lowered him down again. Harry was half tempted to tell him to call someone in for his glasses, but instead just closed his eyes. 

Much to his astonishment and surprise the man didn't go for the bandages or even his chest, the wand was hovering over his /face/, Harry blinked owlishly and frowned, gasping a little as something shape and cold settled over his face like a halo. 

"What...?" the man hushed him and Harry couldn't do anything but stare . His face felt fine! In fact, it was the only place that was actually pain free. Why was the man checking out his face when his chest basically felt on fire?! 

He was then, eerily aware of the constant chill on his skull. /Directly/ on his scalp, and his eyes widened farther, realization hitting him like a train. 

"Where are my glasses?" he couldn't make out the man's outline, much less his face, but could tell that the man tensed. 

"Let me run my check and then we'll talk alright? No reason to panic now, I will just call in a relative and you relax." this man definitely didn't know about bedside manners, because Harry knew something was wrong in an instant and he was still drugged. 

"I'm not going to die, right?" he asked anxiously, eyes squinting to make out the man's gray goatee and his matching gray turtleneck.

"No! Of course not, that's a little dramatic don't you think?" 

Harry felt his head rise up and stared skeptically. "I was almost frozen to death in a tree and then struck by a lighting." and if that wasn't dramatic enough then what was? 

His throat clogged again as he remembered why he had ran away in the first place, the scenes played out in his mind like a movie as the healer droned on and he answered unnecessary questions. Harry thought a little unethical, that the healer was withholding some sort of information from him, but was too tired to really press the man for answers, whatever it was he would say it anyway. 

The man did say it, when he made sure that Harry was fine, despite being almost a dead corpse the night before. But then, Harry almost wished that he had died.   
When the healer cleared his throat and finished his report by saying that both his face and head had completely burned off. As in, his hair, eyebrows, and his scalp, which had peeled over, because of the literal and drastic temperature change. Harry blanched, blurry images of flames consuming his face surged into his mind.  
Burned. His hair, and his face were both burned to a crisp. To that point he hadn't shed a tear, did not have a panic attack, and frankly was shocked enough not pass out from some minor injuries. But this was too much.

Healer Johnson asked if he wanted see for himself and assured him that the face would heal eventually but Harry couldn't, he was so distraught and overwhelmed that he could barely breath properly, he was betrayed and lied thank had run away, he didn't need his ugly face to top it off as well. 

"We can use concealment charms Harry, if they really bother you, but your face heals faster if you didn't. Harry? Do you want me to call your father in?"   
Harry declined and closed his eyes, blinking to keep the tears at bay, he inhaled deeply and shook his head, letting the man to run his checkup and get the hell out of his room, he didn't even flinch at the needles puncturing his arm. 

In his state of shock, he noticed that the Weasley parents entered and sat next to him, while Harry closed his eyes and feigned sleep. The heart monitor gave him away though, but none of the adults called him on it, nor did they tried to touch him, for which Harry was very grateful. 

He was tempted to look in the mirror, to see just how ugly and freakish he was, to witness his nightmares coming true first hand, but knew that the moment he opened his eyes he would start crying and Harry was done doing that. He was done being a baby. As a way to punish himself, he crossed his arms over his chest and kept his eyes securely closed. Humorously, he felt like a polar bear, completely wrapped up in white, his arms were twice their normal size and wrapped in /thick/ bandages, and his face was surely.... Burned and disfigured and bare.

Though Harry didn't feel any different. His face mostly felt the same as always, as far as he knew, his eyes and his nose were still intact, his mouth worked good enough and his ears still functioned. 

That didn't mean he was fine by any means, he was /not/ fine. Not just physically, but mentally Harry felt like screaming. Now that he had nothing to distract himself with, and the Weasley parents were literally breathing down his neck, Harry had nothing to do other than replaying his memories one after the other, he pinpointed every time his dad had lied to him, every time Harry had foolishly trusted him and Janet. And then compared them to his forgotten childhood, the Janets were pretty much the same, and frustratingly, Harry's urge to murder her grew with each passing second. 

Every few seconds, after his drowsy mind drifted back to reality, Harry remembered to calm himself down so the heart monitor wouldn't tap dance and worry the others, the Weasleys were just waiting for an excuse to drug him again. Though, right now, Harry wasn't so opposed to the idea.

He was half tempted to accept the pain relievers and knock himself out, but was afraid that Dad or Janet came in with him unable to defend himself, Harry needed that control when he had to face them, and thus lied to the nurse through his gritted teeth as his body seared. 

He didn't know how much time passed again, but by the time he finished counting to one hundred and back, a nurse named Mary had finally given him some pain reliever shots (against his will) and some guy was talking to Mr. Weasley about the muggle painkiller pills. 

There was a single knock on his door and someone stepped in, striding right to his side. 

Harry's nose flared and his eyelashes fluttered furiously again his raw skin. Dad was here. He could /feel/ the man as he entered the room briskly. His heart clenched. Was Dad mad at him?! For running away? For stirring up this much trouble? If not before, Harry was certain that Dad wouldn't want him any longer now that he looked hideous. He must have really looked like the freak he was. 

Harry huffed, why did it matter?! He's the one who should be mad, not that liar hypocrite! But in the pit of his stomach, he couldn't help but think otherwise.   
"How long has he been awake?" the silky voice asked, the sound of brisk steps echoed in Harry's ears. He clenched his eyes tighter, seeing as it was the only organ that he was able to move. 

"Just an hour after you left for the ministry. I /think/ he's okay now." Harry wanted to sneer, make a sarcastic comeback or preferably, start yelling but that stupid nurse had dosed him up, even the roof of his mouth felt sluggish and gross. Dad was at the ministry, why? 

"Did the healer talk to him?" the voice was considerably closer than the last time.

Mrs. Weasley sounded dubious as she answered. "He did, though, Harry is taking it way better than we thought he would."

Harry rolled his eyes. /Harry/ was lying there right next to them!

"I see. Thank you, Molly, Arthur, I can't say how grateful I am. Your help was truly invaluable, I shall make it up to you as soon as..."

"Nonsense Severus. Harry is like a son to us." Harry doubted that very much, but also couldn't brush off the sincerity in her voice. He felt like a naughty child eavesdropping on his parent's conversations. 

"Nonetheless, I am forever grateful. Thank you again Molly, Arthur, why don't you go and rest a little?" the dismissal was not lost on Harry, and he could almost imagine his dad's pointed stare following the hurried married couple out of his room.

He stiffened, feeling the surge of anger and hatred rush past him again. 

"Harry? I know you're awake." Harry almost rolled his eyes. It wouldn't exactly take a genius to notice that. 

"Do you have any pains? Discomfort? How's your chest doing? Your face?" Harry stubbornly pursed his lips 

"Please, we need to talk son. You need to know everything Harry, it's not what you think." Dad pleaded, but made no move to physically touch him, not that Harry wanted him to, but still...

He didn't stop the snort of disbelief from escaping his mouth, and opened his eyes. He cruelly glared at the man's direction. 

Not what you think?! Oh Harry knows exactly what he should think, he had no doubts about it. 

/This man/ had befriended his almost aunt, who was completely in on his abuse, even had a hand in it for years, then he managed to date the said woman, and by some terrible twist of fate, wanted to marry the woman even after knowing who and what she was. And if things weren't bad enough, he didn't only hide this from Harry, but he allegedly slept with her and knocked her up, succeeding to complete Harry's vicious circle of life... Only this time, Harry had an ugly reminder for the rest of his life to carry on. 

"Harry please..." he swallowed. 

"Get out." he didn't have it him to lash out. Not really. He only had himself to blame.

"I know you're angry and hurt, but you must listen, this is important..." 

"Important like what? Like Jan....." he couldn't say her name. " Like /her/? Or important like the fact that you knew about it all while?" it took every effort out of him to not loose his head, and a great amount of saliva, so he wouldn't chock on his own words. 

"We don't have much time Harry, please. I need you to listen with an open mind before...." 

Harry lost it. 

"Open mind?! You want me to think with an open mind?! FUCK YOU! AND FUCK THAT BITCH! FUCK ALL OF YOU! YOU LIED TO ME! YOU FUCKING LIED TO ME! YOU SLEPT WITH HER! HOW COULD YOU?! HOW COULD YOU LIE TO ME?!" his throat was sobbing for relief, and his voice didn't have enough to carry one shouting, but Harry was not finished, not in the slightest. 

Before the potion master could stop him, Harry sat up and viciously pulled the IV out, thus proceeding to stop all of the fucking machines running around him.

"You... You knew... You knew everything, I saw it. I saw what you did to her!" he was beyond disgust, he was beyond indignation, he was /sick/.   
Dad shook his head and grabbed his shoulders firmly, trying to lower him down. Harry didn't back down. 

"LET GO YOU SICK BASTARD! LET ME GO!" 

"I wanted what was best for you, I always do, let me explain and stop shouting, you're hurting yourself..." Harry snarled, frustrated that he couldn't do much and was forced into lying down again.

"I think we're beyond me hurting, it's not like you give a fuck anyway." he savagely snapped, his eyes blazing with rage.

"If you just sit still and..." 

"How? How can you just stand there?! Without a /shred/ of regret and still order me around? How?!" 

Even without his glasses, Harry could see the man's frozen expression, the hurt etched in his features, and curled his lip. Dad deserved to suffer, he had no idea what he had put Harry through. No idea. 

"Did you plan it though? You... You let her have her way with me, and tossed me out like traps when....you ignored me.... You let her TOUCH ME! Did you do it on ___"

Dad interrupted him. "No merlin, no, Harry listen..." he sighed, running a tired hand over his face.

Harry couldn't. He couldn't just lie there defenseless and listen. "Had a good fuck didn't you?! You and Sirius, I bet that's the one thing you agreed on... Why tell him?! When we can watch him writhe in pain, why tell him that you're bloody sleeping with my abuser?! When we can watch him figure it out on his own, lying on his bed, lying in his own piss for /hours/ before..." 

Dad didn't stop him, his head was bowed in shame, Harry trailed off, his throat was completely clogged with vomit. He held back, and for the first time touched his mouth to keep the bile in. 

"Why aren't you talking?! Say something!" his voice broke at the end and Dad snapped out of his haze. 

"I can't, your healer forbade me from putting too much pressure on you, I'm not even supposed to be here. Harry, son, I never intended to hide this from you, I never wanted you to find out like this, to get hurt and feel unsafe or threatened by me." every word seemed to pour out of his soul, but it only made Harry want to shrink away in disgust. 

"I love you, Harry and i'm sorry, you can't even imagine how much , you need to listen." disgusted that Dad referred to him and /her/ with the same sentence. I love you. It was meaningless to him. 

"You don't mean that. You don't mean /anything/." he muttered, turning his head away, he coldly continued. 

"Love doesn't have definition, but mine was always about trust, mutual respect, loyalty, sacrifice... You did none for me. Look at me! Look at me and tell me that you love me Dad." look what you made of me! Look at what you made by forcing me into the storm! His heart clenched and tears leaked out.

"Calm down Harry, or I'll..." Dad was desperate, Harry could see. But couldn't understand why, was Dad repulsed by looking at him? He wanted to get away?

"Or you what Dad? Are you going to leave? Are you going to lie? Or are you going to hit me and then knock me out with drugs?" go on, push me away. 

"What are you going to do?" 

/"What did I do?! Daddy what are you going to do?!" his throat was raw as he was dragged into the narrow street, still disoriented from the apparation. His small stomach clenching in pain and anxiety.

"You're just going to wait here boy. You'll know soon enough." Daddy answered, the first droplets of rain landing on his shoulder. 

"What are you going to do?!" / 

The night still haunted him as if it was only yesterday, the utter /confusion/, the childish innocence, his retained love for James, even when it wasn't returned. He knew exactly where this conversation was going. 

Dad's hand was on his face, warm and smooth and soft. Harry couldn't keep it together anymore. The fourteen year old was torn. In every sense of the word. No idea how he should /feel/, everything was so simple before.... Why it couldn't be now? Why did she have to exist? Why did she have to enter their lives again? Why did she have to stole dad too? Weren't his parents enough? What should he do to get rid of /her/?

Dad brushed the tears away. Harry held to that scrap of hope. He could make it work if she was gone, he could ignore his hideous looks and ugly, disfigured face if she was out of their lives... He could forgive everyone else if she... 

If Dad let her go.

"I would let you calm down enough so we can have a normal stress free conversation. I don't want to hurt you, I want to..." Harry drew away, successfully batting the man off with his heavy arm.

"Calm down?! You want me to calm down? You're not serious. You're not bloody serious, you think..." he cut himself off.

/"I'm really sorry Harry, but I'm afraid it might take a while for your hair to grow back up, don't worry there are charms that we can..."

"...Slight deformity.... "/

/"You ugly freak! It's always you isn't it?! It's always you!" 

It's always about you, everything has to be your fault, you... /

No. This wasn't his fault. 

He was so glad that he didn't have glasses, because if he did, if he could see the potion master's face, even if for a second, he would kill him. He knew he would. 

He did the next best thing.

"Your petty explanations are the /least/ of my worries right now. I don't give a fuck about you! I WAS BURNED! you think I fucking care about /your/ selfish tendencies? Look at me! I'm hideous! I'm ugly! You did this! You and her! Get out! Get out of here! I don't want to see your face ever again!..." 

He knew exactly what to say, Dad was too dumbfounded to really resist the nurses hauling him out of the room when they barged in, his blurry vision didn't keep up with the chaos, and his chest throbbed painfully, even despite all this, Harry caught the look in the man's eyes clear as the day before Dad was ushered out and nurses rushed to him.

Self condemnation.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

 

Remus sighed and rubbed his temples, his slumped body seated on one of the kitchen's chairs, with seven children running around his house. 

The full moon was two nights ago, and yet Remus felt like shit. He probably looked half dead too. He didn't even know what to feel anymore. He excused himself out of the hospital early in hopes to get some rest so he could think rationally. With 'hope' being the key word.

"Shut the hell up! I need it for Harry." a weasley's voice cried out from the drawing room, Remus couldn't even tell which at this point. As far as he knew William was supposed to be in charge...

He only wished that Sirius would be back from the ministry soon, so Remus could get a close eye and padfoot could entertain the kids. He had spent the whole night going back and forth between healers and filling forms, buying potions and trying to contain Sirius from murdering Janet. While Snape sat there like a Dementor kissed victim and did nothing more than staring at his hands and wallowing in self pity.

Remus felt no remorse for his hatred regarding the man, he and Sirius had warned him about this moment, they had spat in his face, told him that Harry would not tolerate this, that it was morally wrong, but the potion master didn't listen. 

The man brought this on himself, this was all his fault. 

Remus felt guilty too, for not interfering sooner, for not putting a stop to this madness, he and Sirius could have prevented all of this, they weren't legally privileged to take Harry and run, and they couldn't just thrust it on Harry like that when the child didn't even remember anything. But still, the wolf felt responsible, he should fix it now. Now that they had the power to get Harry. To help him.

They had waited long enough, ever since he had interacted with Harry again back when he was thirteen, he had always been jealous of Snape for having him. Harry was the sweetest child he had ever met against the odds, and above that the wolf had known Harry as pack the moment he had been born, he felt jealous that Snape could have the child and they couldn't. He and Sirius were both jealous of the potion master, and regretful for not knowing how bad Harry's home life was. 

He and Sirius were barely in England, always here and there, doing small jobs and exploring the world, it was the life style the couple preferred, Remus himself never cared much for stability, thus he barely saw Harry as a child a handful of times, they never suspected abuse. Harry was always shy as a kid, never spoke much, never touched much and they never felt uncomfortable about it. 

Remus could hit himself now, remembering the meek small child peaking at them self consciously, eyeing his parents for approval every once in a while... Remus would have never thought that the child was scared of James and Lily... 

He never even imagined as such. 

And now... Now that he knew, he could fix it, hopefully the Ministry would give Sirius a chance, though Remus wasn't sure due to his own werewolf background.   
He rubbed his face with tired hands and sighed.

"Master Lupin sir...? Filthy werewolf..." Remus barely turned his face to see their house elf kreature hanging by the door as he muttered abuse at him.

"Yes kreature?" he answered kindly. He was too tired to get riled up about it. 

"We have a guest by the door. Lord Potter is here master Lupin.... He requests to be let in the house." the wretched creature announced proudly and Remus's eyes widened in shock. 

Lord Potter, as in....

"Don't let him in." he snapped out instinctively and stood. This couldn't be happening, he thought in panic, this could not be happening. He drew a long breath and scrambled to the drawing room, not even waiting for kreature's reply. 

The Weasleys were scattered throughout the ancient living room, each busy with one thing or the other, Remus couldn't really distinguish in his hurry. Heads snapped up as he tripped into the hallway.

"All of you get upstairs. Now." Bill and Charlie were by his side in a blink, asking what was wrong. Remus only shook his head, his heart was beating in his throat. He was not capable of talking. 

"Get upstairs children, now. Whatever happens, do not come down or eavesdrop, do you hear me?! Do not come down." he gave a pointed look at the twins and quickly ushered the children up the stairs, ignoring their cries of surprise and confusion. Remus tapped his head in annoyance and grabbed Bill by the shoulders as Charlie forced the others into a room.

"Remus...? Is everything..." 

"No time for that, floo to the ministry, find Sirius. If not, find your parents to contact him. Go now." kreature reappeared again and Remus shoved the boy into the floo.

"Master Lord Potter is requesting entry now, filthy mutt, what shall kreature say?" 

Remus licked his lips and cast a silencing chair around the kitchen. He barely heard Bill floo out.

"Tell him that I'm in the kitchen." 

He only hoped that James was alone, Remus was not really in mood for a family visit. No, he shook his head, they weren't family anymore...

His hands were visibly shaking as he busied himself with supposedly making tea. His eyes huge, and his heart beating wild. It's going to be okay, he thought desperately. For all he knew, James might not even talk to him, maybe he needed to talk with Sirius about some pureblood related stuff...

He tried to convince himself as he filled the pot with water to boil, and winced when he heard the door shut with a soft click.

Remus Lupin smelled his long time former friend, before actually seeing him and stiffened. 

"Thank you kreature, your services are not required for now." Remus still had his back to them, as the elf shamelessly bowed to the arrogant man and disappeared. The water overflowed, descending down his hands. 

"It's overflowing." James stated the obvious, his voice eerily familiar and closer than the werewolf had expected. Remus let the kettle fall into the sink with a sharp thud and turned, glaring coldly. 

"What do you want?" his voice cut through the tension like a butter knife. But it was cold enough that James actually looked taken back.

"Well first I want a proper greeting from an old friend. Cruel does not become you Remus." James grinned and winked. 

Remus furrowed. "We're not friends. Talk or leave." he picked up the kettle shakily and started to fill it again. He couldn't look in the man's eyes and not be reminded of Harry. Remus had no intentions of comparing this monster to his cub. 

"Sirius is not back yet is he? Though I think I saw red hair on my way in. Babysitting Moony?" the man ignored Remus and settled himself on a chair, looking nonchalant and fully at ease. 

Remus clenched his jaw. "None of your business is it?" he banged the kettle forcefully on the stove. 

"No, actually it's not, I barely see Arthur these days... How many children he has? Nine?" James continued on plainly, his shape eyes roaming his kitchen. 

"James..." even saying the name irked him. James responded with a wolfish grin, his eyes catching Harry's golden snitch on the table. 

"That must be Harry's, he always had a knack for snitches. Arthur can't afford something this expensive...." 

Remus growled and pulled his lips back, baring his teeth. "Talk or leave." the man had no right about Harry or the Weasleys that way, specially Harry. 

James arched an eyebrow. "You can't throw me out, this house is Sirius' inherited home. If anything I'm amazed you're here at all. It's been a while since I heard from you two, I nearly forgot about your poverty-stricken life." 

Take a deep breath, Remus had to remind himself, there were children in the house, he couldn't, and wouldn't let James rile him up.

"That is hardly your business . I prefer to rot in the dump rather than be a snobbish aristocrat abuser like you." this was not James, he told himself. This was not his friend. 

"Have you told Harry that you two are banging yet? He has a right to know what his godfathers are up to when he's asleep." the man smirked as he saw the color drain from the werewolf's face and his teeth bare. 

"I said leave." he snarled slowly, deliberately drawing out the words forcefully. 

James's smile fell and he frowned darkly. "Funny, I thought you would have changed over the years Remus. You're still the same sorry bastard." he drawled, his fingers drummed on the oak dining table.

Remus gritted his teeth. 

"I don't abuse a child for money or fame, do I?" I will never lock him in a cupboard. 

James cocked his head. "People make mistakes, they learn from them. We aren't much different, your relationship with Sirius or Janet with a filthy swine like Snape is a clear example of that." 

Remus barely managed to draw blood as he dug his nails deeper in the palm of his hands, adamant to leave the man before him unsatisfied. 

"What do you want from us Potter?" 

"Harry had an incident last night? It's all over the news, Lily and I were very concerned of course, I find it very self-explanatory that the boy has been in hospital twice a month out of the summer with life threatening injuries. That's hardly an accomplishment to be proud of Remus." the man gave him a crooked grin, his eyes narrowing as he saw the dribbling blood dripping from his hands. 

"Your point being?" the man should have such a nerve to come up here and lecture them, while abusing a child for years, the law might let him slip, but Remus won't.

James shrugged, humming. "Just knew that it wouldn't last. Who would have thought snivelous might care for Harry? I certainly didn't. Snape wouldn't see love if it danced naked in front of him. Ask anyone who knows. Janet is a good actor."

Remus bristled, and sat down across him, ignoring the kettle's sharp whistle over the stove. 

"And that was it? You wanted to gloat? In that case, you did an excellent job James. The door is that way." 

He seethed, all the while thinking that why in the hell was Sirius taking so long to come for his aid. James smiled as if reading his thoughts.

"Saw Sirius too. He wanted to.... Uh... Plead for a custody trial. How unexpected and coincidental, oh merlin, you won't believe what a few Galleons would do." he rubbed his thumb over his index finger mockingly.

"He seemed rather urgent too, didn't he? All ruffled up, and pissy. You know him better than I do. Sad I couldn't stick around for a chat." 

The man pouted, shaking his head with staged regret. Remus immediately felt his blood run cold. He knew this tone, he knew it too well, this was his triumphant tone, this was definite and sure. Arrogant, and undeniably James_ish. 

"What did you do?" James smirked, picking at his nails. 

"He looks exactly like me doesn't he? That should've been a pain for Snape, watching him growing up to be a spitting image of me, he is what? Fourteen now? turned into a young man only a few days ago actually, I sent him a gift, to St.mungo's, I wonder if he still likes the color blue..ugh!" 

Remus squeezed his hands on the man's neck, his eyes glowing a deep shade of amber and his figure posed across the table for an attack. He might be too weak after a full moon but he was more than capable of killing his former friend. 

"You come within fifty feet of him again, and I will personally beat you within an inch of your life." 

James totally unfazed, broke out of his strong hold.

"No you won't. Harry won't like that... So radiant and kind, such a good kid. You tell me, how exactly like Lily his attitude is, and physically he's... Ugh! Fuck you Lupin! That hurts!" the man angrily nursed his bruising cheek. Remus wrinkled his nose and withdrew his sore hand. Punching James felt better than he thought.  
"He is already a better man, than you ever will be." James dropped his facade, and smiled like a Cheshire cat, his eyes disgustingly shining with mirth.

"That's kinda the point isn't it Remus? That much power requires an innocent soul." 

James sighed softly and continued. "To be cherished, and loved, wrapped in a cocoon all his life, or be kept on a leash and in control ... I'm afraid, that you and your doggie, just broke that cocoon. Snape had Harry all to himself all those years, without a single loophole for me to sneak in.... Sirius, our beloved friend, just created the loophole I needed." 

He threw his head back and sighed loudly."And to think, I threw him away like a used doll. Who knew how powerful the boy really was?" 

"You will never touch him." not if Remus had any say in it.

"I already have Moony, no man is compatible in raising a Potter other than a Potter. No matter how hard he tries to deny it, the blood tells all..." 

"You are nothing but a greedy fool James, and you're right, Harry will always be ashamed of his heritage. The ministry wouldn't allow you back in his life." 

"The ministry has nothing to do with this, if I want Harry back, then he will /be/ back. I let Snivelous take advantage of my son long enough, it's my turn now." the man hissed, his skin stretched in a sneer. 

"You!" Remus thought he would break his hand, at the sheer pressure as he gripped the table. James smiled, looking smug. 

"Uh uh, not a word my friend, every word out of your mouth, would be a lost cause in the court." his heavy accent carried on to Remus's ears, and the man stood to leave. 

"What....?!" was all Remus tell as he pulled himself together. 

"See you in court Moony. I will look forward to seeing my son again. It's been a while." 

With the last statement, the man turned on his heels and left. Leaving Remus dumbfounded in the dingy old kitchen of Grimmauld place. 

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

/ his hands threaded through the soft material clad on his legs, his eyes wild in adornment and awe, his tiny fingers traced the patterns as he was left to sit on the couch all by himself for a whole hour now.

The clothes, were obviously new, and surprisingly fit, so Harry guessed that they were having a guest today, it could be one of his uncles, or both, they weren't always together when they visited. It didn't matter to him, the only thing that mattered, was that he had had a whole plate of breakfast with milk today, he was allowed to use the potty whenever he wanted, and Mommy also had sneaked him Aiden's blue stuffed hippogriff for Harry to have for a whole day.

It made his chest tingle with something warm, to see mommy and daddy smile at him the way they did to his brother. His stomach was comfortably full, and his clothes snug for his body, mommy even hugged him today during breakfast. 

He knew it wouldn't last and was only for today, he knew that mommy and daddy were kind to him so Harry would get used to them acting nicely to him in front of the others, on one hand the six years old was sad and a little angry, on the other, he greedily accepted their behavior and treats, it would only last for a day and he should make a most of it while he could.

Harry looked around the modest drawing room, it was one of the rooms he wasn't allowed in, adorned with portraits and beautiful paintings, the room itself was wide and open, inviting. It was exactly the opposite of what Harry was accustomed to, and thus made him a little uncomfortable. 

His feet were as stiff as boards, not even reaching the ground, and his back was straight and just as stiff, he couldn't relax as his eyes were glued to the fireplace for his uncle's arrival, knowing that his parents and little brother would be joining in shortly after finishing their evening tea. 

Little Harry frowned. He couldn't understand why he couldn't have some cake too, since they were feeding him already. He had no idea how it tasted of course, but the sight looked mouthwatering. 

Sooner than he wanted to the floo flared, much to his surprise, a familiar woman stepped out in a flourish, looking eerily like mommy in her green short dress. Harry squeaked, curling on the couch, his eyes widened. This was her! The lady who made mommy and daddy hurt him! What was she doing here?!   
The pretty lady saw him and smiled sweetly, Harry hated the smile on the spot and whimpered. 

"There now Harry, how are you doing sweetie?" 

Afraid that she would tell him on his behavior to his parents, Harry wiped the fat ugly tear drops with the back of his hand and furrowed. 

"Fine ma'am." oh, how he wanted to count right now, he imagined the numbers forming colorfully in his mind, one, two, three...

"Well that's fantastic! Why don't you play with your hippogriff over there and I talk with your mommy? I reckon the others will be here soon." she petted his hair and handed him the plush toy as Harry shrank in fear. 

Her eyes lingered on him blankly for a moment before she smiled briefly and turned away. 

Xx

"You can't keep him anymore." she rounded the happy couple, her eyes narrowed. 

Lily frowned and James cursed. "Why not? He's barely here, Petunia takes him every summer and I doubt anyone...."

"Anyone aside from the werewolf. He has declined every other offer to come here before today, and now he's coming here, he can smell the cupboard or Harry's injuries. He is the only one who might believe Harry over you." that was if the child says anything to the man. Janet knew it was cruel, it was wrong, and what she was about to do was often counted as inhumane. But she had to.

"Oh damn, I haven't thought of that." the hazel eyed man cursed, musing his ruffle hair. Janet opened her mouth and hesitated for one beat. 

"Leave him. Leave him off the street or a muggle corner somewhere, muggle authorities will take care of the rest." the boy had no life here anyways, this place was no home for a squib boy, he had no future here aside from pain and misery. At least the muggles had enough decency to accept the child in their community, and Janet would somehow make sure that the child would be safe in an orphanage somewhere. She knew that she needed to act fast, today was the perfect excuse.

"How?! What do we tell the others? We can't just leave him and not be questioned about it!" Lily exclaimed, her arms in the air.

Janet cursed inwardly. "You want to be found out by the wolf?! Just leave him somewhere and tell that you disowned him or something.... Just let him go already! You have the states and the vaults, Aiden is named as your heir, and I'm pretty sure your friends wouldn't even give a crap." she cruelly snapped back.

She'd seen the bruises and had heard enough cringe worthy abuse from both parents, she couldn't report them or escape with him to France as originally planned, but she could convince the Potters to at least leave him and move on with their lives. She would vanish along side him of course, maybe out of the country, after she made sure the boy was fine. But for now...

"Do we have enough time? Half an hour..." it was only six, someone would surely find the child before it went dark. 

"If you leave now." you're showing him mercy, she thought to make herself feel better. Just imagine his life when Aiden goes to Hogwarts.... His life wouldn't get any better, this was the best option...

Still, she felt like a monster as twenty minutes later, James dragged the small sobbing child out of the house in his own overgrown clothes, she even chocked a bit as the toy fell out of the child's hand and rolled up to her feet. The father and son disappeared with a sharp snap. 

It was all for the best.

Xx 

Her eyes widened as she followed the man in black robes, subtly making her way between the shelves in the apothecary store, her blue eyes sharp and in thought.  
This was the man, she knew who he was, she distinctly resembled the man Janet remembered finding Harry in the streets, though she couldn't tell who he was clearly, having spend the last seven years in Paris with her boss. A tall, lean man clad in black with shoulder length black hair, her heart leaped as she caught his face, high cheekbones and a defined jaw. This man, was undeniably handsome. 

But more than that, she knew that the man was also a single father, the man who had adopted Harry... She gulped, her mouth going dry as the man side glanced and picked out a jar of beetle's eyes. 

Just out of curiosity and wariness, she sneaked up to him, not exactly knowing what she was looking for. She mindlessly picked up some boomslang poison and peaked at the man next to her.

Only then she recognized the man as Severus Snape, the face was splattered over all of the cauldron weekly editions she had bought last Thursday, the youngest potion master in the two last centuries and currently working as a professor at Hogwarts... 

The young mastermind between Veritaserum and wolfsbane potion...So Snape had adopted Harry Potter... 

The man suddenly turned and stared right back, Janet jumped, blushing. Instead of drawing away as every cell in her body screamed, she extended her hand. 

"Severus Snape? What an honor." /

Hours later, there laid near Harry's bed, a plush blue hippogriff with a blue bow tie around its neck.


	10. chapter ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> four and i just realized i'm a horrible person.
> 
> /italic/  
> *bold*

Chapter ten. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

/"....THREE! " the small child backed away from the figure, his hazel eyes huge in wariness. 

"Boy...?... Harry..." the small hand was batted away harshly and the other child started fussing, Aiden frowned and pulled Harry's hand away from his ear, the other boy lashed out without opening his eyes and shouted. 

"FOUR! FOUR!" Aiden picked up his toy and looked at the freak again. Daddy had warned him before, he had told Aiden that he shouldn't go near Harry when he was being weird and freaky. Now it happened all the time, he couldn't just stop /counting/. It made Aiden hate numbers, the way the boy hurled out each one like an insult, of course the three year old had no idea what was going on around him. 

It started half an hour ago, he was playing all by himself in the drawing room, enjoying a good evening with his toy snitch and broom, when suddenly he crashed into a glass vase on the coffee table, he wasn't hurt, but the vase broke. Aiden started crying feverishly and called out to his mommy and daddy as loud as he could.   
Instead, the boy came halting to the room, his eyes huge and glazed over as his gaze fell on the broken vase and then traced back to his brother. 

Aiden could only watch as the boy's lips trembled and he sniffed, whimpering. Aiden wailed as he stood cautiously, just when the other boy promptly broke into tears and covered his ears. Then the counting started. That was thirty minutes ago.

What is he doing?! The small child thought to himself, and could only stare, his sore ankle and broken vase long forgotten, he called Harry a few times before completely giving up. 

"FIVE!" 

Tears pooled in his own eyes and he ran out of the room shakily, running away from the freak as fast as he could and to his parents to the other side of the Manor, but the voice seemed to follow him. 

"SIX!" 

"Aiden! What's wrong sweetie?!" he rushed into his mommy's arms and wailed. 

""He's being mean again mommy! He is counting!" 

Counting had become a taboo in their house, whenever the boy was caught counting mommy or daddy made sure to punish him, whenever Aiden cried, Harry started counting, whenever he didn't make it to the bathroom, Harry started counting, Aiden now hated him as much as his parents did. He never played, he always cried and smelled bad, and his clothes were funny. 

Mommy kissed him on the head and nodded at Daddy grimly. Then she scooped him higher up her hip and started walking the other way, back into Aiden's playing room as Daddy went over to the drawing room. 

"SEVEN!" 

That was the last time he heard Harry counting for at least two months. / 

Aiden furrowed in his breakfast plate. This was the boy who wanted to come back and live with them? 

He honestly didn't know how to feel about it. 

He really didn't care that much. Not really, that was the earliest memory he had of Harry, and he really couldn't bring himself to express any positive sentiment towards the boy, they had a long history, him and Harry. with Harry either screaming his head off, or crying all the time, to him purposefully getting him into trouble a few times, and his parents generally hating him and berating him at every turn. 

He didn't care then, and he didn't care when he was gone, his parents never brought it up and he never asked, why should he? It didn't effect his daily life in any way, other than the presence of house elves after Harry was gone and there was no one else to do the chores. It was unimportant. 

And he certainly could care less about it now that he heard his parents mentioning him. A long time ago, this boy had been a part of his life, then he wasn't, Aiden could even bet that he wouldn't know the boy now in the street if it wasn't for the daily prophet writing articles about him every few months. 

Instead of obsessively following his day to day life, or being jealous of Harry, Aiden rather play his Quidditch and stay out of the drama, who cared about Harry James anyway? Every memory of him was either being beaten or him whining and crying, or /making/ Aiden cry, quiet and meek, around adults, but a right rascal when they were alone. 

"So we're moving back home then?" he asked his mom as he played around with his food, looking nonchalant and uninterested in his breakfast and the conversation. 

Now that he thought about it, he was actually mad about one thing the boy had done to him over the years, Aiden had been driven away from his home, forced to leave his childhood house in favor for another mansion in France. 

He wasn't really one to complain about these things, and he came to love their current home over the years, but still, the pang of hurt followed him whenever he thought of his home. 

Mom took her time, considering her answers, she finally nodded, sipping at her tea. "It's better if you went to Hogwarts anyway, and your father thinks it's time we got your brother back home too." 

Again. Not interested, just a little mad and nonchalant. At least he tried to act like it. 

She said /your brother/ with such a tone that to anyone else it might have seemed like she had actually missed him, or as if Harry was back home from a seven years long vacation. Aiden knew better, whereas Mom and Dad loved him and cherished him with all their might, they hated Harry, with a passion. Both him and his adoptive family, whoever they were. 

They both had a reason for wanting the boy back in their lives, the twelve years old just knew it, and he would know about it sooner or later. 

Ridding himself of the morbid thoughts, Aiden secretly marveled over the boarding school he was about to attend, unable to take the eager grin off his face.   
He only hoped that Hogwarts would be as good as his dad made it out to be, with ghosts, and candlelit halls and a shape shifting teacher who could turn into a cat. It made something in him tingle in excitement, something that wasn't Quidditch. After three years of getting home schooled, and tutored by family instructors, Aiden could use a rest, though school did sound exciting to him, he hadn't gone there or interacted with any normal students since primary school. 

After mumbling an apology to his mother and getting excused, he made his way to his room, enjoying his stroll through the archways despite his sullen mood, relishing the beautiful view of a Wednesday morning, and of course the great Valley leading to Beuvron-en-Auge, a beautiful village he had come to adore over the years. Aiden lingered by the double doors and pursed his lips. five minutes walk from their mansion and he could visit the candy shop... He perished the thought, he'd rather fly for now. 

The twelve year old spent the day as he always did, did his essays and mussed over the almost stranger brother before almost forgetting all about it after engaging his mom in a game of chess.

He took out his broom and went flying in their field, careful not to linger long enough for a house elf to come and fetch him ( they were nasty) , while thinking about this Harry person again. 

Should he feel threatened? He was only twelve after all, and Harry even at the age of five__ if he remembered right__was a dangerous person, Aiden recalled his shrill voice quite accurately. Those quiet emerald eyes, following his every move, stealing food from him, crying whenever he cried and last night...in that newspaper... Did his parents really want him that bad? He suppressed a shudder mid air and took some extra laps around their heavily warded house to stall long enough to get that horrible image out of his subconscious. 

He had only gotten a glimpse of the picture plastered over the daily prophet yesterday, but the peak was more than enough to want him to lose his breakfast right then. He shuddered this time and then shook his head, trying to get the graphic photo out of his head. 

He was so lucky that he had no active imagination, he did /not/ fancy dreaming about his toasted long disowned brother at nights too, not when he could see the real one fairly soon anyway. Living with them. 

Aiden pulled up shallowly, ruffling his auburn short bangs out of his eyes, thinking about how much he hoped that Harry wasn't as creepy as he looked.   
Only time could tell, the boy concluded as he heard a house elf yelling his name. 

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

He couldn't take it anymore. 

It had been approximately six hours since he had woken, roughly eight in the evening, and Harry had reached his breaking point.   
After his Dad left and Harry was once again knocked out for at least half an hour, he was left alone. Completely by himself for hours, no one visited, no one knocked, Dad never tried to come back and apologize. 

Harry actually feared that Dad might leave him in the hospital, but then berated himself for being stupid. It couldn't be as easy as that, if Dad wanted to abandon him, he would do it in a way so Harry would know. 

A nurse came in around three hours later, brought him a tray of bland food, even glancing at it made Harry's gut churn, so it went straight to the bin as soon as she was out. Sometime, when he was probably still sedated the healer must have came in, because, he felt a hell lot better when he woke and the bandages on his arms and legs were considerably thinner. 

All that aside, Harry needed to count. Badly. The calming draughts might have calmed him down to prevent panic attacks and whatnot, but Harry /felt/ the need, beneath his skin. It wasn't about soothing his anxiety, it was about getting his mind together, because Harry could swear in the last few hours he couldn't think about a thing. 

Not his dad, not his face, not Janet, nothing. His mind was a blank space, hazy and unsure of everything. Even his recent argument with the man was unclear and fuzzy. 

So after enduring the unblemished silence for another ten minutes, Harry finally opened his eyes, sat up and looked around the empty ward, having been given his glasses as the dinner nurse came by. 

Sharp orange walls, no windows for escape, a door that supposedly led to the bathroom and of course a get well soon basket filled with sweets he wasn't allowed to touch, set on a couch farther away from his bed. 

Harry considered his options, deciding where would be a good hiding place for counting, he didn't want to do it in his bed, someone might see him, and probably knock him out again. 

The floor was crossed out seconds after, because honestly? He couldn't trust his legs to bend in a crouching position, the couch was too obvious, and under the bed was very cramped and dirty too, that only left the bathroom. The toilet seat, to be exact.

Sighing, the boy bit his lips to stifle the pain, and fully dragged himself in a better position, his hand was clutching the side rail. 

Carefully, and a little exasperated, Harry took out all of the disgusting tubes out of his arm, except the one under the white cloth that led directly to a nutrition IV, knowing that he couldn't bear to see his appearances without having a mental breakdown. 

What he could see, was making him sick already, he couldn't have looked this bad if he was hit by an airplane and then stomped under a herd of trolls. Now, he looked like a warmed up corpse whose skin had been peeled off and then stuck back together with spit. 

He rolled his eyes, and maneuvered his legs to the bedside. He took a moment of rest, he was doing way better than he thought, the pain relievers might have a hand in that. He mused, his eyes suddenly caught something on his bedside table. 

It was a stuffed animal. A blue hippogriff. Harry blinked, his mission temporarily forgotten, he reached out and picked up the said toy. 

Who would send him a stuffed animal? Harry was fourteen, everyone knew he didn't like these things anymore... Except for Rabbity. 

Cautiously, the boy inspected the thing, eyeing the royal blue ribbon around its neck. Dad wouldn't send something like this, would he? It seemed unlikely, Dad wouldn't do something like this. 

The Weasleys? Why would they? 

Sirius? Or Remus? Shrugging, Harry picked it up, positioning it right near his pillow before clutching the hand rail with all his might. 

This is the tricky part. He thought, panting slightly. Putting one leg on the floor he tested the weight, wincing as his blackened fingers seared with pain. Frostbite, was sure as hell more painful than its disgusting looks. 

His mind probably didn't register the half of the pain as it was so desperate for a sanctuary, Harry was soon crouching, half leaning on the bed with his legs on the ground, he winced at the cold tiles brushing against his fingers but didn't ponder on it. His mind was on auto pilot, if he needed to count, then he would. There was no questions. 

Thankfully the IV had wheels and Harry had no trouble leaning on it all the way to the bathroom, his legs were stiff as boards and cold sweat had broken out on his face, but his mind was dead set on one thing only, emptying his mind and getting to the bathroom. 

Once in, Harry panted as he locked the door, nearly collapsing on the toilet seat, his blurry vision didn't pay attention to the details as Harry struggled to bend his fingers on his ears without yelping out in pain. 

After five unsuccessful tries and on a verge of tears, he gave up. Side eyed the mirror, cringing as he saw his bald red scalp and then closed his eyes before it got to his face. 

One. He was lost, he was scared, confused, angry, and so many other things he had no name for. A fourteen year old boy wasn't fit to feel these emotions, he thought he was going to explode. 

Two. 

His mind was blank. 

What should he think? Two, what? Disgruntled, he snapped his jaw and continued. 

Two. 

...

Please work. Please. He pleaded, shaking his head. 

Two. He had nothing. He had no one. They all lied to him, the two of them, his dad, his /father/... Oh merlin, he was so screwed. 

Harry physically struggled, shivering from the cold, and fighting off the sudden flare in his mind.

Three. What was he supposed to think? Was it his fault for running away? Could anyone blame him for doing so? Harry couldn't blame himself for running, but he also couldn't blame anyone else, except for her. She was the monster here. 

Four. He was... Ugly. He didn't know how to feel about that, he hadn't directly looked into the mirror, but from what he seen and felt, things were bad. He hoped they would heal. He deserved that one thing. He didn't want to look hideous for the rest of his alone miserable life. 

Five. He was struggling. To come up with things to count, it could be the calming draught or his own distraught mind, Harry couldn't tell. The cold chill cooled his thighs, and he was shaking all over. The headache was getting increasingly worse.

Six. Look. His mind whispered, look in the mirror, just a small peak. He stilled, eerily aware of the mirror on the wall right next to him, he had to look. He scrunched up his eyes, no. He couldn't stop counting. 

Seven. He couldn't be that bad, if the Weasleys and his dad tolerated him long enough without gawking at him or mentioning it, then he couldn't be that bad.   
Hesitantly, he stopped counting, opening his eyes, Harry lowered his aching hands and threw another glance at the mirror. His heart jackhammered in his chest, he had to maneuver the IV so he could stand again. 

With bated breath, he rounded the mirror and looked with drooping eyes. 

He sucked in a sharp breath. He /did/ look that bad, he looked worse. His face was smooth, almost smooth, the colors were all wrong though, his whole face was very pale, whereas his forehead looked at least two shades darker in tone, the darker skin continued down his right cheek, creased over his face a little, and formed into an ugly star shaped scar right near his lips. White scars marred the paler side, invisible from afar, but Harry could see them just fine. He had no eyebrows, no hair, nothing. His startling emerald eyes followed their reflection into the mirror, too stunned to really show a reaction. 

He was hideous.

"I should have finished counting." he whispered. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Where are you going?" Janet caught his arm as she entered the hallway, and furrowed. Severus shook his head. 

"I need to talk with Albus. I can't go back to school like this, I'll be back soon." 

"There's no need, I talked to him last night, when you were.... Out of it. He agreed on annual leave with steady payment and everything, he said that we only need to focus on Harry for now." 

Severus blinked dumbly and then relented, feeling somewhat ashamed for some reason. Though even he couldn't stop the sigh of relief from escaping his mouth, one less thing to worry about. He guiltily felt relieved. 

"How's Harry?" Janet had just returned from their house apparently, she looked way much better than she did earlier, with clean clothes and even her makeup intact. Severus wondered if she was also on leave from work or not. 

"No idea. They threw me out when I tried to talk to him." as much as he didn't like to admit it, it stung, not the words Harry spoke, rather the way he said it, the expression on his face and the sincerity. Making sure to let Snape know that he really believed in what he said, it broke his heart, but Severus didn't have the time to think about it now. He had work to do.

"What did he say? Did you at least tell him about the trial?" his finance pushed him back down into a seat and narrowed her eyes as he sighed. 

"He didn't even listen. He is mad beyond belief, if it keeps going like this I wonder if he would ever listen." he needed planning, maybe an hour or two in his private Chambers or with his cauldrons. He couldn't stay here waiting for Harry and beg for forgiveness as much as he wanted to, Black and Potter weren't waiting for him to earn Harry's heart back again. They had to act now. 

"He has a right though, I feel like a monster. I should have just told him everything. Look at this mess now." she gestured with her hands and cracked her neck. 

"We can't keep blaming ourselves anymore, there is no point in crying over spilled milk." keep telling yourself that. The sarcastic part snapped back. Janet however nodded thoughtfully. 

"Yeah... Talked to Molly on our way out, she's going to contact some friends in the ministry, see if she can keep the news from reaching Potters." she subtly changed the subject, leaning against his shoulder. Snape narrowed his slated eyes. 

That was inevitable, Potter would know within hours. He sneered bitterly. 

"I have to find a lawyer." he blurted out, Janet turned to face him incredulously. 

"Don't you have one already?" Severus shook his head and corrected. 

"I /had/ a lawyer who helped me get custody of Harry, but we're not in the best of terms at the moment." seeing as he was dead anyway. he cringed inwardly. Chastising himself over his recklessness. 

"He was insistent that we change Harry's name, to avoid a situation like this. I disagreed." he continued reluctantly. 

"Why didn't you just change his name then?" Janet exclaimed. 

Severus felt his stomach churn uncomfortably, and felt the need to defend his actions.

"I had no choice on the matter, Harry, for whatever reason seemed very attached to his name, specially his last name. Perhaps it was the identity stability, or something similar, whatever the case... He didn't want to change his name. I didn't force him." 

Maybe Poppy was right. Maybe I wasn't the right parent for Harry. Parents should make decisions that are best for their wards, not the other way around... He squatted the thought and turned his attention back to his rambling fiance.

"Can't you contact him again? Make amends? We really don't have time to look for a lawyer in such a short notice." she admitted, worrying her lip.

"He's dead. We might not need a lawyer anyway. I need to talk with some ministry officials and some people first." he could pull a few strings, if he needed to.   
He quickly ran a list of ministry officials in his head, cursing himself inwardly at the same time for not thinking about it sooner. He smirked.

If Potter could buy the child services, Lucius had the whole ministry around his little finger...he mused. 

Lucius... Hmm... Maybe he needed to visit the man at his Manor rather than the ministry, easier to avoid paparazzi, and a place where he could speak freely without having to fear sever consequences. They were close friends once, and he was Draco's godfather, surely the man had some heart down there in his rock solid chest, his mind didn't get far with that idea, Lucius was a Slytherin much like himself, he would never help without getting something in return. Snape couldn't risk it with Harry. Not yet. 

"How are you?" Janet shrugged in response. 

"Fine, I got some sleep, got myself together, thank merlin the baby's only two months along now otherwise..." Snape heaved a sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose. He couldn't believe that he had forgotten about the baby too. His luck just kept on coming, he rolled his eyes sarcastically. 

He also couldn't believe that he had let his /pregnant / finance run back and forth and make amends all night while he had wallowed in self pity. Oh merlin.   
"Oh merlin, the baby. Is he alright?" she rolled her eyes, and shook her head. 

"We're fine Sev. Don't worry about it." 

"I can't believe I forgot about the baby..." Janet cut him off and waved a dismissive hand. 

"You had other things going on, and it's not a big deal, honestly. I feel alright and you have seven months to fuss over me. I'm more worried about Harry." her eyes went dark, she pinched her hand.

"He needs an adult by his side right now, I can't believe they made you leave the room." Severus hummed in agreement, and leaned his head back. 

He couldn't either, how could Harry bear all that weight on his shoulder alone? The trauma, his appearances, the changes... Severus then frowned. He knew that he couldn't leave alone, but...

"I couldn't have stayed, he was stressed enough as it was when he saw /me/. I would have stayed anyway but the healer assured me that he's under supervision." hopefully, Harry would let him visit soon, Severus did not feel overly comfortable leaving his injured and traumatized son with a bunch of strangers.

"You're worried that he...?" Janet nodded towards his door down the hallway. Severus's frown deepened. 

"No, I am merely confused. Harry starts counting whenever he's under stress or overly upset. As far as I'm aware at the moment, Harry had been awake for hours with no signs of anxiety. Up until he talked to me." it was really strange. 

"That is disconcerting." his fiance agreed, wincing sympathetically. 

"I will try again this evening, hopefully Harry is better by then. There is nothing we can do here now, you go an get some rest, I will stay here." Janet was pregnant and on her feet way more than necessary, with more than enough caffeine that was healthy for a pregnant woman. She needed rest.

Janet chortled.

"Then who goes to the ministry? Don't be absurd, I'll stay here and you go to the ministry, find a lawyer, fill paper work, and maybe talk to Albus. So much can be done here, there is no point in you sitting here all day." she finished her rant and kissed him as he was about to answer. Several returned the kiss briefly before pulling away. 

"You're pregnant____"

"Pregnant, Severus. Not dying." She teased, smirking. 

"Alright then, but you will contact me if anything happens." she nodded. 

"No caffeine please." he added sternly and she winked. 

"And the canines aren't allowed to visit him. Got it. Love you." she smiled brightly, pecking him quickly on the lips.

"I love you too." and he meant it. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

/ throwing Harry a birthday party was probably her best decision yet, it could possibly be the worst, but she was at the end of her ropes.   
She was drenched in guilt all the time, shuddering with her conscious hanging over her neck every time she countered the child, desperate to earn his trust, but at the same time wary that she would give something away. 

So far, making his favorite foods, or treats weren't helping, not when he managed to sneak away from the meals subtly enough that Severus wouldn't notice or sneering at her general direction at the table as he munched on his food with an angry glare. Praising and trying to be his friend was not making such progress either, if anything, it only made him glare at her more than he originally did. 

She thought that perhaps, ignoring him would be the answer, but it only made it worse, she could /feel/ him radiating tension every time the two encountered.   
She thought, that maybe his memories were coming back, or maybe he had recognized her somehow, and thus talked Severus into putting a thin layer of glamour on her at nights, few nights a week would be enough to settle down the child's suspicions. 

It wasn't that hard to look like anyone but Janet Evans, a simple hair dye and a haircut, changed her features so drastically, that she didn't even bother to put contacts or glamours, still Harry seemed to hate her. 

A birthday party would be a good surprise, for Harry and Severus both, it meant new changes for all of them.   
As far as she knew, Harry loved babies, and younger children, she and Severus have already been talking about marriage, and she could use this baby to show Harry who she really was.

This was the redemption she was looking for all her life, she was in love, she was pregnant, and if she got lucky, maybe she wouldn't even need to tell Harry about her true identity, and he would eventually start to like her, or at the the very least, tolerate her existence. 

So without another thought, and giddy to finally finding the solution, she made plans to throw the best birthday party Harry could ever have without overwhelming him. She could make the cake and announce the good news, Harry wouldn't have to like it at first, but Janet personally knew how much the boy loved small children. 

Xx

"Why do you hate me so much?" 

You know why. He has every right to, even though he doesn't remember you. She had no right to ask that question, even if Harry had no idea who she was, it felt morally wrong to ask for more, but she also knew that Harry needed this, the little nudge to confess to his feelings and let it all out without Severus breathing down his neck. 

He clung to him like the child he was, soaking her shirt in seconds, blubbering words she couldn't quite make out, but could find good substitute for, her breath hitched as her shirt was pulled down a little, hesitantly, she brought her hand up to rub his back, and pulled up the fabric up with her forearm along the way.   
He can't know. 

Xx

"So... You let him lie under a cramped bed for two hours because he was just feeling like being there?!" this was ridiculous, she thought. She had never questioned Severus's parenting methods before, but now, some of them just seemed... Off.

Severus shook his head, reissuing the urge to snap. "No Jan. I didn't /let/ him to stay under a bed for two hours. He /felt/ like hiding from me, I couldn't find him since he had my wand, I spent two hours /looking/ for him." his exasperation only made her feel more agitated. 

What was this?!! This stories sounded more like a horror story than their daily lives, Harry was supposed to be happy with his new life, he was supposed to forget his past rotten childhood, live on the rest of his life without a hitch. Not like this. She swallowed thickly. 

"This only happened once, right?" please tell me yes, don't let me be wrong. 

"The first few years were a little frustrating, but it rarely happens anymore." the man admitted sheepishly, and rubbed the back of his neck. Janet was speechless.

"And the thing with his weird clothes organization?! Who puts mismatched socks in the bathroom drawer, and turned out pants in his closet? You do know that they're all neatly organized by color and theme and yet they're all... Inside out?" that wasn't all, Harry's habits were so odd, that even the potion master looks slightly miffed by some of them.

Janet knew better though, she might not know the exact extent of his abuse when he was a child, but even she could remember Lily complaining about Harry's stupidity by putting James's mismatched socks in the wrong drawer, or trying to make Aiden cry by putting out his clothes inside out on purpose?!   
These weren't accidents, she knew that.

"I do know what you're thinking. Harry told me all about them Janet." Severus's voice broke her out of her thoughts. He gave her a knowing look, tinged with bitterness and a pang of anger.

Severus poured himself a cup of steaming tea. "He tells me everything, and I really don't mind as long as it's harmless." 

Janet stared at him skeptically. "Why do you let him do these things, if they remind him of his rotten life?!" she didn't give up her life and cover for Harry to move to the page one again! She did it so he would be safe, as much as she loved Severus the man wasn't making any sense. 

"By allowing him to put socks in bathroom drawers, or organizing his clothes the way he wants, I'm showing him that they are not punishable acts. He feels safe enough to put his clean socks in the bathroom drawer, and he gets to do so until he needs to." his eyes were hard and his tone Stern. But she wasn't giving up.

"He needs help Severus. As much as you try to deny it..."

"You're the one who went through his wardrobe, not me. Harry doesn't need anyone's help. He's happy, he has friends, he has a life, godfathers, /me/, and he hadn't had any nightmares in almost three years now. Janet, /my son/ is not the boy you left in the streets." 

Then why did she felt like he was? /


	11. chapter eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last only for today. ignore my horrible personality and please review the work. they warm my heart ;)
> 
> /italic/  
> *bold*

Chapter eleven. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Today

His brisk steps on the marble floored porch was met with a house elf hurriedly opening the huge double doors. Severus had chosen to Apparate to the borders, instead of flooing home and then to the Malfoy Manor. He wouldn't admit it to anyone, but it was mainly because that if he did, he overcome with the crushing guilt and self loathing again. The potion master couldn't afford that. Not when Harry was at stake. 

With an internal shrug, Severus narrowed his eyes and slipped past the doors, his eyes lazily surveying the luxurious design around him. His mind was currently on spy mode, his shields were firmly set and his emotions locked away in a box, with Harry as the key. 

Simply put, Severus Snape the stoic double agent had resurfaced over night. And he would be so as long as it took for the danger to pass and for Harry to forgive him. 

Those were the most important goals. 

"Masters will going to meet you master potion master Snape in the library, shall Poppy get anything for you?" Snape waved a dismissive hand and strode to the stairwell, fully familiar with the house. 

Not that he visited that often, ever since he had adopted Harry, his only communication with the Malfoy patriarch has been via letters, and mostly on Lucius's side, whenever the man had felt like having a rare potion at hand or spoil Severus with rare ingredients in return. 

He descended his way up the circular stairwell and to the second floor, knowing full well hat his friend was most likely leaned back in his leather chair, rolling his ebony wand between his absurdly long fingers with that ridiculous aristocratic smirk on his face. With Narcissa and Draco seated next to the fireplace. 

The house elf led him to the end of the hallway, and straight to the dark cherry wood double doors, carved beautifully with Malfoy's royal family Crest. Dragons.   
Ignoring the complaining portraits and the house elf alike, Severus pushed the doors open and stepped in the posh library, stacked from the ceiling to bottom and right back up. Worthy of the Malfoy name indeed. 

"Severus." Lucius called from his office right at the far end of the library. Severus turned and walked between the shelves, his eyes only set on his friend. He cringed, not friend. No, more like... 

"Lucius." he greeted the man, his eyes narrowing as he caught Narcissa turning her head towards him, her brow furrowed as it usually was.   
"Long time no see my friend." the man made no move to greet his friend, instead he curtly turned his away and nodded at the house elf. Severus saw the poor creature quiver with ill contained fear, disappearing with a soft pop. 

Harry would be repulsed, Severus thought idly before shaking his head. No point in thinking about that. 

"Now how may we help you?" surprisingly, it was Narcissa who pointed at the armchair next to hers and rewarded him with a small smile. 

"You might already know Lucius. But for tradition's sake, is this house safe?" he side glanced at Narcissa and Lucius nodded.

"Narcissa dear, take Draco out of the house." there was no doubt that the young Malfoy was listening in their conversation right now, Severus had raised a son just as mischievous and stubborn, he would know that his godson was sneaky enough to ramble out his juicy news to everyone who would listen. 

"You look horrible by the way Severus." Narcissa squeezed his shoulder and departed, leaving the two men alone. 

"How much of it do you already know?" Severus was not about to waste time telling things the man already knew. He swallowed. 

The smirk on the man's face fell and he leaned forward. "How much of it is true?" the man narrowed his blue grey eyes, boring into the potion master's black ones as if seeing I tithe depth of his soul. 

"That depends on what you've heard Lucius. I'm not here to play games with you, I need help." 

Lucius leaned back in his chair once again, his face stoic. "Potter pleaded for a trial this morning." it was a statement. 

"A day after Black." Severus was having a very hard time containing his utter rage at the mutt for starting this mess, and also his sorrow and guilt regarding his son. Severus pushed it away, that thought didn't belong to his mind, not now. 

"What brought this on? Did Potter junior get tired of you? Was it teenage rebellion, or the boy finally found out that you're shagging his filthy aunt?" Severus snapped his jaw, sneering. 

"Keep your deluded opinions to yourself Lucius. Do not insult my fiance or son, because I might just do the same." 

"What do you want from me?" 

"Influence. I want this case to be taken care of quietly, Harry is already on the spot light as it is." 

"Well I'm afraid I can't help you." 

"That's the one thing out of my hands Sev. The case is sealed and on its way to the child support department, if it had been any other child, maybe... But a Potter? Those half wit walruses sniffed it out the moment Black set foot in the ministry." 

"But I was just at the ministry..." 

"Potter is back Severus. And he's coming to stay this time, I got a letter from the council this morning..." the man rummaged his drawers and pulled out a long expensive looking parchment. 

"Potter wants his seat back, you are aware that doesn't happen unless the man's back to stay?" 

"Janet and I discussed the possibility, but I never thought he would catch on so fast." how did that Bastard get the whiff of it so fast? Black left only this morning!   
Lucius leered, shaking his head as if he was talking to a child. He clicked his tongue.

"Against contrary belief, Potter is not an idiot. Disowning your squib pawn is something frowned upon, but throwing away your very powerful prodigy child on the streets? Now, that's..." he paused when the house elf popped back in, a tray in his shaking hands. Severus followed the elf as it set the liquor tray in the table and vanished with a bow. Lucius smirked. 

"That's just disgusting." he reclined the rum (or some sort of mead, Severus couldn't be sure) and poured them both a glass. 

Severus clenched his fists, his eyes on the honey colored liquid lapping at the glass. His glare flashed back to Lucius, narrowed with rage and disgust. 

"A child is a child no matter the heritage or power, both are repulsive, and your opinions above everything else." his words went ignored as Lucius just smiled and handed him the glass, gulping down his own drink with great enthusiasm. 

"Chill out Snape, you've spent too much time with the old fool. /My/ point, is that Harry is the reason they left. Their name and some of their grace died with him, now they can take that name and wealth back. Who would resist such an opportunity?" He said, gesturing at the untouched glass with his hand. Severus picked it up and took a hasty sip, feeling the frustration bubbling in his chest. 

"I know all of that. I need your help to /prevent/ this from happening Lucius." 

Lucius sat back in exasperation. 

"Why would I help you Severus? Have you seen that boy? He looks dreadful, burned to a crisp has never been a more fitting definition, but the reason behind it, is what matters. The boy knows his shit, that's why he ran away." he took another long sip, his hair flicking. 

Severus stiffened and snapped his jaw.

"Lucius..." the man interrupted him. Looking at him with cold unforgiving eyes.

"He has every right to be furious with you. You knocked up the only person he hates, a /muggleborn/ nonetheless, and he's just a whimsy abused teenager, what did you expect in the end? Tearful apologies and kisses? Rainbows and weddings? Maybe children with curly auburn hair running around your house with your older adoptive son?" 

He felt like he had just been hit by a train, heavy, battered and tired of everything. Severus drank his rum. 

"You're not helping." his occlumency shields were the only thread keeping him from hysterics. Every time he thought about it, Harry's face came in focus. Not the Harry he had raised. Not the child he had grown to love, but the Harry he had ruined, all he could see was Harry's face screwed in a big grimace of pain and anger... Shouting at him. Severus shook his head, but Lucius continued ruthlessly. 

"You made a mistake. This is the reality, not your hopes and dreams, you hid this from him and he burned. You dated his...." 

"I know all of this Lucius, and I regret that..." he did, that's why he was here and not at the hospital. He wanted to stay, of course he wanted to, he wanted sat by Harry's door hand and knees and beg for forgiveness. But he couldn't stand it. He couldn't stand the look on Harry's face. And this was much more productive. He just hoped that he got to punch Lucius before leaving. 

The said man snorted disbelievingly, his eyes crinkled in dry amusement. 

"If you really regretted your actions, Black wouldn't have to knock some sense into you of all people." he spat out the name, looking disgusted. 

Severus frowned, feeling the light buzz in his head, he put down the glass. 

"I won't let a bunch of reckless children take care of my child, not now that he needs me the most." he would not make the same mistake again, never again would Severus lie or deceit, he would never hurt Harry ever again. 

"What did you do to deserve this title? /Your/ child? If it had been important to you, you wouldn't have betrayed him like that." Lucius, clearly using Narcissa's absence, poured himself another glass, and glared at him.

"You do realize, that the moment Potter's out of the hospital, that he's basically in James's arms? Even if Black and Lupin get custody." he went on, flicking his wand, a file levitated from one of the desks and flew over to the blonde man. 

"I know all of that, why do you keep reminding me? That's the reason I came!" thus is a waste of time, he thought, every minute that he was here was a waste of time. Lucius oblivious to his outburst opened the file and continued. 

"Potter gets sent back to his family. You are nothing in comparison Severus. Potter's a pureblood, you're not. Potter has name. You don't. You're /rich/, but he's wealthy. You're a deatheater under cover and the Potters are both high ranking aurors." 

"You're fighting a lost war." he finished, and looked up to meet the potion master's gaze to prove his point. 

Severus shook his head. "What are you saying? That you're not willing to help?" 

"That you should flee. Run away. I will not help you ruin your own life."

"I am not giving up on Harry. I can't send him back to those people." he promised. This was the first thing Severus had promised to Harry, he would die trying to keep this one promise. 

"This is a lost cause. Potter already has the ministry under his belt, Black and Lupin would be crossed out the moment Potter stepped in. And can you honestly imagine /yourself/ against /him/?" the Malfoy patriarch picked up a quill and started scribbling on a parchment.

"I did it once, what's to say that I can't do it again?" Severus sneered at the man's antics and leaned back in his seat. 

"Harold was a child when you did that. A child with physical injuries and valid evidence. Now? Even if you can profile another case for child abuse, you would be the one put under investigation. So far the only physical evidence is against /you/. Harold runs away from you, hides in a tree form you, out in a storm, freezes to his demise for almost three hours and then gets hit by a lighting. That, topped with his last few years at Hogwarts, his depression and anxiety problem... Would lead you into azkaban, and him back into his father's warm embrace, if he ever recovers."

"Don't you....!" he stood and stomped to the desk, Lucius stood as well. 

"Show some ambition Severus. For melrin's sake, you are a Slytherin! " the man rounded his work desk and stood in front of Snape, his eyes narrowed. "Black and Potter are going to court over Harry. They get crossed out, bottom line? Their broken hearts. You get into trial with Potter or the canines? What is your bottom line Severus? A dementor's kiss, or life in azkaban. That's what." 

He snarled out the last part, his lips stretched back, revealing white straight teeth. Countering back Severus gnawed his own teeth. 

"I'm not abandoning him. I would rather die. He's my son. My child, I raised him Lucius. I made him the person he is today." 

Harry might hate me now, but I know him. His mine. /My/ baby. He thought to himself fiercely. 

"The very person who might vote against you if needs be." Lucius backed down, and sat down back in his chair. 

"Harry would never do that. Lucius, Harry would not he involved in any of this. He would be crushed. Shattered into pieces if he knows." 

"And what is he now? The Harry you sent that night in the woods, is not the Harry who is lying in a hospital bed right now. He can sue you, all of you, and if he's smart? He will." he answered, somewhat unhelpfully. 

"Harry doesn't know everything, and neither do you Lucius. There are more to this bleak situation." they didn't even know a wisp of what they thought they knew, Severus knows everything. And that's why he's determined to take his son back without damaging their fragile relationship any farther.

"His sympathy wouldn't win the court for you at any rate Severus. In fact, if I was you, I would pack my stuff and flee. Potter had found the legal loophole he needed for the revenge he has been plotting for years. Don't you know him? He's ruthless, he would hit you down so hard that you won't be getting up this time, he's a marauder above all that. And you...." he twirled the glass in his hand and drowned the last sip. 

"Are the victim. Greasy Snape. Snivelous as he fondly used to call you." Severus's fingers clenched around his own glass of wine, tight enough to break. 

"I will not yield. I need your help Lucius. If Potter can buy the ministry, then surely you can do the same?" 

"At what stake my friend? To send you right to your inevitable death or destruction? If James Potter wants something, then he will have it. You know that as well as I. You can't beat him if you play fair." the man heaved a sigh in resignation. Severus instantly felt the heavy weight leave his lungs and his back to suddenly lose the strain. 

"I don't want to complicate things further." he stated, feeling more confident than he had since these last few days.

"If you want to win your son, and your freedom, then you have to play dirty Severus. The question is.... How much are you willing to lose, in order to gain Harry." he put the parchment in Severus's hand, closing it into a loose fist.

"Everything." he answered without a beat.

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

/As a child, Harry had been very quiet. Not the shy kind of quiet, or the sudden impulse kind that wore off as soon as the parents attended to his needs. No. He would shut down. 

Dad had been worried about it for a long while, Harry remembered, that there were days, or nights, that suddenly he felt like his plug to life had been wrenched out of his chest, leaving his hallow flesh behind. It was like those squeezing hands often around his throat or pressing down on his chest, when it happened Harry would let go of everything. 

He would just lie where he was and stare at a certain point, until he felt like getting up again, with no grasp of time, or any concept of his basic human needs. 

When he was five years old, it happened on a bad day, for the first time. He had been locked in his cupboard for two whole days, maddened with the smell of food drifting around the small place while he had gone hungry and the darkness which seemed to just drag on and on with no mercy. It was freak time out again.

One of the many reasons for hating Janet so much in the first place was this. Freak time out, was a plan mommy and daddy forced on him when Janet had suggested maybe sudden fear or shock could be a good trigger since they still couldn't find out if he was a squib or not.

Mommy and Daddy researched, and found out, that yes, those things along with pain and pressure did trigger accidental magic. So now, Harry was locked in, not because he had lacked off while doing his chores, but because he simply existed. 

For a long time, perhaps the first day, Harry had simply assumed that he had gone blind, it wasn't a wild theory, everything around him, everything he /could/ see was blurry, his eyes ached when he squinted, and then his head would hurt seconds after. 

First Daddy (James) , he unlocked the cupboard a day after that. Harry was ecstatic, he could see! By then, his belly had gone numb from the hunger and his throat scrapped like sand paper, he smelled very bad, shamefully of wee, and he felt very sick. He was hot, all over, his pants itched and his head was killing him by then. Simply put, he felt awful. 

Harry had whimpered when James harshly grasped his leg, and /pulled/ him out with a sudden tug. 

It clicked. 

The pain was excruciating for the five year old, the sound of his bone popping literally left him breathless. He didn't cry out, the pain was that bad that he couldn't cry out. His head and back were dragged on the rough surface beneath him. 

The pressure was too much for him to handle. Everything was too much, the lights, the sounds, the pain. He couldn't move to cover his ears, he couldn't cry out, he could /see/ though. Harry had seen everything. 

"you... Ungrateful... Freak! Why can't you do it?!!.... You worthless piece of shit!" James bellowed between every kick he delivered to the small boy's ribs and stomach. In that moment it occurred to him, that Aiden and mommy must be out, for Daddy to get this loud and more strict this time. Mommy and Daddy usually laid off a little when Aiden was around. 

Tears gushed out of his eyes, but then again, no sound came out. His eyes were glazed over, but he could absorb every detail, to the expensive watch around James wrist as he was being chocked, to his harsh words, to every twitch and crinkle in the man's face. 

Everything. Every single detail was there for him to see. James continued his angry rant.

"I HAD TO LIE FOR YOU! You fucking squib! You're a disappointment! A mistake!" Daddy wanted him to heal himself, Harry knew it, he had overheard mommy and daddy talking about it. They called it freak time out, locking in him for days and then beating him or depriving him of food and water for his magic to kick in. Harry hated freak time out. He hated /himself / even more for existing and enduring it. 

"You ugly freak! It's always you isn't it?! It's always you!" 

He it didn't heal. He didn't have magic, he was a squib, a freak and a good for nothing who didn't even have enough magic to heal his own broken bones. Useless. A mistake.

Instead of nails and scratches, now there were bruises blooming everywhere, he didn't close his eyes or flinch back. Harry stared right ahead. Incapable of talking. Lost in his mind. 

"Why aren't you talking?! Say something! You freak! Talk! Apologize!" the words were like daggers carving into his heart, so familiar, repeated more than he could recall.

Harry couldn't. And James seemed to know that too. It infuriated him more, and the beating dragged on, and on and on. A kick or punch here and there, bones popping, his eyes forced close by the big purple bruise covering the left side of his face. 

He could only manage a long whimper as the last kick was to his head and his mouth filled with blood. If he smelled terrible before, Harry had no idea how did he smell right now, his bladder had given away from the pain and he had puked all over his shirt and face. He reeked of filth.

"You Filthy Scum! Clean it! Clean it all you freak! I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE A SON LIKE YOU!" 

"I' so'y" he sobbed, sniffling blood. 

James sneered. "You don't mean that. You don't mean /anything/." he put his foot on Harry's broken leg and pressed down. 

Harry screamed. /

He knew instantly where he was, and he knew that the memory he had just played out as a nightmare was just that. A nightmare. A real memory, but right now, it had no meaning of him. That's what he tried to tell himself later. 

Still, he jolted up in a sitting position, trembling from head to toe. His body coated in cold sweat and his breathing labored. Widening his eyes, Harry's sore hand clumsily fumbled in the pitch dark to find his glasses, his panting didn't seem to abate. 

Harry wasn't coherent enough to thank merlin for the lack of that stupid heart monitor and the charm around his chest that prevented his heart from sudden failure. None of those crossed his mind at that moment. 

His legs were immediately pulled to his chest, hands covered his creased ears and he /smelled/ urine for the second time. Scared, ashamed, helpless, alone, Harry cried loudly, feeling like he was eleven again, words swirled in his mind. 

/"Mommy, Harry 's freaky again!/ 

"No I'm not!" he shouted back. He wasn't! He wasn't being freaky, he promised! He was just..... He was.... 

The childish voice changed morphed into Janet's sweet laugh, ringing in his ears. 

Out of instinct he called for his dad. 

"Dad! DAD! DAD!" 

/He was eleven, he was left alone at home for the first time, like a good boy, Harry ate his dinner, cleaned out his room, took a bath and slept at nine. Hoping that Dad would be home till ten so he could comfort him after a nightmare. 

He wasn't. 

The rain pelted against the roof, it dribbled down the panes just as fluidly as the tears that ran down his face.   
He needed Dad, needed the man now! Even though he knew that Dad wasn't home and he was all alone, Harry tried his best. He kicked and screamed, he called for his dad, praying that Dad would somehow come and get him. 

Save him./ 

"DAD!" 

Nothing mattered, in Harry's half asleep mind, just Dad mattered. He didn't care about Janet or Aiden, whose voice was still driving him insane. Harry needed Dad. Just Daddy and no one else. 

/"He doesn't want you! You're a freak! Hideous! Ugly!" / 

No he wasn't, Harry shouted back, Dad wouldn't think that he was ugly, would he? No. Dad would hug him, dad would make him safe, make Harry unfreaky . 

"Dad!"

/"Daddy! Daddy!" 

"Harry?" the voice soothed his heart, bore down to his very soul. Just like that his fight with Ron seemed petty. His tears seemed bratty and he was on the top of the world again. Because Daddy was there. /

"Call Severus! Someone, now!" 

/"Not like that Harry. You should crush the roots and then slice them. Like this." Harry smiled as Dad's hands closed on his, helping him sort out how to crush ginger roots. 

"Wouldn't other kids be jealous that you're only helping me?" he asked and Dad paused, Harry last stiffened. 

"If they have a brain then they won't Mr. Potter. And it's professor Snape for you." 

Harry smiled and hugged his dad, covered in black goo and all.

"I love you Dad, thanks for not hating me." one of the only things he was grateful for.

"I could never hate you baby boy." Dad hugged him back. /

"Harry?!" 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

/Yesterday morning 

A black shaggy dog tagged along the pavement, his tongue rolling out occasionally from the heat and his brow furrowed. 

Sirius usually preferred to travel in his animagus form if not with forms of magical transportation, he liked being a dog, and he also guiltily admits, that while it heightened his senses, it also lowered his human consciousness, thus resulting a few pointless squirrel chases and a blissful silence that for once wasn't filled with vengeance and jealousy. 

If denying the possibility, that the ministry official and segments were all biased wasn't bad enough, Sirius also cursed himself for foolishly rushing into the said ministry and demanded a custody plea_for the Harry Potter_ his godson, whom by his rotten luck turned out to be James Potter's son, you know who's number one target, and the most controversial figure in the wizarding world. 

The eye bulging results of the weight Harry pulled was very evident in the way the ministry treated the case, whereas in other cases the matter would be taken care of quickly and with outpost respect, especially in child abuse or child custody cases, thus was different. Like the exact opposite of what Sirius thought would actually happen. 

Of course /everyone/ had heard of what happened to Harry the moment he had stepped away from the red telephone booth, there wasn't a moment that Sirius felt at ease or at least not as agitated as he was before. Every eye was on him, be it magical or nonmagical, creature or human, all of them were staring expectantly, waiting for him to say something to the reporters or give report on Harry's current health statue. 

Which he didn't know, by the way. He had no idea how his godson was doing, after his rather loud and informative argument with Evans at the hospital and storming out, he didn't get the chance to visit Harry. 

Remus came back with him, so he wouldn't either and since they were both on babysitting duty for a while, and they had things to talk through. It would be better if they saw Harry later anyway. 

The dog avoided street lights and rushing pedestrians and stirred in a narrow alleyway, just two blocks away from his house. Sirius black morphed back into a human and sighed.

The envelope in his coat weighted heavily near his chest, all he could think about was Remus's response. Were they really doing this? Did they finally got Harry?  
That sounds very selfish, he bit his lip and glanced at up at the door leading to his house. 

"I'm home!" he shouted in spite of his mother's portrait upstairs and paused when no one answered. 

He narrowed his eyes. By Sirius's calculations, there should be about ten people in this house right now, plus Remus. And still no sound. Not even a peep came out.   
"Okay." he said slowly and made his way through the narrow hallway, leering into the drawing room only to see a somber circle of red heads slumped on the ground. He frowned and cleared his throat. His heart picked up beat. 

Ginny and the twins looked up, their faces etched with solemnity while others just tried to make themselves smaller. 

Sirius paled. "What's going on? Are you guys okay? Where's Remus?" they would've called him, if it was an emergency, Sirius told him himself. At least he hoped they would. Sirius let out a slow breath and looked at Ron for answers. Stay calm, he told himself. 

"Kitchen." 

"Did something happen? Is Harry alright?" what the hell is going on? He finished the thought.

Ron nodded, his face red in anger and his freckles abnormally shaded brown. "A guy came." he replied quietly, his voice barely audible. 

"A guy came? What guy? Would someone please talk?!" 

"James came by." Remus's hoarse voice came from his back, leaned against the wall with his arms crossed, Remus looked like a corpse, even worse than the state Sirius had left him in, Sirius gulped and stepped closer to the man. Remus blinked and nodded his head to the kitchen. 

He opened his mouth but the werewolf beat him to it again. 

"Your parents flooed children, I think they want you back home." Remus interjected softly, his tired features drew into a frown as the red heads reluctantly got up and passed the couple mutely. 

"Remus..." Ron trailed off, gulping, he closed his mouth and followed Percy out of the room. Sirius looked dumbfounded, his mind raging like a storm, inwardly spouting off insults and half cooked theories, as to why James would want to come here again. 

"Thanks for looking after us Remus, bye Sirius." Charlie, the eldest, bowed his head and stepped in last in the floo, engulfed in green flames. 

Sirius wildly turned his head back to Remus before the man slumped in a chair, cradling his head as if he had a headache.

"Remus? Remus what the hell is going on?! What the fuck was James...?!" in England? he had no words at his disposal. It's like his common sense had fleed his mind   
"He came by unannounced." he wheezed out, rubbing his eyes vigorously. 

"But what...?" Sirius was confused. 

"He knows. He knows what happened to Harry." Remus clarified, he turned back and glared at Sirius with an accusing gaze. Sirius snapped out of his daze.

"What did he want?! Did he come alone? To gloat or something?" 

Remus growled, grazing his teeth at the man threateningly. 

"To gloat?!! Sirius, did you just hear me? I said /he knows/. He knows /everything/." Sirius did a double take, blinking.

"Moony.." 

"What have we done?! Sirius what have we done?!" the man exclaimed, flailing his arms around madly.

"What are you talking about?! Remus just seat down and bloody explain!" he snapped, forcing the other man down by his shoulders.

"He has ears in the ministry, he knew that you were pleading a trial. He knew it the moment you filled out that bloody form. He wants Harry too." the man admitted, looking seconds away from crying. 

"What?!" that is not possible. impossible. Remus shook his head at him in misery.

"He said.... That we, we created a loophole for him. A legal loophole so he can also get Harry back."

"..." what was he playing at?!!!

"He wants to get Harry's custody back." Remus repeated, empathizing on each bloody word.

"He can't. He can't do that! Harry was disowned, it's not possible! Remus, he was talking bullshit..." it didn't work like that. it /shouldn't/ work like that.

"He said... He could. He had /the look/ Sirius. He wasn't kidding, we're so screwed.... We're so screwed." moony covered his mouth, shaking like a leaf. Sirius could only cringe. James departure with Remus all those years ago was a truamatizing one , no wonder his partner was so shaken up.

"Moony, calm down. That couldn't be possible. What he said, Harry was disowned, it's not legally possible..." James was a bluffer, he could've done it out of spite or just trying to ruffle them up. it couldn't be valid. Sirius was drenched in denial. 

"It is legally possible. He said it himself, and he's rich... Sirius he can buy people, the wizagoment, he can buy every fucking department in that goddamned place! We acted too soon! Too rash! Look what we've done!" 

"It's going to be okay, Remy... We'll fix it." Sirius tried to sound as soothing as possible, not having experience with comforting people. That was Remus's job, not his.

"No we can't. We can't just /fix/ this." he gestured around the room wildly, his eyes catching Harry's golden snitch by accident. The man slumped down in defeat. 

"He wants Harry back, he said that he was looking for a loophole, the one we just created by questioning Snape's custody claim. Sirius, can you even comprehend what's at stake here?" as if hit by a train, his partner fell down next to him, his eyes wide and glazed over. 

Denial was over, those words hit him like a herd of trolls, the realization finally dawned on him. He could have Harry back. 

"What did he say exactly? Did he threaten Harry? Fuck, he's still in a hospital!" 

"How long do we have?" ignoring his question, Remus asked with dread, pulling at his hair with aching knuckles. 

Sirius turned to him, his mouth moving but no sound came out. "They'll owl us." 

Remus nodded blankly, licking his chapped lips.

"He said that, if he wanted Harry back then he would be back, he said something about power and innocence and then said that he wouldn't let Harry to be controlled again."

"He said everything we say or do would be used against us in the court, and I punched him and then throttled him. We're going to trial." Remus said monotonously.   
Sirius swore, and swore again and again and then he attacked his throbbing temples with his fists. 

"What are going to do? Can't we call it off?! Cancel it or something?!" he asked weakly, his husky breath down the dog's neck.

Sirius shook his head. "It doesn't work like that, you can't 'undo' a custody trial, I mean you could, but.... I don't know." 

His ears rang as he recalled the strange looks from the officials, thinking that they were just looking for juicy news about Harry. But no, some of those were the ones who ratted him out, leaked the news to James all the way to France. 

"What are we...." 

"I owled Snape, well Bill did technically... He... He and Evans left for the ministry again." Sirius cursed. They both fell silent. 

"Harry? How's he? Maybe we should go visit him?" his heart ached to see his godson. Sirius needed to see the boy, needed to know how he was doing, and if he was fully healed or not. Last time Sirius had seen the boy, he was retching his guys out in a bush with Remus doing the same. Then it all had been prescribes notes and potions, shouts and curses, and at one point Sirius thought he actually tried to punch Evans in the face when she tried to stop him from leaving.

Oh well, Shit.

Remus gave him a skeptical glance. "I don't think Harry wants to see us right now."

"Why? Does he.... Does he know?" he can't know, Harry can't know. He would kill them. Sirius couldn't let Harry get hurt than he already was.

"I have no idea. James..... James said he would.... Or left, I don't know, some kind of gift for him." Remus spat out.

"Shit." Sirius dragged on the curse, and pursed his lips, his face turned upwards and he cursed again.

"Did Snape see anyone... Or Harry...." James is a such Bastard. He felt like murdering the man, maybe by beating him with fists...

"No, I don't know Sirius. Harry isn't allowed to have visitors anyway." it would be impossible for some outsider to plant a 'gift' for Harry when the child isn't allowed to have visitors. No way.

"Why isn't he allowed to have visitors?" Sirius interjected, his eyes wide with adrenalin and rage. Irrational, bull like rage. 

"Evans said it had to do with his heart or something..... Listen, that's not the problem right now, what are we going to do?" 

Sirius took a few moments to think.

"We have to go through with the trial. The incentive hasn't changed Remus. Even if James wants Harry_which he won't have_ we have to ensure what Harry wants. And I doubt he wants to live with Snape and Evans... Who would?" 

Even if he wanted to, even if James wanted Harry, Sirius couldn't allow the boy to stay with Snape, not now the cat was out of the bag. Things weren't going to be the same. They could take Harry to Australia as planned. Sirius was not joking around when he offered it to Harry. 

A care free life, away from abuse, and the Potters and Snape... 

Remus didn't seem to think the same.

"What if we lose, Sirius? This isn't a game! If we lose this , then we'll lose Harry! Harry is at stake here you moron! We can't just keep going, we'll lose." the man yelled, his face screwed up into a wince/scowl as he shouted off curses. 

Sirius shook his head, they needn't shrink their options down to the court. They could still have Harry if only they got rid of James. Snape had a soft spot for Harry. If the child wanted to live with them when this madness was all over, then the man had no choice but to agree to it. He told Remus that. Feeling the man's desperation to save their cub, but fearing James too much to continue on.

"I didn't say that we should keep going to get custody for Harry, we'll clean up this mess, and Harry will come live with us quietly after everything's over." he repeated after Remus asked him to repeat himself for the second time.

The man just looked at him blankly. 

"So what? You want to help Snape?" he asked carefully, his eyes narrowed and his posture slumped, both in exhaustion and resignation. 

"Do you see another option here? We would have won against Snape, we could /still/ win against him. But James? No. James will crush us." he summoned a glass of water with his wand, uttering a quick 'aguamenti' 

He chucked down the drink, not realizing just how thirsty he really was. He put down the glass, and rolled his tired neck. 

"Harry can't go back." Remus stated grimly, both looking like those pair of zombies they had encountered back in Brazil three years ago. 

"No he can't." Sirius agreed, lying his head on the man's shoulder and huffing a sigh.

"I'll talk to Snape, you just go and rest moony. You look like shit." he said to Remus, and the man smacked him right in the face. A hollow of a smile passed his face.

"I can't sleep now. You think we should find a lawyer?" the werewolf suddenly wondered out loud.

"I think we should just talk to Harry first." Sirius was done hiding things from his godson.

"Sirius?" Remus's biceps stiffened and Sirius opened an eye.

"Yes?" the man looked past him and to the window just near the back door. Sirius thought he heard a tap.

"You said the ministry will alert us via owl?" Sirius nodded.

"Yeah, it could be weeks, even a month from now on..."

"Then you better hope that, this ministry owl isn't here for what I think it is." Remus gulped and pointed at the window with a shaking hand.

"Bloody hell."


	12. chapter twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /italics/  
> *bold*

Chapter twelve.

/ "Remember, I'm only a floo away Harry, alright? If You need me, then you'll floo.... Although it's better if you don't...unless it's an emergency of course... But if it's manageable, floo to the Wealseys please...."

"Okay Dad you already said all this." Harry chirped, grinning from ear to ear as he perched himself on the sofa's handle. Severus chose to ignore the eleven year old. 

"I put your dinner on the table, it has a warming charm on it so you should be fine, eat the vegetables please, and if you need more I also put away some leftovers sandwiches in the fridge, don't wash the dishes, trust me /I will know/ and go to bed at nine.."

Harry's grin lessened a little and Severus sighed. "Nine thirty, but if I see you're up late then you're grounded Harry." the man emphasized his point by pointing a finger his way before rushing back to stuff more vials into his brief medical case. Harry pursed his lips to hide the laughter bubbling up in his chest and pushed down his amusement. 

"I will be good Dad." the smile in his voice made Severus glance up, he scowled half heartedly. 

"You cheeky brat." he retorted, smirking. The nervous potion master closed up his bag and straightened his robes for the hundredth time before walking to his child and engulfing him in a rushed but affectionate hug. 

"Be good alright? It's all gonna be fine." the last comment seemed to be more to himself than to Harry, and the child simply hugged the man back in return.   
"Love ya, bye." he pushed the potion master away to the fireplace, dramatically giving his dad a big thumbs up. Dad fully smirked and turned to leave... Before turning back again. 

"What was I thinking? You will not take a bubble bath tonight young man. Half an hour shower or straight to bed. I will not have you cracking your head open and drown in my absnece." 

Harry gaped in indignation. "When did that ever happened before that you're....I deserve a bubble bath! I've been having them all by myself since I was eight!" 

"With my supervision." 

"Dad... I'm not a child." 

"No, you're just reckless. No bath alright? I love you, bye, be good." Harry dodged out of the way before Dad could smooth out his hair again.

"Just go already!" Harry pouted, crossing his arms. 

"Don't stay up late! And I better not see a red head when I come back!" 

"Dad, go!" 

Harry released a big sigh when his dad was finally out of the house and slumped back down on the sofa. He felt as if a big weight has been taken away from his shoulders and couldn't quite prevent the Cheshire smile from spreading on his youthful face, before glancing at the clock. 

It was already seven, he had plenty of time doing... Nothing. That tingle of excitement went up his navel and Harry bit his lip, looking around their living room as if making sure that Dad was really gone. 

He indeed was gone, leaving clusters of vials and black robes on the ground in his hurry, so unlike Dad, that the stark contrast was startling. Dad must have been really nervous. Harry grinned fondly and ignored the mess, determined to have fun in Dad's absence as much as possible. 

Harry froze, frowning. That thought wasn't his, there was nothing fun to do in Dad's absence, Harry had made it seem like Dad didn't let him do anything fun and that... Actually made him feel bad. 

Trudging his way to the kitchen, Harry rummaged the cupboards, uselessly looking for a snack even though he would have dinner in an hour anyway. Every time he moved he thought he could hear creaking or some other out of place noise. He couldn't help but giggle at the irony.   
He had not been left alone in the house all by himself... Like ever. He didn't remember much about /them/, and Dad was way too protective to leave him to his own devices for too long, specially at night. 

He would have robbed their candy cupboard for some liquorice but his conscious went against the idea as soon as it popped up. No, no rule breaking... He sighed.  
Self consciously the eleven year old picked up a book (his father's journal) and slumped back on the couch in the living room, positioning it in the middle of the room, so he had access to /everywhere/. Thinking that there was a mug or some sort of robber in their house was ridiculous and a little childish, but after hearing creaks and strange sounds that shouldn't be there, he couldn't help but feel a little anxious. 

He understood next to nothing from the journal, and it wasn't from the lack of trying, Harry never found it in him to show the same passion to potions that Dad did. The man was /obsessed / with potions, every waking moment that wasn't spent with Harry, was spent down in his labs, creating miracles ( Dad's words). And Harry figured they should be really impressive for someone like Dumbledore to pin for his dad even after five years or for magazines and reporters to publish his dad's face on the very first page on their reports every now and then. 

Harry stalled dinner as long as he could, stealing longing glances towards the fireplace, he felt the excitement slowly turn into dread, like icy water lashing around in his guts. 

At eight thirty, the boy had finished his dinner, changed into his sleeping clothes and tried to clean out his room, which also didn't take as long as he hoped it would. With the heavy air hanging around the house, Harry decided to listen to his dad and spare himself the bubble bath tonight, so after another fifteen minutes of shower, and a very detailed tooth brushing that Hermione would be proud of, Harry had nothing else to do. 

The child huffed out a sigh and pouted, berating himself for ruining this shining opportunity to have fun in his dad's absence, though even he didn't know what could possibly be fun without his dad to witness. 

At nine, Harry had no choice but sleep, as much as he dreaded nightmares, he hated this restlessness and this squeamish feeling in his chest. Call him a baby, but Harry found more reassurance with Rabbity in his bed next to him than on his night stand, so the rabbit would sleep with him tonight. 

"It's not as good as I thought." he whispered to the stuffed animal, a long time habit he never grown out of. 

It'd be okay. He could he tough for Dad, he could do this one thing for him. He thought sleepily and closed his eyes, his glasses next to him on the pillow. 

 

Xx

"Just listen to my voice, the context doesn't matter Harry, the sound is important, relax, it's okay." 

It was another nightmare and they were both in Harry's bed, under the rumpled heap of blankets with Daddy's wand alight to provide some light. It meant another restless night for the two. Daddy said they were trying something new tonight, he said that they were trying to distract Harry from bad thoughts so he could sleep again. Harry no idea what it meant, but still complied. 

The seven year old couldn't calm down, the nightmare had been nasty, one of the most frightening ones he had so far, and he just couldn't stop /shaking/. Pathetic, he thought to himself, what would Daddy say if he knew what a wimp he really was? 

He'll leave you like Mommy and Daddy. That's what. 

Daddy suddenly shifted. "Remember the chocolate bar you were looking for earlier today?" Harry frowned and nodded. Why would Dad bring that up in a situation like this? Something totally unrelated and typical when Harry was on the verge of tears? Daddy shook his head guiltily. 

"I ate it Harry. I'm so sorry though, but Daddy was hungry and tired, and the treat was just on the couch... Yeah, I ate it. I didn't tell you because I thought I would be able to replace it before you go looking for it. " 

Harry hummed for Daddy to continue, still too shaken to speak up. "And do you remember that very thin woman we saw in Leaky cauldron yesterday? I might have hexed her hat to stay glued to her head permanently, because she was mean to you. But don't do that alright? Cursing people is a bad thing to do Harry, no matter how rude or mean they are. Daddy made a mistake by doing that...." 

Harry smiled and patted the man's chest. "It was funny Daddy." 

Daddy cocked his head and shrugged. "Still it was very bad." 

"Don't you have anything you want to tell me? It doesn't remotely have to be a bad thing?" Daddy asked and Harry shook his head straight away. He was a good boy and had broken no rules and he really rather Daddy talk. He was funny. Daddy sighed and continued. 

"There was a potion gathering last week, the night I left you with the Weasleys? They gave Daddy one of those big and shiny cauldrons because I invented another potion. Do you want to know what it is?" 

Harry nodded, feeling considerably calmer, and snuggled to the potion master's chest. 

"It's name is Veritaserum. The person whom consumes it has to tell the truth Harry, even if they want to lie, they have no choice but to speak the truth, it was apparently a big accomplishment because they gave me a medal too."

"They can't lie? Like Pinocchio?" Harry could see Daddy resisting a twitch tugging on his lips.

"Yes, quite like him, the ministry wants to use the potion on criminals so they wouldn't lie their way out of prison." 

"What is bad about that Daddy?" 

"Well, nothing really. But I suppose it can be misused a lot Harry, if it gets in the wrong hands. And that indirectly makes me responsible if anything bad happened." the man tried to explain without disrupting Harry who was using his chest as a pillow.

"But you didn't use it wrong so it isn't bad." 

"And you didn't spill the soup in your nightmare child, your... Potter did. Thus you did nothing wrong." 

Harry nodded sleepily. "Are you better now?" Daddy asked, the child smiled in awe and nodded. 

"Stay?" 

"I will" he murmured. /

Arms were around him in an instant. Not just any arms, not restraining holds and no nurses were touching him. Before Harry knew what was happening Dad had him crushed in a hug, his hot face was pressed down to the man's chest, Harry had no choice but to breath in the familiar scent and cried with relief.   
He would've called himself a wimp for crying all the time now, but after that nasty nightmare and everything that had happened, he was just so /glad/ that he was there, being cradled like a baby. 

"It's okay, it's over shhhhh.....shhhhh...." it worked like a charm, a fresh blanket was draped over him and Dad's hand brushed up to his head, the child didn't flinch at the touch but leant into it as if he would in the past. 

He was warm, he was in his dad's embrace and he could care less if he smelled like piss, or care about the fact that he supposedly hated his Dad. Dad could never hate Harry, he knew that, Dad would never be /them/. Harry will always regret comparing his dad to them, Dad would always love him no matter how ugly or freakish he was, Dad loved him. Harry heard the man say the same things as he thought them, pressing random kisses to his head or rubbing his back.

"It's okay...Dad's here..." the tone reminded him of not long ago when they were in the car.

Dad would never elope with Ja...Janet if he knew what she had done to Harry, Dad was smart, Dad knew what he was doing, he would neve willingly hurt him... Like a child, Harry scooted closer to the man and sniffled. 

"Just a nightmare. Dreams can't hurt us, remember? Dreams can't hurt us." 

It was just like the old times, when he was six and he cried after a storm, or when he was seven and he woke up drenched in sweat after a nightmare, when he was eleven and Dad came back to him even at the expense of his own job.

Why would his dad betray him then? His mind conflicted and he had no answers. All he knew was that, everything was going to be fine, when Dad was with him like this... 

"Harry? Harry can you talk?" 

Of course he could, he wasn't that messed up yet. 

"Yes." he answered back in a small voice. 

Dad shifted beneath him and pulled his head closer. "I'm sorry." but Harry had a feeling he wasn't talking about Janet. 

It wasn't like the one back at the hospital, it felt more real, more touchy Feely, more like something his /dad/ would say, and Harry found himself not really affected by that. His tears had dried long ago. 

"Shhh..." 

He really didn't care about it either, all he wanted to do now, was to just lay there and either go back to sleep, or listen to his dad talk until he went to sleep. Dad didn't sing him lullabies or never read him stories (long story), no, Dad talked.   
He could talk about anything, it didn't matter what he said, Harry never really paid attention, but it helped. It helped every time.

"Talk." he muttered, his voice hoarse and his ears firmly pressed to the man's chest, listening to the unsteady heartbeat beneath his head. Dad shifted again, trying to find a more comfortable position for Harry and leaned back. He immediately started as if completely expecting this and there was nothing amiss in Harry's abrupt change of behavior. 

"I was talking with your healer a few hours back, he said you be fine to leave in two or three days, he said that everything is going on without a hitch and you be alright again, I already brewed you some balm and some potions I left at home, I..." Dad rambled on, and occasionally paused for a sigh.

"I bought new frames for your glasses, but we have to buy you another set, I would have but I'm too busy right now child. I was busy, I swear that it was important, I didn't want to leave you. I would never leave you." Harry nodded for the man to continue, feeling considerably lighter than he would admit. 

"I was scared. I wanted to tell you the truth, Harry I swear I did and I will from now on, I swear that. All those nights I went out? You remember those? J...Janet and I had to renew the slight glamour on her body every night, it took time and she couldn't do it by herself... So we... We left at nights, altered the charm and sneaked back. I never left on purpose, I wanted to protect you." 

If Harry had hair, Dad would have smoothed it out, kneading his fingers and stroking his unruly black mess, but he didn't. That didn't stop dad though.   
Harry closed his eyes, too tired to react wildly to the revealations. "Tell me more?" 

"Janet's grandfather had passed away when she was eight. We never delayed our holiday because of that or that wasn't the reason why I was so cross with you... She... She told me about her true identity when we were on our way back. I was shocked, I knew that she had some distant relation to... To them, but I didn't know that she knew. We stalled a few days, we fought. Actually we fought a lot, and I even threatened to reveal her to the ministry, but then she told me something."

Dad took a rest to pick up his wand, with a flick Harry felt something cool brush over his legs and realized with a flush, that Dad had charmed him clean. He was too stunned to really feel ashamed, his breathing slowly returned back to normal and he opened his eyes slightly to see Dad glaring at something. Harry decided that Dad wasn't going to bring it up now. But cringed all the same as he vaguely thought about this new and embarrassing nightly habit. 

"What did she say?" he asked, feeling oddly content and at ease though, Dad's attention snapped back to him, the expression on his face softened. 

"She said there's more to it. I asked what could possibly matter now, and she told me that.... She told me that, this wasn't the first time she saw you. She said that you were too little to remember and that something happened, that she had no choice, I didn't understand at first, I didn't even believe her of course. But then she showed me, she let me in her mind..." 

That didn't make any sense to him, what could possibly prevent Dad from revealing her? It had to be something big, but how big? How big to over come something as serious and as sinful as abuse? What could it possibly be? 

"I can't explain it to you. I'm sorry, but it's not my story to tell, she will show you though, if you let us. Do you remember the headmaster's pensive? I can arrange it now if you want..." 

Harry cut the rambling off. "Did it worth it?" then he frowned, that wasn't the right question, what Harry really wanted to know was, did it worth /him/? 

"I will let you be the judge of that. Are you better now?" another side glance at his face.

"I want more." more of everything, he wanted the arms around his aching hands to be tighter, to Dad to smell more like ginger, or maybe he wanted to know more about Janet. This sudden calmness and curiosity both terrified and intrigued him. 

Dad sighed as if expecting his answer, and stayed put for a few seconds to come up with something to say. 

"I never meant to hurt you. I didn't want to hit you that night you know, I know it's unrelated, but when they brought you here... It was all I could think about. I wasn't even angry at you, I was... I was terrified, that you would find out, that maybe if you did... /Now/ you do../this/" he gestured around the room.

"Would happen, and... if there is anything I regret more than not telling you was hitting you that night. And I know it doesn't justify what I did at all. Merlin.. The bruise I left..." Harry shook his head.

"That wasn't you." he whispered and felt Dad's chest blanch underneath his head. 

"You didn't hit hard enough to leave a bruise. I did." he rubbed his left cheek, as if still feeling the familiar sting. This was the first time he had confessed to something in their nightly talks Harry found it oddly relieving.

Dad however, stiffened. "What?" the tone was careful and controlled, hardly containg the indignation and rage. 

Harry huffed out a rattled breath, but didn't dare open his eyes. "I pinched myself in the barn, right before I... Started counting." that night seemed ages ago, it felt like that it had happened in another life and not only a month back, Harry shuddered. 

"Why did you do that?" he demanded angrily. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" he shot back without a flinch. 

Dad maneuvered him out of the blankets and looked at him in the eye, Harry stiffened. This was unusual, Dad never used to look at him when they 'talked' at nights. This was the rule, context didn't matter as long as he got distracted, Harry hadn't judged Dad so far because he hadn't been in depth of Dad's sorrowful speech. Dad had no right to do this. 

He never looked at him when he was seven, when the potion master admitted to stealing Harry's chocolate bar out of hunger, or when he confessed to being dubious about his job, about his first potion class, Dad confessed about everything in those nights. And Harry never judged.  
Even though their talks didn't happen that often, five times tops before this, Harry felt better every time. Most of the times he was too drowsy or scared to really listen to his dad or really do much of anything besides listen to the man until he fell asleep, and the one time he did pay attention there weren't any cringe worthy things to say. 

It had been playful, innocent. Not like this. 

"Did you do it on purpose? Is that why you did it? Everything aside... Is this serious?" Dad looked so disturbed and worn out by this new revelation that Harry despite being angry and still out of sorts, felt a little bad for him. 

"No. I did it once, that was it. I'm not some creep Dad... It actually hurt a lot." it was the truth, the pinch hurt something fierce and it almost brought tears to his eyes, but that was kind of the point then. To punish himself. 

"Promise you will never do it again." 

"You promised to never lie to me." he wasn't being spiteful. Not at all, Harry was merely stating that promises were never really a sure thing, people broke and altered their own words all the time. 

"We will talk about this when you're better. I can't... I can't deal with this now." Harry flipped, feeling the pang of hurt and fear to suddenly flare again. 

"You can't deal with /this/? What is /this/?!" he wasn't sure if he was supposed to be angry or sympathetic. All things aside, he had put his Dad through absolute hell this past few years, the man looked like he was fifty not thirty seven. 

"I didn't mean it as an insult, clam down Harry, I know that you don't feel like I'm the best parent figure right now, but... But I can't oversee something like that."   
Dad's reassuring hand was on his head, a little colder than his scalp and more sweaty. 

"I didn't do it for the fun of it. It only happened once." Harry grumbled, it wasn't like Dad had any right to say those things either, all things considered the man was a direct cause in his current situation after all. 

"Are you tired now? do you feel like you can sleep on your own?" 

"Aren't you going to tell me something else?" 

Dad furrowed, his glance ghosted around the room and back to Harry before he nodded his head, his hand traveling down Hart's cheek firmly, as if checking for the said bruise. Harry batted the hand away, he was already feeling bad, he didn't need Dad to add up to it. Another shiver went down his spine, the nightmare brushed over his conscious before he pushed it away. 

James had kicked the same spot on his face.

"I don't know how am I supposed to fix this." the man admitted, snaking his hand around Harry's shoulders in a side hug. The gryffindor could almost grasp the same desperation. 

Harry frowned and gulped. "Is it too much?" 

"It's not you, Harry I swear. It's never about you."

" I don't want you to get involved now, I love you and I'm sorry, that this happened, merlin knows I curse myself everyday for what happened to you..I never wanted you to get burned or find out the truth like this, and it's okay, I promise it'd be okay. I will never let anyone hurt you, including myself. Harry... I..." he trailed off and closed his eyes, drawing Harry closer, the child was too tired to protest as they both leaned back against the headboard. Just like old times.

"I'm still mad at you, and I'm not forgiving you." but I really want to, and I'm already feeling so bad for it. What was wrong with him?! How could he do this to himself again?!! Letting himself get hurt like this? What if Dad is lying? What if Dad is about to leave? 

"I'm just talking to you, because I wanted to. Don't... Don't mistake this as forgiveness. Or because you think that I think your actions were justified. " he hesitated for a beat."Dad." 

The man released a long held breath, pure mirth and relief were hidden behind his trained eyes, but Harry saw right through them with a clenching heart. 

"I want to sleep now." the order was clear, Dad was to remain with him. For now.

Dad nodded slowly, his disheveled appearances revealed his utter exhaustion as he did.

"Will you ever...?" Harry could tell that Dad held back, but didn't push, he was still drowsy and too drugged to start yelling again. He wanted to say it was too soon, but had no control of what he said next.

"I don't know." I already did. 

Even though he didn't know why.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

"Dad!" the auburn haired boy called out from above and James looked up unexpectedly. Having not expected his son to be flying out so late. 

"Aiden." he plastered a genuine smile on his face and embraced the racing boy in his arms. Caging the child James caught his broom and scuffled the red messy locks.

"What you doing out so late buddy?" James frowned, Lily usually didn't let their son stay out so late in the evening, it was eight forty. Almost nine.

"Mom said I could stay out a little late tonight. I got an A pass from Professor dotty this morning." 

James tried to hide his grin with a cough. "Bambi, come on, what did I tell you about not naming your teachers?" 

"It's not like they're actually offensive Dad. I think he secretly likes it." the boy pointed out and wiggled his way out of James' arms. The two made their way back to the Manor as lazily as possible, one filled with pride and joy and the other squirming with hidden rage and suppressed guilt. 

"You go and put your broom away. Your mom would slaughter us both if you come at the table with that." the man nodded at the firebolt and ruffled Aiden's sweat coated hair before turning away and heading for his office. Lily aught to be there and she better have some answers. 

"Care to tell me what is this all about?" he drawled as soon as the door was slammed shut. Lily barely looked up from her book.

"Do you have any particular event in mind?" she answered distractedly and raised her eyebrows.

"It's almost nine and Aiden was still flying out in the field, at least send out a house elf next time." he barked back bitterly.

She sighed and snapped her book shut with a loud thud.

"I had to get him out of the house. Our lawyer came by and he isn't exactly the quietest person." 

"What did he say?" 

She hummed. "Just a general browsing on the boy's history ever since he was adopted, some of the details were rather gory, I couldn't let Aiden overhear. The file is on the desk." 

James scoffed." A silencing charm would've been more sufficient. " she's such an idiot sometimes. He savagely thought and snatched the folder on his way to the couch. 

The crackling fireplace was the only source of light, and James could barely make out Lily's stiffened posture behind her old oak desk, bent over a stack of parchment. 

She looked up, disgruntled and exasperated both at her husband and the lawyer.

"Why are we taking the boy back? We already have everything James. Call me a fool but I can tell that you most definitely don't want him neither." they both shuddered, the memory of the boy was forbidding to the both of them. 

He was the reason for every mishap, or argument they had thus far, Harry was a mistake and they both knew it. The both knew that the freak they created was the reason they were in this mess in the first place. The reason why they fled the country and their name got dragged into the mud. Well both him and her scum of a sister, Janet. She sneered, that filth of a woman just about ruined everything they had rooted for, she was even worse than Petunia. At least that horse faced idiot was compliant. 

"I need my influence back in the ministry. The boy reeks of raw magic, some say he's more powerful than Dumbledore himself, we need him back even if it's only for a while. Just imagine the power." James said, he cast a lumos and drifted through the folder, his eyes passing on the spitting image of his younger self. He leered. 

"It's not that I don't agree with you, we shouldn't have listened to that bitch, but... But have you seen the pictures James?! The boy looks... Deranged." she said incredulously and James winced. 

"There is nothing a glamour can't fix Lils, don't let his looks repel you. I mean..."He chuckled in amazement." Look at this, he battled a bloody basilisk at the age of twelve! Who cares about a disfigured face? This is more than fucking impressing, this... This is raw power. "

"We shouldn't have dumped him in the first place. But could you really blame me for not liking him? He was always so... So freaky and quiet and he acted like a squib..." she shuddered again, memories rushed to the front of her mind. She couldn't have the boy back with them, the feak terrified and disgusted both her and James /without/ magic to the point that they had to leave him in a dump. Lily wasn't sure she could deal with /that/ again.

"The past is the past Lily. It's future that counts. Even if we don't get him back, we can still get our revenge from Snivelous and your sister."

"...Half sister. " James waved her off with a smug grin.

"Not the point Lily. By bringing Harry to the court we'll not only get the boy, and the press but we certainly can ruin Paddy and our dear Moony over once it's all over. It's a win-win either way." 

Lily shook her head dubiously.

"And if we really get him back? What am I supposed to do with him?" she asked, grasping her quill ina desperate manner. 

James shrugeed."Nothing, he's not five anymore Lily, /when/ we get him, we can have our glory and name back, and the name 'Potter' wouldn't be slandered any longer. Him? he can just live and look after himself as he always did." 

"That's it James? The lawyer said the charges against us sounded very deceiving... If we lose..." she crossed her arms and shrugged helplessly. She did /not/ fancy a life in azkaban. Specially not over /him/. 

 

James smirked and closed the folder with a snap. "We won't. If anything, Snape should be the one shivering under his bed right now. If we pull this off, then that Bastard and his bitch can spend the rest of their miserable lives where they belong. With the Demnetors." he gave her a chaste kiss and threw the file back on the desk.

the red head still furrowed. "Just remember James, we can't let the confidence get to our heads. Janet is such a sneaky little bitch, she and Snape are always one step ahead. And just so you know.... If... If we get /him/ back, I want him kept on a leash, I won't have him cause havoc in our home again and keep him as far as away from us as it gets." she stood, book in hands, her long red hair flwoing down her back as she did.

James's eyes glinted in vicious amusement. "He won't fit in a cupboard anymore." 

Lily glared daggers and shrugged. "Then do something about it." 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

/"Do you want to draw?" Severus carefully set Harry's pencils down on the table, wary and reluctant ever since Harry's first outburst. 

Severus should have seen it coming, he guiltily admits that he should have, the boy was seven after all, and had lived with the potion master for nearly a year now, Harry was bound to trust Severus enough to fuss and throw temper tantrums as other children did. 

Still, the topic was what made him feel a little squeamish. His guts churned as he eyed the cursed pencils rolling on the parchment and he pursed his lips tightly, willing his glance back to his son. 

"Harry?" he interrupted the child's quiet conversation with his toy, and Harry nodded with a pouty look before burying his face in Rabbity's long plush ears. Severus frowned but tried to ease down his concerns with mental encouragement. He's just angry, too angry and grudging for a child his age, but he's just angry. He smoothed out his features as Harry obediently made his way to the table. 

Severus felt ashamed. "Do you want to draw?" he feared that the child might not even touch the coloring book after what happened yesterday, but didn't want to force him into it either. 

Harry nodded nonchalantly and picked up his orange pencil with ease. Severus swallowed, that was the only pen he hadn't touched. He realized and stood.   
He had been busy this last few weeks, brewing potions, giving out delayed orders, and finishing his journal. He had been so busy that he barely knew his hand from the knife he had been chopping ingredients with. Exhausted deep down to his bones. 

Harry had uncharacteristically left his drawing equipment all scattered in their living room last night after going off to sleep, Severus saw the mess, and instead of berating Harry or telling him to clean up after himself, had cleaned it up himself, put all of the pencils back in their case (except the orange one), put the coloring book away and organized the child's parchment and drawings, quite proud of himself for his tact and parental affection. 

He winced. Harry had not been glad at all. The boy took one look around the room and then at his stuff packed neatly near the fireplace and had burst into tears. This was no crocodile tears or fussing out of fatigue. The tears were one hundred percent genuine, and so was the counting that followed.   
Then, as if in a trance, Harry ate his breakfast and crashed on the couch with his stuffed rabbit, mournfully gazing at the ground. 

Severus apologized for /hours/, asked what was wrong and only got one answer. 

"You touched /my/ pencils." Severus was left speechless, dumbfounded in his kitchen as Harry guiltily chewed on his lips. 

"Alright, I...." he blinked and found himself not quite sure of what to say. Swallowing, the inexperienced father had sighed and then drew Harry in a firm hug. 

"I'm really sorry baby boy, okay? I didn't mean to..." 

A sudden idea struck him. " What about, you draw with these today and then we'll see if we can buy you a new case?" it was the last thing he wanted to do, not that he didn't want to buy things for his son, but he also didn't want Harry to get spoiled, he had to learn how to adjust to his new life eventually.   
But he's only seven. His mind argued back, and he yielded. 

"I liked this one." Harry wiggled free out of his embrace and looked on the verge of tears again. Severus cleared his throat and stepped back. 

"Then you have no problem using them. Correct?" Harry furrowed, wringing the hem of his shirt. 

"You touched them." the tone was not accusing and more of a matter of fact tone Harry rarely used. 

"Because, you had left them in the living room Harry. I just tidied up a bit. They're all fine, see?" afraid to agitate Harry even farther, the potion master just pointed at the red one in his son's hand, and nodded his head. 

Harry pouted his lips, uncertainty shining in his eyes. "What is so wrong about touching your pencils Harry? I touch your other stuff all the time." 

"But they're mine." 

"Yes Harry, I know they're yours, and I'm not about to take them away from you. I just cleaned up the living room last night and your pencils were in the way."   
Harry said naught. Perhaps that was Severus's first mistake, no matter the child's age, silence could never be a good thing when you have a child around somewhere.   
He was right of course, the proof came when his wand /and/ his son went missing at the same time.

Severus narrowed his eyes, hoping to merlin that his wand and Harry weren't in the same place somewhere, because then God helps him, if Harry somehow accidentally hurt himself with the wand, Severus would give him the naughty corner for a whole day.

"Harry!" he called around the house, marvelling over the fact that how a seven year old could hide in such a small and open house. Their home was practically windows and walls with few furniture to mess around whatsoever. Since the potion master hated knick knacks and even the photographs were all in the album, with only two over the mantel, that left nothing except the two couches and the lovesit, none fit for a hiding place. 

Where could he possibly hide?

"Harry? Come out right now, Daddy will forgive you if you come out now, okay?" simultaneously the young and unexperienced father looked around the ground for his missing wand. 

After checking the bathrooms and the yard, Severus was getting really worried, he rushed back to the living room and thought about checking the rooms again.   
His eyes went over the ground and he stopped dead on his tracks. The orange pencil was missing. 

Realization dawned on him and he heaved a long sigh. Pinching the bridge of his nose, Severus noticed that he had been looking for Harry for over an hour now, having checked the woods and his labs aside from the whole house. 

Harry certainly knew how to plot a good revenge, didn't he? 

He made sure to make a lot of noise as he descended up the stairs and to Harry's room. 

Sure enough, Harry was squashed under his bed ( Severus had no idea how) with his wand and the orange pencil in one hand and his toy in the other.

"Harry?! What are you doing under the bed?!" /


	13. chapter thirteen

Chapter thirteen. 

 

Harry woke up alone the next morning. There was no sign of the potion master, no rumpled blankets and no heap of robes and pillows like last night. The bed sheets were cold and empty. Harry stifled the disappointment and tried to get back to sleep. The more he rested the sooner he could get out of this hell. 

Hopefully soon. 

Dad briefly visited by, at noon the same day, but left rather fast. Harry could see how much he wanted to stay, Dad's lingering demeanor by the door and the hesitate look on his face told it all, Harry didn't even know why he was leaving. But apparently he had to. After that visit, days flew by like clouds.

The following days were pretty much the same, Ron and Mione were in school and couldn't visit, they sent him get well soon cards like everyone else, they also sent him letters telling him all about the new year and his homework so Harry wouldn't get behind his work. That was mostly Hermione though. 

The fourteen year old didn't see Janet at all in those days, she had become scarce. Harry knew she was there, he wasn't dumb and he had heard her arguing with Dad over how much coffee she had earlier. She claimed that she had only one though, that was the only thing he could hear before he was cut out entirely.   
Still when it came to her, no one mentioned her name or made her presence known, Harry wanted to be pissed, but seriously couldn't really find it in himself to throw up another tantrum, it must have been the potions, but he just didn't feel like it. 

Molly Weasley came by in the mornings at nine when he had been awake for some time, she left at eleven when Dad filled her place, looking exhausted deep down to his bones, still he wasn't slacking off his time with Harry. He stayed till three, but sometimes, like today, left barely at one. They didn't talk much, they most certainly did not discuss what happened that night and just tried to ignore the whole situation. Dad had brought him his favorite novel. The great expectation, he mostly read that to him. Both also ignoring the fact that what had happened to the first page. 

Harry wanted to ask what was going on, everything just seemed so... chaotic all around him. Everything seemed hectic and they were all acting jerky, rushed and even hasty at times. Basically, It was like a war zone out of his room, and it seemed like his bed was safe territory. Even though they were all seemed to want to rip each other's throat out, they all agreed on not telling Harry anything. He wasn't even angry anymore, more like resigned and tired of all the shit. But not angry. 

Odd. He thought suspiciously. 

Now, Sirius and Remus were here with him, babysitting. While helping him pack his stuff to check out of this damn place the same evening. Well, Harry really didn't know how the rolls played out in this case, since he was actually the one looking after the men and stopping padfoot from lapping up Harry's toothpaste as he packed up his clothes and stuff.

The hippogriff had been the first to go into the bag, long before the men had came in, and for some reason he was grateful the men wouldn't see his childish attitude regarding the thing. Harry had taken a strange liking to the thing. He had even named the thing hippos (not really in the mood for creativity) . 

Again, he knew it was childish and he was too old for toys, or stuffed animals, but merlin, that thing bewitched him, made him feel... Numb and indifferent. He kinda liked it. Numb was what he needed these days. 

".......Honestly moony, I don't know where did I go wrong. " the canine heaved a dramatic sigh and dropped on Harry's bed, headfirst into his pillow. Rolling his eyes, the boy dragged his mattress from underneath the man's upper chest. 

"The beginning." his partner answered dryly and Harry suppressed a giggle. As much as he was trying to deny it, his godfathers were painfully hilarious and the most child like adults he had ever seen in his life, Dad would never make such inappropriate jokes in front of a fourteen year old and then laugh it off like it was nothing. He would never make these kind of jokes at all times though. Harry was still blushing. 

"Well I guess it's a woman thing." the dog chortled good heartedly and patted Harry on his knee with a wink. 

"What about you charming? Any embarrassing girlfriend horror stories you want to share?" The man continued.

Harry had no answer for that and just rolled his eyes, he ignored the nervous twitch Remus struggled to suppress and Sirius' constant bouncing. He couldn't help but think that his godfathers were purposefully avoiding something but couldn't quite put his finger on it. And what better than women as a distraction for Sirius? Whatever they were trying to distract Harry from, it wasn't working. 

"I don't think our Harry is old enough for a girlfriend yet paddy. He's only fourteen." Remus interjected, and Sirius huffed out. 

"Not old enough?! I have you know, I had girlfriends the moment I hit thirteen. No godson of mine should remain without one for long." 

"I will help you find a great girlfriend. Which do you like Harry? Do you have a particular taste?" he wiggled his eyebrows and the boy in question flushed right down to his neck. Though no one could quite tell the difference since the skin was just red in general. 

"Oh my god." he drawled out. 

"You guys are shameless." Dad would be so pissed if he knew what these guys were saying, he would be more horrified knowing that this was a normal occurence . He would never leave Harry with them again. He mused vaguely and zipped up his backpack with a sigh of relief. 

Sirius ignored his antics and continued on his conversation without a hitch. 

"He has to go through it someday Moony, might as well give the talk now with all the nurses listening in, it has more educational purpose that way. " 

"Get out." Harry groaned out and covered his eyes in mortification. 

"Oh prongslet...No need to blush like that! We're all family here! Even the nurses are considered friends. Don't be embarrassed by your sexuality. Never be embarrassed by that." he wagged a finger in Harry's face and he chuckled. 

"I'm embarrassed by you two. What's with you today?" 

Now he seriously knew that something was wrong. Sirius had the nervous glint in his eyes. 

"He had had beer for breakfast, so I'd say a few things went wrong today. Or with his life." Remus waved him off, Harry's backpack was swung on the man's shoulder and they shared a smile over Sirius's fallen body on Harry's now bare bed. 

"No need to scandalize me moony, we're babysitting." the muffled voice snapped back. 

"Ignore your drunk alcoholic Godfather Prongslet." Harry scoffed with an amused grin.

"Why do you guys call me that? ' prongslet '? Is that an inside joke or something?" 

Sirius instantly stiffened and the smile fell off his face. Remus forward, crossing his arms. 

"What? Did I say something wrong?" 

Sirius and Remus exchanged glances. "No. You didn't say anything wrong pro... Harry."

"You guys have been acting weird all morning you know, and yesterday... Dad.." he was still having trouble saying the name without flinching.

"You're just acting weird." he lamely finished the statement with a suspicious glare.

"Well I suppose." the handsome man regretfully admitted. 

"Harry? Now that you said it, I guess there's something we need to talk about eventually." 

"Okaay... Are you guys doing alright?" 

"Yeah, it's just... Well, might as well get this over with, shall we padfoot?" all of a sudden, the said man sprung up and grabbed Harry by the shoulders.

"Before we say anything kiddo, you need to understand... That we are so, so, so very sorry for what we've done, we're sorry about /everything/." Harry frowned down at the hands vibrating on his flesh and felt Sirius's shake with anger.

"Sirius?" 

"We're sorry. We left you with... With the Potters, we should've known, and then /this/ happened..." 

Why was he bringing that up now? They had all agreed that Sirius and Remus were blameless. They barely visited Harry as a child and /they/ were lying aristocratic frauds, how were Sirius and Remus supposed to know? 

"I don't blame you at all. You know this guys, I thought we had this talk before?" only about a thousand times. 

"You will, once you found out what we did?" the puppy eyed man cringed and Harry's frown turned into a scowl.

"What? What did you do?" 

"We swear we didn't know it could turn into... Well, what it turned to now. I need you to promise that you understand what I'm saying." 

"No, I don't understand what you're saying." 

"What he's trying to say, is that in a moment of desperation and grief, we both done something, now that we both deeply regret doing in the first place." 

"Okay, guys, stop hitting around the bush and just spit it out. It can't be that bad" nothing could be that bad anymore. Harry's standards were set firmly on the lowest point. He was not about to be disappointed again. 

"When they brought you out of... That tree, we were understandably sad and angry, and scared that we'd lose you. We were a mess. All of us, and you never know how much I realised I loved you as I heard that you pulled through... But I did something stupid." 

Sirius breathed deeply and hugged Harry to his chest. "The next morning I went to the ministry." 

Harry narrowed his eyes... This didn't sound remotely good. 

"And I pleaded for a trial." he titled his head in confusion. Ministry. He was hearing that word a lot these days. What was going on?   
"Why? Did something happen?" please don't let it be related to me, please. He couldn't take it if it was.

"A custody trial. As in... A reconsideration trial for your custody." 

Harry pushed the man away with sharp angled elbows. He could only gawk at the men. 

"You did what?!!" he exclaimed incredulously. Sirius cringed, flinching as his chest was assaulted with the elbows again and Harry successfully wriggled his way out of the embrace.

"We thought it was for the best, after what happened to you that night, we all agreed that we might need to rethink your living arrangements. For your own good." 

"Why? Why in the hell did you do that?" what gave them the right to do that?! Who did they think they were? 

"Your Father, and... Well everyone, thought it best to reconsider your guardianship. We thought you won't want to live with them anymore, after you found that... Janet is your aunt." 

"He wanted to give me away?" so he did want to throw me away like trash.

"No. /We/ wanted to take you away. We were wrong. We know that now."

"So what's the problem now? You just go and take it back, why should you be..." that horrible sense of realization set in. He breathed out and closed his eyes. 

"Except if you can't take it back..." was this really happening? 

"That's not what are we apologizing for." Harry asked what they were apologizing for and they told him. They told him everything, from where they had fought with Dad and the rashly decided to run off to the ministry, of how the two of them filled out forms and Sirius pleaded a trial. Of James Potter.   
He was speechless. Just when he thought things possibly couldn't get any worse, they did, not only they got worse, they sprung up confusion and hurt. They sparked up that old question. Why me?

Though he did say that he had set his expectations low, he hadn't been prepared for this. They wanted him back. Mommy and Daddy. It seemed ridiculous calling them that, but to him they had never been James and Lily. To him they always remained mommy and Daddy, names he never grown out of like many other things. /They/ wanted him back. 

And there was a good chance that they'll win. 

Harry didn't speak to the men for the rest of the afternoon, and they respectfully gave him his space, Remus hung by his door to ask if he ever needed anything, but if there was anything Harry was good at aside from being stubborn, it was giving silent treatment. 

When they pressed and talked into eating dinner and if they could help him with anything, Harry coldly responded by saying ; "You can, stop helping." 

That must have stung, and it was childish, to hell with it. He was being checked out tonight and even the apocalypse couldn't get in his way to do so. He would sit and discuss this like a rational grown up. He was fourteen and he needed to stop being such a baby, he could cuss and be nasty when he needed to, but no crying.   
Dad came by exactly at eight, not a minute sooner or later, he dutifully signed out the forms and talked with healer Johnson while Harry waited by in his room with the two canines. Bored out of his mind.

Harry could hear feminine laughter from the other side of the door and rolled his eyes. Of course she was here too. Harry was going home, with her and Dad. Of course she was also going to be there, she lived there with them and she was pregnant. 

Figures. Even almost dying didn't change his current living status. Nothing has changed. 

"I guess we see you pretty soon kiddo?" his godfather asked when Dad expectantly waited by the door, his gaze bore only on Harry and he seemed to ignore the other men's existence. At least they were mad at Sirius and Remus together. He thought wryly with a bitter sense of humor.

Harry didn't nod and didn't return the hug, he glared hatefully at the couple and wrenched his backpack, trailing after his father without a single glance over his shoulder. They made him suffer, it was their turn. 

He felt like he was under water, everything was muffled and of no importance. The news hadn't settled in and he was probably in shock. 

"This way." 

He also ignored Dad's hand on his shoulder, though he secretly enjoyed the warm weight, and walked briskly to the main hall, trying his hardest to lose Janet out of his sight. He sighed under hi breath, Noticing, that thankfully, no one looked at him like he was an escapee out of a freak show, or didn't comment about his face.   
"What did the healer say?" Janet asked from somewhere behind him, trying to keep her tone as low and as invisible as she could manage. She was doing poorly. 

"..... Fine. I'm more worried about school...." he tuned out the couple, and tightened the thin jacket around his frame.

He wasn't allowed a hoodie, since it would /suffocate/ his head and face, and there was actually no point in trying to hide himself, everyone already knew how he looked like. 

"Give me the bag? I think you need both hands for the floo." he quietly passed the thing to his dad and stepped in the main floo, thankful again for the automatic powder supply and yelled out his destination with a loud and clear voice, feeling a little skittish as green flames engulfed him whole. 

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Everything was just like before.

Everything aside from his room. 

Harry gritted his teeth and walked into the offensive room that used to be his. It was still his alright, though Harry had no idea what was the deal with his windows and the different mattress on his bed. 

Someone not only had been through his stuff again, but they had also changed his mattress on the bed and charmed the windows to lower their full capacity. Harry could only open them half way.

They were most likely afraid he would run away in the middle of the night again, Harry got that, What he didn't get, was their blinding bluntness concerning the matter. He supposed they would just apologize and hug him with tears circling in their eyes if he brought it up or acted on the fact. He had a headache and he wasn't in a mood for another exhausting talk that probably ended in more fights. 

Maybe if he stopped caring about things so passionately , then they would stop pressing his buttons? So what if they changed his mattress? Who bloody cared about a mattress? 

He flopped down on the bed and gazed up at his roof, intending to take a long and deserving nap until it was time for dinner. He tried to ignore the scratchy white mattress that terribly irritated his skin. To hell with it, was his new motto. 

His eyes wandered to Rabbity and he winced, his eyes drooped but he kept them open and slid his hand to retrieve the stuffed rabbit. 

"I got a friend for you." he slowly got the blue hippogriff from the bag and settled both on his nightstand, noticing that it has been also shifted slightly to the left.   
He felt calm in an instant, mesmerized by hippos calming aura, he sighed and lied back down in his bed with a troubled mind. 

He couldn't nap. At all. Not with that stupid mattress. He didn't even bother trying and got his chapped and ruined novel out of his bag. In the most literal sense of the word, his book was falling apart. Apparently he had pulled at the binding along with the first page. Rolling his eyes, Harry flipped to a random page and propped himself on his pillows. 

"That was a memorable day to me, for it made great changes in me. But it is the same with any life. Imagine one selected day struck out of it, and think how different its course would have been. Pause you who read this, and think for a moment of the long chain of iron or gold, of thorns or flowers, that would never have bound you, but for the formation of the first link on one memorable day..."

They asked him why this book. Why this, out of all of the classics out there? Why did Dad even bought it for him in the first place when Harry didn't even ask for it? this was why.

He related to it. It seemed like the author was talking about him, no matter the situation, Harry always found the sentences, the words to cut him through like a sharp blade. 

He did not ask for this book. The book chose him like the wand. He fell in love with it, even at the age of thirteen, Harry had felt a deep connection with this particular book. Now at fourteen, the connection just deepened. A connection he couldn't explain. He wasn't even that much of a reader, but this book... It unsettled him. 

The words he read, were poured out of his soul, even though they were unrelated. Two different kinds of love. There was clearly a difference. But the words... Those words has never been so true. He didn't understand when he was younger, but now... After everything... 

He flipped through and read until he could feel his eyes burning. Snapping his novel shut, Harry pushed down on his eyes with the heel of his palms and got up. He swore he wouldn't cry.

"Harry?! Dinner is ready."

Dinner was an awkward affair for two of the parties involved. It seemed like Janet had over thought the dinner that night, aside from the meal_which Harry was sure she had made_Janet looked like a lost puppy. 

She didn't seem to know if she should eat dinner with the other two or stay in the kitchen. By the looks of it she had decided that would look rude and obviously with Dad's insistence, she had decided to eat dinner with them,she clearly hadn't thought of the awkwardness of serving dinner with a pissed off Harry. 

She should have hid.

He would have. 

He didn't. He just ate the meal like he was chewing on plastic wrappers, even had a second helping of the trickle tart which still tasted like sand paper with sugar in his mouth and finally chugged up the potions he was supposed to have after each meal like he was drinking poison. 

Dikenn's words swirled in his mind with a playful pace and the boy was getting restless. He payed it no attention more than necessary and didn't let himself mull over anything important that he was supposed to panic over. 

Everything that should happen, will happen, there was no point in disturbing himself until then.

With his mind firmly set on that phrase Harry sat down back in his chair.

"I want to be involved." with his declaration, Dad's head snapped up and Janet blinked. 

He gathered up his courage and opened his mouth again. "I want to be involved. In... In everything. I want to know everything... James Potter had done or said, what he wants with me and how are you going to... Stop him." 

He took their silence as confirmation, having not looked in their eyes as his gaze was set firmly on his lap. 

"I don't want to hide from it or cry and flinch away like before. I want to know, even though you think it's not good for me, I don't want to be lied to anymore, even if you think it's for my own good. If it is related to me or my family then I want to know." 

"Harry..." He cut off his dad to continue. 

"No. Don't, make promises or try to reassure me. I didn't ask for it, all I'm asking for, is the truth. I want and will know everything, I.." he gulped. "I payed a heavy expanse for my own naivety, I don't care if it's good or bad, traumatizing or not..." 

"I can't forgive you or get past this just that easily. I need proof, actions and not empty words like before. You," he paused and looked in Dad's black onyx eyes. Calm down. He ordered to himself.

"You have to earn it back. The trust. I still love you dad, love is unconditional. But I..." he didn't have to continue anymore. Not yet. He avoided Janet's uncomfortable gaze as she heaved a sigh and dropped her head. Harry was talking with his dad. Not her. Not yet. 

"There is a line, that I cannot cross Harry. I will tell you the truth, but I'm still your parent." Dad said slowly, pausing to take a sip from his glass. 

"James Potter is my parent too. Sirius and Remus are my parents too. I don't want to get hurt anymore. I don't want to hide or believe in lies, I don't want to lie to /myself/. I told you the truth when I said that I want to be involved. I'm not trying to get back at you. I'm trying to do the right thing." he fixed his skew glasses and tried his hardest to not get angry or glare at the potion master. 

"James Potter may be your biological parent, but do you really believe that getting you back is going to be that easy for him? You don't need to be afraid, I..." 

"The truth." he emphasized passionately. 

Janet put her utensils down on her plate and turned to him for the first time since they got back. She looked him square in the eye. 

"He is telling the truth." she held up her hand. "But there's also a chance, a big one at that, that our efforts might not be enough if not futile."

His hateful gaze burned into hers and she hid her flinch with a determined stare. 

"I'm telling you this now, because I'm /not/ your parent. I'm the bad guy here, I'm not going to gloss over the facts or sweeten them with I'm sorries." she nodded at a bemused Severus and continued. "He wouldn't have said it himself, we are trying our hardest. All of us, and I know you're tired of hearing this, but we don't have much time to re-plan or reorganize everything. There's nothing stopping James and Lily from getting you back too."

"And what am I supposed to do to prevent that?" her eyes glinted and she turned to Dad. 

"We are already planning some things. Black and an old friend of mine are holding a meeting tomorrow." Harry nodded with finality. 

"Then I want to attend it too. I'm not going to school for a few weeks anyway. When's the trial?" 

The adults exchanged glances and Dad grimly replied. "Next week."

 

XxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"Having an early night?" His head turned towards the door and he tried to nod. Most likely, having a rough time figuring how to sleep without having nightmares or wetting himself. 

"I'm tired." Dad nodded and looked around his room, as if checking for escaping roots. 

"It's understandable." he replied eventually and Harry got under the covers, his face as blank as he could manage. 

"Are we still settled for Tomorrow?" 

"Of course, I was just coming to say goodnight anyway." they awkwardly shared a quick hug and Dad cleared his throat. 

"Should I...?" Harry gestured at the bed. Dad cleared his throat again. 

"No, no need. May I put up a charm around your bed? Just in case you had an accident tonight?" Harry's eyes widened and his mouth dropped open. So that's what all the awkwardness was about... Oh boy, he hadn't thought of that. 

"Oh god. Dad, you don't need to do that. It only happened one time. I'm not... I'm not some..." 

"I never said you were child. Why don't you try to sleep for now?" his tone was more sincere now and Harry wanted to smile. He didn't.

Hesitate, Dad seemed very worried and reluctant to leave Harry all by himself. "I'm only a shout away. If you don't like me to put up a charm..." 

So you would know if I ran away? Or so you and Janet would wake up the second I wet myself out of fear? Both sounded as horrific as the other. 

"I think I can manage it by myself. Is that the salve?" he pointed at the red jar. Dad nodded and babbled. 

"Yes. It's for your head and face though. The healer said your legs and chest heal on their own without scarring." he already knew all that, they both knew. It more seemed like an assurance than anything.

"Alright then. Goodnight I guess...." Dad shook his head. 

"I think it's better if I apply the salve. You might miss a spot." they spent the next few seconds in silence as Dad worked and Harry's eyes kept drooping, his sleepy rambling, kicked out his insecure side back to the surface and he said the first thing that came to his mind. 

"What if they get me back ?" 

"They won't. Don't trouble yourself with that. I won't let anyone take you anywhere." unless you run away. Was unsaid, hanging in the heavy air around his room.

"Sirius said..." 

"Black barely knows what he's saying half of the time. Turn your head." Harry decided not to mention that Janet had already stated the same. He knew his dad, he needed the authority and the voice of power and confidence beside him at all times. That assuring, certain, I know it all voice all dads possessed. 

" I don't want to go back to them. I know that Janet... " 

"Harry. Stop thinking about it. I told you, no one is gong anywhere, you just got home. Focus on your studies and school. Nothing is at risk here. You're safe." award for the father of the year. He thought sarcastically. Harry knew that technically speaking, Dad wasn't really lying to him, not really, but also couldn't help but think that Dad was /too/ certain of what he was saying.

"But what if he gets me back? What if it really happens? If they get me... I have to live with them for the rest of my life." 

"I thought we were talking about it tomorrow? At any rate, that's not something to be worried about, maybe if things progresses. But not now." Dad screwed the jar shut and cleaned his hands with a handkerchief. 

"I don't want to go back Dad. I really don't." he lied back down and sighed wistfully.

Dad took his time trying to answer. "And you will not. Nothing is certain now, I'm telling you the truth. It can be a risk if we don't take care of it in the next few days. But hopefully it won't, if things go as expected." 

"Hopefully... If..." disgusting words, words that Dad never seemed to use when he was younger.

"Can we stop talking about this? You just got home, we are both tired and..." 

"And what?" 

"And I am not emotionally equipped to deal with the thought of losing my child to Potter after I just got you back. You asked me to tell you the truth, and I shall do so from now on. Trust me when I say, you are not going back permanently. I would not allow that. Even if I have to commit murder." 

"You sound so sure." he muttered.

"I'm a Slytherin Harry. I do not talk on whimsical facts. Every plan has a backup one. Legally they might be able to take you back... But..." Harry caught the strange expression on his dad's face as he leaned down for the last hug.

"Dad..."

"Goodnight son. You have got an early day ahead of you for tomorrow." just like that, the lights were out and he was alone. Having no one but hippos and Rabbity as company.


	14. chapter fourteen

Chapter fourteen. 

The next morning Harry woke up to hushed voices outside his room, it felt heavenly, being able to wake up in his own room and not in that hideous orange walled hospital ward he was holed up in for one solid week. True it would've taken a whole lot longer if there was no magic, but still. He almost felt like himself again.   
He stretched a little, straining his ears to hear scraps of conversation being exchanged. Two male voices. One was obviously his father but Harry had no idea about the other. 

He yawned wildly and sat up, knowing that there was no point in eavesdropping. If Dad didn't want him to hear, he would've simply put up a silencing charm. He didn't seem to have a problem hiding things before. His mind jeered. 

Shut up. Harry growled back. 

He shook out the soreness in his legs and made his way across the room, watching from the ajar door with narrowed eyes. The conversation trailed off with dad grumbling a ' I know.'. 

The other voice answered with a mocking ' of course you do.' and Harry frowned.

Upon further investigation, the other voice turned out to be Lucius Malfoy. As in the rich, aristocrat, filthy rich, arrogant, filthy rich, friend of his father. Also Draco Malfoy's Dad. His arch nemesis. 

The man was sitting on Dad's armchair while his father paced, both settled in a comfortable silence as Harry spied from the cracks of his door. Harry strained his ears in the eerie silence and could hear retching from the bathroom. So Janet was throwing her guts up. Serves her good, Harry thought with a tiny bit of guilt and looked over at his Dad and Malfoy. Why wasn't Dad helping her? That seemed uncharacteristic. He mused. 

He'd bet his Quidditch card set that Malfoy was the friend Dad was talking about last night. It kind of made sense, his dad was never one to really make friends with anyone, Malfoy senior was one of the few. Harry felt morbid all the same. 

Suddenly as if on cue, the man's head whipped to Harry's direction in a flash.

"Ahh, this must be Harold. Good morning young man." Harry stopped dead in his tracks, suddenly aware that he was in his blue stripped pajamas and an un glamored face, stalking his dad and Malfoy from a crack of his door. Like a total creep. 

Flushing, he considered closing the door and pretending to go back to sleep but decided that was too rude and gulped. 

"Good morning." He greeted shyly and stepped out of his room, looking at his dad who did not look embarrassed in the slightest. If anything, the man actually looked amused. The toilet flushed and Harry could hear a loud groan emerging from the bathroom. Dad winced in sympathy. 

Escape root. His mind yelled. 

"Did you sleep well?" If he wasn't so embarrassed he might have said something about the soreness in his face. but gulped it down. 

"I'm fine. I'm sorry.. Do you mind if i ...?" Janet sneaked into the kitchen right on time and Harry darted to the bathroom.

"Not at all Mr. Potter. Take your time. " reeling the fourteen year old released a long huff as he closed the bathroom door behind him, feeling utterly ashamed. 

Draco was going to have a field day with him the moment he set foot in Hogwarts again, Harry mused darkly. Oh god, if the face and freaky attitude or the articles weren't going to do it for him, Lucius Malfoy catching him almost naked or stalking definitely would. 

But Harry supposed that didn't matter if he was going back to live with his real parents anyway. He might not even be able to live in England anymore, so Draco's petty bullying would be the least of his problems right now. 

After a quick wash up and change of clothes ,Harry felt much more grown up and confident about himself, he padded to the kitchen where his dad ,Janet and Malfoy were sitting around the round oak table, all hunched over a piece of parchment. Janet was stuffing her face with scrambled eggs as she nodded to something Dad was saying. As if she hadn't been puking her guts out just a moment ago, Harry was surprised to see her already showing a baby bump. It felt odd to see her really pregnant. Although, he might have been too occupied to notice the signs before, it shouldn't have felt so sudden. 

"Good morning ." Janet smiled and Harry glared instinctively, sitting himself next ot his dad. 

Lucius raised his eyebrows in question but Dad shook his head. 

"Eggs?" 

"And toast please." a steaming plate hovered in front of him and Harry smiled, pouring himself a glass of milk. 

"May we proceed?" Lucius Malfoy asked dryly, looking like the perfect impression of his son, pointy chin and all. 

Dad took the opening right away. Uh oh, Harry thought, the tone in his dad's voice made him almost pity James Potter. Almost. though he had no idea what was going on. 

"Are we absolutely sure that people on this list are reliable?" the potion master took one look at his fiance and she shrugged, downing her own glass of milk with enthusiasm. 

"Of course they are Severus. Have you forgotten who you're talking to?" Harry resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Like father like son, he supposed. The next following minutes just proved his point, the man struck him as blunt and and ambitious. He had a glint in his eyes, Harry processed it as greed at first, but as he gazed deeper, he found the glint was more similar to Dumbledore's twinkling eyes. Even though the man was not as arrogant as his son, it was evident that the man was in fact a Malfoy right to the core. 

And he knew something they didn't. 

"I merely want to make sure that I don't get myself in a bigger mess." that was his father after the first ten minutes, deflated and tired but still determined. Though Dad still sounded like an addict in withdrawal. 

That might have more to do with him constantly checking on Harry throughout the night than his distraught mind. Harry pretended he was asleep, but he felt Dad check on through the cracks of his door at least every two hours. Poor guy.

Malfoy smirked. 

Harry frowned in response. It would've been much better if someone told him what was going on. 

"Um... What are we talking about?" 

"Your parents and I are looking for a suitable lawyer to get us out of the mess your mut....godfather created." Harry blanched. The fork dropped out of his hand. Your parents. Not your Dad. Your parents. For a moment, just a single moment, Harry thought that the man was talking about /them/. 

"My parents?" he repeated slowly, avoiding their gazes. That was plural. Not singular. Not his Dad. His /parents/. 

Malfoy clicked his tongue in annoyance and rolled his eyes. 

"What do you call them Potter? Your nannies? Your babysitters? Of course they're your parents! Honestly Severus, you wouldn't stand a chance against Potter with an attitude like this." he nodded his chin at Harry and the boy gaped.

"Hey!" 

"Harry, please behave." Dad rubbed his eyes tiredly, and went over the list again. 

"Any of them has ties with the ministry?" Janet mused, chewing on her toast.

Lucius Malfoy clicked his tongue again.

"On which side? That depends on whether you can curb a compliance goody two shoes lawyer, aka via bribery, or do you need a good straight forward and law abiding lawyer who would probably get you in more of a mess than you already are?" 

"I don't care which Lucius. Someone to get us out of this." 

"Then stop wasting time and trust my judgment." the man sneered, his soft blond hair flickering as he turned his head to look at Janet and Harry. 

"What we need more than anything now is publicity. Drama. That's what we need, Potter might be able to buy the ministry or the officials, but we will have the same amount of influence by buying people. Fudge would do anything to keep up his demeanor." his scrutinizing stare went right over the boy and Harry felt his toes curl under the gaze. 

Harry didn't know, that if running away in a storm and burning in a tree by a lighting and then getting disfigured wasn't dramatic enough, then what was. Though he could always throw himself off a bridge in an act of protest. 

"The wizarding world believes that you are being neglected Potter, honestly, your recent records and injuries are not looking very bright either. With the stunt you pulled just two weeks ago, and then another one before the world Cup... James Potter is literally trapping you like a fish out of water." 

The aristocrat man caressed his delicate staff with a frown. "So we need to show them that that's not true?" Janet asked, dark shadow crescents nestled under her striking blue eyes, there were bread crumbs on her face and she looked like she didn't even care. 

"That wouldn't be enough Evans. We need emotional outrage. We need Potter freaking out. Potter junior..."

"Harry." 

"/Harry/ is a mere child. We don't need to change our words, we just need to manipulate them. According to daily prophet and that stupid snitch who gave all of this information away, Harry ran away because of the emotional turmoil and the pressure of the opposition between his half aunt, and the person he had come to call his mother..."

"But I didn't..." 

"/That's / the point Potter. Skitter writes nonsense, but that is the story we need to milk. You had come to love Evans as your own mother, you loved her and your family, but then you find out about her true identity. You're a kid with anxiety disorder and a teenager just in his puberty. You felt conflicted, got stuck at the wrong place at the wrong time, and then a lighting struck. "

"I have a feeling that's metaphorical. " 

Harry had to admit, Malfoy's plan was a brilliant one, not flawless, but it had next to zero room for failure, still that one percent of error was always there, and the results would be irreversible this time. They would cause an public outrage, get people on their side, go to trial as a highly bonded and functional family, if possible dismiss their custody claim and if not create one big of a mess even Potter can't handle. 

Malfoy warned them that the records in their favor might not be at hand anymore, that all those abuse filed claims and evidence had most likely disappeared by now, courtesy of James Potter, and that it would be really hard to prove their word on a case that had gone cold nine years ago. 

Still Dad seemed certain that they had the upper hand somehow and Harry felt reassured too, everything was in place, except one little thing. 

"Why can't we just tell them the truth? I mean... What if we tell them that they abandoned me and... And that I'm legally privileged to choose my own guardian?" oh, how Harry wished it would be as easy as that. 

Dad took his time to reply. Janet gulped loudly, Harry couldn't tell if she was trying to avoid another trip to the bathroom or just felt nervous. 

"You are not of age Harry. You wouldn't remember, but the last time I got your guardianship, they willingly signed the forms only after three sessions, we did file for abuse but in the end it was never confirmed. The only actual records we have of your abuse is the pictures they took when you were little." 

Harry remembered very little of when he was adopted. He recalled Dad ( seve'us then) going back and forth with another bald man, going to the court when Harry was often left with the Weasleys (back then, they were only neighbors) and clueless as to what was going on. 

Then one day, Dad told him that he was allowed to come, they went to a posh looking office and Dad signed some form with something akin to a smile. 

/""So you're my daddy now?" little Harry asked timidly, dangling his legs back and forth in his seat. Sev'us kissed him on the forehead and nodded. 

"Yes I am Harry, I'm going to be your daddy forever and ever." Harry couldn't help it, he didn't want to sound whiny, or like a baby, he was six after all. But he couldn't help himself, he started crying. He leaped in Daddy's arms and hugged him tight. He had a daddy, Sev'us was his daddy now, and he liked Harry, he kissed him and told him that he loved him everyday, they painted his room together and they had fun. Mommy and first daddy never did those things for him. 

But Sev'us did. And now Daddy did. /

Harry shook his head to clear his head. 

"But aren't those enough? I mean, I've shared memories before, what if I just show them to the wizagoment? With the pictures and memories surely..."

Dad shook his head, and sipped his tea. "Memories and pictures are modifiable. James Potter has enough influence to make sure those memories and pictures never make it to the court in time. The only other solution is veritaserum..." 

"Which is illegal for you as a minor." Lucius Malfoy interjected swiftly. "The only solution is we either play on the crowd or some solid face punching evidence to back up our claim. The case has gone cold for almost nine years now." that made no sense, but Harry supposed it didn't have to if the whole department was bought.

"What if the plan fails?" 

"You have to go back with the Potters. Whether back to France or here in Potter's mansion." 

"I don't understand. Why does he have so much power? They weren't even in England." 

"They're one of the most important members of the sacred twenty eight. That on itself is a big factor Potter." Lucius interjected firmly and waved his wand, the quill stood upright and started scribbling away on the parchment. 

"When is the meeting with Black and his pet?" he asked distractedly. 

Dad sipped the last spoonful of tea with a stoic face and tried to not ogle Harry. 

"Half an hour from now, Harry, you are also welcome to join us if you wish." 

Harry nodded his head vigorously, his eyes darkened. Janet however, pushed her plate away and stood, promptly leaving the room with a blank face ( probably just upset or about to crash in the bathroom again) as his father soon followed, Harry sighed. He might as well get ready too.

"A moment of your time Potter?" Harry blinked. The Malfoy matriarch was still seated in his chair, straight as a wooden stick. The kitchen door was slammed shut with a wave of wand and Harry was indicated back to his seat. 

"Of course." he said more out of courtesy. 

"I am going straight to my point. Are you really genuine regarding your feelings and intentions toward this family or not? Do you want to stay with them even after everything?" the man's voice carried atone he couldn't recognize, Harry hesitated for a beat. 

"I... Do." Lucius nodded thoughtfully but didn't look convinced in the slightest. 

"Are you absolutely, one hundred percent sure that you want to stay with your father and your aunt? Possibly the child they're having?" 

Was he? Did he even he have a choice?

"...Of course." 

"Of course?! Potter I thought the whole point of running away was showing protest against their relationship." Harry swallowed thickly and nodded. 

"It is... I mean, It was. But, with everything happening now... I think I should let go of this matter until everything else is taken care of. " he had bigger things to worry about now. The mortification that he used to call his life had to be prioritized.

Organized from devastating and more pressing problems to smaller ones. Living with his so called redeemed abuser aunt was nothing in comparison to actually going to live back with his real family whom hated him so much they left him in the streets.

"So you are not sure if you want to stay." Harry shrugged helplessly. 

"I'm definitely not going back there either sir. My dad... He messed up really bad.... But he's a good Dad. I did forgive him." this was the truth. He had had a good life with his dad, the man was once his everything. 

In comparison to to other fathers and specially Malfoy, his father was the number one Dad anyone could ever ask for. Still was. But, not to the same level. Not in Harry's eyes anyways. 

Not yet. 

Malfoy huffed in disappointment. 

"My son was right Potter. You are the most naive, gullible, sentimental, and Gryffindorish person I have ever had the misfortune of meeting. A /Hufflepuff/ can hold grudges longer than you can, boy. Not like Potter senior at all." the tone was not laced with complimentary, or wasn't even soft in the slightest. 

Disappointment? Pity? Harry couldn't be sure. 

"I'm sorry." the man just rolled his eyes and sighed in exasperation.

"Then give me a verbal definite answer. Do you, or do you not want to live with him?" Harry sensed the man's impatient and nodded slowly. Almost reluctantly. 

"I do. I... I want to live with him." he stuttered out when the man narrowed his eyes in exasperation. 

"What of Black and... Lupin?" Harry heard shuffling from the living room and shook his head. 

"I love them both, but they're not really parent material." definitely not parent material. 

"The Weasleys?" 

Harry shook his head mutely. He didn't /want/ a new family. He didn't want a new dad. He had a Dad. A person, who had dedicated his entire life, money and his sole attention to Harry. He had no doubts about that. That man had raised him, had healed him, and he deserved more credit. 

"Seat Potter. It only takes a moment." 

 

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

 

"Sirius, can you please stop trying to chew holes in our carpet?" Remus Lupin the former Professor of defense against the dark arts barked out of frustration. His own hunched figure bouncing nervously on his armchair by the fireplace. 

Padfoot whined pathetically and rolled on his back. Remus sighed. 

"Please. That rug is not made of steel you know, it's ancient, and your teeth aren't exactly considered home friendly." 

The dog morphed into a pouting man and Sirius stretched on the floor with ease. 

"I'm nervous. They're gonna be here any minute. Do you think Harry really hates us?" Remus rolled his eyes. 

"Ask me that when they're here." he paused. "We messed up Sirius, we really did."

"We wanted what was best for him. J... James was just a nail in our wheel? Is that what muggles say? An annoyance." Sirius said and barked out a humorless chuckle. Remus narrowed his eyes in rage. 

"Well that minor nail in your ass is going to wrench your godson out of our lives for good." 

Sirius jumped up to his feet with a hurt expression on his face. Screwed with disbelief. 

"You think I did this on purpose?!" the werewolf just rubbed his face in response. 

"No, but you could start to take things seriously." Sirius smacked his leg with the back of his hand, a frown fixed on his face. 

"First, bad pun, and second, I am taking this seriously. That's why we asked for their help." he waved an air towards the fireplace, Remus sighed groggily. He was so tired he could barely keep his eyes open. Lately, that was a natural occurrence and the wolf was not happy about it. 

"I don't even care as long as my cub is safe and happy." 

Sirius tensed, withdrawing his hand with a nervous shrug in response. Both sat in silence for a while before Sirius seemed to gather up his courage.   
"Don't yell alright? But... But can I ask you something? If... If there was a chance , any chance that allowed us to take Harry in.... Wouldn't you want to take it?" he rushed the question, staring right into Remus' amber eyes with desperation. 

"Sirius..."

"Come on, don't deny it. You want it too. That's why we did this in the first place! Even though we messed up, we still want Harry." Remus put his hand on the man's shoulder, pity surged and bubbled in his chest like a brewing cauldron and he didn't know whether to feel guilty for quietly agreeing with Sirius or angry for wanting it at all.   
They had no right to want something like that after the mess they had made. 

"I do want him with us. But, maybe we shouldn't have persuaded this urge? I mean, look at us now!" 

"I'm just asking rhetorically moony. Have you ever imagined it? As in, Harry.... Calling us his Dads.... And parent/kid stuff..." he trailed off, and stared off into space. 

"You don't even know what you want." Remus accused. 

"I still want Harry out of that house. That's for sure." 

Their heads turned as the floo flared in life, Remus got to his feet and Sirius scrambled off the ground. Severus Snape stepped out in their living room, followed closely by his very green looking fiance. 

"Black, Lupin." both nodded anxiously, knowing that Harry would join them soon. 

Harry /fell/ out of the floo with flapping arms and a resigned expression on his face, like a graceless goose the boy toppled into his father's prepared arms and murmured a silent thank you. Their usual transportation routine. 

Dusting off the soot, Harry turned and looked at his godfathers for a greeting. Sirius and Remus stared back, lost, and unsure of what to do, they silently prayed that Harry wasn't as mad as yesterday. 

Harry rolled his eyes and stepped up to hug both men. 

"Hi Sirius, Remus." Sirius's eyes bulged and his mouth dropped open. Slowly his shaking arms went around the small boy, unsure if he should really hug him back.  
Harry felt like hugging two floorboards, the men seemed too taken back and startled to really appreciate his warm greeting or hug him in return. Typical of them really. Harry's anger blasts usually lasted more than a day. But never more than three. 

"Hey... Kiddo." 

"Hi Harry." maybe he had gone a little too fast on them. He shouldn't have officially announced his readiness to forgive the men and/or his dad. Maybe Malfoy was right and he was too forgiving. 

"Sorry for acting so rude yesterday guys. I really am." drilled into him from the age of three. Apologize, even though it's not your fault. 

"We're the ones who sorry kiddo, we know we screwed up, you don't have to..."

"No hard feelings." the boy waved them off and Malfoy sighed in frustration, the man pinched the bridge of his nose.

"That's exactly the reason why you're gonna fail in court." 

"Excuse me?" Harry asked. Sirius pushed Harry behind himself and coldly surveyed the man before him.

"Malfoy." 

"Black. This place still looks like a dump." Sirius seethed, but said none. Severus disappeared after Janet, Harry could hear their rushing steps to the bathroom upstairs. Nasty. He thought.

"I believe the ministry's summon is left unopened?" Harry wiggled out of Remus's iron grasp and headed for the couch. 

"Of course. I'm not an idiot." 

"Could've fooled me. Right to the point then. Where is the letter?" a owl hooted loudly from the kitchen, Remus winced. That darn thing hadn't left since delivering his message of doom.

"Follow me. Kreature! Where are you, you deranged elf?" reluctantly, Harry pushed himself off the couch, he felt his legs sting a little but tried to bury the small pain.

"What does the letter have to do with this?" he asked curiously as Sirius and Remus followed ahead.

Malfoy lowered his snake staff on the floor and shook his head.

"I'll explain later. Where is that... Board I requested?" 

"It's a whiteboard sir. Here. This is the marker." he handed the blue marker from the inner pocket of his jacket. He also handed the shrunken board to the man for enlarging. 

"Very well." 

Just before Harry could step in after his godfather Malfoy grasped his shoulder firmly."Potter... Pay attention. You might need the information later."   
"Yes sir." Harry nodded slowly. 

Malfoy set up the white board and enlarged another set of files, Harry could only assume were for the Potters. Dad and Janet walked back in, both took a seat on wither side of the boy.

Janet took advantage of the bowl of fruit in the middle, to have another after breakfast snack. This was her third.  
The man charmed the marker and stood beside the board as a teacher would. 

"As we have established thus far, the possibility of Black... And Lupin getting custody of Harry is not plausible in any way. As the aggressive party, they can't let the accusations to be too sloppy, neither can they afford to hold strong accusations against Harry's current guardian. On the other hand, Potter senior is the third concerned party, with influence and power. The best way to find a good strategy is to compare the two, assess the similarities and find weaknesses." the first file floated to the board, Harry made out his own features in an older man. A handsome older man in his thirties. 

The marker started writing elegantly. 

"James and Lily Potter, both high ranking aurors, actively involved in both ministries." a thick line divided the board in two and Malfoy wrote each of the names in one of the halves.

"Severus is a potion master, and a Professor working in Hogwarts for four years now, impressive resume... With not enough popularity among students /or/ the staff, or the officials..." Sirius raised a hand.

"And he's a deatheater." he said blankly and Snape sneered. Janet hummed loudly, swallowing her gigantic apple bite. Harry rolled his eyes. Snow white would choke on that, he snorted.

"I'm a potion mistress too." 

They all stared at her in mild shock. She cleared her throat. 

"What? Why does everyone seem to forget the fact that I have a job?!" Malfoy peered in his file after a moment and the marker started writing again.

"The Potters also have one younger son, currently being home schooled, no recent reports of abuse, suspicious injuries or neglect. The Potters have also donated quite a lot of money recently." compared to them, Harry felt like he was already losing. 

Dad had other ideas. "I invented some of best accessible potions in the last five years or so..." Janet nodded.

"I work for W.A.N.D charity system." she said as she was peeling a banana. 

"And Harry also has four scrolls worth of life threatening injuries listed down on his medical record." the information went under the cons. Harry squirmed guiltily. 

"But those were my fault." he said quietly. 

Malfoy nodded stoically. "Still, it can be used as valid evidence of neglect."

Sirius and Remus, flinched mutely. 

"There is no weakness or sore spot in their reports. As well as their substantiation and funds, according to my files, Harry had had five different accounts as well as two mansions in Scotland before he was disowned..." Sirius whistled and Remus smacked him upside the head. 

The boy moistened his lips in distress. "I have a broom now?" Harry said. 

Dad rolled his eyes and got another envelope out of his robe pocket. He handed it out to his friend.

"He has two trust funds Lucius, and of course the prince vaults and properties would be his inheritance right..." Malfoy grazed his lips as he compared the two documents. 

"Not even close enough Severus. Your statistics are quite impressive but not even close to what they have suggested, they're from a wealthy bloodline after all."

"What about the blood though? That is a big factor. Lily is a muggle born." Janet suggested. 

"We're both halfbloods." Dad reminded her.

She heaved a sigh in annoyance. "Well, damn." 

Harry gazed away from his alleged 'parents' and back to the man pacing in front of him."So what should we do now?" 

Malfoy gave him a calculating glance. "This does not look good. Everything is in their favor, no matter from which angle we look at it. Every angle...Except for my plan." Harry ducked his head, his heart gave a sudden jolt. Remus perked up as he felt Harry's slight distress.

"Which is...?" he prompted and Sirius looked back and forth between the man in confusion. Severus blankly stared ahead.

"It doesn't involve you." 

Kreature chose that exact moment to pop in with a sharp snap, carrying a clothed object. 

"Is that the envelope?" Dad asked, boarding his shoulders. Remus nodded.

"We didn't want to risk touching it." 

"Wise decision Lupin." Harry looked at the offending object. It looked heavy, though Harry could tell it was only an envelope. Was this the summoning letter from the ministry? Why was it so crucial to let it remain unopened? Was it like signing a contract? Was it irreversible? 

Before he had time to blurt out his questions, Malfoy carelessly snatched the cloth covered envelope in his hand, shrank the whiteboard and its marker and turned to face them with his usual jeer. 

"Is you ready for lunch masters?" Kreature spat out, Sirius rolled his eyes in disdain.

Janet nodded immediately and Dad sighed. Even the thought of consuming food sounded nauseating to the boy. He nodded anyway, he couldn't afford to show weakness now. Something squirmed in his guts. 

Malfoy took his staff and store to the floo without further due. 

"I have a meeting in fifteen minutes with a coworker, I will be back tomorrow with the lawyer, I will keep in touch. Excuse me."

"Thanks Malfoy, we really appreciate the help." Lucius looked over his shoulder, his pointy chin high up, pointed at the roof. The man smirked. 

"It's not for you. It's just some good old fashioned revenge." 

"Whatever." Sirius grumbled.

"Take care Severus. Evans." the man disappeared in green flames. Harry sagged back against his chair in relief, he watched as the adults bickered and Sirius or Remus occasionally asked questions. Looking much more comfortable with Malfoy out of their house. 

Harry didn't know it then, but everything went just as planned. Maybe even too well. For now, Harry knew exactly what he should do at the trial. Malfoy had told him everything and Harry was ready. For the better or worse. 

 

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

 

The last picture he had with his dad that fall was only two nights after Malfoy's help and five days until the trial. Dad took him out early at night, Janet cranky and under the influence of pregnancy hormones was left behind. 

They walked along the kerb , hands in pockets and settled in a compatible silence. Harry had glamour and Dad had forced him to wear an extra layer in case he got cold. He looked pensive. 

Harry didn't think of anything of importance that night, his relationship with his dad was more or less back to normal, somehow he didn't care about what Janet thought, and was fine enough with the glamour until he was healed. 

That night everything just felt light. Not important enough to ruin the mood both father and son were in. 

Dad took him to a falafel stand, they ate their dinner as they peacefully walked in the quiet streets, with flickering lights and a curtain of stars above them.  
Harry remembered, once when he was freshly adopted, Dad had helped him balance his way on the kerb . He held his hand as Harry stumbled on the stony surface, stubborn as hell and childishly having fun. 

He didn't walk on the kerb that night, like a grown young man, he walked side by side his dad on the same streets, he didn't have bright green rainy boots or yellow animated rain coats, his glasses weren't too big on his eyes anymore and he didn't stick out his tongue in concentration as he used to do as a child.   
He felt matured, as Arthur Weasley used to call him as a child, Harry felt like a 'big boy', he felt grown up, important, and mature. Dad seemed to realize that too, Harry could be wrong, but he caught the man gazing at the kerb more than once. 

He also realized many other things that night, he realized the root in their problems wasn't Janet. It wasn't even the fact that she somehow turned out to be his aunt. It was the fact that they didn't want to change. 

Harry didn't want them to change, as long as he could remember, it was always him and his dad against the world. Him and his dad drinking coffee with sprinkles, him and his dad watching Disney movies, him and his dad walking hand in hand along the pavement.   
Even now, Harry wanted them to stay the same. So that Janet and the other baby would remain outsiders. He wanted his dad alone, and that wasn't even jealousy. It was nostalgia, the sense of belonging only his dad alone could give.

Was change bad? Harry thought a lot about that too, as they made their way through the canopy of trees, heading to a familiar destination.   
Dad didn't seem to mind the lateness at all as they both somehow ended up at the park. Flickering lights, swings and the blue see saw in the corner.   
Instead of the swings, Dad settled under an oak tree, Harry joined him soon.

"It's not like you to let me stay up so late. Specially now."

Dad shrugged, both leant back to the tree.

"I didn't bring you here on your birthday this year. I don't want to break the tradition." 

"I don't want that too." They had come here, with Janet only a few months back. But Harry had the feeling that, that particular visit didn't count.   
"How is your studies going?" Dad asked with ease, his tone was calm and collected. Like /himself/ again.

"Remus is brilliant, Dad. I'm already catching up with the others." 

"I talked with Professor Dumbledore, he said you are welcome to attend Hogwarts any time you were ready. I assume that I gave him the right answer by declining the offer for now?" he rose an eyebrow, Harry smiled softly. 

"Yeah. I'll go back soon though." he turned to the man with knitted eyebrows. "Dad... Why did you really bring me here this late at night?"   
The potion master sighed. 

"Is it a crime to want to talk with my son?" 

Harry cocked his head and narrowed his eyes suspiciously. 

"You're doing that a lot lately. Don't lie. I saw the camera in your robes." not that his dad was subtle about it. 

Dad nodded slowly. "Well there is that too. So my child has a Slytherin strike in him after all." 

"Maybe I do. Not like you or Malfoy though." he didn't particularly like to be a snake. Maybe once he would have... But he had changed. 

"For us Slytherins, life is a chess Harry. We have to be patient, aware and strategic at all times." 

"You never approved of me being a Gryffindor. Did you?" where was he going with this?

"What makes you say that?" Dad asked curiously. 

"I remind you of them. They were Gryffindors too, I disappointed you then, didn't I?" 

"Of course not. I told you then and I'm telling you now, I'm proud of you, just the way you are Harry. A Slytherin shouldn't be able to do the things you did. I never regret your choice. I never did then, and I don't now." the tone was honest. Harry couldn't help but snort.

"That is so literal though. Even the sorting hat said I should do well in Slytherin. Karma is such a bi.... Biscuit." he just caught the curse from slipping, Dad glared at him half heartedly. 

"How is your Glamour?" 

"Good. It's still active right?" 

"...Yes. When this is all over though, I'm taking you on a vacation. We can go to Plymouth. "

"Dad, I have school." was Harry shocked about his father's easy going attitude? Not at all. He kinda wanted a vacation too. He wasn't a child anymore, he had been escalated into something more. 

"You ditched two weeks already, another week wouldn't do that much damage." Dad dryly drawled and Harry grinned. 

"That does not sound like you at all. Who are you and what you've done to my dad?" Dad smirked wryly and got out his camera. 

"You mentioned a camera?" Harry scooted away and yelped.

"Oh no, don't even think about it Dad." no way he would be in a picture looking like that.

Dad tapped the camera with his wand and it hovered above their shoulders.

"You know I will take that picture either way. As I recall you have enough experience to know how both pictures turn out. Your choice." Harry scurried to his knees and narrowed his eyes.

"Dad, come on. I don't feel pretty enough for photos now." Dad had an answer for that too. Something he had never said to Harry before. 

"I believe a certain someone would have something to say to that." he said with a straight, dead on face. Harry gaped. 

"Oh my god, not you too! Dad please. I'm under glamour anyway." he crab walked to the nearest tree, relishing the feeling of wet grass under the palm of his hands. it felt good to feel the grass crunch under his fingers instead of the metallic chains of his swing. Different, thrilling. 

"Let me take that hideous charm off. I only put it on because you insisted in the first place. There is nothing wrong with your appearances." 

"Dad my face..." the man waved him off with a roll of his eyes.

"Will heal, that messy mop of a hair will all grow back and Seamus Finnegan would be better off being the singed eyebrow nominate than you ever will Harry. It's just a stage of life, it will pass and these photographs are the only reminder left for us in the future." 

"You're just saying that because you have to." Harry pouted and crossed his arms. Suddenly he got the impression that how similar he looked to his eleven year old self before being sorted. When he refused to take pictures and Dad just did it anyway. 

Dad shook his head regretfully.

"Yes well, people don't exactly choose the way their kids turn out. They have to love them anyway." 

"I feel like I should be insulted." Harry put in. Dad took the hovering camera and slyly turned to face him.

"Think of the Weasley twins and choose your next words carefully brat." 

"Alright, I'm not that bad." Harry exclaimed. Secretly enjoying their bantering. It felt normal again, something old Harry and Severus would do.   
Dad scoffed and loomed closer with the camera. 

"You fought a basilisk, faced a Werwolf and almost got crushed in a massive chess set. My job isn't exactly easy here."

"No Photo please..." Dad smirked. 

"I gave you two options, we will not leave this park without a picture." he wanted it too, so he gave up on arguing and shrugged nonchalantly. Even though he genuinely felt happy and light hearted. 

"Fine, I guess one wouldn't hurt. But you have to be in it too, I'm not suffering alone ." Dad rolled his eyes and let go of the hovering camera.

"You cheeky brat, just wait until I'm back at my post as potion master again, those cauldrons haven't been scrubbed in a long time. They missed you." he wagged a finger at Harry's direction. Father and son scooted closer, facing the hovering camera. 

Snap.

**Author's Note:**

> let me know what you think ;)  
> i will update twice a week, depending on my schedule.


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